Are you too easily sucked into someone else's life, finding yourself always saying yes just to satisfy their whim? I'm not quite sure why some of us have the tendency to do this, but apparently it's pretty easy to do, and widespread at that. Of course I realize there is a give and take in any relationship, but when you feel like you have completely set aside your wants, needs, and desires for those of another, you might want to take caution. I think it's wonderful that there are givers in this world, but when you lose your life and what is important to you, to a taker......beware. I can say this only because I've done it myself more times than not.
I've often questioned myself.......why do you so easily lose yourself in this person? Have you lost a sense of balance, just for the sake of having someone in your life? Is there anything left of me? Is there anything wrong with the things I have come to enjoy in my life or any reason why I shouldn't keep doing them? Why do I allow someone else to decide how I will spend my time? Why do I let my life become more about what this person needs as opposed to what I might need?
Now granted, there is much truth and validity, and much to be gained for wanting someone else's happiness to be important, but I also believe there must be balance......or there WILL be guaranteed resentment on someone's part, no doubt. So what are some of the warning signs that you are in fact being sucked into living someone else's life and saving little for yourself?
Pay close attention to what happens to you internally when you say yes instead of no to something your partner wants to do. Pay attention to how often you end up doing what they want to do as opposed to something you want to do, no matter what it is. At the end of a week, see how many things were about you, and how many things were about them. Keeping in mind this is not necessarily about dumping someone, but more about recognizing how much of you is being lost, and how much the other person is getting exactly what they want, when they want it........and of course hopefully finding balance before it gets out of hand.
There is of course an element of why you allow your life to be consumed by another. If it's a case of being so much in love with this person that it feels perfectly natural to give in to their every whim, and there is no internal struggle going on, that's fine. But, if it's costing you your ability to be yourself and truly enjoy the things that are important or fun to you, then something needs to change. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a giver, or for people to get what they want or need in this life, but not at the cost of another.
There are many reasons why people seem to think they should get everything they want, how they want it and when they want it. They either were raised that way, and actually were successful at getting what they wanted, or the extreme.......they never got anything and are determined to get their needs met from you. Doesn't really matter, it's not your responsibility to satisfy every single need and desire they have, while letting go of your own.
Reasonable seems to be the most appropriate word here and my trusty Webster defines this as sensible and just. Being sensible and just to me implies there is balance. If there is balance, that means there are two of something vying for position. So when you have two people here trying to make sure that their needs and desires are being met, there has to be an understanding of those needs, and a way in which both can be satisfied.
Just keep in mind, this blog is not only about the ones who give too much getting little in return, but it's also about the takers who only focus on what they want in this life. Take time today to see where you fall.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Decisions
Do you have the sneaky suspicion that you have just made a huge mistake recently? That your decision was based on fear, coersion from another, or to satisfy a need you had hoping that your decision would fill that need? Yikes......so have I. So.....what to do next? Well, first of all.....maybe you didn't have all the information that was needed in order to make that decision, or you really did have a lot of clear information, but chose to ignore it.......you know.....RED FLAGS! Oh yes indeedy, we love ignoring those pesky red flags. Of course what we don't realize is, that's our gut tellling us to beware. Very similar to the curve or danger signs you see on the roads. They're there for a reason, and most of the time we take caution, slow down...etc. That or either end up in the ditch. So why can we not do the same when we see the red flags in decision making?
Usually it's because we think we want something, and want it very badly. We believe that if we make this decision, that it will prove something.....to others....to ourselves, about the kind of person we are. Or there is a hole so great within us, we are hoping that this decision will fill it someway. I think most often decisions are fear based more than anything else. Afraid that if we don't jump on what is in front of us, that something or someone else won't come along and fill that hole. That if we don't jump on an opportunity to make money or a name for ourselves, that another one won't come along for us to take advantage of.
In other words, if you are wondering about a particular decision you made recently and whether or not it was based on sound, wise thinking.....as well as really good information.....there is evidently some regret or second guessing going on here. And as awkward, uncomfortable or scary that might feel right now, it's really a good thing, as much as you might have been taught at some point that minds cannot be changed once a decision has been made.
Sometimes the information that was needed probably before the decision was made, was simply not available, and there's no point in asking why it wasn't.....it just simply wasn't there for you to see yet. Once we say YES to whatever it is, we have to realize that it opens a door.......and the information in that door can be good or not so good. You won't know until you step through it. And that's where we are right now. We've made a decision to step through the door and move in a certain direction.
For me, the most important element to the decision making process is to allow myself an out because if you're human like me, you'll realize that you have and you will continue to make unwise decisions. I nor anyone else can zap that out of your thinking process.....if you think you can then you might as well delete this post and move on. As good hearted, wise and well meaning as we believe ourselves to be, it doesn't mean we are perfect or flawless in our thinking or behavior. So let's just start with that basic truth. And whether you believe that God is in control of your life, or the universe.......you are still working from a premise of free will. Free will means you have the world at your feet, and can make any decision that suits your fancy.
With that free will, you can and will make decisions in this life, but what is important is what you DO with those decisions after they've been made. It's how you coexist with them. Will you wake up each day pleased as punch that you made them.....or beat yourself silly because you made one without gathering enough information? That you're waking up with this gnawing feeling in your gut that you're stuck, no way out, nor could you ever speak those feelings to a soul? This is a horrible place to be, and will not go away unless addressed.
Am I suggesting that you live an irresponsible lifestyle, in that you can make a decision willy nilly anytime you like about anything and not suffer from the consequences because I've given you a license to walk away? Absolutely not. At least I don't think that's what I'm implying here. Maybe I should have named this post, It's Ok to Change Your Mind........would that make it more pleasing to your palette?
