Keep in mind this is not about perfection, for no matter how hard you try, you will never reach that position in life. We were perfectly made, but not made to be perfect, if that makes any sense at all. And the moment you realize that your struggle in life has been about reaching that point where all the stars line up perfectly, you have all the money you need, the complete recognition and respect of those around you, the perfect marriage, children, and nothing bad can ever happen to you again, and still no peace comes.......then you will realize how off balance your focus has been.
I think this is why people die with regret, or fear dying with regret. It's not so much about why you are dying, or that you are dying, as much as it is about what you spent your life worrying about and missed out on the most while you had the chance. And of course at these moments, you can't do anything but feel sorry....sorry for yourself, sorry for those you leave behind, sorry for taking advantage of all the good things that you had while you were living.....just sorry. What a very sad place to be. A place I would rather not be honestly.
So....with all this being said, and letting go of the truth about reaching perfection, or not reaching it rather, how do we learn how to die to self in a healthy way, where we can honestly find a position of humility, a sense of otherness, and a spirit of giving as opposed to getting what we want? Actually, as the saying goes, the most important aspect of change, is recognizing that the desire to change is there. Like waking up to realize where you left something months ago, and now can head straight to it. You had forgotten that you had even lost it, so it has more importance or meaning to you now.
The first thing for me was to actually realize that we were all perfectly made...period. My own personal position is that God doesn't make mistakes.....but once we hit the earth, and were given free will, it's up to us as to how much we want to depend on him to guide the way. We can even start off that way as a child, but I think the power of free will is so very strong, that we can't resist doing things our way.......no matter the end result. Now if I realize we all came into the world this way, right up front it allows me to fall back into a position of humility. I am no better or worse than the next person......we are simply the same. There is no need for me to feel less than or more than anyone. It's actually quite comforting to realize this, because there is no need to compete for position, we all have within us qualities that are genuinely important and necessary in this life. If you look at all the jobs that are covered on the earth, it makes you realize there is actually a person that takes care of each position, whether you're a banker, or a trash collector. There are millions of jobs that have to be done just to keep the world going, and magically someone shows up for each one. Pretty cool, right?
So, even if I am not able to do anything but write this blog, be there for those around me in some way, offer a sense of peace, joy and acceptance when I'm out and about.......I am in fact filling a position in life. May not seem like much to the next person, but what I do I take very seriously, and wake up each day asking myself, how can I be of service, even with my own personal limitations. I don't ask, now what I can get today......but what can I give. And maybe that's the place to start. Seemingly so very simple, but yet so very powerful at the same time. After all, dying to self doesn't have to be rocket science, it's really just about that........changing our thoughts from taking to giving, from receiving to offering, from grasping to gentleness, from resentment to loving, from unforgiveness to mercy.........well the list goes one. We could all make up our own list of what we wake up to each morning and what we push to understand or realize. What difference would it make if you decided to go from pushing to a more gentler way of being?
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Monday, November 9, 2015
Dying to Self
One of THE hardest things to learn in life, is how to die to self. What do I mean by that? Why on earth would someone want the self to die? After all, am I not here on this earth to get what I want, when I want it, and how I want it? Everyone around me gets what they want, so I should be entitled as well, right? All seemingly good questions that deserve good answers, but still is it a good enough reason to follow this path of dying to self? I suppose the biggest question is, what am I'm going to have to give up in order to actually die to self, without being sure what will be gained in the interim?
Actually, I thought the same thing when I first read this term. It didn't sound like an easy thing to do, and if there was no gain, I wasn't sure I was so interested in trying. However, the more I read, and actually tried it out, the more I understood what it really meant, and how it could change my life for the better. After all, sticking with the status quo had not worked too well so far, so I was ready for something different. And it wasn't so much about what I didn't have, but more about how I wanted to experience my life while I'm here as far as peace of mind, contentment and happiness.
Dying to self has to do with letting go of our tight hold on our position in life, who we are, what we do, recognition, how much money we have, where we live, the people we know, and keeping that at the forefront more often than not. It's about striving for more instead of being content with less. And yes I know, no one likes to hear the word less when it comes to anything. After all, we work very hard to arrive at that perfect place we think will bring us all that we want in life, so it would seem counter productive to change my way of thinking at this point right? But what happens when you stay in that striving mode, pushing to get what you think you deserve, but in the midst of the struggle, you lose any real peace or contentment, or even satisfaction with who you are, how you feel, what you need to feel loved or valued, or even if you truly value yourself?
