Finding Balance in a Multi-tasking World

How does one find balance in a world that has created a new word that for me makes my head spin......multi-tasking. I couldn't even find it in the dictionary, so I'm led to believe in a world that is so busy, someone had to invent a word that describes the craziness. Of course you realize that once a word is incorporated into our daily lives, and we see what it actually involves on a daily basis, we feel the need to jump in and take part in the craziness. Is this the way God intended our lives to be? My answer....absolutely not. He never planned for any of us to do so many things at one time that we are run ragged to the point of not being able to simply enjoy the moments that are so precious......or that we used to consider precious. Whatever we find to keep us busy has allowed us to push aside those moments in hopes of keeping up with whoever or whatever the world dictates, not what we really and truly want.

I don't believe we intentionally mean to push those people and things aside, it just happens in a blink of an eye, all with the excuse of needing more money. Well, the problem with that, is obvious to me. The more money you make, the more money you spend, until your life is a vicious circle, gaining ground just to quickly lose it. And it's very easy as well to start spending money you don't have on credit, then finding the need to work even more to pay for those things we really didn't need, we just wanted. We get focused on a particular lifestyle we want to lead, and it becomes more about hanging onto that lifestyle then actually living a life where we enjoy the simple things like peace, joy, contentment and time to spend with those we love and care about.

So how to get out of this mode of spinning is the real question. Honestly it's really about choice. We really choose how busy we want to be, and it's usually based on how much money we need to live a certain lifestyle. Some people want a lot of nice things and the freedom to go or do whatever they want, and some are content to work enough to live a very simple life with more time to relax and experience peace of mind.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting nice things, or having money to travel or even participating in whatever sparks your interests, but what could possibly be wrong with throwing in a whole day, here and there, of simply having nothing planned. Filling up the day planner is the usual, with names, times, and places to be, but what if you were able to leave it blank on purpose, even choose in advance a day that you claim to be yours. No one is allowed to call you, stop by, or expect anything from you on this day, unless it involves blood or the hospital. And it doesn't matter what the outside world thinks about your plan, because it is in fact the reason why you must try this, to get away from the pace you have fallen into that the world has set up.

Even if you can't take that big of a step and use a whole day for yourself, you can learn to incorporate little snippets of time throughout your day where you simply stop and breathe, step outside a door, take your lunch to a park instead of being around the busy-ness, listen to something soothing on your phone or guided imagery on the computer. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to find something that is soothing to watch or listen to for just 20 minutes or so, to slow the mind down, practice your breathing, and let go of the stress that your day brings.

It's also important in the midst of this to set priorities each day. What is really important here today, that I race around with my child in the car going to yet another activity or outing, or offering a whole day to the child inside your home, to do whatever they would like to do....and then fully participate in the activity, whatever it may be. Hopefully finding new ways to connect with them without the phone sitting next to you, or the television on, just offering something a bit different. This is where the child learns how important it is to have downtime, away from all the chaos, to get your full attention, with no one in a hurry. A wonderful time to have conversations, to develop their ability to communicate their needs and how they feel about things in their little world.

So the next time you look at your calendar, and it's filled with black ink, ask yourself if it might be a good idea to leave one of those days completely blank, and then think about in advance how you would like to spend it away from all the chaos and multi-tasking that you really do have control over. We all know how to say no, and we all know what sort of life we would truly like to lead, where we would like to live, and who we want around us. Don't let the busy-ness of multi-tasking and chaos drowned out what you know is right....choose balance and a gentler life.

In the Waiting Mode...part 2

Realizing how your waiting mode effects you physically gives you some important information about how to move forward and hopefully make changes on how you view your situation. Let's face it, there are many degrees of waiting for something, and how much time and effort it will take you to change your way of thinking about it.... meaning the time I am willing to spend in waiting to receive what I'm waiting for. There's is a big difference in waiting in line at the grocery store for someone to find their money, and waiting for a promotion or the right person to come into your life, or waiting for a long over due medical diagnosis. That's where keeping a journal is such a big help with charting your life and what you're in search of from time to time. Writing for me clarifies things, and makes them feel more valid and manageable somehow. Putting ink to paper transfers what is in my mind to something that is real, something I can hold in my hand, as well as something I can look back on and see progress that has hopefully been made.