Maybe it has something to do with the level of commitment, or if there's money or children involved. Some things are easier to walk away from, or change your mind about than others......that's quite obvious. I suppose that would be based on your own moral fiber. As I've stated before, we were all made completely different, with different genes, parents, surroundings, experiences....etc. This will always have an impact on our decision making process. We all have theories about what is right and what is wrong in this world.....what is proper and socially acceptable. In fact when you think about it, when we make a decision there are so many things that are taken into consideration, except most often the thing that is the most important. Is the decision based on what is real, not what we hope will be real? AHHHHHH.......bingo. I love it when I hit a nerve.
Decisions based on what we HOPE will be real....not what is real. So this all implies speculation. We open the door hoping that all will be well. That we well get something we want, or rather think we want. Or heaven forbid, what might look right or seem right to the outside world. So.....you want to move ahead, with the road signs clearly stating you might want to slow down.....you might want to make adjustments. You either pay attention or you don't. Things seem to be a bit shaky, unstable.....it looks like even though you've decided to move ahead with abandon....clearly you're beginning to experience some uncertainty. The signs were right. The curve is sharp and dangerous, and you should have paid attention.
Now what? You ease up, slow down, see if the feeling in your gut that things are not quite right will go away if time passes, or if you need to just pull over, stop, and change directions. It's ok....you are allowed to do this.....and if you need to change your mind, then change your mind. If it's a decision that has been made where there is no way you can change your mind , then at least pull over and get some help with what you're facing. It's ok to say.....oh my gosh, I think I made the wrong decision......HELP!!!!
I think I need to write another blog on how to check motive and intent when making a decision.......or understanding how to gather information when making a decision or even more importantly.........HOW TO READ RED FLAGS!!!!! Nevertheless, decisions are one of the hardest things to do in this life......you're going to make good ones.....and not so good ones. Or rather wise ones, and not so wise ones. If you just say that outloud to yourself each day, it will help more than anything.
Decisions. It's interesting that people will put so much time and effort in deciding on a new president, but they won't take that much time when making the most important decisions in their life......the ones each day that affect you emotionally AND physically.
Usually it's because we think we want something, and want it very badly. We believe that if we make this decision, that it will prove something.....to others....to ourselves, about the kind of person we are. Or there is a hole so great within us, we are hoping that this decision will fill it someway. I think most often decisions are fear based more than anything else. Afraid that if we don't jump on what is in front of us, that something or someone else won't come along and fill that hole. That if we don't jump on an opportunity to make money or a name for ourselves, that another one won't come along for us to take advantage of.
In other words, if you are wondering about a particular decision you made recently and whether or not it was based on sound, wise thinking.....as well as really good information.....there is evidently some regret or second guessing going on here. And as awkward, uncomfortable or scary that might feel right now, it's really a good thing, as much as you might have been taught at some point that minds cannot be changed once a decision has been made.
Sometimes the information that was needed probably before the decision was made, was simply not available, and there's no point in asking why it wasn't.....it just simply wasn't there for you to see yet. Once we say YES to whatever it is, we have to realize that it opens a door.......and the information in that door can be good or not so good. You won't know until you step through it. And that's where we are right now. We've made a decision to step through the door and move in a certain direction.
For me, the most important element to the decision making process is to allow myself an out because if you're human like me, you'll realize that you have and you will continue to make unwise decisions. I nor anyone else can zap that out of your thinking process.....if you think you can then you might as well delete this post and move on. As good hearted, wise and well meaning as we believe ourselves to be, it doesn't mean we are perfect or flawless in our thinking or behavior. So let's just start with that basic truth. And whether you believe that God is in control of your life, or the universe.......you are still working from a premise of free will. Free will means you have the world at your feet, and can make any decision that suits your fancy.
With that free will, you can and will make decisions in this life, but what is important is what you DO with those decisions after they've been made. It's how you coexist with them. Will you wake up each day pleased as punch that you made them.....or beat yourself silly because you made one without gathering enough information? That you're waking up with this gnawing feeling in your gut that you're stuck, no way out, nor could you ever speak those feelings to a soul? This is a horrible place to be, and will not go away unless addressed.
Am I suggesting that you live an irresponsible lifestyle, in that you can make a decision willy nilly anytime you like about anything and not suffer from the consequences because I've given you a license to walk away? Absolutely not. At least I don't think that's what I'm implying here. Maybe I should have named this post, It's Ok to Change Your Mind........would that make it more pleasing to your palette?
Maybe it has something to do with the level of commitment, or if there's money or children involved. Some things are easier to walk away from, or change your mind about than others......that's quite obvious. I suppose that would be based on your own moral fiber. As I've stated before, we were all made completely different, with different genes, parents, surroundings, experiences....etc. This will always have an impact on our decision making process. We all have theories about what is right and what is wrong in this world.....what is proper and socially acceptable. In fact when you think about it, when we make a decision there are so many things that are taken into consideration, except most often the thing that is the most important. Is the decision based on what is real, not what we hope will be real? AHHHHHH.......bingo. I love it when I hit a nerve.
Decisions based on what we HOPE will be real....not what is real. So this all implies speculation. We open the door hoping that all will be well. That we well get something we want, or rather think we want. Or heaven forbid, what might look right or seem right to the outside world. So.....you want to move ahead, with the road signs clearly stating you might want to slow down.....you might want to make adjustments. You either pay attention or you don't. Things seem to be a bit shaky, unstable.....it looks like even though you've decided to move ahead with abandon....clearly you're beginning to experience some uncertainty. The signs were right. The curve is sharp and dangerous, and you should have paid attention.
