I have through the years been able to collect a few things that when I have to stop for a while and rest, bring me much comfort. The things I'm referring to are by no means fancy or expensive, but have a different sort of value to me, that convey or evoke a sense of history, comfort and gentleness.... and it's not so important that I know the exact history of an item, but just knowing somehow that it meant a lot to someone else a long time ago. It's interesting because there is not one thing in my home that I bought new. Every single piece of furniture I have has it's own story to write, with me at the end.
It's as if I live in a place with many others, and with them comes their happiness, joy, pain, sorrow....etc., waiting for my energy or identity to be etched along with them for the next person to enjoy. The pieces are completely different in shape, texture or space they take up....but all have been around me long enough where new grooves have been worn, with a story that goes with it. So why would they bring me so much comfort when after all, they are just inanimate objects to be sat in, eaten off of, slept in, or a place in which to contain?
Maybe it has something to do with leaving something of yourself behind when you're gone. Granted I have no idea who made or used some of the pieces I now own, they invariably left a hint of themselves behind....whether it be a smell, an energy or a nick that was never repaired. I suppose I am fascinated with what came before me, but I'm even more fascinated with those things that I add to, for someone else to enjoy or ponder at some point, and the way in which I want to do that. In other words it's becoming more important for me to focus on what I leave behind as opposed to getting what I can while I'm still here.
When I look around my home at the different things I've collected over the years, it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I bought them. Only a couple of them I consider true antiques of great value if sold, but mostly pieces that were almost calling my name as I walked by them for the first time. Was it the texture, the wood, or how that particular item was used? I'm not sure. I think usually it would have something to do with function, for I would always be looking at how a certain piece could be used instead of just looked at. If it didn't hold something, organize something or provide ease and comfort in some way, I wasn't interested.
Did I spend way too much time analyzing how something would be used instead of just liking something for the sake of liking it? Maybe. I suppose it has something to do with being frugal and having order in my life. A place for everything and everything in it's place has become a daily thing for me. Not because I consider myself a "type A" personality or anal.....but mainly because it helps keep order in my mind if I keep order in my home. The minute it gets cluttered or there are things in front of me that do not have a good use or take up precious space, then my energy goes out the window. Again.....it has more to do with freeing up space in my mind because my illness takes up so much room.
So because I spend so much time alone in my home, it's important for me to surround myself with those things that bring me comfort and peace. Those items that were mentioned earlier, or things that keep me connected to family and friends, don't take up space......they only add to in a good way because they have a positive energy, that when I walk by them almost say outloud....."Hello, I'm still here, I have only good things to offer your home..... I don't need anything except to soak up what you want to leave behind for the next person who uses me in their home." That is very comforting to me as silly as it may seem or sound to someone else.
Will my stuff last? Well, some have lasted a very long time already. Some are so old they probably need to be thown out. But there are some that now have a part of me etched into the grain that my children will enjoy one day when I'm gone....and then their children. I hope they last that long. I hope my energy and the appreciation I have for them will be experienced by the next person ,and they too will sit and wonder.........who's life was lived around this thing that brought me so much comfort.
So the next time I walk past my old desk, where I have for the last 10 years or so, left behind my own nicks, scrapes and uh oh's....I will touch it yet again so my energy is experienced by someone else someday. I hope it's positive energy that brings comfort, peace, joy and a sense of gratitude. Someone will invariably place their hand in the exact same place and hopefully realize a part of them has now been left behind.
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