Dying to self can also be seen or felt by learning the meaning of humility. Here' Websters definition......humility: a modest view of one's own importance....meekness. So I guess a more clearer view or understanding of dying to self is more about allowing your "self" to fade to the background a bit, to get a better idea of how unimportant you are. After all, it's only right to realize that there are people around us who have more authority, status, reputation, rank....whatever the case may be, and that has to be OK. Just as we have more than others in a lower position. I suppose this is primarily about seeing yourself and others as equal......no one person is better than anyone else. They may higher position.....but that does not equal more valid in the bigger scheme of things.
So again, you ask, what is the point or what would be accomplished by this exercise? What I found is that that when I seek humility, or die to the self, if allows me to be more accepting, compassionate and gentle towards others, no matter their position, especially when their position attitude wise is different than mine, which is often more challenging than a class or work position. And, I find that the more accepting i am of others, then the easier and more gentle my life becomes, which is ultimately my own personal goal at this point in my life. Of course I think that anyone can adopt this attitude, young or old....doesn't matter. I honestly wish I had heard of and understood this position more clearly when I was younger, for it would have made my life a lot easier in the long run. But we all learn things in our own timing......and I can for sure still put it to good use.
More on dying to self tomorrow.
Actually, I thought the same thing when I first read this term. It didn't sound like an easy thing to do, and if there was no gain, I wasn't sure I was so interested in trying. However, the more I read, and actually tried it out, the more I understood what it really meant, and how it could change my life for the better. After all, sticking with the status quo had not worked too well so far, so I was ready for something different. And it wasn't so much about what I didn't have, but more about how I wanted to experience my life while I'm here as far as peace of mind, contentment and happiness.
Dying to self has to do with letting go of our tight hold on our position in life, who we are, what we do, recognition, how much money we have, where we live, the people we know, and keeping that at the forefront more often than not. It's about striving for more instead of being content with less. And yes I know, no one likes to hear the word less when it comes to anything. After all, we work very hard to arrive at that perfect place we think will bring us all that we want in life, so it would seem counter productive to change my way of thinking at this point right? But what happens when you stay in that striving mode, pushing to get what you think you deserve, but in the midst of the struggle, you lose any real peace or contentment, or even satisfaction with who you are, how you feel, what you need to feel loved or valued, or even if you truly value yourself?
Dying to self can also be seen or felt by learning the meaning of humility. Here' Websters definition......humility: a modest view of one's own importance....meekness. So I guess a more clearer view or understanding of dying to self is more about allowing your "self" to fade to the background a bit, to get a better idea of how unimportant you are. After all, it's only right to realize that there are people around us who have more authority, status, reputation, rank....whatever the case may be, and that has to be OK. Just as we have more than others in a lower position. I suppose this is primarily about seeing yourself and others as equal......no one person is better than anyone else. They may higher position.....but that does not equal more valid in the bigger scheme of things.
So again, you ask, what is the point or what would be accomplished by this exercise? What I found is that that when I seek humility, or die to the self, if allows me to be more accepting, compassionate and gentle towards others, no matter their position, especially when their position attitude wise is different than mine, which is often more challenging than a class or work position. And, I find that the more accepting i am of others, then the easier and more gentle my life becomes, which is ultimately my own personal goal at this point in my life. Of course I think that anyone can adopt this attitude, young or old....doesn't matter. I honestly wish I had heard of and understood this position more clearly when I was younger, for it would have made my life a lot easier in the long run. But we all learn things in our own timing......and I can for sure still put it to good use.
More on dying to self tomorrow.
Saturday, November 7, 2015
Today I Choose Happiness
We all wake up each morning and within minutes, our minds are off and running for the day, so why not choose to start off the day with a big dose of happiness. Of course I realize you've immediately come up with reasons why there is no way possible to do this.......because. I'm sure we could all come up with a list of whys, with varying degrees of physical pain and suffering, loss of a loved one, fear of losing a job or relationship, loss of income, losing your home..........the list goes on. But I think if you want to start the day off differently, with all the positive and good things that you have in your life, it is more than possible to wake up and choose happiness.
Maybe we don't feel like we can in good conscience experience happiness when something awful is going on, for it simply wouldn't make sense or be appropriate behavior, at least not to us, and for sure not for those around us. If we're miserable or in a bad way, then our countenance must show this clearly, right? We must let those around us know how much pain we are in so they can pity us, which is most likely the usual stance we feel we must take in order to make our pain be known. And this is not a deplorable condition, or one we should be embarrassed to confess to, it's just usually what happens. But again......what IF we realized that we could choose to be a different way? And if we could, why would we? Where is the gain is letting go of the usual, and trying something new?