Now what? You ease up, slow down, see if the feeling in your gut that things are not quite right will go away if time passes, or if you need to just pull over, stop, and change directions. It's ok....you are allowed to do this.....and if you need to change your mind, then change your mind. If it's a decision that has been made where there is no way you can change your mind , then at least pull over and get some help with what you're facing. It's ok to say.....oh my gosh, I think I made the wrong decision......HELP!!!!
I think I need to write another blog on how to check motive and intent when making a decision.......or understanding how to gather information when making a decision or even more importantly.........HOW TO READ RED FLAGS!!!!! Nevertheless, decisions are one of the hardest things to do in this life......you're going to make good ones.....and not so good ones. Or rather wise ones, and not so wise ones. If you just say that outloud to yourself each day, it will help more than anything.
Decisions. It's interesting that people will put so much time and effort in deciding on a new president, but they won't take that much time when making the most important decisions in their life......the ones each day that affect you emotionally AND physically.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Pity Parties
Have you ever had the overwhelming need to have a pity party? I have, and quite often thought of mailing out invitations to include my family and friends. That's sort of extreme thinking, but it's true. Do you ever wonder why we step away from our daily lives in order to have pity parties, while most of the time not even realizing that's what we're doing? For I don't think we really enjoy them all that much, because it implies a sense of self centeredness. That whatever we are going through is much more important than what someone else might be experiencing.
However, I have, fortunately, come to the realization that what I go through each day doesn't even come close to what some people go through. Yesterday was a day like that for me. Things felt awkward, out of sorts.....almost twisted and distorted like I picked up the wrong glasses or something. It continued that way throughout the day, until I finally had to put it to rest. It felt like I was picking at my life, like an open sore that I wouldn't allow to heal.
Thankfully I came across not one, but two different people in my building that quickly reminded me that I might be feeling out of sorts, confused, or even feeling physically bad, but there were other people who were truly suffering from things that seemed much worse than mine. One lady is suffering from a respiratory disease, that looked as if she was not going to make it down the hall to the outside door. The other had just found out that her brother had been put in the hospital with cancer. This was the last surviving brother she had, for all her other siblings had died. She was very sad, and rightly so. All I could see written all over those situtions was......it was wrong.
Granted, stuff happens like that all the time. People will get sick and they will die, we cannot run from that as much as we would like to think we can. These are real life situations that bring sadness, pain, heartache and loss....period. No way to get around it........but what it does for me is, it reminds me that the pity party I planned to have of my own, can be easily cancelled. For if I left the two ladies and continued plans to have my party, it would have served no purpose at all. In fact it would have made a mockery of what I had just seen. My pain that day was unclear, out of focus and needed to be rerouted, so that I could recognize how fortunate I was.
I don't have pity parties that often because I won't allow myself to. If I get close to having one, I just set up an hour during the day to sit in the middle of the floor and wail until I feel the pain and frustration leave my body, because sometimes it really serves no purpose to sit and complain or whine about something. And most often whatever we're complaining about has already been said a hundred times before, so no one really wants to hear it again.
So today I will remember my two friends in the hallway and what they were going through yesterday. My confusion weighed little as compared to what they were experiencing. I'll remember to tear up my pity party invitations, and quietly set up my own time to wail. There is a time and place to share your frustrations and pain with others, but before you do, see if there is someone living right next door to you that is truly suffering and could use a friend.
However, I have, fortunately, come to the realization that what I go through each day doesn't even come close to what some people go through. Yesterday was a day like that for me. Things felt awkward, out of sorts.....almost twisted and distorted like I picked up the wrong glasses or something. It continued that way throughout the day, until I finally had to put it to rest. It felt like I was picking at my life, like an open sore that I wouldn't allow to heal.
Thankfully I came across not one, but two different people in my building that quickly reminded me that I might be feeling out of sorts, confused, or even feeling physically bad, but there were other people who were truly suffering from things that seemed much worse than mine. One lady is suffering from a respiratory disease, that looked as if she was not going to make it down the hall to the outside door. The other had just found out that her brother had been put in the hospital with cancer. This was the last surviving brother she had, for all her other siblings had died. She was very sad, and rightly so. All I could see written all over those situtions was......it was wrong.
Granted, stuff happens like that all the time. People will get sick and they will die, we cannot run from that as much as we would like to think we can. These are real life situations that bring sadness, pain, heartache and loss....period. No way to get around it........but what it does for me is, it reminds me that the pity party I planned to have of my own, can be easily cancelled. For if I left the two ladies and continued plans to have my party, it would have served no purpose at all. In fact it would have made a mockery of what I had just seen. My pain that day was unclear, out of focus and needed to be rerouted, so that I could recognize how fortunate I was.
I don't have pity parties that often because I won't allow myself to. If I get close to having one, I just set up an hour during the day to sit in the middle of the floor and wail until I feel the pain and frustration leave my body, because sometimes it really serves no purpose to sit and complain or whine about something. And most often whatever we're complaining about has already been said a hundred times before, so no one really wants to hear it again.
So today I will remember my two friends in the hallway and what they were going through yesterday. My confusion weighed little as compared to what they were experiencing. I'll remember to tear up my pity party invitations, and quietly set up my own time to wail. There is a time and place to share your frustrations and pain with others, but before you do, see if there is someone living right next door to you that is truly suffering and could use a friend.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
"No Place Like Home"
I don't think you have to see The Wizard of Oz to appreciate what those words mean........there's no place like home. You only have to venture out, either someplace far away or not so far away and realize how precious your own space is, especially when you're not feeling well. But what is it about our space....our home, that is so comforting to us? Does it have to do with what is in our homes.....the smell....the location....who is there with us? That's a really good question for us all to ponder, because I believe that in the future, it will help remind us that even when we do venture out, we have the safety of our homes to comfort us when we return.
