I wonder why people are so afraid of change. They see that something is not quite right, but surely whatever it is could not be caused by themselves. For it's so much easier to be irritated about something or someone, and immediately point the finger outwards instead of inward. Righteous indignation is something I believe we are born with, but I do see that some go a bit overboard with the theory that their peace and happiness would surely show up if "that" person or "that" situation would change. They are after all nearly perfect and well intended, so why do they need to change?
I can only say this because I've been in that particular seat myself , so easily distracted by what someone is not providing in the way of my own personal gain of happiness and contentment. It never occurred to me that those are things that are found by searching your own gut and soul, as opposed to the outside world going through a transformation that we feel is badly needed. After all, isn't it "their" responsibility to make my world a better place in which to live? How could I ever possibly be happy if those things don't change to suit me and the world doesn't begin to act in a way that is pleasing to me?
Now I'm sorry, but when I scroll up and reread what was just written, I only see someone that is focused on self, which thank God I finally realized through the years it brought nothing but unhappiness and discontent. It seemed to be more important to me to make sure that people stayed in line with what I thought was right and appropriate instead of learning that every single person on this earth is different for a reason. God made us that way because it would be pleasing to Him, not because He thought it would be entertaining to watch me lose my mind trying to make everyone like me.
We are all coming from a different place. A different situation, family, and environment as children, so it stands to reason we will all be coming to the table as adults with different ideas, motivations and a sense of what is right and wrong. So why would I or anyone else be so appalled with a person's behavior, when it doesn't fall under what we ourselves have experienced through our lifetime, or what we have come to believe falls under right or wrong? I wonder quite often if those things that we stand in judgement of in others, is not something that we are actually afraid of displaying ourselves.........and maybe that's where change can actually take place within us all.
I have tried something myself lately, that has helped me be more understanding and tolerant of others, which as you will see, required the one thing we all run away from.....change. The moment I see something that seems odd to me, whether it's someone's behavior, way of speaking, attitude or stance in life, and start playing that judgemental tape in my head of........they are wrong, how can they do that or say that, or don't they see my way is better or right........I immediately pretend I am catching my reflection in the mirror, where it doesn't become about that person, but about me. Now I'm sure by now, you've either walked away from this, or either built up your righteous indignation professing to be far off from my theory of change......but just stick with me here for a moment. I assure you it's not as painful as you might think, and could actually help you find a level of peace and contentment you never thought possible. And of course more importantly you won't feel like you fall under the wuss or martyr category in order to have it.
You have noticed lately that people are changing their light bulbs to those new long lasting energy saving light bulbs, which as hard as it was for me to conform to......I did actually buy them and start using them. They put off a different sort of light that I didn't particularly care for, but if it saved me money and lasted longer, I would give into them. Now keep in mind, I truly understand that changing light bulbs is a lot easier than our thoughts or behaviors that have been ingrained in us for many years, but if it saves you from the energy that it takes to hang onto a righteous indignation attitude, and pointing the finger, wouldn't you want to at least try it on for size?
Change is hard, I will completely admit to that, especially if we're talking about change within the self, and it takes either a person who is completely fed up with their life the way it is, or someone who was forced to change because they had no choice due to an illness. No matter the case, it's still something we fight tooth and nail, and I didn't realize how hard I fought change of many things until I myself was faced with an illness. My focus of what was wrong with the outside world and those who lived in it, only made my physical symptoms worse, not better. So something had to give. I could physically feel it when I would even attempt to point my finger in someone's direction, and had to, after much work, realize that it in fact took more energy for me to get upset about the outside, than to change something about myself on the inside.
It's not important that we all understand what goes on in those judgemental tapes we have hidden in our minds, we all really know what our "stuff" is.....and we either like what we see or we don't......and honestly I believe we all truly understand that it's not about the outside world changing to suit us, but about how much work it will take for us to see things differently. For it's not really about me always being perfectly content and happy with the world, but learning to accept it sometimes just the way it is, and the people that we come across each day.
So if you find yourself constantly searching for peace and happiness from those people and circumstances around you and not being satisfied, you might as well shoot for something that might very well work.........change of "self."