Probably the most profound thing that happens when you step outside yourself and how you normally react to a situation, is that you get a new perspective not only for yourself, but for those around you. Now granted, there is nothing wrong with offering compassion or feeling compassion, but after that, its basically up to each of us to decide at some point how to move forward. In other words, we can either feel defeated, downtrodden and hopeless completely void of any happiness in life because of our "stuff" that weighs us down, or we can find ways to endure hardships in a different way, a more productive way, a more gentle way. After all, God knows, whatever the hardship is, we certainly get nowhere by beating ourselves up with guilt and expectations, but could most likely, at the least, feel better emotionally if we find something good in the midst of the rubble. And yes.....I have learned through the years there are in fact good things left behind when the bottom drops out.
We do this by this one simple word.......choose. And even if at this point you don't believe that such a little word can make a difference, I challenge you to at least try once and see what happens. Like distracting a child that just scratched their knee with an ice cream cone, turning a frown and sadness into a big smile, we can do the same, just by using that one simple word.....choose. Which means you are deciding ahead of time, before your mind has a chance to tell you how awful things are, to find some good things to focus on. And before you've decided there is really nothing you can find to feel positive about, and would rather make your list of the bad things, remember this. What you're about to try can and will not only help you, but will invariably help someone close to you as well......because you see when your bottom falls out, and the pain is too much to bear, someone else is watching this and how you behave or react to those things.
Why should I care about that, you think? Well, if you are completely and totally focused on yourself, then you will have already decided you have no need to wonder about something so abstract, or have any such desire to learn how to flip the switch and choose happiness. You haven't made the connection that if you choose happiness, then those around you will notice, and want to do the same, or at the least moved in some way to pass on. This is how love and happiness works in the world. You will not experience it unless you choose to feel it yourself, without any outside help or influence, and release it out towards those around you.
So for the next few days, as your body wakes up in the early hours, and starts to slip into that mode of how you're going to endure the day with all the bad things that are going on, immediately switch on your search engine and find at least a couple of things that you are thankful for.....happy about....look forward to seeing that day.......anything that brings happiness to the mind, body and soul. After all, we are the ones that are in charge of where our minds will go at any given time and place, so take advantage of that and choose happiness.
Maybe we don't feel like we can in good conscience experience happiness when something awful is going on, for it simply wouldn't make sense or be appropriate behavior, at least not to us, and for sure not for those around us. If we're miserable or in a bad way, then our countenance must show this clearly, right? We must let those around us know how much pain we are in so they can pity us, which is most likely the usual stance we feel we must take in order to make our pain be known. And this is not a deplorable condition, or one we should be embarrassed to confess to, it's just usually what happens. But again......what IF we realized that we could choose to be a different way? And if we could, why would we? Where is the gain is letting go of the usual, and trying something new?
Probably the most profound thing that happens when you step outside yourself and how you normally react to a situation, is that you get a new perspective not only for yourself, but for those around you. Now granted, there is nothing wrong with offering compassion or feeling compassion, but after that, its basically up to each of us to decide at some point how to move forward. In other words, we can either feel defeated, downtrodden and hopeless completely void of any happiness in life because of our "stuff" that weighs us down, or we can find ways to endure hardships in a different way, a more productive way, a more gentle way. After all, God knows, whatever the hardship is, we certainly get nowhere by beating ourselves up with guilt and expectations, but could most likely, at the least, feel better emotionally if we find something good in the midst of the rubble. And yes.....I have learned through the years there are in fact good things left behind when the bottom drops out.
We do this by this one simple word.......choose. And even if at this point you don't believe that such a little word can make a difference, I challenge you to at least try once and see what happens. Like distracting a child that just scratched their knee with an ice cream cone, turning a frown and sadness into a big smile, we can do the same, just by using that one simple word.....choose. Which means you are deciding ahead of time, before your mind has a chance to tell you how awful things are, to find some good things to focus on. And before you've decided there is really nothing you can find to feel positive about, and would rather make your list of the bad things, remember this. What you're about to try can and will not only help you, but will invariably help someone close to you as well......because you see when your bottom falls out, and the pain is too much to bear, someone else is watching this and how you behave or react to those things.