As much as we all have to accept the fact that the world functions with us in it, the world is also counting on how we spend our down time in order to replenish our energy and minds so that we can stay on top of our respective jobs. I would hate to see the world as a sea of insomniacs living on the edge each day, wondering who was going to explode next. So our space, our respite, our hiding place from the world is really one of the most important things that we have on this earth, so it's no wonder I would be interested in what makes it the haven that it is?
It's always fun and downright helpful for us all to step away into another space, if for no other reason than to appreciate the one we left behind, but I'm wondering if we often take those things that bring us comfort for granted. After all, it's just stuff...just a home......a place in which to dwell so we aren't laying around in the streets. What is it exactly that makes a space or home so comforting, and if it isn't, what could you do in order to make it that way? For after all.....you know me and looking at things that can be changed. We can't control very much, so I grab hold of those things I can change.....and every day.
I've talked some about those things in my space that have been passed on to me by people I know or have no clue about.....enjoying them, soaking up their energy, and then passing them onto the next person. I guess I'm talking more about the energy of your space. Is it open and clear, which is how we want our minds to be.....everyone wants that. Or is it cluttered and busy? Are things situated so that when it is time to rest, it brings comfort instead of chaos? Being careful to realize, I am not talking about becoming a type "A" personality where if things are not in order, it implies a serious character flaw. I'm talking about what your space does to your mind. Does it make you want to leave most often, wish you were in someone elses space, constantly wondering what it is that's actually missing?
I believe a huge clue here is not really taking the time to realize what is actually good for you, your mind and your body. After all, we are all made completely different in so many different ways. What affects my body, weakens it, energizes it, or brings it peace can be completely different than how the next person experiences his/her surroundings. The sooner we realize that, the more peace the whole world will experience. My body craves quiet, living alone, and being around people who are kind and understanding to me as well as others. My childhood was not your typical Leave It To Beaver, as much as I craved that sort of environment, my reality was quite different. So there is good reason why I need to be surrounded by the comforts of peace and quiet.
On the other hand, some people are energized by activity, lots of people, and are not so sensitive to their surroundings. That's great....it really is. My point here is not that one lifestyle is better or more appropriate than the other, it's finding the one that works for you. The one that brings you the most comfort at the end of the day, whether you're sick or well. I think it's important that we not only recognize what feeds our soul when we venture out into the world, but more importantly what feeds our soul when we're in our own home. Whether you feel your space right now is temporary or permanent, take time to look around and take in what it offers you emotionally and spiritually.
Find those things that hold memories and feelings......that bring comfort and peace, and let the other stuff go. After a while you'll be able to walk in each room of your house or apartment, and connect with everything that surrounds you, for these are the things that you will treasure when you venture out and hunger to return to.
As much as we all have to accept the fact that the world functions with us in it, the world is also counting on how we spend our down time in order to replenish our energy and minds so that we can stay on top of our respective jobs. I would hate to see the world as a sea of insomniacs living on the edge each day, wondering who was going to explode next. So our space, our respite, our hiding place from the world is really one of the most important things that we have on this earth, so it's no wonder I would be interested in what makes it the haven that it is?
It's always fun and downright helpful for us all to step away into another space, if for no other reason than to appreciate the one we left behind, but I'm wondering if we often take those things that bring us comfort for granted. After all, it's just stuff...just a home......a place in which to dwell so we aren't laying around in the streets. What is it exactly that makes a space or home so comforting, and if it isn't, what could you do in order to make it that way? For after all.....you know me and looking at things that can be changed. We can't control very much, so I grab hold of those things I can change.....and every day.
I've talked some about those things in my space that have been passed on to me by people I know or have no clue about.....enjoying them, soaking up their energy, and then passing them onto the next person. I guess I'm talking more about the energy of your space. Is it open and clear, which is how we want our minds to be.....everyone wants that. Or is it cluttered and busy? Are things situated so that when it is time to rest, it brings comfort instead of chaos? Being careful to realize, I am not talking about becoming a type "A" personality where if things are not in order, it implies a serious character flaw. I'm talking about what your space does to your mind. Does it make you want to leave most often, wish you were in someone elses space, constantly wondering what it is that's actually missing?
I believe a huge clue here is not really taking the time to realize what is actually good for you, your mind and your body. After all, we are all made completely different in so many different ways. What affects my body, weakens it, energizes it, or brings it peace can be completely different than how the next person experiences his/her surroundings. The sooner we realize that, the more peace the whole world will experience. My body craves quiet, living alone, and being around people who are kind and understanding to me as well as others. My childhood was not your typical Leave It To Beaver, as much as I craved that sort of environment, my reality was quite different. So there is good reason why I need to be surrounded by the comforts of peace and quiet.
On the other hand, some people are energized by activity, lots of people, and are not so sensitive to their surroundings. That's great....it really is. My point here is not that one lifestyle is better or more appropriate than the other, it's finding the one that works for you. The one that brings you the most comfort at the end of the day, whether you're sick or well. I think it's important that we not only recognize what feeds our soul when we venture out into the world, but more importantly what feeds our soul when we're in our own home. Whether you feel your space right now is temporary or permanent, take time to look around and take in what it offers you emotionally and spiritually.
