Hope and The New Year

With the busy-ness of the holiday season, with either contemplating gifts for those we love, the perfect meal planned, or havings to face family situations that have never healed, it doesn't leave much time to think about what we would like to see happen in the New Year. This is always a most profound time of the year for most of us, because we see it as a time for change. It seems quite appropriate that our new President elect will be entering office with much hope and belief that the world we live in does need to be transformed in some way, but I think that most of us feel there is really nothing individually that we can do to help that change take place. What a sad state of affairs if that is in fact the case.

When I look at pictures of the earth that were taken from one of the Apollo flights, it amazes me at how any of us can feel alone, set apart, or feel we have no impact on the earth as a whole. I don't believe we have a deep appreciation for our planet, what it takes for us to exist here, or how important it is to preserve our precious home. Some of us only see the bad in the world, the injustice, the crime, the ones that suffer, whether it's your own personal experience, or that of someone you care about. But what about all the good, the beauty, the nature, the moments of peace and hamony that is felt by all of us from time to time? It's there....it's always there.....but it's more about how you perceive the world you live in, and how you see yourself and your abilities to heal the things and people that are broken, as opposed to taking what you can while you're here. After all, your time can be up at any given moment, with you embracing your death, or either leave kicking and screaming to stay......and what you'll be left with will be thoughts of how you lived here, what you did to help nuture not only yourself, but others and the earth as a whole.

My thoughts lately have been not so much about what I can get, or how I might be recognized while I'm here, but what I might contribute to make the earth a better place in which to live. Most of us feel our hands are tied, that in order to help make change you need money, power, position....etc. Which is quite interesting because I have none of those, yet still am convinced and hopeful that I have something within me that can help mend and heal the earth. There is much work to improve the environment from waste and toxic fumes, but in order to help people be more mindful of the damage that's being done to the earth, they have to appreciate the fact that the earth IS their home. You can have your physical home in which to dwell, and make some changes......the car you drive....the way you handle your trash, etc.......but what about how you choose to BE on this earth. Are there things about your attitudes and mindsets that really keep those around you stirred up and stressed out, only focused on what they have, how they should use their money, and how they need to spend their time...... not really understanding that your negative, judgemental, and pessimistic thoughts steal any good and positive energy, and replaces it with fear, self-centeredness, righteous indignation, and an overall unrest?

These things have nothing to do with hope for the future, they only focus on the lack of, instead of abundance. It steals moments of what could be filled with peace, harmony, and joy, and replaces them with nothing that nurtures or helps sustain us in this life. In other words, whatever miseries you have and dwell on, is passed on to those around you......the ones you love the most. It might help first up if we all realize and understand that all of us are suffering with our own stuff.....whether physical, emotional or otherwise. We all have things to face, crosses to bear, fears to overcome, etc......so it really serves no purpose for us to focus or dwell on our own misfortunes, but maybe be in a position to listen instead.

One thing that most of us don't realize is, our lives are not all that interesting to those around us, albeit it they care.....but don't really need to hear the details each day. There are SO many interesting and uplifting things to focus on and talk about besides our own struggles. It's likely those around us are fully aware of our situation, but don't need to be reminded each day, and might appreciate our ability to ask questions about their life instead.

In other words, if we expect the New Year to bring something different, we have to think about ourselves and how we fit in this world differently. Whatever we are experiencing or how we experience it, will only be magnified if we keep rehashing our own situation, but instead noticing that others are going through something comparable if not worse than you. So the change is more about our attitude, and how our attitude can help heal and change the rest of the earth.

So you can hope for more money, losing weight, a better job, or a healthier relationship for the New Year, which are all well and good. But just remember, those all require a responsibility on your part. They all require a willingness to change our attitudes, our ability to discipline ourselves, our courage to hold ourselves accountable, and the desire to listen instead of talking. Wishing for something to happen in the New Year will not make it happen, but a belief that God has only good things for your life, and that you do deserve to experience peace, joy and contentment in this life, will in fact change the earth. We were not put here to see how much we could juggle or how much money we could make, for none of that lasts. We can either contribute to the busy-ness and craziness of life, and see there is nothing we can do to help change the earth and those around us, or we can step back and embrace hope that this New Year will be different.

Change is coming, but not in the way you're expecting it to come, so you might as well work on the one thing you have control over in this life........your attitude, your willingness to accept trials and tribulations, not only in your life, but the world as a whole, and your awareness that how you behave, and the things you say and focus on, will in fact be the hope for the New Year.

New Habits

The new year approaching feels very different for me for some reason, and I'm not quite sure why, except to say I see something that is badly needed in the lives of so many different people I cross each day....including mine.........and that is change. I believe as much as change is a part of our everyday life, most of us tend to focus on things staying the same, because making a change, or in this case starting a new habit, requires that we let something go in order to start something new. Hmmmm...you say.....sounds like work to me. Why would I want to add something to the list of things I can't keep up with already? Well, it might surprise you, and a pleasant one at that, that making a change of some kind, starting new habits, can actually help you navigate more freely in this life.

I think that so many of us are confused as to how you find that precious commodity....time. You allow yourself to easily get caught up in how you spend your money.......making sure you're up to date with the rest of your friends, neighbors.....the world. Gadgets and passtimes that are not only extravigant, but costly as well. Now I realize it sounds as if I'm getting ready to lecture about money, but you can put your calculators and checkbooks away.....for that's not the case. I would rather focus on how we get caught up in spending money as a habit on things that are not necessarily good for us, or even meaningful. So many things we do are an effort to fill up time and space.....not because we really enjoy what we're doing. In other words, it's something that society made you think you needed or wanted, and before you knew what hit you, you were on the same road........doing, wanting, and spending money for the same things without even being aware of what you were doing.

Sort of like reading these blogs. You were on the merry-go-round, going so fast that when you looked out, it was just a blurr, where you couldn't recognize what was happening, how long you had been on there, or more importantly why. All you wanted was to get off for a while, but you didn't know how because you had been on for so long. You were caught up in staying on because everyone else was on it, and if you got off, you felt like you would lose your place, or your friends. It seemed like the thing to do, for you kept seeing others jump on, so you felt it was your responsibility to jump aboard yourself. Then out of nowhere......you started reading this and started asking yourself questions about your life, your focus, your time.......etc. Well.....it's bound to happen. I was endlessly roaming the earth until something or someone caught my attention, and I knew, without a doubt that something had to change, even though I wasn't sure at the time what that was..........just knew I had to get off the merry-go-round and catch my breathe.

Now I would imagine that by now you're asking yourself what habits need to be nipped in the bud, and what new ones needs to be added. I could very easily start a list if you'd like. Maybe some of them will ring a bell.

1. Smoking
2. Overeating
3. No exercise
4. Negative attitude
5. Porn
6. Lying
7. Being abusive
8. Spending money you don't have
9. Living beyond your means
10. Not spending time with family
11. Watching too much television
12. Being late
13. Not being thankful for anything
14. Drinking

Well...I'll stop there....and see how many resonate with you. Habits.......and as you can see, they are basically all self-focused. Having what you want, when you want it and how you want it.....with no understanding that there is nothing positive at the end of those roads if you continue to stay on them. All of them say to the world, I am important, because I have this now, because it makes me feel good and superior......but it has nothing to do with offering anything to the outside world .....it says you are only interested in what makes you feel good. As long as you get to have, keep, or experience something for yourself, then that's all you're interested in. No matter the cost to you, or more profoundly, to someone else in your life......you want the goods, whatever they are.

No wonder everyone has a hard time sleeping.... with that attitude. How can anything good come from it? How can anyone ever experience peace, joy, or contentment in this world, when we pull inward, instead of reaching outward.....hanging on for dear life those things that we profess we could never change, for after all........our life would be perfect if everyone else would change around us.

We all wanted a new president, and hopefully this one will bring change, because I truly believe if we don't at least try to do something to promote change....change on so many different levels, we will all continue to go broke, lose our homes, die from obesity, lose our families to our addictions, and continue to see our lives as one of lacking instead of embracing one of abundance.

I have heard that a new habit takes 30 days to take root in your life, and at that point, it's like brushing your teeth each day. You don't even have to think about it...you just do it. All it takes is the desire and the decision to make the choice to change something in your life you know is not good, healthy or destructive. As the drug ad says.......JUST SAY NO!!!!

You've already been thinking about it.....but for whatever reason can't find the motivation to stop. Well.......it's January 2009.......how many more years do you want to be a slave to your habit, no matter what it is? If you need help....seek help. If you need a reason....find a good reason. But you can be sure of one thing.........change is coming, you can either be a part of it......or turn your head and ignore the signs.

So ask yourself for once......what can I expect to gain from my habit? Does it make me feel good or good and guilty? What am I jeopardizing in my life if I continue? What could I hang onto that is good in this life if I let go of just one bad habit this year? Or what wonderful surprise would I be blessed with if I started a good and healthy habit?

That's up to you I suppose.