Why should I care about that, you think? Well, if you are completely and totally focused on yourself, then you will have already decided you have no need to wonder about something so abstract, or have any such desire to learn how to flip the switch and choose happiness. You haven't made the connection that if you choose happiness, then those around you will notice, and want to do the same, or at the least moved in some way to pass on. This is how love and happiness works in the world. You will not experience it unless you choose to feel it yourself, without any outside help or influence, and release it out towards those around you.
So for the next few days, as your body wakes up in the early hours, and starts to slip into that mode of how you're going to endure the day with all the bad things that are going on, immediately switch on your search engine and find at least a couple of things that you are thankful for.....happy about....look forward to seeing that day.......anything that brings happiness to the mind, body and soul. After all, we are the ones that are in charge of where our minds will go at any given time and place, so take advantage of that and choose happiness.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
A Different Thanksgiving
This is something that happens for me right before Halloween arrives........how do I want to handle the holidays, which I keep promising myself that at some point I will make a decision about and stick with it, but as I can see by my choice of subjects to blog about, that another year has rolled by and it's at the forefront ready and waiting for some plan of attack. Sadly there is one word that stands out already........handle. Handle for me means you have to exert a level of effort to deal with an unpleasant situation, which when you put it and Thanksgiving together it completely takes away any feel good that the day is supposed to bring. So what is it about the holidays that turns into something that has to be endured, and what can we do to eliminate it quickly?
First of all, the holidays for me start right as the pumpkins show up, and ends the day after new years, and though there are many things I adore about them, there is still a bit of sadness that goes along with them. Maybe it's because they bring up memories as far back as your childhood, that can run from precious and loving, to sad and disappointing. Of course the good ones are no problem, for it gives you a sense of excitement of rekindling memories, and hopefully making new ones for you and your family. However, if there were bad ones, you start trying to figure out in your mind all the ways you must try to not allow them to interrupt your present holidays with your family. So in comes the endurance of trying to guard yourself, caretake those who you would rather not have to handle during your gatherings, while watching the whole meaning of the holidays fly right out the window. So what is the answer this year? What needs to change in my mind so that I can feel more at ease, grateful and excited to get into the holiday spirit, and be able to pass that on to the rest of my family?
OK......so first thing......let go of past memories that were not so pleasant, and go in search of those things that were right about them. It can be anything as small as a favorite cookie that your mom made, to making paper chains for the tree with the kids, to the family taking a walk in the woods after the big meal. Anything that overpowers the unpleasant things that may have happened. I think one thing that we all do is to get caught up in expectations of what we think the holidays should look and feel like, and how others should act so that it fits our plans. So there is another word we can eliminate.......should. So, the jest here is, throwing out what we think is appropriate, to offer something that's easier, not so rigidly planned, and allows others to contribute in some way what might be meaningful or important to them as far as the holidays.
Thanksgiving you see has two words. Thanks....which we all know how to give thanks for all we have....but the other word sort of gets lost for some reason, and honestly is probably the most important part of the word. Giving........the outward gesture of something well meaning and good....kind and selfless....other focused.......which means we become more concerned about offering something to someone else because we care and love them. So is it more important to me that I get my way on Thanksgiving, because of tradition, and expect or demand that my meal has to be on the day, or can I be a little more flexible and recognize that my grown children have their own families now, and other relatives that are all wanting to keep their own traditions, and I don't care to see them spread themselves thin?
In other words.....what would happen if we decide to step aside and let others have their way? Or notice that we all have tradition we would like to keep, and think we should be able to keep, but offering a gift of allowing then to keep those traditions, while at the same time, finding new ways to experience the holidays that are more open, gentle, other focused and relaxed within your own home? What an amazing gift that would be to just let go of trying to handle the holidays, and simply embrace what they actually mean, and make some simple changes that would be noticed and appreciated.
So Thanksgiving is around the corner........what will you do to make this a "different" day for you and your family? For me.......I would really like to throw out the word endure and enjoy the holidays......simply, honestly, lovingly, generously, and with a giving spirit. I might not know exactly what that means right at this moment, but I'm on the lookout for it..........how about you?
First of all, the holidays for me start right as the pumpkins show up, and ends the day after new years, and though there are many things I adore about them, there is still a bit of sadness that goes along with them. Maybe it's because they bring up memories as far back as your childhood, that can run from precious and loving, to sad and disappointing. Of course the good ones are no problem, for it gives you a sense of excitement of rekindling memories, and hopefully making new ones for you and your family. However, if there were bad ones, you start trying to figure out in your mind all the ways you must try to not allow them to interrupt your present holidays with your family. So in comes the endurance of trying to guard yourself, caretake those who you would rather not have to handle during your gatherings, while watching the whole meaning of the holidays fly right out the window. So what is the answer this year? What needs to change in my mind so that I can feel more at ease, grateful and excited to get into the holiday spirit, and be able to pass that on to the rest of my family?