Find those things that hold memories and feelings......that bring comfort and peace, and let the other stuff go. After a while you'll be able to walk in each room of your house or apartment, and connect with everything that surrounds you, for these are the things that you will treasure when you venture out and hunger to return to.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Prepared
As you have been well aware, if you have been fortunate to keep up with my blogs, that I tend to focus on a new word fairly often. Which not only forces me to keep my trusty dictionary at my side teaching me new words, but more importantly encourages me to pick at a word that I already use, in order to find new meaning and application. Prepared is one of those words. Well...we might as well pull out Webster to see what he has to say. After all....he knows best.
Prepared. To make things ready. To make oneself ready. To bring forth, make suitable. Now we can look at that and see it very simply, or we can go a bit further and see where it leads. I prepare myself each day either by brushing my teeth, eating breakfast, putting on my clothes...etc.....but those all imply outside preparation. What happens when we take that internally? What sort of preparation goes on inside my head? Although there is good reason and purpose for the external things I mentioned, how do I prepare my mind for the day? Are the hours ahead self focused, so they will ultimately give me access to all the good stuff......or is there anything inside me that has to do with the outside world and how I might make it a better place in which to live?
It's so easy to think that being in this world is all about how we appear to those around us, when if we choose this line of thinking will only lead to a life that is shallow and empty. How narcissistic of us to think that the world revolves around us, or that we have such great importance that's usually based on what we have accumulated or how we are recognized. Talk about having a bad taste in your mouth....that one just about does it for me. In fact, for me, there is nothing appealing about that sentence at all. It makes me feel self centered and ungodly......for I don't believe that is why God placed us here. How on earth, no matter how you believe you arrived here, could you think that your sole purpose, while here, could or would be designed just for you?
No wonder most of us feel that we are absolutely alone, in a world where no one could possibly understand anything you think or feel. It's because we are so self focused and think we are the be all, end all, of the universe, we would never even stop to think there might be a higher purpose for us being here. And whether you consider yourself a spiritual individual or not, is there not a moment when you might consider that there might be a higher purpose that includes all of us instead of you getting what you want or think you need in this life?
It's just hard for me to imagine there is really no rhyme or reason to why we're here, with nothing for us to learn or to share with others. That each one of us are plopped down here on earth to take whatever we want, use up whatever we want, or think that what we do, think, or feel doesn't impact anyone else? Again....how narcisistic is that? And while I believe that there are some people who do take the time to be other focused, there is still a large majority who are more concerned about how they appear to others, how much money they make, and what that money will buy them.
I have to say that I haven't run across too many that are more concerned about how they can help change the world, and what they can leave behind for others. This is where being prepared comes into play. What do I do with my life right now that says I am preparing for after I'm gone? Maybe it has something to do with being sick, and realizing the good stuff that is left to enjoy, and how no matter how long any of us have here on this earth, there are ways in which to make an impact while you're still here. So, looking at the big picture, which I always try to do, what can I do to prepare for when I'm gone?
Well....I can say what needs to be said, take time to experience those things that bring me happiness and a sense of contentment, organize and clean up my life so it makes some sense to those I've left behind, as well as some other ways that I have yet to discover. The point is, I'm moving in a direction of preparing, and this has nothing to do with gloom and doom or any morbid thoughts about me or my illness......this is just how I would like to acknowledge those things that I am so grateful for right now, because we never know what will come next.
If we need to spend time with someone, then make arrangements to spend time with that person. If there is something that needs to be said....say it. If there is much work that needs to be done that might make it easier for someone else when you are gone, then do it. People spend so much time being busy with things that absolutely have no meaning, and forget that much pleasure can be found in organizing and preparing yourself now for whatever may come. Soak up what is right in front of you......your family, relationships, nature, etc. If you have money problems, then sit down with someone and work through it.....tear up credit cards....stop spending money......stop doing things you know you can't afford....be more focused on someone who might need your help in some way......give stuff away that someone else might need that you know you don't use or need anymore.
Today I want to take my focus off my pain and suffering, off things that really have no purpose or meaning in this life, and place it on those things that will last after I'm gone. If something is not right, then I will do whatever I need to do in order to make it right. I will prepare my mind, thoughts and behavior for what I leave behind, as opposed to what I can accumulate and gain for self.
Prepared. To make things ready. To make oneself ready. To bring forth, make suitable. Now we can look at that and see it very simply, or we can go a bit further and see where it leads. I prepare myself each day either by brushing my teeth, eating breakfast, putting on my clothes...etc.....but those all imply outside preparation. What happens when we take that internally? What sort of preparation goes on inside my head? Although there is good reason and purpose for the external things I mentioned, how do I prepare my mind for the day? Are the hours ahead self focused, so they will ultimately give me access to all the good stuff......or is there anything inside me that has to do with the outside world and how I might make it a better place in which to live?
It's so easy to think that being in this world is all about how we appear to those around us, when if we choose this line of thinking will only lead to a life that is shallow and empty. How narcissistic of us to think that the world revolves around us, or that we have such great importance that's usually based on what we have accumulated or how we are recognized. Talk about having a bad taste in your mouth....that one just about does it for me. In fact, for me, there is nothing appealing about that sentence at all. It makes me feel self centered and ungodly......for I don't believe that is why God placed us here. How on earth, no matter how you believe you arrived here, could you think that your sole purpose, while here, could or would be designed just for you?
No wonder most of us feel that we are absolutely alone, in a world where no one could possibly understand anything you think or feel. It's because we are so self focused and think we are the be all, end all, of the universe, we would never even stop to think there might be a higher purpose for us being here. And whether you consider yourself a spiritual individual or not, is there not a moment when you might consider that there might be a higher purpose that includes all of us instead of you getting what you want or think you need in this life?
