This is something that happens for me right before Halloween arrives........how do I want to handle the holidays, which I keep promising myself that at some point I will make a decision about and stick with it, but as I can see by my choice of subjects to blog about, that another year has rolled by and it's at the forefront ready and waiting for some plan of attack. Sadly there is one word that stands out already........handle. Handle for me means you have to exert a level of effort to deal with an unpleasant situation, which when you put it and Thanksgiving together it completely takes away any feel good that the day is supposed to bring. So what is it about the holidays that turns into something that has to be endured, and what can we do to eliminate it quickly?
First of all, the holidays for me start right as the pumpkins show up, and ends the day after new years, and though there are many things I adore about them, there is still a bit of sadness that goes along with them. Maybe it's because they bring up memories as far back as your childhood, that can run from precious and loving, to sad and disappointing. Of course the good ones are no problem, for it gives you a sense of excitement of rekindling memories, and hopefully making new ones for you and your family. However, if there were bad ones, you start trying to figure out in your mind all the ways you must try to not allow them to interrupt your present holidays with your family. So in comes the endurance of trying to guard yourself, caretake those who you would rather not have to handle during your gatherings, while watching the whole meaning of the holidays fly right out the window. So what is the answer this year? What needs to change in my mind so that I can feel more at ease, grateful and excited to get into the holiday spirit, and be able to pass that on to the rest of my family?
OK......so first thing......let go of past memories that were not so pleasant, and go in search of those things that were right about them. It can be anything as small as a favorite cookie that your mom made, to making paper chains for the tree with the kids, to the family taking a walk in the woods after the big meal. Anything that overpowers the unpleasant things that may have happened. I think one thing that we all do is to get caught up in expectations of what we think the holidays should look and feel like, and how others should act so that it fits our plans. So there is another word we can eliminate.......should. So, the jest here is, throwing out what we think is appropriate, to offer something that's easier, not so rigidly planned, and allows others to contribute in some way what might be meaningful or important to them as far as the holidays.
Thanksgiving you see has two words. Thanks....which we all know how to give thanks for all we have....but the other word sort of gets lost for some reason, and honestly is probably the most important part of the word. Giving........the outward gesture of something well meaning and good....kind and selfless....other focused.......which means we become more concerned about offering something to someone else because we care and love them. So is it more important to me that I get my way on Thanksgiving, because of tradition, and expect or demand that my meal has to be on the day, or can I be a little more flexible and recognize that my grown children have their own families now, and other relatives that are all wanting to keep their own traditions, and I don't care to see them spread themselves thin?
In other words.....what would happen if we decide to step aside and let others have their way? Or notice that we all have tradition we would like to keep, and think we should be able to keep, but offering a gift of allowing then to keep those traditions, while at the same time, finding new ways to experience the holidays that are more open, gentle, other focused and relaxed within your own home? What an amazing gift that would be to just let go of trying to handle the holidays, and simply embrace what they actually mean, and make some simple changes that would be noticed and appreciated.
So Thanksgiving is around the corner........what will you do to make this a "different" day for you and your family? For me.......I would really like to throw out the word endure and enjoy the holidays......simply, honestly, lovingly, generously, and with a giving spirit. I might not know exactly what that means right at this moment, but I'm on the lookout for it..........how about you?