OK......so first thing......let go of past memories that were not so pleasant, and go in search of those things that were right about them. It can be anything as small as a favorite cookie that your mom made, to making paper chains for the tree with the kids, to the family taking a walk in the woods after the big meal. Anything that overpowers the unpleasant things that may have happened. I think one thing that we all do is to get caught up in expectations of what we think the holidays should look and feel like, and how others should act so that it fits our plans. So there is another word we can eliminate.......should. So, the jest here is, throwing out what we think is appropriate, to offer something that's easier, not so rigidly planned, and allows others to contribute in some way what might be meaningful or important to them as far as the holidays.
Thanksgiving you see has two words. Thanks....which we all know how to give thanks for all we have....but the other word sort of gets lost for some reason, and honestly is probably the most important part of the word. Giving........the outward gesture of something well meaning and good....kind and selfless....other focused.......which means we become more concerned about offering something to someone else because we care and love them. So is it more important to me that I get my way on Thanksgiving, because of tradition, and expect or demand that my meal has to be on the day, or can I be a little more flexible and recognize that my grown children have their own families now, and other relatives that are all wanting to keep their own traditions, and I don't care to see them spread themselves thin?
In other words.....what would happen if we decide to step aside and let others have their way? Or notice that we all have tradition we would like to keep, and think we should be able to keep, but offering a gift of allowing then to keep those traditions, while at the same time, finding new ways to experience the holidays that are more open, gentle, other focused and relaxed within your own home? What an amazing gift that would be to just let go of trying to handle the holidays, and simply embrace what they actually mean, and make some simple changes that would be noticed and appreciated.
So Thanksgiving is around the corner........what will you do to make this a "different" day for you and your family? For me.......I would really like to throw out the word endure and enjoy the holidays......simply, honestly, lovingly, generously, and with a giving spirit. I might not know exactly what that means right at this moment, but I'm on the lookout for it..........how about you?
Monday, November 2, 2015
Finding Balance in a Multi-tasking World
How does one find balance in a world that has created a new word that for me makes my head spin......multi-tasking. I couldn't even find it in the dictionary, so I'm led to believe in a world that is so busy, someone had to invent a word that describes the craziness. Of course you realize that once a word is incorporated into our daily lives, and we see what it actually involves on a daily basis, we feel the need to jump in and take part in the craziness. Is this the way God intended our lives to be? My answer....absolutely not. He never planned for any of us to do so many things at one time that we are run ragged to the point of not being able to simply enjoy the moments that are so precious......or that we used to consider precious. Whatever we find to keep us busy has allowed us to push aside those moments in hopes of keeping up with whoever or whatever the world dictates, not what we really and truly want.
I don't believe we intentionally mean to push those people and things aside, it just happens in a blink of an eye, all with the excuse of needing more money. Well, the problem with that, is obvious to me. The more money you make, the more money you spend, until your life is a vicious circle, gaining ground just to quickly lose it. And it's very easy as well to start spending money you don't have on credit, then finding the need to work even more to pay for those things we really didn't need, we just wanted. We get focused on a particular lifestyle we want to lead, and it becomes more about hanging onto that lifestyle then actually living a life where we enjoy the simple things like peace, joy, contentment and time to spend with those we love and care about.
So how to get out of this mode of spinning is the real question. Honestly it's really about choice. We really choose how busy we want to be, and it's usually based on how much money we need to live a certain lifestyle. Some people want a lot of nice things and the freedom to go or do whatever they want, and some are content to work enough to live a very simple life with more time to relax and experience peace of mind.
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting nice things, or having money to travel or even participating in whatever sparks your interests, but what could possibly be wrong with throwing in a whole day, here and there, of simply having nothing planned. Filling up the day planner is the usual, with names, times, and places to be, but what if you were able to leave it blank on purpose, even choose in advance a day that you claim to be yours. No one is allowed to call you, stop by, or expect anything from you on this day, unless it involves blood or the hospital. And it doesn't matter what the outside world thinks about your plan, because it is in fact the reason why you must try this, to get away from the pace you have fallen into that the world has set up.
