Do you ever find yourself more interested in talking than listening? I believe this is a true epidemic in our society. For most of us believe that what we know is much more important than what someone else might know.....or our way of thinking or doing things is much more practical and progressive than the next person. What is wrong with believing, even if just for a few moments, that the next person you come across has a world of information if you bothered to ask them.....or bothered to just sit and listen? Really nothing actually, and in fact life is so much easier if you learn to take this position.....for it's effortless.
I used to think that it was my job as a coach to talk, guide, and direct in order to motivate a person to change their behavior or direction. But I found it was more about actively listening to them. There is something very profound that happens when a person is allowed to hear their own voice. They're most often able to find their own way without me saying much of anything. This of course can happen everyday with no need of professional training..........it just requires one thing. Listening instead of talking.
Now how does one actually go about learning to do this? Well, it's not all that difficult, but it does require a change of thinking about yourself. If you want to learn more on a particular subject, you would be more likely to read about it, right? Same in this instance. In order to learn more about a person, the more you need to listen, without thinking that you already have the answer, because most of the time.....you don't. You just think you do.
After all, each one of us is coming from a different place. We grew up differently, we had different parents, siblings, surroundings, circumstances.......all completely different. In fact most of our mindsets as adults stem from what we experienced as a child. And no matter what you were taught, does not automatically mean it was right and what everyone else was taught was wrong. You're just going to have varying degrees of love, conditioning, habits, mindsets, disciplining....etc.
Many of us were lacking in some areas in our growing up years, in love, approval, affection, attention, encouragement or acceptance.....and spend the rest of our lives in search of those things....often placing expectations on those around us, which we have no right to do. It was just unfortunate that those values were not placed there as a child. On the other hand, there are those of us who were taught we could do no wrong, to strive, succeed, and to push our way to the top no matter what or who got in our way. And if anything did, we had this embred sense of righteous indignation that would get us through this life. You get your way or die.
I'm aware that I've only discussed the extremes here, though much could be gained from investigating the middle ground. There are in fact individuals who were taught a balanced way of being. They were taught to love, to encourage others, to show compassion, to understand, to build others up instead of tearing them down, to not constantly question why, and to most importantly.......offer unconditional regard and acceptance. Course you might be thinking that these are things that can only be learned along the way.....and you may be right.
I believe that after a while, you eventually find what was missing from your childhood.....and learn to sift through, taking away only those things that sit well in your gut. All of us know the difference between right and wrong, and if we can stop long enough to find any sort of self awareness and change those things about ourselves that we know contribute nothing positive, then we have in fact started down the road to what it means to change the world.
So today....I will listen instead of directing.....I will listen instead of fixing....I will listen because I believe someone has something interesting and enlightening to say or contribute to my life.....I will listen because someone is experiencing something that needs to be shared....I will listen because someone is in pain...I will listen because someone is lost..........in essence.......I will just listen.