It might help to choose one thing in the beginning that really bothers you, instead of trying to tackle a list of things or people who bother you. And it doesn't make any difference how deep seeded or important, or how frivolous it is, it's something that YOU have been waiting for. This is a very personal journey here, so it serves no purpose in minimizing what you want, need, or value in life. What I think is an important need or want could be completely different in how you see it, so this is not the time to compare that with another person. I think once we learn to respect each person for their lot in life, their styles, hopes, dream, ambitions, whatever the case may be, the gentler the world will become.

So......the trick with all of this, once we find out what we want, what we are waiting for, and how important it is to us, is to decide how we are going to behave while we're waiting. Yes, its as simple as that, though for some it may signify the need to change something within ourselves, which may seem monumental, but it doesn't have to be. And after all, it will work, so if you want to gain something valuable in the midst of your waiting, then listen up. It's not what we want, it's how we behave while we are waiting for what we want. Two completely different things in my book. As well, understanding that the outcome could likely be different if there is a change in attitude. If you knew that was possible, wouldn't you at least want to try it to see if it works......I surely would.

Here are three words that will ensure that you will have absolutely no peace while in the waiting mode, as well as learning nothing in the process. Discouraged, downcast and displeased. Discouraged because the wait has been too long and you're not confident you will receive anything, downcast in making sure those around you know how unhappy you are about it, and displeased, making sure that it's someone else's fault that you are having to wait or give up on what you want. So you can see how it's best to put an upswing to this waiting mode. Let's try encouraged, believing that if God means for you to have something, then you will have it, uplifted to show those around you there is good reason to keep hoping for good things and worth the wait, as well as pleased that you take full responsibility for how you are going to respond in moments of waiting, stress, and difficulty, or whatever comes up.

This is not rocket science, nor do you have to quit work, take a vacation, or disrupt your life and those around you. This is all in the mind and how we choose to wait....period. You either do it gracefully, and change the world around you, or you do it and feel like your life is always lacking, with no peace, joy or contentment. You choose.

In the Waiting Mode?

Have you been in the waiting mode lately? The answer for most reading this would be absolutely, even though you might not be quite clear on what you've been waiting for. I think we all have a tendency to wake up each morning thinking about something that we need, want, hope for, or dream about, whether its pancakes for breakfast, a new car, or new job. It's good that we have hope for good things to come our way, it keeps us moving forward with a spark in our lives. And let's face it, with all the bad that goes on in the world, we need some good things sprinkled here and there.

However, what if we've been waiting for something for months, or even years, that we can't seem to let go of yet? These things are probably more serious, deep seeded, or complicated and need more time to unfold, or heaven forbid, it might be something that's not right for you and will never happen or show up. Or may show up in an entirely different way than we thought. Just because we want something or someone doesn't mean that it's right for us, or that we will win out in the end because of our determination and persistence. Sometimes we have to trade that persistence for humility and patience, which of course is easier said than done when you've been focused on and waiting for something for a long time.

So how do we learn to wait patiently and expectantly, when our minds and hearts want so desperately to just get on with it, get the good stuff now? Well, for me, it helps to go back a bit and see the things that I had waited for in the past, and how in the end I either received them, accomplished them, or had to eventually let them go.........or they arrived with a twist, which I found I rather enjoyed. Now I understand, we all what we want, when and how we want it, but let's face it, life just isn't that easy. So you might as well figure out a way to be at peace while you're waiting instead of it turning you inside out with worry, fret, anxiety, anger, frustration which is not particularly good for you, or heaven for bid those around you. Always keep in mind, there is always someone in the line of fire when things are not going the way you think they should, and if there's one thing for sure, we do have the capacity to bruise those closest to us without meaning to.

Now for those who have a real problem with patience, or waiting for anything, you're going to have to try even harder than the average person. That's OK....don't let it stop you from at least trying. It may just take a little longer to get the knack of it, but you have to start somewhere. First of all you have to, of course, stop and think about whether this is an issue for you, and you can stop at any point during the day and see what it does to your body when you start thinking about what you're not getting right now.....or if being in the waiting mode causes you to be anxious, angry or upset in anyway. Do your shoulders draw up, stomach feel icky, or head start to hurt. And as unpleasant as this sounds, it's actually a good place to start because you can actually see what it does to you physically when you have too many unanswered questions. In fact, for right now, this IS in fact the place to start before you do anything else or try to change how you think about your waiting mode. Tomorrow I will address what to do next!