Even if you can't take that big of a step and use a whole day for yourself, you can learn to incorporate little snippets of time throughout your day where you simply stop and breathe, step outside a door, take your lunch to a park instead of being around the busy-ness, listen to something soothing on your phone or guided imagery on the computer. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to find something that is soothing to watch or listen to for just 20 minutes or so, to slow the mind down, practice your breathing, and let go of the stress that your day brings.
It's also important in the midst of this to set priorities each day. What is really important here today, that I race around with my child in the car going to yet another activity or outing, or offering a whole day to the child inside your home, to do whatever they would like to do....and then fully participate in the activity, whatever it may be. Hopefully finding new ways to connect with them without the phone sitting next to you, or the television on, just offering something a bit different. This is where the child learns how important it is to have downtime, away from all the chaos, to get your full attention, with no one in a hurry. A wonderful time to have conversations, to develop their ability to communicate their needs and how they feel about things in their little world.
So the next time you look at your calendar, and it's filled with black ink, ask yourself if it might be a good idea to leave one of those days completely blank, and then think about in advance how you would like to spend it away from all the chaos and multi-tasking that you really do have control over. We all know how to say no, and we all know what sort of life we would truly like to lead, where we would like to live, and who we want around us. Don't let the busy-ness of multi-tasking and chaos drowned out what you know is right....choose balance and a gentler life.
I don't believe we intentionally mean to push those people and things aside, it just happens in a blink of an eye, all with the excuse of needing more money. Well, the problem with that, is obvious to me. The more money you make, the more money you spend, until your life is a vicious circle, gaining ground just to quickly lose it. And it's very easy as well to start spending money you don't have on credit, then finding the need to work even more to pay for those things we really didn't need, we just wanted. We get focused on a particular lifestyle we want to lead, and it becomes more about hanging onto that lifestyle then actually living a life where we enjoy the simple things like peace, joy, contentment and time to spend with those we love and care about.
So how to get out of this mode of spinning is the real question. Honestly it's really about choice. We really choose how busy we want to be, and it's usually based on how much money we need to live a certain lifestyle. Some people want a lot of nice things and the freedom to go or do whatever they want, and some are content to work enough to live a very simple life with more time to relax and experience peace of mind.
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting nice things, or having money to travel or even participating in whatever sparks your interests, but what could possibly be wrong with throwing in a whole day, here and there, of simply having nothing planned. Filling up the day planner is the usual, with names, times, and places to be, but what if you were able to leave it blank on purpose, even choose in advance a day that you claim to be yours. No one is allowed to call you, stop by, or expect anything from you on this day, unless it involves blood or the hospital. And it doesn't matter what the outside world thinks about your plan, because it is in fact the reason why you must try this, to get away from the pace you have fallen into that the world has set up.
Even if you can't take that big of a step and use a whole day for yourself, you can learn to incorporate little snippets of time throughout your day where you simply stop and breathe, step outside a door, take your lunch to a park instead of being around the busy-ness, listen to something soothing on your phone or guided imagery on the computer. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to find something that is soothing to watch or listen to for just 20 minutes or so, to slow the mind down, practice your breathing, and let go of the stress that your day brings.
It's also important in the midst of this to set priorities each day. What is really important here today, that I race around with my child in the car going to yet another activity or outing, or offering a whole day to the child inside your home, to do whatever they would like to do....and then fully participate in the activity, whatever it may be. Hopefully finding new ways to connect with them without the phone sitting next to you, or the television on, just offering something a bit different. This is where the child learns how important it is to have downtime, away from all the chaos, to get your full attention, with no one in a hurry. A wonderful time to have conversations, to develop their ability to communicate their needs and how they feel about things in their little world.
So the next time you look at your calendar, and it's filled with black ink, ask yourself if it might be a good idea to leave one of those days completely blank, and then think about in advance how you would like to spend it away from all the chaos and multi-tasking that you really do have control over. We all know how to say no, and we all know what sort of life we would truly like to lead, where we would like to live, and who we want around us. Don't let the busy-ness of multi-tasking and chaos drowned out what you know is right....choose balance and a gentler life.
