Do you remember the last time you had expectations that a situation would turn out a certain way, only to be sad and disappointed you didn't get want you wanted in the end? Ah yes....I know that feeling well.....but determined, to not only learn to understand why I have expectations ......but what to do when quite often there's not a favorable outcome.
Obviously, expectations are plans....well thought out plans in our heads of how we visualize something happening in our lives. Course it goes without saying, that what we visualize is something good......not something that will cause pain and suffering, loss or sadness of any kind. Most often expectations involve an overwhelming sense of hope. Hope that something is apt to change, shift and be transformed for your good. But. Surely you were "expecting" that word to show up right?
But.....very often, those well thought out plans, where we visualize only happiness, joy, peace, contentment.....etc.......slip through our fingers in a blink of an eye....with sometimes no warning at all. You woke up......and it hits you right between the eyes. You find yourself curled up on the floor in the corner of your bedroom in the dark, hoping that it was just a dream......but then reality sets in, and you see things clearly did not work out as you had expected them to.
You had this very particular picture in your mind....most likely for years about how things would be, what you would be doing, how you would look, feel, who you would be with, how you would spend your time, what your work would be, how your house would look.........etc......sometimes right down to very minute details, like what color your kitchen would be, or how a relationship would go. Our minds obviously good for making nice, peaceful and happy pictures, but never making room for the unfortunate things that might happen. Things like losing a job, someone walking out on you, losing your house, or getting diagnosed with a chronic illness. Those things you never want to ponder, because they only imply pain and suffering.......nothing good.
So...as you read this, were you in the midst of expecting good things to come, and they did.....or were you in the midst of expecting good things to come, and you're stuck in the corner on the floor in the dark? Well, if you are in fact experiencing the latter, no worries.....I have no intentions of trying to pull you out of your corner right at this moment. I'm hoping you might be able to do that on your own at some point, but for right now......hopefully it will help if you just have a witness. I think when we're in that bad a shape, we don't want to move for a while.....we just want someone to notice that we're there. That somehow we see you....we see the pain...we see the suffering and the loss.........we simply see. I may throw you a blanket to keep you warm, give you some hot tea and a pillow.....turn the little nite light on....a quick smile.......but then I'll let you sit in the quiet for a bit. I'm not far away. I'll just keep watch for now.
More later.