Finding Balance

Balance. A tricky and precarious thing in our lives, but something we are basically forced to not only find from one day to the next, learn to incorporate it in most situations, but most importantly, find ways in which to hang onto it once we've found it. According to my dear friend Webster, which I am convinced I could not live without, balance has several definitions.....but there are of course a couple that really stand out for me. Mental and emotional stability, and the pleasing harmony of various elements. Sounds like a nice place in which "to be" doesn't it..... and shouldn't be so hard to find, but you would be surprised how many people I come across, who for whatever reason can't find it, no matter how hard they try.


Is balance something that's taught as a child, where those first precious steps of swaying back and forth help them to eventually figure out the formula for standing on their own? Or is it found when they get older and see what they can get away with as far as their parents are concerned?Of course there is really no awareness of what is being learned.....at least not until later in life. And more often than not, struggled with for a lifetime because of the "trying" that gets in the way of just wanting true simplicity, but not being able to find it no matter which road you take.


However, as adults, we can either choose to find balance in our lives, or choose not to have it.....it doesn't automatically come, and unfortunately that decision doesn't necessarily come unless you've been faced with a stressful situation that demands that you make some changes. Something has you confused, frustrated, tired, and physically drained, and you realize that if you did in fact have balance at some point, you've lost it and need to regroup. Some people would see this as a bad place in which to dwell, but I actually found it to be the most comforting. Why you ask? Because I totally believe that change can't occur until you hit bottom, and either wallow in the pit, or dig deep inside your soul for the strength and courage you need to crawl your way back up. This is in fact the moment in which we learn life's lessons.....so how can it be a bad thing?

Most likely at this point you feel quite vulnerable, and anything BUT balanced. I describe myself as that of an onion that has been peeled away, until there is nothing left.......completely raw. That if there were any answers at all to this life, I would have to find them now in order to survive the elements. Like being stranded in the wilderness, without the proper equipment or clothing to keep you protected, wondering if you will be rescued, or if in fact these are your last moments in life. You utter words like......why me God.....what is the purpose of my suffering....will I be saved from impending death.....will anyone know who I was, or what I wanted to do with my life? As you can see, being off balance can force one to do one thing........and that is to in fact "right" themselves.

What is my point? Well maybe I'm in the midst myself of seeking an understanding a "gap" of sorts, that needs to be appreciated and understood. In fact if it were more clearly understood, life would be a softer place in which to fall for so many of us if we could grasp that most profound space, that doesn't have to imply the worst....but in fact puts us all in a position of restoration. After all......doesn't it stand to reason that in order to gain motion in order to rise back up.....we have to have allowed ourselves the permission to reach a bottom of sorts?

So in essence in order to be restored, you have to be in the midst of something that implies the need to be restored. It's no longer important as to the why's or how of a situation.....only the acceptance of what is, and the desire and determination to move forward, not only expecting something different for yourself, but realizing that "something" will ultimately restore the balance that was lost.

I know...I'm sitting here wondering what I just said.....but I'm hoping desperately that it made sense, because I do find myself searching frantically for the words that might explain my own personal plight with balance......but in fact realizing that things that are off balance will, because of the laws of gravity, and just God's true purpose for our lives, lead us to find a way in which to "right itself."

True Humility

Does anyone know what this means? I myself have been on a long journey through this life, and as much as I hate to say it, haven't come across too many people who display this particular behavior.....including myself. According to Webster, humility is to have or to show a consciousness of one's defects or shortcomings; not proud, unpretentious.......to lower in pride, to be modest. Well....for me, I could have stopped at showing a consciousness of one's defects. I love that. Maybe that's what I mean when I try to explain the term "dying to self." You'd be surprised how many don't understand that term, and I suppose the only reason why I do, is because of books I've read on the subject. One in particular by Aldous Huxley called The Perinnial Philosophy. This is one of those books that you pick up for one reason or other, either the cover looked interesting, it happened to be on the best seller list, or someone suggested you read it. Whatever my reason happened to be that day, I'm grateful for the opportunity to discover the term, "dying the self."

Now with Huxley....he didn't really consider himself to be a full blown Christian, but I question his abilty to discern that fact.....for no matter his belief....he was able to pass onto me a most valuable term, which basically changed my life from that point on. Now, even though I do consider myself a full blown Christian, and some might question my wisdom in reading someone as contraversial a writer of his time.......I was able to read his book, though challenged in ways I had not been in the past, and walk away having discovered the term..... Dying to self.

It was confusing at first, but I was so intrigued by it, I wanted to study it even more, to not only deepen my understanding, but in fact, find a way in which to incorporate it into my daily life. For I was on the verge of discovering, unfortunately later in life as opposed to earlier, that my life was anything but other focused. Appearances can fool you, almost trick you into believing that a person is something other that what they appear to be. Does that stem from the person's own craftiness, or from your inability to see clearly a persons inner workings?

Well, it doesn't really matter, for I have found that we only want others to think and see the best of us instead of the worst, because we are not all that excited about others seeing our flaws.....only our good and positive side. Our intentions are honorable, and we want to live in truth, but in reality, there is always a part of self that wants to be satisfied, recognized, and affirmed in some way. We want to, in some way, find our 20 minutes to fame each day......hoping that someone will see how smart, wise, important, and courageous we are. Do you see how the "self" can take over our lives, even for the well intended? Most find it's more important that they experience those things that stroke the ego, instead of waking up and finding ways in which to die to self, in order to be of service to others.

Unfortunatly the hard part about dying to self, if in fact you choose to embark on that particular journey, is to be more conscious and aware of your shortcomings and defects. OUCH!! I can hear that coming from not only those who are appalled to even think they have any shortcomings or defects, or from those who have had moments of seeing something that needs to change about themselves, but have chosen to stash it away to look through later. And trust me, I can only write this because I've been down that road, and the only reason why I chose to pursue it so passionately, is because I had to start throwing out those things that weighed me down, for my physical afflictions take up too much space as it is.......so something had to go.

I'm sure you're either asking yourself, what is the point in this dying to self theory, or if you do understand it, surely your exempt from realizing you fall into any category I've explained so far. Well, if you have found a way in which to wake up each morning with an awesome sense of peace, joy, and gratitude, even in the midst of your own trials and tribulations and feel nothing unsettling in your gut about you, your behavior, or how others might see you or be affected by your behavior, please feel free to write your own blog defending your theory. I'm sure you could likely have a following of those who would rather cut off their little toes than to look in the mirror and see their imperfections and actually do something to change.

With all this being said......dying to self means that you are willing to recognize there is something so much bigger than your "self" in this world, and if you are ready for the biggest challenge of your life, I welcome you to climb aboard for the ride of your life. For the only way in which to live the life that God meant for us to live, is to see ourselves in this world not as one person, who gets what they want, however much they want, when they want it.....or for their name to be up in lights for all to see how truely wise and special they are.......but to see that we are all special, and are affected in so many different ways by our own willingless to show selflessness and humility.

Choosing Wisely During A Recession

There are so many ways in which to approach the current economic situation we are faced with today. We can either tense up, get angry, fearful and point the finger.....or we can take this opportunity to make changes in our own lives. What changes are those you ask? Well, I believe it gives us all the chance to look at our own personal financial situation to see where we are spending our money, and how we can get through this recession without feeling shortchanged, so to speak. Whether it's disciplining ourselves to pay off credit cards and only pay with cash, letting go of buying things that are not absolutely necessary, or finding ways in which to make a dollar go further.......the point is, believing that you can in fact make adjustments that will make this recession easier to cope with.

Discipline is a very hard thing to incorporate into your life, especially when it comes to buying things that you are entitled to, because you work very hard for your money.....and there is nothing wrong with having specific ways in which we want to spend that hard earned money. Also....if you think that you are exempt from being a part of this recession, you are sadly mistaken.....for we are all a part of it in some way. That would be like saying you have no part in global warming....which of course is absurd. Your car affects the atmosphere just as much as anyone elses does, so it's time to acknowledge how you fit into the grand scheme of things.

It may be time for us all to think about making sacrifices, and instead of seeing the lack of, transform our thinking into an abundance, not of you getting what you want, when you want it, ignoring the cost.......but seeing there are so many other ways in which to be satisfied with a more modest mindset. This all has to do with learning humility and realizing that less is more........and more importantly, your willingness to scale back on your spending will make a statement to those around you. They will see how you handle your thoughts about money, how you choose to spend it, save it, and more profoundly seeing that you have clearly set your priorities in this life, and have chosen wisdom about your spending, instead of blatently ignoring the fact that we all are affected by the recession.

We all have dreams and wishes of how we want our lives to look, things we'd like to have and waited a long time to get, but if we really want to choose wisdom and realize that we can make a difference in how we get through hard times, it will be to recognize how we can very easily scale down, save for those things that we truly want in this life and mean the most, and let the rest go.

