Do you ever find yourself just going along in life, going through the motions that each day brings, wondering if there is something you're supposed to be doing? Now I'm not talking about forgetting someone's birthday, or forgetting to take a library book back, but something a little bit more meaningful than that. It's like something that sort of nags at you that won't let go, and it's settled in the background somewhere awaiting your attention again. Or, when you're least expecting it, a person enters into your life, that you quickly realize that it was not by chance. In fact they make such an impact, it feels as if someone is at the switch, pressing buttons, setting up schedules, and purposefully planning the whole thing. And this can be a person you've never met, someone you haven't seen or heard from in years, or someone you saw fairly regularly, but somehow the relationship has changed. No matter, it's knocked you for a loop.
I don't know which one would be the most exciting or meaningful, maybe all of them. The point is, for me, I like to spend some time wondering how I want to be present and respond in a healthy way before I go any further. After all, there are going to be those relationships that are unhealthy, or cause you to drift apart for whatever reason, and that part of the equation really need not be rehashed, but maybe just to notice in any of these chance meetings there is something different inside of you. And at first, I think we would tend to be all excited about it, but quickly could get this twinge of something that takes us back to the past, with hurts, disappointments, sadness, loss....you name it, the list is long. Those things required you to react, behave and respond in a very particular way, so there is this inherent need to resort back to those feelings, reactions or coping skills.
However, with that being said, it doesn't have to happen that way, or even if it does, you don't have to stay there. It's just a good exercise in realizing how much we carry with us throughout our lives good and bad, and have to decide at some point which ones we can keep with us, and which ones no longer serve any purpose whatsoever. In fact, will fowl up any chance of future happiness on so many different levels, that we should see clearly our own schemas, so as not to fall into the pit again. Schemas are our ways of dealing with rejection, disappointments, hurt, loss, etc....and how easily we bring them with us in each situation that comes up.....especially very close relationships.
So when these new connections are made when you least expect them, and you sense that it is in fact very special, it makes perfect sense that you want to treat it and experience it in a healthy way. Doesn't mean that comes with a guarantee that all things will work out perfectly, or that you will be with this person in the long term, no one can guarantee that. But it can insure that you can more importantly be in the moment with this person, without resorting back to past situations, or playing the devils advocate constantly finding reasons why it won't work or last. Such an easy thing to do, for most of us, to start thinking about how many things could go wrong, and why it's likely to fail and leave you in a heap yet again.
Best and most important thing to do, is to appreciate the connection, seeing it as an opportunity to try out some new behaviors, new coping skills, new mindsets of healthy self esteem and humility, and just be happy to live in the moment enjoying whatever this person brings with them. God knows we all need and deserve happy, healthy, delightful relationships, where we can just relax and be ourselves, and enjoy life. So just relax and let things fall into place. We don't have to know all the answers about what happens next, because we just don't have that gift. But we can for sure appreciate where we are at any given moment especially with new connections.