It's just hard for me to imagine there is really no rhyme or reason to why we're here, with nothing for us to learn or to share with others. That each one of us are plopped down here on earth to take whatever we want, use up whatever we want, or think that what we do, think, or feel doesn't impact anyone else? Again....how narcisistic is that? And while I believe that there are some people who do take the time to be other focused, there is still a large majority who are more concerned about how they appear to others, how much money they make, and what that money will buy them.
I have to say that I haven't run across too many that are more concerned about how they can help change the world, and what they can leave behind for others. This is where being prepared comes into play. What do I do with my life right now that says I am preparing for after I'm gone? Maybe it has something to do with being sick, and realizing the good stuff that is left to enjoy, and how no matter how long any of us have here on this earth, there are ways in which to make an impact while you're still here. So, looking at the big picture, which I always try to do, what can I do to prepare for when I'm gone?
Well....I can say what needs to be said, take time to experience those things that bring me happiness and a sense of contentment, organize and clean up my life so it makes some sense to those I've left behind, as well as some other ways that I have yet to discover. The point is, I'm moving in a direction of preparing, and this has nothing to do with gloom and doom or any morbid thoughts about me or my illness......this is just how I would like to acknowledge those things that I am so grateful for right now, because we never know what will come next.
If we need to spend time with someone, then make arrangements to spend time with that person. If there is something that needs to be said....say it. If there is much work that needs to be done that might make it easier for someone else when you are gone, then do it. People spend so much time being busy with things that absolutely have no meaning, and forget that much pleasure can be found in organizing and preparing yourself now for whatever may come. Soak up what is right in front of you......your family, relationships, nature, etc. If you have money problems, then sit down with someone and work through it.....tear up credit cards....stop spending money......stop doing things you know you can't afford....be more focused on someone who might need your help in some way......give stuff away that someone else might need that you know you don't use or need anymore.
Today I want to take my focus off my pain and suffering, off things that really have no purpose or meaning in this life, and place it on those things that will last after I'm gone. If something is not right, then I will do whatever I need to do in order to make it right. I will prepare my mind, thoughts and behavior for what I leave behind, as opposed to what I can accumulate and gain for self.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Those Things Left Behind
I have through the years been able to collect a few things that when I have to stop for a while and rest, bring me much comfort. The things I'm referring to are by no means fancy or expensive, but have a different sort of value to me, that convey or evoke a sense of history, comfort and gentleness.... and it's not so important that I know the exact history of an item, but just knowing somehow that it meant a lot to someone else a long time ago. It's interesting because there is not one thing in my home that I bought new. Every single piece of furniture I have has it's own story to write, with me at the end.
It's as if I live in a place with many others, and with them comes their happiness, joy, pain, sorrow....etc., waiting for my energy or identity to be etched along with them for the next person to enjoy. The pieces are completely different in shape, texture or space they take up....but all have been around me long enough where new grooves have been worn, with a story that goes with it. So why would they bring me so much comfort when after all, they are just inanimate objects to be sat in, eaten off of, slept in, or a place in which to contain?
Maybe it has something to do with leaving something of yourself behind when you're gone. Granted I have no idea who made or used some of the pieces I now own, they invariably left a hint of themselves behind....whether it be a smell, an energy or a nick that was never repaired. I suppose I am fascinated with what came before me, but I'm even more fascinated with those things that I add to, for someone else to enjoy or ponder at some point, and the way in which I want to do that. In other words it's becoming more important for me to focus on what I leave behind as opposed to getting what I can while I'm still here.
When I look around my home at the different things I've collected over the years, it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I bought them. Only a couple of them I consider true antiques of great value if sold, but mostly pieces that were almost calling my name as I walked by them for the first time. Was it the texture, the wood, or how that particular item was used? I'm not sure. I think usually it would have something to do with function, for I would always be looking at how a certain piece could be used instead of just looked at. If it didn't hold something, organize something or provide ease and comfort in some way, I wasn't interested.
Did I spend way too much time analyzing how something would be used instead of just liking something for the sake of liking it? Maybe. I suppose it has something to do with being frugal and having order in my life. A place for everything and everything in it's place has become a daily thing for me. Not because I consider myself a "type A" personality or anal.....but mainly because it helps keep order in my mind if I keep order in my home. The minute it gets cluttered or there are things in front of me that do not have a good use or take up precious space, then my energy goes out the window. Again.....it has more to do with freeing up space in my mind because my illness takes up so much room.
So because I spend so much time alone in my home, it's important for me to surround myself with those things that bring me comfort and peace. Those items that were mentioned earlier, or things that keep me connected to family and friends, don't take up space......they only add to in a good way because they have a positive energy, that when I walk by them almost say outloud....."Hello, I'm still here, I have only good things to offer your home..... I don't need anything except to soak up what you want to leave behind for the next person who uses me in their home." That is very comforting to me as silly as it may seem or sound to someone else.
Will my stuff last? Well, some have lasted a very long time already. Some are so old they probably need to be thown out. But there are some that now have a part of me etched into the grain that my children will enjoy one day when I'm gone....and then their children. I hope they last that long. I hope my energy and the appreciation I have for them will be experienced by the next person ,and they too will sit and wonder.........who's life was lived around this thing that brought me so much comfort.
So the next time I walk past my old desk, where I have for the last 10 years or so, left behind my own nicks, scrapes and uh oh's....I will touch it yet again so my energy is experienced by someone else someday. I hope it's positive energy that brings comfort, peace, joy and a sense of gratitude. Someone will invariably place their hand in the exact same place and hopefully realize a part of them has now been left behind.