So before making plans to spend money you don't really have, or expecting someone to spend their own hard earned money on something that is only temporary, when you know in your heart and mind there are other ways in which to wisely spend or invest your money, stop and realize how your next move could have an impact on those around you. We all want what we want, or say yes to those we love, when we know we really need to say no.........but you can, whether you believe it of not, make a profound and valuable statement by stepping back and choosing wisdom instead.

"In Anticipation"

The holidays are such a glorious and joyful time of the year. The brisk cold air brings with it anticipation of our Thanksgiving feast, time with our families, and the joy that comes with choosing the perfect gift for a loved one at Christmas. We bring out our favorite recipes that have become a family tradition, and those treasured ornaments handed down through the years. The smells of gingerbread, cinnamon, and pine cones fill each corner of the house with love, as comforting and easy as watching the snow fall and blanketing the rooftops. The lights twinkle against the dark sky, while smoke billows from the chimneys from a nice cozy fire.........these are all things we think about when the holidays roll around each year.

However, things can get in the way of our hanging on to that dream of the perfect Christmas that Norman Rockwell depicts on the front of LIFE magazines from years ago, especially with the current state of the economy and people losing their jobs. We are all afraid to spend money, for we don't know how bad it's going to get, and quite frankly I'm sure many have felt as I have, where your trip to the grocery store is quite different than it was six months ago. Instead of making several desserts, or having turkey and ham, we realize that we will have to scale down our menu, in hopes of not taking away from the traditional Christmas dinner.

I think the best way in which to handle this, is asking people to bring a dish to share, instead of one person taking on the responsibility of the whole meal. That way it's not a burden, but a joint effort on everyone's part, and a more appropriate way in which to celebrate the bringing together of loved ones in order to celebrate the holidays.

The same can be said for buying gifts. Many families draw names, so that you're responsible for buying one gift, instead of struggling to come up with the money to buy several. Or, you can even decide to not buy gifts in your family, but instead preparing a meal together and offering it to a family in need. The holidays should not be about going into debt, but about celebrating the birth of Christ, and stopping for a moment and remembering how much our loved ones mean to us, especially when we are all at the mercy of today's economy and being forced to make decisions to stay afloat.

We can still enjoy the Norman Rockwell Christmas, using our last years decorations, table cloths, and scaled down menu's, and making a conscious decision to simplify the holidays instead of having the need to elaborate. People love handmade and home cooked items, which can be very inexpensive to make, and appreciate the love and time it took to make them.

I hope we can all focus on the true meaning of Christmas this year, remembering that even when faced with not knowing what to expect after the holidays are over, we can still enjoy those things that bring us peace and joy, whether it's driving around looking at the Christmas lights, or stopping by a friend's house for eggnog and fruitcake.

The world needs love, laughter, understanding, and compassion this year, and a belief that God will bless us all, even in the midst of bad times.....which ultimately gives us true reason to live "in anticipation."

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Blessed New Year!

"Opinions"

According to my friend Webster: An opinion is a belief not based on absolute certainty or positive knowledge, but on what seems true, valid, or probable to one's own mind; judgment. Of course I believe the key word here is "seems", because there really is no real validity when it comes to opinions.......only speculation, however, the word that stands out to me is "judgement". And as you can plainly see, it sits alone, all by itself. Now maybe I should have titled this judgment, because in essence that is the premise for having opinions, but I think it's interesting how they can co-mingle.

Right now, I want to focus on what happens when our opinions come into play. When we are faced with a set of circumstances or with a person that is the least bit different than ourselves, something inside our brain tells us it's time to gather information.... i.e...think ,ponder, evaluate, surmise, or assess, so that we can actually come up with how we will choose to interact or relate to the situation or person. Gathering that information involves delving into everything that we have experienced or exposed to since we were able to remember as a child. Where we lived, how we were raised, our school experiences, what we ate, what sort of environment we lived in.....etc. It's our core makeup. Just as a used car has been through one or several owners, moved around to different places, and either been repaired repeatedly, or maintained regularly........what you see at any particular point would show you how it's evolved over the years. It will perform according to how it's been treated.

Now granted we aren't cars, but my point is, we are all coming from a completely different place in this life, so it stands to reason that our opinions are going to be based on our past experiences.... and you notice, there is no point in focusing on whether they were good or bad, they just are what they are, and while we might think that our opinions are surely right in any given situation, they are still not based on the truth. We usually base our opinions on the outward appearance of something or someone......thinking that if it doesn't challenge us in any way to change our usual way of thinking, then they could end up on our approved list. However, if it has a certain look or feel about it that makes us the least bit uncomfortable, then they will end up on our unapproved list.

Of course I'm sure you've figured out by now that this is more about opinions about other people as opposed to situations in our life. I believe we put much more time and effort in injecting our opinions about other people that don't suit us, instead of taking the time to get to know them better. I wonder what difference it would make if we all got really comfortable with the fact that we are very different, in many ways, and everyone has something to offer because of who they are and where they came from, whether you grew up in the mountains of Appalachia, or Park Ave. in New York City. Much could be gained from either person.......becasue both are madeup of past experiences, either good or bad, and most often as different as two people might be, could most often find a common ground in which to share.

People are different for a reason. God made us that way...... not so we could stand out and profess our superiority while judging others based on our opinions of that person, which are not truth based, but rather express our humility in realizing that we all come from a different place and never have the right to approve or disapprove of anyone. We cannot possibly understand who someone truly is until we realize they could have a life and past that has challenged them in ways that you could never imagine possible.

Opinions about others are most often based on what is unknown, as opposed to what is known. So with realizing that, doesn't it make you want to stop, the next time you rear up and say something negative about another person, and understand in all actuality, you don't really know the whole story. After all, wouldn't you hope that if someone were saying something about you, that it would be based on the truth as opposed to speculation?

Are You Choosing to be Busy?

Over the last several months I have noticed that people are getting busier. Why is that? Maybe it just seems that way because my life is such a contrast to the rest of the world, but no matter the reason, it's something that weighs heavily on the minds of most everyone I encounter. I hear words like overwhelmed, worn out, overworked, exhausted, not enough time.....etc, ending up with an, "I don't know why." It sounds as if someone has tied them up, and demanded they hand over any choice of how they spend their day. Why is there all of a sudden too many things to get done in one day?

If anything, I would think with the current economy, and people cutting back on eating out, going on vacations, and spending money on outside services instead of doing things yourself at home, that it would slow people down. However, it seems that it's the complete opposite. Again.......why is that? Now granted, because of health issues, I myself have been forced through the years to continue to slow down physically, and leading a completely different lifestyle than most who are pulled in different directions, but still it's hard for me to understand why people feel that so much has to be accomplished in one day, with no time left over to nurture themselves.

Maybe it's because I grew up in the south, where people closed their stores at noon on Wednesday afternoons, and went fishing, or sat on the front porch visiting with their neighbors with a glass of iced tea. Was that slow pace of life ingrained into me, so it's easier for me not to allow myself to get caught up in too many activities, or saying yes when I know I need to say no? Well, again, whatever the reason, it is very difficult to see so many people stressed out because they try to fit so much into one day, ending it with exhaustion instead of feeling good about having accomplished three things on their list instead of ten.

I do believe we all have the ability to make daily choices, to a degree, which includes the ability to say no. We can decide from one day to the next how much we can take on physically, emotionally, and most importantly understanding or realizing the reasons why specific things end up on our lists from day to day. Maybe things that we could really do differently, save for another day, or things that could be completely taken off the list altogether.

I also often wonder, if most of the things we put on the lists just simply reflect ways in which we can keep up with the people next door.....or really society as a whole........and I don't think we even realize it until we stop and think about how our days are filled with not only one activity to the next, but also the need to spend money. We see what other people have, and think we must have the same things, or we'll be viewed as different or outcasts. No wonder there are so many people who have exhausted their credit limit, or wondering how they will make it through this recession. Societal demands or expections as to what is normal has taken over "our lists" of what is truly important in this life.

Bottom line..... there is much to be gained from letting go of too much busy-ness in our lives. After all, a child will remember those moments when you had time for them, as opposed to how much money you had to spend, or what kind of car the family had. Being too busy causes frustration and unhappiness, which radiates outward to those around you, that love you the most......so when you think your busy-ness is just affecting you, it's more likely that it also has an impact on someone else in your life.

So try to start each day with a list, making sure you can realistically accomplish those things, paying close attention that you need to be added to the list, for time to rest, time to reflect, time to listen to and show love to those around you. You'll be able to go to sleep at night feeling good about what you were able to accomplish, feeling blessed with the strength and energy to do those things, while leaving no room for regret or "should haves" beating you down...... only a list that was short and minus the busy-ness.

Dealing With Disappointment

This is obviously a subject that hits home for most of us. It seems each day brings with it new areas to navigate, figure out, endure, or brainstorm just to get through, somehow leaving us feeling slighted in some way. Even when we do feel we've reached some resolution, a subtle hint of injustice is left behind, especially if we've been hurt. Doesn't matter the situation, our righteous indignation steps in and assures us that we are right in the way we feel, and no one can tell us otherwise.

