Are you too easily sucked into someone else's life, finding yourself always saying yes just to satisfy their whim? I'm not quite sure why some of us have the tendency to do this, but apparently it's pretty easy to do, and widespread at that. Of course I realize there is a give and take in any relationship, but when you feel like you have completely set aside your wants, needs, and desires for those of another, you might want to take caution. I think it's wonderful that there are givers in this world, but when you lose your life and what is important to you, to a taker......beware. I can say this only because I've done it myself more times than not.
I've often questioned myself.......why do you so easily lose yourself in this person? Have you lost a sense of balance, just for the sake of having someone in your life? Is there anything left of me? Is there anything wrong with the things I have come to enjoy in my life or any reason why I shouldn't keep doing them? Why do I allow someone else to decide how I will spend my time? Why do I let my life become more about what this person needs as opposed to what I might need?
Now granted, there is much truth and validity, and much to be gained for wanting someone else's happiness to be important, but I also believe there must be balance......or there WILL be guaranteed resentment on someone's part, no doubt. So what are some of the warning signs that you are in fact being sucked into living someone else's life and saving little for yourself?
Pay close attention to what happens to you internally when you say yes instead of no to something your partner wants to do. Pay attention to how often you end up doing what they want to do as opposed to something you want to do, no matter what it is. At the end of a week, see how many things were about you, and how many things were about them. Keeping in mind this is not necessarily about dumping someone, but more about recognizing how much of you is being lost, and how much the other person is getting exactly what they want, when they want it........and of course hopefully finding balance before it gets out of hand.
There is of course an element of why you allow your life to be consumed by another. If it's a case of being so much in love with this person that it feels perfectly natural to give in to their every whim, and there is no internal struggle going on, that's fine. But, if it's costing you your ability to be yourself and truly enjoy the things that are important or fun to you, then something needs to change. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a giver, or for people to get what they want or need in this life, but not at the cost of another.
There are many reasons why people seem to think they should get everything they want, how they want it and when they want it. They either were raised that way, and actually were successful at getting what they wanted, or the extreme.......they never got anything and are determined to get their needs met from you. Doesn't really matter, it's not your responsibility to satisfy every single need and desire they have, while letting go of your own.
Reasonable seems to be the most appropriate word here and my trusty Webster defines this as sensible and just. Being sensible and just to me implies there is balance. If there is balance, that means there are two of something vying for position. So when you have two people here trying to make sure that their needs and desires are being met, there has to be an understanding of those needs, and a way in which both can be satisfied.
Just keep in mind, this blog is not only about the ones who give too much getting little in return, but it's also about the takers who only focus on what they want in this life. Take time today to see where you fall.