Acceptance

This is something I have written about before, several times in fact, but convinced it's something that most people do not "get" for some reason. So let's start with Webster, as I so often do, and get this out of the way. Acceptance.....to accept what is offered willingly, to receive favorably, to agree or consent to, to believe in, to understand as having a certain meaning. OK.....so that means whatever is in front of you at any given time, that has validity, can be believed in, or trusted to be right, and so we act accordingly allowing it to be, or happen the way it needs to happen. Now that doesn't mean that it's not going to happen without us kicking up a fuss, or even pushing against it so we can get our own way, but you will pay dearly for that stance if you choose to take it.

So why do we see the need to throw up barriers when we're faced with accepting something, where life would be so much easier if we just allow those things that are inevitable to just happen naturally? I think the word here is control. If we aren't ready for the thing we should just accept, we will scratch and claw to find a reason why it's either not the right thing, the right time, or should only happen to someone else. We after all are exempt because.....well because we are who we are, special, exceptional, set apart. As if we have this protective bubble around us that keeps us from experiencing anything that resembles bad, unfortunate, or even sad. Not exactly a place that lends itself for humility or selflessness.

OK....so we're clear on what acceptance is, and why we don't particularly aspire to it, now comes the hard part, and that is facing it head on so we can get on with the rest of our lives. Now some things you don't particularly want to accept can be put off, set aside, put on the shelf if you will, until another time when it might suit. The only problem with that is, while it's being set aside, it sort of multiplies on it's own, so by the time we get back to it.........it's not manageable at all. Like trying to weed a garden that should have been weeded 3 months ago in order for new growth to occur. It's a mess, overgrown, and you have no idea where to start, or even if you want to start.

And don't forget, there is an element of energy and commitment here, where you have to assess how much energy, time, courage and strength you want to put into accepting something. After all, you are allowed to look at a situation, and just do an about face and say no......a flat out no, I will not, cannot accept this, end of story. You are saving absolutely no room for a change of mind. I think it depends on how important the thing is that you need to accept, and what it will take internally to accept it. I myself have had several things over the last 20 years that I have had to accept on some level, with varying degrees of the demands that it took to accept them, and with each one I had to do the same thing. Assess the importance or more simply, prioritize.

Probably the most important element here besides prioritizing is letting go of what others think about you, your situation, your status, your reputation, your lifestyle, for when you're making life decisions, it doesn't matter what other people think, especially when you are dealing with health issues. You're in survival mode and this is no time to try and satisfy or please those around you. In fact it's their turn to learn acceptance of what is going on in your life, not theirs. This is probably THE biggest road block when you're talking about acceptance of something, caring what other people think of you. So if you want to start somewhere, after you realize what needs to be accepted in your life, start with that, knowing that in the end, it doesn't matter beans what other people think of you, or how you're handling your situation, your health, your life, whatever it might be.

Take some time today and see what you are having a hard time accepting, and realize what you can change about it, and what you cannot. Think about the most important things in your life, the most important people, not how young you are, how attractive you need to be, how smart you are, or how much money you have tucked away. All of those things will not last, but true acceptance offers something we are all desperately craving each day we wake up, and that is peace, contentment, happiness, joy, and feeling loved and cared for by those we treasure the most.

Connections

Do you ever find yourself just going along in life, going through the motions that each day brings, wondering if there is something you're supposed to be doing? Now I'm not talking about forgetting someone's birthday, or forgetting to take a library book back, but something a little bit more meaningful than that. It's like something that sort of nags at you that won't let go, and it's settled in the background somewhere awaiting your attention again. Or, when you're least expecting it, a person enters into your life, that you quickly realize that it was not by chance. In fact they make such an impact, it feels as if someone is at the switch, pressing buttons, setting up schedules, and purposefully planning the whole thing. And this can be a person you've never met, someone you haven't seen or heard from in years, or someone you saw fairly regularly, but somehow the relationship has changed. No matter, it's knocked you for a loop.