So why are we so disappointed when things don't work out the way we expected and completely knocked off our present course? Why is it so important to hang on to understanding why things happen the way they do, thinking that if we do, it will result in peace, or the person that you believe hurt you will be punished in some way? I suppose it depends on what didn't work out, whether a relationship was broken, the raise we were due went to someone else, or you didn't get to do something you were really looking forward to. One just as important as the next, but still not important enough to ponder each day until bitterness and resentment set in.

Whether you believe this or not, you can walk around with your disappointment until the cows come home, waking up each morning believing you were right, while someone else was wrong, and it eventually gets you one place for sure.......nowhere. And it's important to realize it really does nothing to the situation or person that you believe slighted you in some way, but it does affect your ability to wake up each day and feel peace, joy, and a sense of contentment. I believe most often, even if someone gives you an apology or there is some logical explanation for why something didn't turn out the way you thought, you still have the tendency to hang on for dear life the disappointment that you feel.

I'm wondering what ever happened to forgiveness, understanding, or giving people the benefit of the doubt, no matter the circumstances. For what could possibly be gained by continuing to punish ourselves or others, for if you harbor ill will, it will affect your relationships because people will more often than not, pick up on the resentment and choose not to be around you. Bitterness, anger, and resentment are hard emotions to be around, and take a tremendous amount of energy to hang onto.

So when things don't work out the way you thought they would, whether you are satisfied with the explanation or not.........let it go. The only thing that asking why brings is discontent and dissatisfaction which in the end will steal whatever peace and joy you're able to grab hold of in this life. If possible, maybe you could see the whole experience as something you were suppose to learn about yourself. Things like patience, the true meaning of forgiveness, or understanding there are so many other things at work when you don't get what you want or feel you deserved.

Remember it's not why you have the disappointments, because you WILL have them......it's how you handle them. It's important to see that nothing is gained by pointing the finger outward, hanging onto righteous indignation and determination to punish, but learning to let go of believing the world and those in it are perfect. Expectations yield one thing......disappointment.

Are You Seeking Perfection?

I don't know which is more damaging to the human spirit.......expectations we put on others, or the ones we place on ourselves. I do believe however, the reason why we put so many expectations on others, is because we are in fact falling short of living up to our own. Seems a bit twisted, but either way this is about seeking perfection, which unfortunately will never happen. We can strive to do the right thing, so we can at least go to bed at night without a guilty conscience, but even that will not be awarded the prize of perfection. When I see people seeking some level of perfection......to the point that it starts affecting them in a negative way, I often ask them "who" is keeping score? It's as if they feel someone standing behind them daily with a check list, making note of when they fail to live up to par. Of course again, my question is, who are "they?"

Does it have something to do with how much money you have, how many titles you have behind your name, or if you have been recognized in the community as being the best at something? Does it have to do with constantly comparing ourselves with others, who seem to have "made it", or rather appeared to have made it? They appeared to have accomplished something that you believe was on your list of goals, or that looks good and you decided that you must have that for yourself. Of course you see what happens after a while. It becomes all about you, and what you are doing, as opposed to doing something to benefit others, and in the process, brings with it the feelings of accomplishment. There is a big difference if you really take the time to figure it out.

I know this because years ago, when I decided I wanted to be in the helping profession, from that point on it was all about me. All about the title I would get behind my name, the recognition for the career I had chosen, being respected in the community, and of course most importantly, how much money I would make. In other words, self was more important than those that I might be helping along the way...... expectations I had put on myself, because I saw something that someone else had that I wanted very badly. Unfortunately, as I was on my journey to fulfilling those most important goals I had set for myself, I ran myself into a ditch, so in fact had to start thinking differently about myself, those around me, and what I could actually do with my body exactly the way it was. Needless to say, I continued to have those expectations for myself, and the more I tried to force my body to accomplish those original goals........the worse I got. Something had to give.

After a while, I realized that no matter how badly I wanted those things, I was not going to get them, so I had to start to change my way of thinking about myself, and what it was I was trying to do in this life. So the expectations had to change.....not some......but drastically. I had to realize there was actually no one behind me keeping score, nor was it appropriate to question why someone out there was accomplishing my goals in the way I had planned. I realized just by me wanting what they had, was no different than a child being jealous of another child that just rode by on the bike they wanted for themselves, going home and asking why they can't have it, and how much they wanted it. Having those feelings of not being good enough, or loved enough, or what they were doing wrong to keep their parents from giving them the new bike. After all, the new bike would make them look good. Other children would envy them, and that was a good feeling for them. It would mean their parents had a lot of money, that they were more loved, or that they deserved it because they lived up to their parents expectations.

Again.......it becomes all about the child. Of course when you're a child, you don't fully realize what you're doing, and what would hopefully be learned is, you are loved by your parents no matter what, and that you might not have a new bike of your own, but it doesn't mean that you might not get one a bit later, so the child learns patience. Or you learn to appreciate your old bike and feel lucky, because there are children who don't have a bike at all. Or that it's not a good idea to envy what others have because if you can't get it, you will be overwhelmed with any future disappointments in life.

Now obviously this was not supposed to be about a new bike, but I think it was a good way in which to make a good point. I believe we wear ourselves out with expectations, of which some will never be met of ourselves or for others.......and more importantly, there is a chance of continuing to be dissatisfied with your life if you constantly compare yourself with those around you. Whatever they have or no matter how they got it has nothing to do with your life and what you were meant to have......keeping in mind that the person you might be trying to mimic doesn't necessarily have their intent, motive, or heart in the right place.......they just happen to have the "stuff" that looks good to you.

Do You Live in Fear?

Fear is one of the most debilitating conditions there is.....bar none. It seems that everyone lives with some level of fear, whether it's fear of being abandoned, fear that someone close to you will die, that you will die, that the world will disintegrate before our very eyes, that you will become very ill and lose control physically or emotionally, that your spouse will leave you for another, that your child will be struck by a car, that you will lose all your money,...........you want me to go on? Of course I'm not absolutely sure, but I would venture to say that you've probably come across some, if not all of the circumstances above that would cause you to fear. These are all scary situations that none of us want to go through or experience. Some of them not so bad.......some that would totally devastate anyone that had any real feelings at all.



I believe what goes on when we experience fear is, for one moment we recognize how vulnerable we all are on this earth......and what little control we have over what goes on. Sure, we can control what we eat, what we wear, where we live, what we listen to, etc...... and daily make it a point to prove we have control over those things. But, when the lights are out and we are alone with our thoughts, or when we are actually faced with something we thought we would never have to deal with, it becomes very clear that we really do have little control over what happens to us or around us.



Trust me, just writing that paragraph is enough to remind me again, I have no real control over what happens to me, my neighbors, my children, my family, or ultimately the future. It's as if I have thrown myself onto a roulette wheel, spinning around to settle where ever I happen to land.......and I can either give into the fear of not really knowing where that might be, or I can be at peace that no matter where I land, that I will be able to survive and be happy.



I try to practice something each day that I learned several years ago, and it actually seems to help me trust and have faith that everything is as it will be. I play the worst case scenario game. I act as if the worst has happened, whether I'm short on money, never get healed, or the absolute worst thing, which I would have to say is losing one of my children. What will happen to me if those happen, and more importantly, how will I handle it? Well, of course I can speculate, saying that I would be alright with no money, for some solution would arrive, or that there is no doubt that losing a child would push me over the edge and that would surely be the end of me. These are all simply speculations, when in reality, I have no clue as to what would happen to me if these things happened. My point is, playing the "what if" game will only guarantee you will live in fear...period.



So if I am to live in this world, with all the things that could possibly happen, how can I not be completely consumed with the fear? Or more importantly, how can I help the world stay away from speculating what will happen to them beyond this exact moment? I can encourage you to replace the fear with a recognition of what is happening on this particular day, and how you in fact can change the direction of the world just by your attitude. If I am on a plane that is going down, I would want to be around someone who is sitting quietly praying, not jumping around screaming, thinking that will surely keep the plane from crashing.......and that is in no way saying that this world is doomed, and we need to just sit and accept that fact. I'm only stating that you can either choose to hang onto the chaos and fear, or the people who choose to live in chaos and fear, or you can make it a point to choose wisely those people in your life that will build you up, comfort you, try to understand and accept you without judgement or ridicule, and of course more importantly, you can choose to become one of those people who recognize the good in others, and realize the power of positive comments and kindness.



Life is way to short, and time is precious. Much too precious to dwell on what you don't have or what could happen as opposed to all the good things to experience in this life. So I believe a sure fire way in which to stay away from fear each day, and I'm speaking fear of the unknown, is to learn to live in the moment. And you can think this is another new age flower child speaking, or a miss mary sunshine who really doesn't understand what true pain and suffering is all about.....but of course you would be very wrong.

So what if you could change the world by transforming your fear into gratefulness for what is.....and what could be? And just remember, fear and desperation cause the world to become stagnant. When you live in fear and focus on the negative in life, that permeates the minds of those around you. When you live in love, hope, kindness and appreciation for those people and things around you.....it ultimately changes the energy of the earth. Talk about going green!!!!!

