I don't know which is more damaging to the human spirit.......expectations we put on others, or the ones we place on ourselves. I do believe however, the reason why we put so many expectations on others, is because we are in fact falling short of living up to our own. Seems a bit twisted, but either way this is about seeking perfection, which unfortunately will never happen. We can strive to do the right thing, so we can at least go to bed at night without a guilty conscience, but even that will not be awarded the prize of perfection. When I see people seeking some level of perfection......to the point that it starts affecting them in a negative way, I often ask them "who" is keeping score? It's as if they feel someone standing behind them daily with a check list, making note of when they fail to live up to par. Of course again, my question is, who are "they?"
Does it have something to do with how much money you have, how many titles you have behind your name, or if you have been recognized in the community as being the best at something? Does it have to do with constantly comparing ourselves with others, who seem to have "made it", or rather appeared to have made it? They appeared to have accomplished something that you believe was on your list of goals, or that looks good and you decided that you must have that for yourself. Of course you see what happens after a while. It becomes all about you, and what you are doing, as opposed to doing something to benefit others, and in the process, brings with it the feelings of accomplishment. There is a big difference if you really take the time to figure it out.
I know this because years ago, when I decided I wanted to be in the helping profession, from that point on it was all about me. All about the title I would get behind my name, the recognition for the career I had chosen, being respected in the community, and of course most importantly, how much money I would make. In other words, self was more important than those that I might be helping along the way...... expectations I had put on myself, because I saw something that someone else had that I wanted very badly. Unfortunately, as I was on my journey to fulfilling those most important goals I had set for myself, I ran myself into a ditch, so in fact had to start thinking differently about myself, those around me, and what I could actually do with my body exactly the way it was. Needless to say, I continued to have those expectations for myself, and the more I tried to force my body to accomplish those original goals........the worse I got. Something had to give.
After a while, I realized that no matter how badly I wanted those things, I was not going to get them, so I had to start to change my way of thinking about myself, and what it was I was trying to do in this life. So the expectations had to change.....not some......but drastically. I had to realize there was actually no one behind me keeping score, nor was it appropriate to question why someone out there was accomplishing my goals in the way I had planned. I realized just by me wanting what they had, was no different than a child being jealous of another child that just rode by on the bike they wanted for themselves, going home and asking why they can't have it, and how much they wanted it. Having those feelings of not being good enough, or loved enough, or what they were doing wrong to keep their parents from giving them the new bike. After all, the new bike would make them look good. Other children would envy them, and that was a good feeling for them. It would mean their parents had a lot of money, that they were more loved, or that they deserved it because they lived up to their parents expectations.
Again.......it becomes all about the child. Of course when you're a child, you don't fully realize what you're doing, and what would hopefully be learned is, you are loved by your parents no matter what, and that you might not have a new bike of your own, but it doesn't mean that you might not get one a bit later, so the child learns patience. Or you learn to appreciate your old bike and feel lucky, because there are children who don't have a bike at all. Or that it's not a good idea to envy what others have because if you can't get it, you will be overwhelmed with any future disappointments in life.
Now obviously this was not supposed to be about a new bike, but I think it was a good way in which to make a good point. I believe we wear ourselves out with expectations, of which some will never be met of ourselves or for others.......and more importantly, there is a chance of continuing to be dissatisfied with your life if you constantly compare yourself with those around you. Whatever they have or no matter how they got it has nothing to do with your life and what you were meant to have......keeping in mind that the person you might be trying to mimic doesn't necessarily have their intent, motive, or heart in the right place.......they just happen to have the "stuff" that looks good to you.