It's as if I live in a place with many others, and with them comes their happiness, joy, pain, sorrow....etc., waiting for my energy or identity to be etched along with them for the next person to enjoy. The pieces are completely different in shape, texture or space they take up....but all have been around me long enough where new grooves have been worn, with a story that goes with it. So why would they bring me so much comfort when after all, they are just inanimate objects to be sat in, eaten off of, slept in, or a place in which to contain?
Maybe it has something to do with leaving something of yourself behind when you're gone. Granted I have no idea who made or used some of the pieces I now own, they invariably left a hint of themselves behind....whether it be a smell, an energy or a nick that was never repaired. I suppose I am fascinated with what came before me, but I'm even more fascinated with those things that I add to, for someone else to enjoy or ponder at some point, and the way in which I want to do that. In other words it's becoming more important for me to focus on what I leave behind as opposed to getting what I can while I'm still here.
When I look around my home at the different things I've collected over the years, it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I bought them. Only a couple of them I consider true antiques of great value if sold, but mostly pieces that were almost calling my name as I walked by them for the first time. Was it the texture, the wood, or how that particular item was used? I'm not sure. I think usually it would have something to do with function, for I would always be looking at how a certain piece could be used instead of just looked at. If it didn't hold something, organize something or provide ease and comfort in some way, I wasn't interested.
Did I spend way too much time analyzing how something would be used instead of just liking something for the sake of liking it? Maybe. I suppose it has something to do with being frugal and having order in my life. A place for everything and everything in it's place has become a daily thing for me. Not because I consider myself a "type A" personality or anal.....but mainly because it helps keep order in my mind if I keep order in my home. The minute it gets cluttered or there are things in front of me that do not have a good use or take up precious space, then my energy goes out the window. Again.....it has more to do with freeing up space in my mind because my illness takes up so much room.
So because I spend so much time alone in my home, it's important for me to surround myself with those things that bring me comfort and peace. Those items that were mentioned earlier, or things that keep me connected to family and friends, don't take up space......they only add to in a good way because they have a positive energy, that when I walk by them almost say outloud....."Hello, I'm still here, I have only good things to offer your home..... I don't need anything except to soak up what you want to leave behind for the next person who uses me in their home." That is very comforting to me as silly as it may seem or sound to someone else.
Will my stuff last? Well, some have lasted a very long time already. Some are so old they probably need to be thown out. But there are some that now have a part of me etched into the grain that my children will enjoy one day when I'm gone....and then their children. I hope they last that long. I hope my energy and the appreciation I have for them will be experienced by the next person ,and they too will sit and wonder.........who's life was lived around this thing that brought me so much comfort.
So the next time I walk past my old desk, where I have for the last 10 years or so, left behind my own nicks, scrapes and uh oh's....I will touch it yet again so my energy is experienced by someone else someday. I hope it's positive energy that brings comfort, peace, joy and a sense of gratitude. Someone will invariably place their hand in the exact same place and hopefully realize a part of them has now been left behind.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Simplicity
Do you ever feel as if you were born in the wrong century? I do......quite often in fact. Lately I've been trying to figure out why, and with careful contemplation, I believe I've hit on something. Simplicity. Though I thought today's article was going to touch on "what was"......it seemed more appropriate to elaborate on what it really meant, at least to me. First of all, there is no doubt in my mind that there are many like myself, who believe that "high tech" is for the birds. After all, what is wrong with cooking on the stovetop, writing "real" letters, watching one t.v. with 3 channels, and talking on a phone that has a cord attached to the wall? Hey.....for me....nothing at all. I love it. There is also no doubt that if I didn't have this computer at my disposal.....I would still be writing using a typewriter or better yet.......a pen.
Maybe the reason I am so bothered by this idea of living in a "high tech" world, is not so much the change that was brought about.....but what the change did to our brains. As the world progressed, it forced our brains to progress into believing the new gadgets, thoughts, inventions,....etc......demanded one thing that really leaves me raw.......busyness. Not business........busy-ness. Huge difference, and of course, sticking to the neverending need to find true meaning, I have to ask Webster about this one. Busyness.....Having too much detail, variety of color....as to create a confusing, displeasing effect. Wow......that pretty much nails it in my book, epecially the confusing and displeasing part.
I can't tell you how many times a day I hear someone say.......I am just so busy......too busy. As if someone has them tied to something and they can't get free.......they have no control. Now I'm sorry.....but the one thing here that stands out to me is......lack of control. After all......one does have some control over how busy they allow themselves to be. The puzzling part is, having the need to continue to add to instead of taking away.......well at least puzzling to most of the people I know. Either I have something right....that no one else "gets", or I am totally out of touch with the real world and what it takes to live in it. It could be because of my physical limitations, I am forced to live a very simple and quiet life, that has nothing to do with busyness. So being in such an extreme position.....it's hard for me to understand.
The people around me quite often say they envy my life. Though of course have no clue as to how much that lifestyle cost. And of course I am not suggesting that everyone go out and get themselves an illness......available at any local sundry store. But what I am wondering is......why can't there be some sort of balance here? Why can't there be a declaration of what is not needed in someone's life..........that takes up too much space, energy and time? Thank God we are at this time being forced to "go green." I'm hoping and praying that it will slow down the pace.....which I see from the news is already starting to happen. People are making the decision to stay home instead of using gas and money to travel....which of course in turn gives families a new way of looking at their own home and backyard as a haven in which to relax and enjoy. No rafts, tickets or credit cards needed.