"Do You Need to Change On the Inside?"

I wonder why people are so afraid of change. They see that something is not quite right, but surely whatever it is could not be caused by themselves. For it's so much easier to be irritated about something or someone, and immediately point the finger outwards instead of inward. Righteous indignation is something I believe we are born with, but I do see that some go a bit overboard with the theory that their peace and happiness would surely show up if "that" person or "that" situation would change. They are after all nearly perfect and well intended, so why do they need to change?

I can only say this because I've been in that particular seat myself , so easily distracted by what someone is not providing in the way of my own personal gain of happiness and contentment. It never occurred to me that those are things that are found by searching your own gut and soul, as opposed to the outside world going through a transformation that we feel is badly needed. After all, isn't it "their" responsibility to make my world a better place in which to live? How could I ever possibly be happy if those things don't change to suit me and the world doesn't begin to act in a way that is pleasing to me?

Now I'm sorry, but when I scroll up and reread what was just written, I only see someone that is focused on self, which thank God I finally realized through the years it brought nothing but unhappiness and discontent. It seemed to be more important to me to make sure that people stayed in line with what I thought was right and appropriate instead of learning that every single person on this earth is different for a reason. God made us that way because it would be pleasing to Him, not because He thought it would be entertaining to watch me lose my mind trying to make everyone like me.

We are all coming from a different place. A different situation, family, and environment as children, so it stands to reason we will all be coming to the table as adults with different ideas, motivations and a sense of what is right and wrong. So why would I or anyone else be so appalled with a person's behavior, when it doesn't fall under what we ourselves have experienced through our lifetime, or what we have come to believe falls under right or wrong? I wonder quite often if those things that we stand in judgement of in others, is not something that we are actually afraid of displaying ourselves.........and maybe that's where change can actually take place within us all.

I have tried something myself lately, that has helped me be more understanding and tolerant of others, which as you will see, required the one thing we all run away from.....change. The moment I see something that seems odd to me, whether it's someone's behavior, way of speaking, attitude or stance in life, and start playing that judgemental tape in my head of........they are wrong, how can they do that or say that, or don't they see my way is better or right........I immediately pretend I am catching my reflection in the mirror, where it doesn't become about that person, but about me. Now I'm sure by now, you've either walked away from this, or either built up your righteous indignation professing to be far off from my theory of change......but just stick with me here for a moment. I assure you it's not as painful as you might think, and could actually help you find a level of peace and contentment you never thought possible. And of course more importantly you won't feel like you fall under the wuss or martyr category in order to have it.

You have noticed lately that people are changing their light bulbs to those new long lasting energy saving light bulbs, which as hard as it was for me to conform to......I did actually buy them and start using them. They put off a different sort of light that I didn't particularly care for, but if it saved me money and lasted longer, I would give into them. Now keep in mind, I truly understand that changing light bulbs is a lot easier than our thoughts or behaviors that have been ingrained in us for many years, but if it saves you from the energy that it takes to hang onto a righteous indignation attitude, and pointing the finger, wouldn't you want to at least try it on for size?

Change is hard, I will completely admit to that, especially if we're talking about change within the self, and it takes either a person who is completely fed up with their life the way it is, or someone who was forced to change because they had no choice due to an illness. No matter the case, it's still something we fight tooth and nail, and I didn't realize how hard I fought change of many things until I myself was faced with an illness. My focus of what was wrong with the outside world and those who lived in it, only made my physical symptoms worse, not better. So something had to give. I could physically feel it when I would even attempt to point my finger in someone's direction, and had to, after much work, realize that it in fact took more energy for me to get upset about the outside, than to change something about myself on the inside.

It's not important that we all understand what goes on in those judgemental tapes we have hidden in our minds, we all really know what our "stuff" is.....and we either like what we see or we don't......and honestly I believe we all truly understand that it's not about the outside world changing to suit us, but about how much work it will take for us to see things differently. For it's not really about me always being perfectly content and happy with the world, but learning to accept it sometimes just the way it is, and the people that we come across each day.

So if you find yourself constantly searching for peace and happiness from those people and circumstances around you and not being satisfied, you might as well shoot for something that might very well work.........change of "self."

Time To Slow Down

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel those around them spiraling out of control? I hear stories from so many people, even those that are very sick, constantly trying to keep up.....and my question is.....who are they trying to keep up with? I believe that people usually try and keep up with a pace that is set by the world, even though it's not really clear how or when it was set up. I do know that the pace is completely different from as recent as the 80's and 90's when I raised my children. Maybe it was the computer, video machines, or mobile phones, or maybe it was a combination of several different things happening. Mothers were more content to stay at home, whereas now they feel compelled to seek an outside job.

The usual excuse for this is there is no way that a family can live on the income of one person in the household. Even though I think the reason for this is all the stuff we feel like we have to have in order to function. I could come up with a long list of things that none of us absolutely have to have, and that cost a considerable amount of money. However, the real question remains, why do we think we need all the gadgets and toys to survive? While some of them are nice to have, they do in fact cost money, and they encourage us to incorporate multi tasking into our already busy lives. So how in the world can one slow down when we put so much importance on those things we don't really need?

I would encourage everyone to sit down and make a list of the things you pay for each month that if you didn't have, you could still actually survive. That the only reason you have them is because everyone else has them, and you don't want to seem out of place in today's world. We had none of these things when I was growing up and did just fine......so what's all the fuss about? Do people not understand that in order to hang onto these things, whether it's cable tv, cell phones, computers, blackberry's, fancy cars, huge houses, credit cards, eating out, etc.....it not only cost you your peace of mind, but it takes time away from your children while they are young? All because we are trying to "keep up" instead of slow down.

Most people will say there is no way they can slow down.....but of course I believe slowing down is a choice, and it requires one simple word.......NO. And let's face it, with the economy issues that we face now, that word is going to have to be used more often. No to eating out, no to special treats at the grocery store, going to the movies, or taking vacations. No to buying new clothes when you have plenty to wear, no to buying new cars that demand fuel that's becoming scarce. Obviously this list goes on, and only you can decide when and where you can say no.

Rest assured, with our current situation, and the overwhelming numbers of stress related diseases, along with the millions that have no peace and joy in their life because they are just too busy trying to keep up, there will be a price to pay that will add up to be much greater than all those gadgets and "stuff" that we cling to so tightly. I believe change of pace starts with one person deciding to slow down and making different choices so their life is less stressful, and they can start to appreciate the simple things in life. Those around you will see that you are slowing down, and the benefits that come with slowing down, and realize how they can do the same.

So, make the choice to slow down and watch the ripple effect. Sort of like the wave at a stadium game. It has to start with just a few people, and before you know it, everyone wants to be a part of the wave. Will you be one of the few that starts the wave to slow down?

Sleep

Ahhhhh......that one thing we all want to do, but for whatever reason can't get enough of. Most people who share their thoughts and feelings about their sleep patterns, are constantly dealing with it on a daily basis, never really understanding why they can't sleep. So, maybe if we break it down in some way, you can somehow realize why you feel so deprived of one of life's most precious commodities. Here are some sleep theories I've heard lately.......maybe you can relate.

1. worry
2. worry
3. worry
4. worry
5. worry........and finally
6. worry

Anyone see a pattern here? My question is, what are all these people so worried about? For me, and especially since I'm a woman, I spend at least the first 20 minutes or so going through my day, usually at the stuff that went wrong, or that I felt was wrong. Or if I can't find anything, I go back a day, a week, a month or even a year until I can find something to ponder.....or rather regret. Of course then, if the present and past are exhausted, then I will sneak a peak into the future to see what I could conjure up there. Sounds like complete madness right? Yes....it is.....BUT you would be surprised to hear how many other people do this. So the question is not what.......but why? Maybe I'll write another blog someday that covers why women usually have this problem and men don't. I have never seen or talked to a man that says he has a sleep problem. Their head hits the pillow and that is IT!

Now we could very quickly eliminate some of the other reasons for not being able to sleep, like too much caffeine, too much alcohol, medications, bad mattress, allergies, physical pain.......etc. And there are some that we can actually address and get rid of, which may do away with the sleep problem altogether. But it might be more difficult to take a pill that covers worry. Granted you could try a sleeping pill, but I would understand how many people have tried them and might get to sleep at night, but have problems with how they feel the next day.

So what are we so worried about? Worried we will miss something if we actually close our eyes? Worried that something bad will happen so we must be prepared? Worried about what we did or said that day that was not quite right? Worried that we are going to be abandoned by someone we love, or that someone is going to die? Worried that we are sick in some way, but too afraid to go see a doctor? Worried that no matter how hard we try, we will never be content and happy, or ever be able to just sit and relax without trying to figure something out or get something accomplished? Geeze.......that's a lot of worry going on there......just wore me out to type it. But again.......not pointing the finger here.....I've had or still have the same problem. And again....I may not have the answer, probably don't, but I am a firm believer in talking things out......getting to the meat of the problem. At least it alleviates the fear.....at least one would hope so.

