Probably one of the hardest things to do in this life, so let's take it apart and see if we can defuse the fear and anxiety that learning to forgive brings. Forgive: to overlook; to cancel; stop being angry. You notice here, the definition says nothing about what the circumstances are, or reason why you need to forgive, it simply defines the word. But of course you already know we can't just leave it at that. We all really understand to a degree what it means, but understanding the meaning and actually doing it are two totally different things.
So let's start from scratch here, realizing that most of us have someone, at some point, that did or said something, that we just cannot get past, or more appropriately, forgive. And of course there will be varying degrees of what was done, but for me it doesn't matter what was done......what matters is, figuring out a way to forgive. One thing to keep in mind, is that when you don't forgive, it really ends up hurting you more than anyone else. We think our decision to not forgive punishes, hurts, or convicts the other peron, when most often it allows something to settle in your own gut thats hard to live with. Unforgiveness steals your ability to have peace and joy in your life, because you've chosen to punish someone.
The root of unforgiveness stems from expectations we put on ourselves, and others. Oh yes.......there is plenty of room here for the inability to forgive ourselves. But no matter, someone said or did something that we believe was not right, uncalled for, beyond understanding, and by rights, should be punished. The problem with this thinking is, we expect ourselves, as well as others, to be perfect......and I'm sorry to tell you this, but we are all far from being perfect, and never will be. Because of that, we will always be in a situation where we will either disappoint or be disappointed ourselves.......there's no way to get around it. I wish I could tell you differently......but I can't. People (including ourselves) will continue to do and say things that are not right, and stuff is going to happen beyond our control, where in the end we are hurt, betrayed, lied to, cheated on, disappointed....etc. I wish I could stop there....but the list does go on.
This is a fallen world, and we are capable of many things.........some things not so appalling, some that are beyond appalling, let's face it, we see it on the news everyday. And remember, every once in a while you will see speckled amongst those people who have been severely wronged, one person who has chosen to forgive the most incredible act. I sit there wondering how on earth could they do that? Are they insane, in shock? No. They realize that stuff happens like that all the time, and there is no rhyme or reason at all, nothing to try and figure out, it just IS. They remember, there is no law that says bad things will not happen to them. There was no stamp or sticker slapped on their back that gives them a pass go ticket, where no pain, sorrow, suffering or devastation will touch them.
I know, rude awakening.....and if I had the power I would give all those I know and love a sticker that kept them from all the hurt and pain in the world. But I cannot. The only thing I can do, is to help someone recognize their own shortcomings, their own not so perfect behaviors, comments, actions...etc....so that they can see there is no room for judging others for theirs. There is however room for love and acceptance. Doesn't mean you have to like a person, or keep them in your life, especially if what they are doing is very damaging to you. It only means that you will remember that "stuff" happens, and there are people who do bad things........no matter the degree. Some doing things they're not even aware of........or in a situation or place in their life where they will never be able to change what they're doing.
So as you can see, your inability to forgive someone, is more about you, instead of what they did or said to you. You're the one that will carry the hurt and the bad feelings around, so much so that it will get in your way of being able to truly love, have peace, enjoy your life, or love others fully and completely.
Look deeply into your own heart, and see if there is someone, somewhere, that you need to forgive. For you might think that you have it tucked away so no one can see, but think again. Your behavior, actions, and stance in life will speak volumes, without you even knowing it. Someone in your life, most often someone you would rather not hurt, will either pick up on, or be affected by your inability to forgive........and will not feel safe in handing their heart over to you for safe keeping.
Just remember, if you choose to forgive, those around you will follow suit. What an awesome wave to start.