Saturday, October 24, 2015
In the Waiting Mode...part 2
Realizing how your waiting mode effects you physically gives you some important information about how to move forward and hopefully make changes on how you view your situation. Let's face it, there are many degrees of waiting for something, and how much time and effort it will take you to change your way of thinking about it.... meaning the time I am willing to spend in waiting to receive what I'm waiting for. There's is a big difference in waiting in line at the grocery store for someone to find their money, and waiting for a promotion or the right person to come into your life, or waiting for a long over due medical diagnosis. That's where keeping a journal is such a big help with charting your life and what you're in search of from time to time. Writing for me clarifies things, and makes them feel more valid and manageable somehow. Putting ink to paper transfers what is in my mind to something that is real, something I can hold in my hand, as well as something I can look back on and see progress that has hopefully been made.
It might help to choose one thing in the beginning that really bothers you, instead of trying to tackle a list of things or people who bother you. And it doesn't make any difference how deep seeded or important, or how frivolous it is, it's something that YOU have been waiting for. This is a very personal journey here, so it serves no purpose in minimizing what you want, need, or value in life. What I think is an important need or want could be completely different in how you see it, so this is not the time to compare that with another person. I think once we learn to respect each person for their lot in life, their styles, hopes, dream, ambitions, whatever the case may be, the gentler the world will become.
So......the trick with all of this, once we find out what we want, what we are waiting for, and how important it is to us, is to decide how we are going to behave while we're waiting. Yes, its as simple as that, though for some it may signify the need to change something within ourselves, which may seem monumental, but it doesn't have to be. And after all, it will work, so if you want to gain something valuable in the midst of your waiting, then listen up. It's not what we want, it's how we behave while we are waiting for what we want. Two completely different things in my book. As well, understanding that the outcome could likely be different if there is a change in attitude. If you knew that was possible, wouldn't you at least want to try it to see if it works......I surely would.
Here are three words that will ensure that you will have absolutely no peace while in the waiting mode, as well as learning nothing in the process. Discouraged, downcast and displeased. Discouraged because the wait has been too long and you're not confident you will receive anything, downcast in making sure those around you know how unhappy you are about it, and displeased, making sure that it's someone else's fault that you are having to wait or give up on what you want. So you can see how it's best to put an upswing to this waiting mode. Let's try encouraged, believing that if God means for you to have something, then you will have it, uplifted to show those around you there is good reason to keep hoping for good things and worth the wait, as well as pleased that you take full responsibility for how you are going to respond in moments of waiting, stress, and difficulty, or whatever comes up.
This is not rocket science, nor do you have to quit work, take a vacation, or disrupt your life and those around you. This is all in the mind and how we choose to wait....period. You either do it gracefully, and change the world around you, or you do it and feel like your life is always lacking, with no peace, joy or contentment. You choose.
It might help to choose one thing in the beginning that really bothers you, instead of trying to tackle a list of things or people who bother you. And it doesn't make any difference how deep seeded or important, or how frivolous it is, it's something that YOU have been waiting for. This is a very personal journey here, so it serves no purpose in minimizing what you want, need, or value in life. What I think is an important need or want could be completely different in how you see it, so this is not the time to compare that with another person. I think once we learn to respect each person for their lot in life, their styles, hopes, dream, ambitions, whatever the case may be, the gentler the world will become.
So......the trick with all of this, once we find out what we want, what we are waiting for, and how important it is to us, is to decide how we are going to behave while we're waiting. Yes, its as simple as that, though for some it may signify the need to change something within ourselves, which may seem monumental, but it doesn't have to be. And after all, it will work, so if you want to gain something valuable in the midst of your waiting, then listen up. It's not what we want, it's how we behave while we are waiting for what we want. Two completely different things in my book. As well, understanding that the outcome could likely be different if there is a change in attitude. If you knew that was possible, wouldn't you at least want to try it to see if it works......I surely would.
Here are three words that will ensure that you will have absolutely no peace while in the waiting mode, as well as learning nothing in the process. Discouraged, downcast and displeased. Discouraged because the wait has been too long and you're not confident you will receive anything, downcast in making sure those around you know how unhappy you are about it, and displeased, making sure that it's someone else's fault that you are having to wait or give up on what you want. So you can see how it's best to put an upswing to this waiting mode. Let's try encouraged, believing that if God means for you to have something, then you will have it, uplifted to show those around you there is good reason to keep hoping for good things and worth the wait, as well as pleased that you take full responsibility for how you are going to respond in moments of waiting, stress, and difficulty, or whatever comes up.
This is not rocket science, nor do you have to quit work, take a vacation, or disrupt your life and those around you. This is all in the mind and how we choose to wait....period. You either do it gracefully, and change the world around you, or you do it and feel like your life is always lacking, with no peace, joy or contentment. You choose.