One thing that has helped me more than anything, is to keep a journal close by, so that if I get in bed and start the worry cycle, I reach for the pen and start writing. For me, when I actually write a feeling out, it makes it so much clearer for me to see what is going on. As if I've allowed myself to witness my own worry because it's in the written word. A warm bath helps relax you, as opposed to watching something exciting or violent on television. Find a book that's easy to read, and holds a subject that is interesting to you, taking note to use a lamp that is not too bright. Make sure your bed is comfortable, the room is comfortable and not cluttered. Paint the walls with a pleasing color that promotes a feeling of peace. Listen to some relaxation music before you go to bed. Apply lavender oil to your wrists...this promotes sleep.....wear a breathe-right strip to make sure your nasal passages are open.....try sleeping in a bed by yourself if you're used to sleeping with someone.

In other words , there are many things that will help, but you have to actually do them in order for them to work. Sleep has to be turned into an experience, no different from planning a great meal. Think of the trouble you will go to in order to have a great meal, using all the right ingredients, cooked to perfection, with a nice tablecloth, candles...etc. Well, you can do the same with sleep. Sleep requires thought, planning and even an excitement for taking the time to love and nurture your body.

If worry is your biggest problem, before you go to bed, write out your worries on little pieces of paper and burn them before you go to bed. If you're spiritual, ask God to show you what is getting in the way of you being able to sleep, and to be released from worrisome thoughts. And of course if none of these things help, seek professional help. Go to a sleep clinic and get a sleep kit, which will monitor your sleep in case there is something medically wrong. Invest in some books about insomnia, for there are many out there that have some really great advice about sleep, or the lack there of.

Bottom line, find something that works and stick with it. Lack of sleep has a huge impact on how you experience your waking hours, your job, school, your relationships, and most importantly how your body handles stress. If you want to experience any peace or joy in your life, it's worth the time to investigate your sleep issues.

"Too Amenable"

Are you too easily sucked into someone else's life, finding yourself always saying yes just to satisfy their whim? I'm not quite sure why some of us have the tendency to do this, but apparently it's pretty easy to do, and widespread at that. Of course I realize there is a give and take in any relationship, but when you feel like you have completely set aside your wants, needs, and desires for those of another, you might want to take caution. I think it's wonderful that there are givers in this world, but when you lose your life and what is important to you, to a taker......beware. I can say this only because I've done it myself more times than not.

I've often questioned myself.......why do you so easily lose yourself in this person? Have you lost a sense of balance, just for the sake of having someone in your life? Is there anything left of me? Is there anything wrong with the things I have come to enjoy in my life or any reason why I shouldn't keep doing them? Why do I allow someone else to decide how I will spend my time? Why do I let my life become more about what this person needs as opposed to what I might need?

Now granted, there is much truth and validity, and much to be gained for wanting someone else's happiness to be important, but I also believe there must be balance......or there WILL be guaranteed resentment on someone's part, no doubt. So what are some of the warning signs that you are in fact being sucked into living someone else's life and saving little for yourself?

Pay close attention to what happens to you internally when you say yes instead of no to something your partner wants to do. Pay attention to how often you end up doing what they want to do as opposed to something you want to do, no matter what it is. At the end of a week, see how many things were about you, and how many things were about them. Keeping in mind this is not necessarily about dumping someone, but more about recognizing how much of you is being lost, and how much the other person is getting exactly what they want, when they want it........and of course hopefully finding balance before it gets out of hand.

There is of course an element of why you allow your life to be consumed by another. If it's a case of being so much in love with this person that it feels perfectly natural to give in to their every whim, and there is no internal struggle going on, that's fine. But, if it's costing you your ability to be yourself and truly enjoy the things that are important or fun to you, then something needs to change. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a giver, or for people to get what they want or need in this life, but not at the cost of another.

There are many reasons why people seem to think they should get everything they want, how they want it and when they want it. They either were raised that way, and actually were successful at getting what they wanted, or the extreme.......they never got anything and are determined to get their needs met from you. Doesn't really matter, it's not your responsibility to satisfy every single need and desire they have, while letting go of your own.

Reasonable seems to be the most appropriate word here and my trusty Webster defines this as sensible and just. Being sensible and just to me implies there is balance. If there is balance, that means there are two of something vying for position. So when you have two people here trying to make sure that their needs and desires are being met, there has to be an understanding of those needs, and a way in which both can be satisfied.

Just keep in mind, this blog is not only about the ones who give too much getting little in return, but it's also about the takers who only focus on what they want in this life. Take time today to see where you fall.

Decisions

Do you have the sneaky suspicion that you have just made a huge mistake recently? That your decision was based on fear, coersion from another, or to satisfy a need you had hoping that your decision would fill that need? Yikes......so have I. So.....what to do next? Well, first of all.....maybe you didn't have all the information that was needed in order to make that decision, or you really did have a lot of clear information, but chose to ignore it.......you know.....RED FLAGS! Oh yes indeedy, we love ignoring those pesky red flags. Of course what we don't realize is, that's our gut tellling us to beware. Very similar to the curve or danger signs you see on the roads. They're there for a reason, and most of the time we take caution, slow down...etc. That or either end up in the ditch. So why can we not do the same when we see the red flags in decision making?

Usually it's because we think we want something, and want it very badly. We believe that if we make this decision, that it will prove something.....to others....to ourselves, about the kind of person we are. Or there is a hole so great within us, we are hoping that this decision will fill it someway. I think most often decisions are fear based more than anything else. Afraid that if we don't jump on what is in front of us, that something or someone else won't come along and fill that hole. That if we don't jump on an opportunity to make money or a name for ourselves, that another one won't come along for us to take advantage of.

In other words, if you are wondering about a particular decision you made recently and whether or not it was based on sound, wise thinking.....as well as really good information.....there is evidently some regret or second guessing going on here. And as awkward, uncomfortable or scary that might feel right now, it's really a good thing, as much as you might have been taught at some point that minds cannot be changed once a decision has been made.

Sometimes the information that was needed probably before the decision was made, was simply not available, and there's no point in asking why it wasn't.....it just simply wasn't there for you to see yet. Once we say YES to whatever it is, we have to realize that it opens a door.......and the information in that door can be good or not so good. You won't know until you step through it. And that's where we are right now. We've made a decision to step through the door and move in a certain direction.

For me, the most important element to the decision making process is to allow myself an out because if you're human like me, you'll realize that you have and you will continue to make unwise decisions. I nor anyone else can zap that out of your thinking process.....if you think you can then you might as well delete this post and move on. As good hearted, wise and well meaning as we believe ourselves to be, it doesn't mean we are perfect or flawless in our thinking or behavior. So let's just start with that basic truth. And whether you believe that God is in control of your life, or the universe.......you are still working from a premise of free will. Free will means you have the world at your feet, and can make any decision that suits your fancy.

With that free will, you can and will make decisions in this life, but what is important is what you DO with those decisions after they've been made. It's how you coexist with them. Will you wake up each day pleased as punch that you made them.....or beat yourself silly because you made one without gathering enough information? That you're waking up with this gnawing feeling in your gut that you're stuck, no way out, nor could you ever speak those feelings to a soul? This is a horrible place to be, and will not go away unless addressed.

Am I suggesting that you live an irresponsible lifestyle, in that you can make a decision willy nilly anytime you like about anything and not suffer from the consequences because I've given you a license to walk away? Absolutely not. At least I don't think that's what I'm implying here. Maybe I should have named this post, It's Ok to Change Your Mind........would that make it more pleasing to your palette?

Maybe it has something to do with the level of commitment, or if there's money or children involved. Some things are easier to walk away from, or change your mind about than others......that's quite obvious. I suppose that would be based on your own moral fiber. As I've stated before, we were all made completely different, with different genes, parents, surroundings, experiences....etc. This will always have an impact on our decision making process. We all have theories about what is right and what is wrong in this world.....what is proper and socially acceptable. In fact when you think about it, when we make a decision there are so many things that are taken into consideration, except most often the thing that is the most important. Is the decision based on what is real, not what we hope will be real? AHHHHHH.......bingo. I love it when I hit a nerve.

Decisions based on what we HOPE will be real....not what is real. So this all implies speculation. We open the door hoping that all will be well. That we well get something we want, or rather think we want. Or heaven forbid, what might look right or seem right to the outside world. So.....you want to move ahead, with the road signs clearly stating you might want to slow down.....you might want to make adjustments. You either pay attention or you don't. Things seem to be a bit shaky, unstable.....it looks like even though you've decided to move ahead with abandon....clearly you're beginning to experience some uncertainty. The signs were right. The curve is sharp and dangerous, and you should have paid attention.

Now what? You ease up, slow down, see if the feeling in your gut that things are not quite right will go away if time passes, or if you need to just pull over, stop, and change directions. It's ok....you are allowed to do this.....and if you need to change your mind, then change your mind. If it's a decision that has been made where there is no way you can change your mind , then at least pull over and get some help with what you're facing. It's ok to say.....oh my gosh, I think I made the wrong decision......HELP!!!!