I don't know which one would be the most exciting or meaningful, maybe all of them. The point is, for me, I like to spend some time wondering how I want to be present and respond in a healthy way before I go any further. After all, there are going to be those relationships that are unhealthy, or cause you to drift apart for whatever reason, and that part of the equation really need not be rehashed, but maybe just to notice in any of these chance meetings there is something different inside of you. And at first, I think we would tend to be all excited about it, but quickly could get this twinge of something that takes us back to the past, with hurts, disappointments, sadness, loss....you name it, the list is long. Those things required you to react, behave and respond in a very particular way, so there is this inherent need to resort back to those feelings, reactions or coping skills.

However, with that being said, it doesn't have to happen that way, or even if it does, you don't have to stay there. It's just a good exercise in realizing how much we carry with us throughout our lives good and bad, and have to decide at some point which ones we can keep with us, and which ones no longer serve any purpose whatsoever. In fact, will fowl up any chance of future happiness on so many different levels, that we should see clearly our own schemas, so as not to fall into the pit again. Schemas are our ways of dealing with rejection, disappointments, hurt, loss, etc....and how easily we bring them with us in each situation that comes up.....especially very close relationships.

So when these new connections are made when you least expect them, and you sense that it is in fact very special, it makes perfect sense that you want to treat it and experience it in a healthy way. Doesn't mean that comes with a guarantee that all things will work out perfectly, or that you will be with this person in the long term, no one can guarantee that. But it can insure that you can more importantly be in the moment with this person, without resorting back to past situations, or playing the devils advocate constantly finding reasons why it won't work or last. Such an easy thing to do, for most of us, to start thinking about how many things could go wrong, and why it's likely to fail and leave you in a heap yet again.

Best and most important thing to do, is to appreciate the connection, seeing it as an opportunity to try out some new behaviors, new coping skills, new mindsets of healthy self esteem and humility, and just be happy to live in the moment enjoying whatever this person brings with them. God knows we all need and deserve happy, healthy, delightful relationships, where we can just relax and be ourselves, and enjoy life. So just relax and let things fall into place. We don't have to know all the answers about what happens next, because we just don't have that gift. But we can for sure appreciate where we are at any given moment especially with new connections.

What Would Happen If We Walked in Love?

First up, this is not an attempt to get people to run up and hug someone they don't know,but maybe  acknowledging those around you differently than you usually do. Let's face it, we wake up each day having to face people we don't particularly like, on the road, at the store, at work, even where we live. But if we wait for the other person to disappear, or have a change of heart or attitude, we might be waiting for a long time. So, with recognizing that, maybe we can do something we know will work, and that is to change the way we see them. I have to do this every single day I wake up, though not with a person, but with my own physical limitations, and trust me, most days I'm thinking it would be easier to have another person as an assignment. I truly believe the battles that we have in life are the ones within ourselves, not with others. So remember, you have complete control over the battle within yourself, because you can in fact change, whereas the battle with others can be daunting.

Now I realize at this point you're convinced there is no way you can let go of all the things that bother you and simply walk in love, for that would require way too much, and you're simply "too busy", my least favorite words in the English language. I am convinced and will continue to be convinced that every person on the earth could check off at least 10 things on their to do list each day, and feel so freed up, that walking in love would be a cinch. In fact, when you make the decision or plan to do this each day, the time that is freed up, and offered in love to someone else, will come back to you two fold. Hard to believe it's that simple, but trust me, it works. Like taking time to exercise, hoping and expecting it to help you be stronger and healthier, and it actually working. You take that time you believe you are too busy, and invest it, and look for the signs of progress along the way. A little less on the scales, pants fit better, a bit more energy shows up, and you in turn gain a new outlook on your life. When that happens, you feel good about being nice to others, and offering yourself in ways you had never thought of before.

Of course the jest of all of this is, we weren't put on this earth to continually take, but to give as well. To recognize there is some pretty rough stuff going on these days, and so many people are suffering so badly, on so many different levels. But the only way we can offer ourselves up to someone else, is to free up our own lives in some way so that we have the time and energy to give something to someone else. I realize it is so easy to get caught up in your own tragedies, messes, losses, frustration, bitterness, pain and suffering.....well the list goes on. But if you stay locked up, waiting for something or someone to make yours disappear, you could be waiting a long long time. And what if your stuff doesn't go away for some reason, it doesn't mean you are imprisoned for life. It may just mean that you need to find ways to transform that stuff into something more useful, or that could help someone else.