Friday, October 23, 2015
In the Waiting Mode?
Have you been in the waiting mode lately? The answer for most reading this would be absolutely, even though you might not be quite clear on what you've been waiting for. I think we all have a tendency to wake up each morning thinking about something that we need, want, hope for, or dream about, whether its pancakes for breakfast, a new car, or new job. It's good that we have hope for good things to come our way, it keeps us moving forward with a spark in our lives. And let's face it, with all the bad that goes on in the world, we need some good things sprinkled here and there.
However, what if we've been waiting for something for months, or even years, that we can't seem to let go of yet? These things are probably more serious, deep seeded, or complicated and need more time to unfold, or heaven forbid, it might be something that's not right for you and will never happen or show up. Or may show up in an entirely different way than we thought. Just because we want something or someone doesn't mean that it's right for us, or that we will win out in the end because of our determination and persistence. Sometimes we have to trade that persistence for humility and patience, which of course is easier said than done when you've been focused on and waiting for something for a long time.
So how do we learn to wait patiently and expectantly, when our minds and hearts want so desperately to just get on with it, get the good stuff now? Well, for me, it helps to go back a bit and see the things that I had waited for in the past, and how in the end I either received them, accomplished them, or had to eventually let them go.........or they arrived with a twist, which I found I rather enjoyed. Now I understand, we all what we want, when and how we want it, but let's face it, life just isn't that easy. So you might as well figure out a way to be at peace while you're waiting instead of it turning you inside out with worry, fret, anxiety, anger, frustration which is not particularly good for you, or heaven for bid those around you. Always keep in mind, there is always someone in the line of fire when things are not going the way you think they should, and if there's one thing for sure, we do have the capacity to bruise those closest to us without meaning to.
Now for those who have a real problem with patience, or waiting for anything, you're going to have to try even harder than the average person. That's OK....don't let it stop you from at least trying. It may just take a little longer to get the knack of it, but you have to start somewhere. First of all you have to, of course, stop and think about whether this is an issue for you, and you can stop at any point during the day and see what it does to your body when you start thinking about what you're not getting right now.....or if being in the waiting mode causes you to be anxious, angry or upset in anyway. Do your shoulders draw up, stomach feel icky, or head start to hurt. And as unpleasant as this sounds, it's actually a good place to start because you can actually see what it does to you physically when you have too many unanswered questions. In fact, for right now, this IS in fact the place to start before you do anything else or try to change how you think about your waiting mode. Tomorrow I will address what to do next!
However, what if we've been waiting for something for months, or even years, that we can't seem to let go of yet? These things are probably more serious, deep seeded, or complicated and need more time to unfold, or heaven forbid, it might be something that's not right for you and will never happen or show up. Or may show up in an entirely different way than we thought. Just because we want something or someone doesn't mean that it's right for us, or that we will win out in the end because of our determination and persistence. Sometimes we have to trade that persistence for humility and patience, which of course is easier said than done when you've been focused on and waiting for something for a long time.
So how do we learn to wait patiently and expectantly, when our minds and hearts want so desperately to just get on with it, get the good stuff now? Well, for me, it helps to go back a bit and see the things that I had waited for in the past, and how in the end I either received them, accomplished them, or had to eventually let them go.........or they arrived with a twist, which I found I rather enjoyed. Now I understand, we all what we want, when and how we want it, but let's face it, life just isn't that easy. So you might as well figure out a way to be at peace while you're waiting instead of it turning you inside out with worry, fret, anxiety, anger, frustration which is not particularly good for you, or heaven for bid those around you. Always keep in mind, there is always someone in the line of fire when things are not going the way you think they should, and if there's one thing for sure, we do have the capacity to bruise those closest to us without meaning to.
Now for those who have a real problem with patience, or waiting for anything, you're going to have to try even harder than the average person. That's OK....don't let it stop you from at least trying. It may just take a little longer to get the knack of it, but you have to start somewhere. First of all you have to, of course, stop and think about whether this is an issue for you, and you can stop at any point during the day and see what it does to your body when you start thinking about what you're not getting right now.....or if being in the waiting mode causes you to be anxious, angry or upset in anyway. Do your shoulders draw up, stomach feel icky, or head start to hurt. And as unpleasant as this sounds, it's actually a good place to start because you can actually see what it does to you physically when you have too many unanswered questions. In fact, for right now, this IS in fact the place to start before you do anything else or try to change how you think about your waiting mode. Tomorrow I will address what to do next!
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