I think I need to write another blog on how to check motive and intent when making a decision.......or understanding how to gather information when making a decision or even more importantly.........HOW TO READ RED FLAGS!!!!! Nevertheless, decisions are one of the hardest things to do in this life......you're going to make good ones.....and not so good ones. Or rather wise ones, and not so wise ones. If you just say that outloud to yourself each day, it will help more than anything.

Decisions. It's interesting that people will put so much time and effort in deciding on a new president, but they won't take that much time when making the most important decisions in their life......the ones each day that affect you emotionally AND physically.

Pity Parties

Have you ever had the overwhelming need to have a pity party? I have, and quite often thought of mailing out invitations to include my family and friends. That's sort of extreme thinking, but it's true. Do you ever wonder why we step away from our daily lives in order to have pity parties, while most of the time not even realizing that's what we're doing? For I don't think we really enjoy them all that much, because it implies a sense of self centeredness. That whatever we are going through is much more important than what someone else might be experiencing.

However, I have, fortunately, come to the realization that what I go through each day doesn't even come close to what some people go through. Yesterday was a day like that for me. Things felt awkward, out of sorts.....almost twisted and distorted like I picked up the wrong glasses or something. It continued that way throughout the day, until I finally had to put it to rest. It felt like I was picking at my life, like an open sore that I wouldn't allow to heal.

Thankfully I came across not one, but two different people in my building that quickly reminded me that I might be feeling out of sorts, confused, or even feeling physically bad, but there were other people who were truly suffering from things that seemed much worse than mine. One lady is suffering from a respiratory disease, that looked as if she was not going to make it down the hall to the outside door. The other had just found out that her brother had been put in the hospital with cancer. This was the last surviving brother she had, for all her other siblings had died. She was very sad, and rightly so. All I could see written all over those situtions was......it was wrong.

Granted, stuff happens like that all the time. People will get sick and they will die, we cannot run from that as much as we would like to think we can. These are real life situations that bring sadness, pain, heartache and loss....period. No way to get around it........but what it does for me is, it reminds me that the pity party I planned to have of my own, can be easily cancelled. For if I left the two ladies and continued plans to have my party, it would have served no purpose at all. In fact it would have made a mockery of what I had just seen. My pain that day was unclear, out of focus and needed to be rerouted, so that I could recognize how fortunate I was.

I don't have pity parties that often because I won't allow myself to. If I get close to having one, I just set up an hour during the day to sit in the middle of the floor and wail until I feel the pain and frustration leave my body, because sometimes it really serves no purpose to sit and complain or whine about something. And most often whatever we're complaining about has already been said a hundred times before, so no one really wants to hear it again.

So today I will remember my two friends in the hallway and what they were going through yesterday. My confusion weighed little as compared to what they were experiencing. I'll remember to tear up my pity party invitations, and quietly set up my own time to wail. There is a time and place to share your frustrations and pain with others, but before you do, see if there is someone living right next door to you that is truly suffering and could use a friend.

"No Place Like Home"

I don't think you have to see The Wizard of Oz to appreciate what those words mean........there's no place like home. You only have to venture out, either someplace far away or not so far away and realize how precious your own space is, especially when you're not feeling well. But what is it about our space....our home, that is so comforting to us? Does it have to do with what is in our homes.....the smell....the location....who is there with us? That's a really good question for us all to ponder, because I believe that in the future, it will help remind us that even when we do venture out, we have the safety of our homes to comfort us when we return.


As much as we all have to accept the fact that the world functions with us in it, the world is also counting on how we spend our down time in order to replenish our energy and minds so that we can stay on top of our respective jobs. I would hate to see the world as a sea of insomniacs living on the edge each day, wondering who was going to explode next. So our space, our respite, our hiding place from the world is really one of the most important things that we have on this earth, so it's no wonder I would be interested in what makes it the haven that it is?


It's always fun and downright helpful for us all to step away into another space, if for no other reason than to appreciate the one we left behind, but I'm wondering if we often take those things that bring us comfort for granted. After all, it's just stuff...just a home......a place in which to dwell so we aren't laying around in the streets. What is it exactly that makes a space or home so comforting, and if it isn't, what could you do in order to make it that way? For after all.....you know me and looking at things that can be changed. We can't control very much, so I grab hold of those things I can change.....and every day.


I've talked some about those things in my space that have been passed on to me by people I know or have no clue about.....enjoying them, soaking up their energy, and then passing them onto the next person. I guess I'm talking more about the energy of your space. Is it open and clear, which is how we want our minds to be.....everyone wants that. Or is it cluttered and busy? Are things situated so that when it is time to rest, it brings comfort instead of chaos? Being careful to realize, I am not talking about becoming a type "A" personality where if things are not in order, it implies a serious character flaw. I'm talking about what your space does to your mind. Does it make you want to leave most often, wish you were in someone elses space, constantly wondering what it is that's actually missing?

I believe a huge clue here is not really taking the time to realize what is actually good for you, your mind and your body. After all, we are all made completely different in so many different ways. What affects my body, weakens it, energizes it, or brings it peace can be completely different than how the next person experiences his/her surroundings. The sooner we realize that, the more peace the whole world will experience. My body craves quiet, living alone, and being around people who are kind and understanding to me as well as others. My childhood was not your typical Leave It To Beaver, as much as I craved that sort of environment, my reality was quite different. So there is good reason why I need to be surrounded by the comforts of peace and quiet.

On the other hand, some people are energized by activity, lots of people, and are not so sensitive to their surroundings. That's great....it really is. My point here is not that one lifestyle is better or more appropriate than the other, it's finding the one that works for you. The one that brings you the most comfort at the end of the day, whether you're sick or well. I think it's important that we not only recognize what feeds our soul when we venture out into the world, but more importantly what feeds our soul when we're in our own home. Whether you feel your space right now is temporary or permanent, take time to look around and take in what it offers you emotionally and spiritually.

Find those things that hold memories and feelings......that bring comfort and peace, and let the other stuff go. After a while you'll be able to walk in each room of your house or apartment, and connect with everything that surrounds you, for these are the things that you will treasure when you venture out and hunger to return to.

Prepared

As you have been well aware, if you have been fortunate to keep up with my blogs, that I tend to focus on a new word fairly often. Which not only forces me to keep my trusty dictionary at my side teaching me new words, but more importantly encourages me to pick at a word that I already use, in order to find new meaning and application. Prepared is one of those words. Well...we might as well pull out Webster to see what he has to say. After all....he knows best.

Prepared. To make things ready. To make oneself ready. To bring forth, make suitable. Now we can look at that and see it very simply, or we can go a bit further and see where it leads. I prepare myself each day either by brushing my teeth, eating breakfast, putting on my clothes...etc.....but those all imply outside preparation. What happens when we take that internally? What sort of preparation goes on inside my head? Although there is good reason and purpose for the external things I mentioned, how do I prepare my mind for the day? Are the hours ahead self focused, so they will ultimately give me access to all the good stuff......or is there anything inside me that has to do with the outside world and how I might make it a better place in which to live?

It's so easy to think that being in this world is all about how we appear to those around us, when if we choose this line of thinking will only lead to a life that is shallow and empty. How narcissistic of us to think that the world revolves around us, or that we have such great importance that's usually based on what we have accumulated or how we are recognized. Talk about having a bad taste in your mouth....that one just about does it for me. In fact, for me, there is nothing appealing about that sentence at all. It makes me feel self centered and ungodly......for I don't believe that is why God placed us here. How on earth, no matter how you believe you arrived here, could you think that your sole purpose, while here, could or would be designed just for you?

No wonder most of us feel that we are absolutely alone, in a world where no one could possibly understand anything you think or feel. It's because we are so self focused and think we are the be all, end all, of the universe, we would never even stop to think there might be a higher purpose for us being here. And whether you consider yourself a spiritual individual or not, is there not a moment when you might consider that there might be a higher purpose that includes all of us instead of you getting what you want or think you need in this life?


It's just hard for me to imagine there is really no rhyme or reason to why we're here, with nothing for us to learn or to share with others. That each one of us are plopped down here on earth to take whatever we want, use up whatever we want, or think that what we do, think, or feel doesn't impact anyone else? Again....how narcisistic is that? And while I believe that there are some people who do take the time to be other focused, there is still a large majority who are more concerned about how they appear to others, how much money they make, and what that money will buy them.


I have to say that I haven't run across too many that are more concerned about how they can help change the world, and what they can leave behind for others. This is where being prepared comes into play. What do I do with my life right now that says I am preparing for after I'm gone? Maybe it has something to do with being sick, and realizing the good stuff that is left to enjoy, and how no matter how long any of us have here on this earth, there are ways in which to make an impact while you're still here. So, looking at the big picture, which I always try to do, what can I do to prepare for when I'm gone?


