Now....if you are around my age, you'll know where that phrase came from. Of course....Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith show....where else. I wonder when he started using that phrase if he had any idea how valuable a tool it would be these days in getting rid of, letting go of, or checking something off your list that honestly needs to be nixed once and for all? I doubt it. But you absolutely could feel the passion in his face when he used the term. Whatever was going on...it was time to just simply nip it.....period. Honestly, I'm able to carry that with me throughout the day because my body doesn't have room to drag around unwanted behavior or attitudes. So while I'm brushing my teeth, I'm thinking at the same time. Ok Cindy.....what is it today? What needs to be nipped in the bud? What do I need to change about myself, without having the need to blame it on anyone else? This is not about anyone else but me.
First of all, we all really know what needs to be nipped....we just keep it hidden in the closet along with our fear, regrets, anger, resentment, messy houses, dirty cars, unhealthy diets, excuses not to exercise.......you want me to go on? Ok...we can save the details till later I suppose. Now you can stand in front of the closet and be overwhelmed....or you can take one thing out each day to work on. Try something simple to start off with.....so after a while you can work your way up to the heavy duty nipping. If there's one thing you have to incorporate into your daily thinking, it's that you can't take on the world in one day....or yourself for that matter. If you do, you'll likely get discouraged and end up locking the door, thinking....out of sight...out of mind. Yeah...right, that'll work.
Pick a habit for instance. Can be minor, major, something you can keep hidden from other people, or at least you think they don't notice, or something if you saw someone else do, you would be appalled. You already know what it is.......it's not my place to type it out here .....so let's just go from there. How is this habit affecting your life......or those around you? Is it something you realize you're doing, but just can't stop for some reason? Where does the habit stem from........fear, worry, self loathing, anxiety, or is it a true addiction? Keep in mind, that some things need more than a "nip it" attitude.....I'm completely aware of that. But honestly, doesn't it start with a recognition and determination to let go of something because it's just a matter of discipline? We all believe we are wise enough to develop such habits as brushing our teeth each day, putting on deodorant so we don't offend those around us, or saying please and thank you..right? And those things became a habit because we placed a sense of importance on them. So......maybe the next step here is to see the habit, no matter what it is, and begin to place an importance on it.
First of all, good habits make us feel good about ourselves, right? They can imply good health, order, peace, self-awareness and a self esteem that is balanced and healthy...not cocky and narcissistic. Bad habits on the other hand sort of gnaw at your gut, with moments, only moments, of recognition of what needs to be nipped. The habit has usually been noticed by those around you, and you're mortified that you have even allowed yourself to get to this point. You keep the habit....but it costs you something, because you're not addressing the real problem that's hidden underneath the habit. All very twisted again......but hey...that's what I do. Just like a maze, I enjoy sifting through until I find the core....the truth about a situation. Doesn't have anything to do with being right, but more about discovering something about yourself.
OK....so stop right now and think about one habit. And pick a good one too.....one that is unsightly.....one that you don't think people see you doing. Or even if they do, you're still able to make believe they don't see you. Trust me...people do this every single day. And before you ask.....yes I have my own habits. But it was only with the recognition of them that I was able to whittle my pile in the closet down to something more manageable. Plus, with being confined to my home, I sometimes have a lot of time on my hands.....so honestly it's easier for me to work on mine.
Here is a list that I have gathered just from observing others......and don't take offense or feel like you've been caught doing something tacky......just see if they're some things that would be offensive to you if you saw someone else doing them. There are also many in here that people have asked me to help them with. And remember....this is just about awareness.
-constantly finding fault in others/finding the need to tear down instead of build up
-constantly being negative
-speculating the reason behind someone else's behavior
-using offensive language
-smoking or allowing your smoke to affect others
-being too loud
-whining or complaining
-not saying please and thank you
-road rage
-pushing to get your way
-being more concerned about what you are going to say instead of listening
-twisting the truth to flat out lying
-saying things because it's what you think the other person wants to hear, not because it's the truth
-manipulating the situation to get what you want
-having a victim mentality
-blaming your behavior or attitude on others
-being rude to waitresses or waiters
-focusing on someone else's faults instead of their good qualities
-procrastination
-avoiding instead of facing something head on
-gossiping
-snippy attitude
Well..I could go on here....but this is just a few. I'm sure you can find others in your closet of habits, some you might want to address, some you don't want to let go of, or honestly feel you have the right to keep. That is your call. And trust me...I don't own the corner market of etiquette here, nor am I trying for a guest appearance on Martha Stewart......this again is only about awareness and how your habits could possible be affecting those around you......and more importantly affecting you. If there is a deeper reason why you hang onto these habits.......isn't that good enough reason to "nip it." I know how people detest change....change of any kind.....but honestly if you have started reading my blogs, you must have already come to some sense of awareness. Coaching is about finding where you are at this moment....noticing what is right/wrong.....peaceful/chaotic......healthy/unhealthy...truthful/deceptive.....and taking steps to change what is not good for you or others, and start doing something different, that feels right.
Sit with this for a day or so....for the next blog I'll focus more on how to go about sorting and sifting through the closet of habits. Remember this is ALL good stuff. As if I placed a puzzle in front of you and said, here....take your time to pick through these......see how the pieces fit and what you'll end up with in the end. I promise....in the long run.....it's worth the effort to "nip it."