What if you truly believed that what keeps you from walking in love, and again this is not romantic love per say.......just a kinder, compassionate, giving person..........is just taking your focus off of your mess or busy-ness, and offering it outward? What if you stopped thinking or believing that the world owes you, that the other person is responsible for making you so miserable and THEY need to change? Wow........what a new world we would live in and what a difference it would make if we all tried this for one week, just to see what would happen. I myself am convinced it would completely transform the world into a different place. One with more love, compassion, patience, peace, joy, and contentment. For me, surely doesn't make all my pain and suffering disappear, but it sure does make life a lot easier, pleasant and peaceful.

Just think......you actually have the power to change someone elses life today, including your own. Just as you can lose 10 pounds, and fit in that new suit or dress, by simply deciding.....I'm going to do something different today, it's just as easy to decide you are going to walk in love, and change the world.

So try it on.......it may actually fit today!

"Getting Back"

No, I'm not referring to retribution here, but something much gentler than that. This doesn't require anger, plotting, or ill will towards someone, but simply returning to a place in your mind where the pieces of the puzzle were easier. And yes, I do believe most of us, if asked if there were a more peaceful manageable place, we would all have one. Maybe it was a place where you felt like the stars were all lined up, love was felt, your needs were met financially, and there was time to enjoy the simple things in life. An afternoon nap in the hammock, two families gathered at a picnic table eating hot dogs, or your workplace running like a well oiled machine, with colleagues who respect and admire your work. In other words, you didn't wake up feeling that something huge was missing and had no idea what needed to happen next.

Now living on the top floor of my castle, moat below, and far above any chaos that life has to offer, I can see clearly why most people would want to "get back" to a more manageable lifestyle, where busy is not the theme of their life each day. It's like a badge people wear that gives license to use busy as an excuse to get out of doing something they really don't want to do. If there is one word that I would delete from the dictionary, busy would be at the top of the list. Probably half of the stuff that people say they are busy with, are things they just won't give themselves permission to say no to.

So, maybe a good place to start as far as getting back to a simpler place in your life, is to think about those things that keep you so busy, and when you actually use busy as permission to avoid people or situations. Keeping in mind this is not a tool to use as a sledge hammer that says you have your priorities all wrong, and are basically a dishonest person. But if you're actually going to make any progress in getting some peace back in your life, or at least having it a bit more manageable, something has to go, which surprisingly means you may have to let go of some activities, as well as some people who do nothing but drain you of your energy.

Let's face it, in each generation there is a pace that is set, and if you live around a large city, with access to more activities, people, things, you get caught up in that pace. On the other hand, if you live in a rural area, or smaller town off the beaten path, you actually have more control over how busy you want to be, or are able to realistically get back to a simpler way of life. Now that is a fact. Part of all of this is actually making choices on how you want to live your life, and how you want to spend your time. None of us are tied up, held hostage, demanded or expected to live a certain lifestyle. Most people I know are more than capable to choose the lifestyle they want to live, more specifically fast pace, slow pace.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are people who adore a fast pace life, and there is nothing wrong with that. But when you act like you can't keep up, don't have time to rest, end up spending time doing things you really don't want to do or with people you simply don't want to be around, then there is something wrong with that. When you've reached that point, you are the only person who can change it, no one else. It's time to honestly sit down and figure out what you can check off your list, and how you're going to do it without being overwhelmed with guilt.

Just remember, and I know we all hear this, but life truly is short, and there is so much that you miss when you're busy saying yes to so much you could say no to, and precious loved ones around you that would love to spend time with you doing simple things, that it's very sad indeed if you can't check things off that to do list, and cut some people or activities loose that are really not that necessary or enjoyable any longer. The time of spending your energy doing things that are not meaningful or doing them to appear cool or important are over, if in fact you are hungry enough to get back to a simpler way of being. 

It's there, for the taking. So take a moment and think about what is simply no longer necessary in your life as far as time and how you spend it. Or if you had a choice, what you would eliminate in a heartbeat if you could, and then see where you stand. I don't believe there is anything more tragic than doing something or spending time with someone you really don't want to be with. That you feel obligated to do for some reason that is no longer valid.

Think about it.