Well....I can say what needs to be said, take time to experience those things that bring me happiness and a sense of contentment, organize and clean up my life so it makes some sense to those I've left behind, as well as some other ways that I have yet to discover. The point is, I'm moving in a direction of preparing, and this has nothing to do with gloom and doom or any morbid thoughts about me or my illness......this is just how I would like to acknowledge those things that I am so grateful for right now, because we never know what will come next.


If we need to spend time with someone, then make arrangements to spend time with that person. If there is something that needs to be said....say it. If there is much work that needs to be done that might make it easier for someone else when you are gone, then do it. People spend so much time being busy with things that absolutely have no meaning, and forget that much pleasure can be found in organizing and preparing yourself now for whatever may come. Soak up what is right in front of you......your family, relationships, nature, etc. If you have money problems, then sit down with someone and work through it.....tear up credit cards....stop spending money......stop doing things you know you can't afford....be more focused on someone who might need your help in some way......give stuff away that someone else might need that you know you don't use or need anymore.

Today I want to take my focus off my pain and suffering, off things that really have no purpose or meaning in this life, and place it on those things that will last after I'm gone. If something is not right, then I will do whatever I need to do in order to make it right. I will prepare my mind, thoughts and behavior for what I leave behind, as opposed to what I can accumulate and gain for self.

Those Things Left Behind

I have through the years been able to collect a few things that when I have to stop for a while and rest, bring me much comfort. The things I'm referring to are by no means fancy or expensive, but have a different sort of value to me, that convey or evoke a sense of history, comfort and gentleness.... and it's not so important that I know the exact history of an item, but just knowing somehow that it meant a lot to someone else a long time ago. It's interesting because there is not one thing in my home that I bought new. Every single piece of furniture I have has it's own story to write, with me at the end.

It's as if I live in a place with many others, and with them comes their happiness, joy, pain, sorrow....etc., waiting for my energy or identity to be etched along with them for the next person to enjoy. The pieces are completely different in shape, texture or space they take up....but all have been around me long enough where new grooves have been worn, with a story that goes with it. So why would they bring me so much comfort when after all, they are just inanimate objects to be sat in, eaten off of, slept in, or a place in which to contain?

Maybe it has something to do with leaving something of yourself behind when you're gone. Granted I have no idea who made or used some of the pieces I now own, they invariably left a hint of themselves behind....whether it be a smell, an energy or a nick that was never repaired. I suppose I am fascinated with what came before me, but I'm even more fascinated with those things that I add to, for someone else to enjoy or ponder at some point, and the way in which I want to do that. In other words it's becoming more important for me to focus on what I leave behind as opposed to getting what I can while I'm still here.

When I look around my home at the different things I've collected over the years, it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I bought them. Only a couple of them I consider true antiques of great value if sold, but mostly pieces that were almost calling my name as I walked by them for the first time. Was it the texture, the wood, or how that particular item was used? I'm not sure. I think usually it would have something to do with function, for I would always be looking at how a certain piece could be used instead of just looked at. If it didn't hold something, organize something or provide ease and comfort in some way, I wasn't interested.

Did I spend way too much time analyzing how something would be used instead of just liking something for the sake of liking it? Maybe. I suppose it has something to do with being frugal and having order in my life. A place for everything and everything in it's place has become a daily thing for me. Not because I consider myself a "type A" personality or anal.....but mainly because it helps keep order in my mind if I keep order in my home. The minute it gets cluttered or there are things in front of me that do not have a good use or take up precious space, then my energy goes out the window. Again.....it has more to do with freeing up space in my mind because my illness takes up so much room.

So because I spend so much time alone in my home, it's important for me to surround myself with those things that bring me comfort and peace. Those items that were mentioned earlier, or things that keep me connected to family and friends, don't take up space......they only add to in a good way because they have a positive energy, that when I walk by them almost say outloud....."Hello, I'm still here, I have only good things to offer your home..... I don't need anything except to soak up what you want to leave behind for the next person who uses me in their home." That is very comforting to me as silly as it may seem or sound to someone else.

Will my stuff last? Well, some have lasted a very long time already. Some are so old they probably need to be thown out. But there are some that now have a part of me etched into the grain that my children will enjoy one day when I'm gone....and then their children. I hope they last that long. I hope my energy and the appreciation I have for them will be experienced by the next person ,and they too will sit and wonder.........who's life was lived around this thing that brought me so much comfort.

So the next time I walk past my old desk, where I have for the last 10 years or so, left behind my own nicks, scrapes and uh oh's....I will touch it yet again so my energy is experienced by someone else someday. I hope it's positive energy that brings comfort, peace, joy and a sense of gratitude. Someone will invariably place their hand in the exact same place and hopefully realize a part of them has now been left behind.

Simplicity

Do you ever feel as if you were born in the wrong century? I do......quite often in fact. Lately I've been trying to figure out why, and with careful contemplation, I believe I've hit on something. Simplicity. Though I thought today's article was going to touch on "what was"......it seemed more appropriate to elaborate on what it really meant, at least to me. First of all, there is no doubt in my mind that there are many like myself, who believe that "high tech" is for the birds. After all, what is wrong with cooking on the stovetop, writing "real" letters, watching one t.v. with 3 channels, and talking on a phone that has a cord attached to the wall? Hey.....for me....nothing at all. I love it. There is also no doubt that if I didn't have this computer at my disposal.....I would still be writing using a typewriter or better yet.......a pen.

Maybe the reason I am so bothered by this idea of living in a "high tech" world, is not so much the change that was brought about.....but what the change did to our brains. As the world progressed, it forced our brains to progress into believing the new gadgets, thoughts, inventions,....etc......demanded one thing that really leaves me raw.......busyness. Not business........busy-ness. Huge difference, and of course, sticking to the neverending need to find true meaning, I have to ask Webster about this one. Busyness.....Having too much detail, variety of color....as to create a confusing, displeasing effect. Wow......that pretty much nails it in my book, epecially the confusing and displeasing part.

I can't tell you how many times a day I hear someone say.......I am just so busy......too busy. As if someone has them tied to something and they can't get free.......they have no control. Now I'm sorry.....but the one thing here that stands out to me is......lack of control. After all......one does have some control over how busy they allow themselves to be. The puzzling part is, having the need to continue to add to instead of taking away.......well at least puzzling to most of the people I know. Either I have something right....that no one else "gets", or I am totally out of touch with the real world and what it takes to live in it. It could be because of my physical limitations, I am forced to live a very simple and quiet life, that has nothing to do with busyness. So being in such an extreme position.....it's hard for me to understand.

The people around me quite often say they envy my life. Though of course have no clue as to how much that lifestyle cost. And of course I am not suggesting that everyone go out and get themselves an illness......available at any local sundry store. But what I am wondering is......why can't there be some sort of balance here? Why can't there be a declaration of what is not needed in someone's life..........that takes up too much space, energy and time? Thank God we are at this time being forced to "go green." I'm hoping and praying that it will slow down the pace.....which I see from the news is already starting to happen. People are making the decision to stay home instead of using gas and money to travel....which of course in turn gives families a new way of looking at their own home and backyard as a haven in which to relax and enjoy. No rafts, tickets or credit cards needed.

Honestly, I could very well point the finger at societal demands and expectations of how we are to live in this world......but that would mean that we are basically allowing that same "society" to dictate how we spend our time. All the infamous gadgets that are supposed to save us time, in fact force us to figure out how to fill up that time. Of course my question is......why can't we just sit back and relax with that extra time? There it is.......the meat. Were we so lacking, boring, and uncreative back in the 20th century or what? What is it that we are trying to prove here? That we can stand on one foot while driving that big SUV.......that we can juggle in the kitchen while feeding three children and a husband three different meals, at three different times......that we can buy what we want because we have a pocket full of credit cards.....that we can eat what we want and not gain weight......have a healthy body without exercise?

Trust me....I was only able to try on a few of those and it didn't work for me. My body couldn't take it.......so I sit back and watch people turning what could be so much simpler, into chaos, confusion, frustration and most often....exhaustion and unhappiness. Can I fix it? No....not likely. Can I expect everyone to live as I live......no...not likely. But I can ask you one question? Would the world come to an end or would you feel as if you had slipped off the merry-go-round if you just started to simplify your life? Look what it took for people to start paying attention to the energy crisis. All the while, listening to those out there who are appalled at the gas prices, and wondering why and what they were going to do about it. Never taking one moment to see, that in order for change to take place, or for people to actually take action, something had to be taken away.

Hmmmmm.....like someone dying. You don't appreciate someone until they die. How sad is that? And then when they do, you think, how unfair is that...or why did they die? Totally takes away from the issue doesn't it? The fact is....they died.......they're gone. You cannot change that, and it's sad if you have to experience regret of any kind. If there was change to have taken place, what would the change have been?

My point is, what is so wrong about recognizing that if you are in fact confused, frustrated or aggravated by the busyness or chaos in your life, you actually have the power to change it. You can make it as complicated as you want.....or as simple as you want.