Honestly, I could very well point the finger at societal demands and expectations of how we are to live in this world......but that would mean that we are basically allowing that same "society" to dictate how we spend our time. All the infamous gadgets that are supposed to save us time, in fact force us to figure out how to fill up that time. Of course my question is......why can't we just sit back and relax with that extra time? There it is.......the meat. Were we so lacking, boring, and uncreative back in the 20th century or what? What is it that we are trying to prove here? That we can stand on one foot while driving that big SUV.......that we can juggle in the kitchen while feeding three children and a husband three different meals, at three different times......that we can buy what we want because we have a pocket full of credit cards.....that we can eat what we want and not gain weight......have a healthy body without exercise?
Trust me....I was only able to try on a few of those and it didn't work for me. My body couldn't take it.......so I sit back and watch people turning what could be so much simpler, into chaos, confusion, frustration and most often....exhaustion and unhappiness. Can I fix it? No....not likely. Can I expect everyone to live as I live......no...not likely. But I can ask you one question? Would the world come to an end or would you feel as if you had slipped off the merry-go-round if you just started to simplify your life? Look what it took for people to start paying attention to the energy crisis. All the while, listening to those out there who are appalled at the gas prices, and wondering why and what they were going to do about it. Never taking one moment to see, that in order for change to take place, or for people to actually take action, something had to be taken away.
Hmmmmm.....like someone dying. You don't appreciate someone until they die. How sad is that? And then when they do, you think, how unfair is that...or why did they die? Totally takes away from the issue doesn't it? The fact is....they died.......they're gone. You cannot change that, and it's sad if you have to experience regret of any kind. If there was change to have taken place, what would the change have been?
My point is, what is so wrong about recognizing that if you are in fact confused, frustrated or aggravated by the busyness or chaos in your life, you actually have the power to change it. You can make it as complicated as you want.....or as simple as you want.
Maybe the reason I am so bothered by this idea of living in a "high tech" world, is not so much the change that was brought about.....but what the change did to our brains. As the world progressed, it forced our brains to progress into believing the new gadgets, thoughts, inventions,....etc......demanded one thing that really leaves me raw.......busyness. Not business........busy-ness. Huge difference, and of course, sticking to the neverending need to find true meaning, I have to ask Webster about this one. Busyness.....Having too much detail, variety of color....as to create a confusing, displeasing effect. Wow......that pretty much nails it in my book, epecially the confusing and displeasing part.
I can't tell you how many times a day I hear someone say.......I am just so busy......too busy. As if someone has them tied to something and they can't get free.......they have no control. Now I'm sorry.....but the one thing here that stands out to me is......lack of control. After all......one does have some control over how busy they allow themselves to be. The puzzling part is, having the need to continue to add to instead of taking away.......well at least puzzling to most of the people I know. Either I have something right....that no one else "gets", or I am totally out of touch with the real world and what it takes to live in it. It could be because of my physical limitations, I am forced to live a very simple and quiet life, that has nothing to do with busyness. So being in such an extreme position.....it's hard for me to understand.
The people around me quite often say they envy my life. Though of course have no clue as to how much that lifestyle cost. And of course I am not suggesting that everyone go out and get themselves an illness......available at any local sundry store. But what I am wondering is......why can't there be some sort of balance here? Why can't there be a declaration of what is not needed in someone's life..........that takes up too much space, energy and time? Thank God we are at this time being forced to "go green." I'm hoping and praying that it will slow down the pace.....which I see from the news is already starting to happen. People are making the decision to stay home instead of using gas and money to travel....which of course in turn gives families a new way of looking at their own home and backyard as a haven in which to relax and enjoy. No rafts, tickets or credit cards needed.
Honestly, I could very well point the finger at societal demands and expectations of how we are to live in this world......but that would mean that we are basically allowing that same "society" to dictate how we spend our time. All the infamous gadgets that are supposed to save us time, in fact force us to figure out how to fill up that time. Of course my question is......why can't we just sit back and relax with that extra time? There it is.......the meat. Were we so lacking, boring, and uncreative back in the 20th century or what? What is it that we are trying to prove here? That we can stand on one foot while driving that big SUV.......that we can juggle in the kitchen while feeding three children and a husband three different meals, at three different times......that we can buy what we want because we have a pocket full of credit cards.....that we can eat what we want and not gain weight......have a healthy body without exercise?
Trust me....I was only able to try on a few of those and it didn't work for me. My body couldn't take it.......so I sit back and watch people turning what could be so much simpler, into chaos, confusion, frustration and most often....exhaustion and unhappiness. Can I fix it? No....not likely. Can I expect everyone to live as I live......no...not likely. But I can ask you one question? Would the world come to an end or would you feel as if you had slipped off the merry-go-round if you just started to simplify your life? Look what it took for people to start paying attention to the energy crisis. All the while, listening to those out there who are appalled at the gas prices, and wondering why and what they were going to do about it. Never taking one moment to see, that in order for change to take place, or for people to actually take action, something had to be taken away.
Hmmmmm.....like someone dying. You don't appreciate someone until they die. How sad is that? And then when they do, you think, how unfair is that...or why did they die? Totally takes away from the issue doesn't it? The fact is....they died.......they're gone. You cannot change that, and it's sad if you have to experience regret of any kind. If there was change to have taken place, what would the change have been?
My point is, what is so wrong about recognizing that if you are in fact confused, frustrated or aggravated by the busyness or chaos in your life, you actually have the power to change it. You can make it as complicated as you want.....or as simple as you want.
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