No....I'm not talking about withholding taxes here, but more in the vein of withholding thoughts and feelings towards something or someone. Webster, by now you realize, has become a most important colleague of mine, states simply the meaning of withholding. To hold back; keep back ;or restrain. Now when you read that, it implies that it's something that you yourself are in control of.......simply keeping something for yourself, and not allowing someone else access to that something. And again for my particular purposes here, I'm going to remain in that vein of feelings.
Now it's not as important here as to what sort of feelings you're withholding from someone, but why you've chosen to withhold them. There could be many reasons, such as fear, anger, resentment, bitterness, or my own personal favorite reason........punishment. Yes indeedy....punishment. Something we can't imagine we could inflict on anyone besides a gentle prodding of a child to do right, and we'll leave capital punishment up to the courts. Let's stick with recognizing how sometimes we withhold feelings from those that we are closest to, because we believe we have been wronged by that person in some way.
In this sense, the withholding stems from unresolved feelings that have not been expressed......and we've simply chosen to hang onto them thinking that the person we're withholding from, will be punished in someway. We're hoping or thinking that they won't notice, or realize we are punishing them......but after a while, they will discover your game. And I'm not talking about bad people here, but most often the ones who we see as well intended, and would never think badly or inflict any sort of pain onto someone else. Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this.......but that is usually the case. However, there is a flipside to this, that may help you understand instead of being appalled.
Keep in mind that most often, the person who is withholding, is not aware of this. I know, you're asking yourself how absurd is that? But just stick with me here, and we'll try to find some clarity. The case most often, is the person who is withholding, is not aware that's what they're doing, because the hurt inside is so deep and imbedded. If you choose not to deal with those feelings that pop up and eat at your gut, they will manifest themselves in some other way. It's almost a safety valve for your heart. You've set it up in hopes that it will protect you from being hurt, sad, devastated...etc. And if something flips that valve, the damn will break, and you will never recover from the hurt and pain of what was experienced. Make sense?
All pretty deep stuff when you think about it, but ultimately it causes or inflicts pain on those you love the most. Your craftiness usually ends up not only hurting those around you.......but most significantly hurting yourself. It keeps you from fully experiencing life, love, and how God intended us to be on this earth. Remember now, it was never promised that we were put here to be perfect, or that we would never suffer pain, no matter the form. We were put here to love and be loved, period. Not to seek or demand perfection in others, but to love them for who they are.....because honestly, they are a part of us. They were put here for the same reasons you were, and are entitled to experience those good things that were promised.
You cannot fully and completely love someone if you are either choosing to withhold, or are just now realizing that's what you're doing. It's so easy to walk around this life pointing the finger, judging others for things that most often you are guilty of yourself. Or judging for something they may have done or said, that they aren't even aware of.........again.......none of us are perfect.
With all this being said, please take time to check your gut and see if there is something deep that you need to let out. If you don't express it, how will anyone know, for we weren't given the gift to read minds. Ask yourself this question. What would it feel like if someone you loved was withholding something from you? It would not feel like love right? It would feel like punishment. That someone you love is punishing you for something, and you don't even know what it is. How cruel is that.....and more importantly, what can be gained? For if you think that withholding or punishing someone will protect your heart.........think again.
So you can withhold, punish, whatever you want to call it, but most often you're the one that will end up suffering, because you have chosen to focus on your hurt, instead of what God intended .......peace, love, joy, contentment, and compassion for those around us. I would rather my heart be broken and allowed to heal, instead of pretending it had never been broken at all.
