Pity Parties

Have you ever had the overwhelming need to have a pity party? I have, and quite often thought of mailing out invitations to include my family and friends. That's sort of extreme thinking, but it's true. Do you ever wonder why we step away from our daily lives in order to have pity parties, while most of the time not even realizing that's what we're doing? For I don't think we really enjoy them all that much, because it implies a sense of self centeredness. That whatever we are going through is much more important than what someone else might be experiencing.

However, I have, fortunately, come to the realization that what I go through each day doesn't even come close to what some people go through. Yesterday was a day like that for me. Things felt awkward, out of sorts.....almost twisted and distorted like I picked up the wrong glasses or something. It continued that way throughout the day, until I finally had to put it to rest. It felt like I was picking at my life, like an open sore that I wouldn't allow to heal.

Thankfully I came across not one, but two different people in my building that quickly reminded me that I might be feeling out of sorts, confused, or even feeling physically bad, but there were other people who were truly suffering from things that seemed much worse than mine. One lady is suffering from a respiratory disease, that looked as if she was not going to make it down the hall to the outside door. The other had just found out that her brother had been put in the hospital with cancer. This was the last surviving brother she had, for all her other siblings had died. She was very sad, and rightly so. All I could see written all over those situtions was......it was wrong.

Granted, stuff happens like that all the time. People will get sick and they will die, we cannot run from that as much as we would like to think we can. These are real life situations that bring sadness, pain, heartache and loss....period. No way to get around it........but what it does for me is, it reminds me that the pity party I planned to have of my own, can be easily cancelled. For if I left the two ladies and continued plans to have my party, it would have served no purpose at all. In fact it would have made a mockery of what I had just seen. My pain that day was unclear, out of focus and needed to be rerouted, so that I could recognize how fortunate I was.

I don't have pity parties that often because I won't allow myself to. If I get close to having one, I just set up an hour during the day to sit in the middle of the floor and wail until I feel the pain and frustration leave my body, because sometimes it really serves no purpose to sit and complain or whine about something. And most often whatever we're complaining about has already been said a hundred times before, so no one really wants to hear it again.

So today I will remember my two friends in the hallway and what they were going through yesterday. My confusion weighed little as compared to what they were experiencing. I'll remember to tear up my pity party invitations, and quietly set up my own time to wail. There is a time and place to share your frustrations and pain with others, but before you do, see if there is someone living right next door to you that is truly suffering and could use a friend.

"No Place Like Home"

I don't think you have to see The Wizard of Oz to appreciate what those words mean........there's no place like home. You only have to venture out, either someplace far away or not so far away and realize how precious your own space is, especially when you're not feeling well. But what is it about our space....our home, that is so comforting to us? Does it have to do with what is in our homes.....the smell....the location....who is there with us? That's a really good question for us all to ponder, because I believe that in the future, it will help remind us that even when we do venture out, we have the safety of our homes to comfort us when we return.


As much as we all have to accept the fact that the world functions with us in it, the world is also counting on how we spend our down time in order to replenish our energy and minds so that we can stay on top of our respective jobs. I would hate to see the world as a sea of insomniacs living on the edge each day, wondering who was going to explode next. So our space, our respite, our hiding place from the world is really one of the most important things that we have on this earth, so it's no wonder I would be interested in what makes it the haven that it is?


It's always fun and downright helpful for us all to step away into another space, if for no other reason than to appreciate the one we left behind, but I'm wondering if we often take those things that bring us comfort for granted. After all, it's just stuff...just a home......a place in which to dwell so we aren't laying around in the streets. What is it exactly that makes a space or home so comforting, and if it isn't, what could you do in order to make it that way? For after all.....you know me and looking at things that can be changed. We can't control very much, so I grab hold of those things I can change.....and every day.


I've talked some about those things in my space that have been passed on to me by people I know or have no clue about.....enjoying them, soaking up their energy, and then passing them onto the next person. I guess I'm talking more about the energy of your space. Is it open and clear, which is how we want our minds to be.....everyone wants that. Or is it cluttered and busy? Are things situated so that when it is time to rest, it brings comfort instead of chaos? Being careful to realize, I am not talking about becoming a type "A" personality where if things are not in order, it implies a serious character flaw. I'm talking about what your space does to your mind. Does it make you want to leave most often, wish you were in someone elses space, constantly wondering what it is that's actually missing?

I believe a huge clue here is not really taking the time to realize what is actually good for you, your mind and your body. After all, we are all made completely different in so many different ways. What affects my body, weakens it, energizes it, or brings it peace can be completely different than how the next person experiences his/her surroundings. The sooner we realize that, the more peace the whole world will experience. My body craves quiet, living alone, and being around people who are kind and understanding to me as well as others. My childhood was not your typical Leave It To Beaver, as much as I craved that sort of environment, my reality was quite different. So there is good reason why I need to be surrounded by the comforts of peace and quiet.

On the other hand, some people are energized by activity, lots of people, and are not so sensitive to their surroundings. That's great....it really is. My point here is not that one lifestyle is better or more appropriate than the other, it's finding the one that works for you. The one that brings you the most comfort at the end of the day, whether you're sick or well. I think it's important that we not only recognize what feeds our soul when we venture out into the world, but more importantly what feeds our soul when we're in our own home. Whether you feel your space right now is temporary or permanent, take time to look around and take in what it offers you emotionally and spiritually.

Find those things that hold memories and feelings......that bring comfort and peace, and let the other stuff go. After a while you'll be able to walk in each room of your house or apartment, and connect with everything that surrounds you, for these are the things that you will treasure when you venture out and hunger to return to.

Prepared

As you have been well aware, if you have been fortunate to keep up with my blogs, that I tend to focus on a new word fairly often. Which not only forces me to keep my trusty dictionary at my side teaching me new words, but more importantly encourages me to pick at a word that I already use, in order to find new meaning and application. Prepared is one of those words. Well...we might as well pull out Webster to see what he has to say. After all....he knows best.

Prepared. To make things ready. To make oneself ready. To bring forth, make suitable. Now we can look at that and see it very simply, or we can go a bit further and see where it leads. I prepare myself each day either by brushing my teeth, eating breakfast, putting on my clothes...etc.....but those all imply outside preparation. What happens when we take that internally? What sort of preparation goes on inside my head? Although there is good reason and purpose for the external things I mentioned, how do I prepare my mind for the day? Are the hours ahead self focused, so they will ultimately give me access to all the good stuff......or is there anything inside me that has to do with the outside world and how I might make it a better place in which to live?

It's so easy to think that being in this world is all about how we appear to those around us, when if we choose this line of thinking will only lead to a life that is shallow and empty. How narcissistic of us to think that the world revolves around us, or that we have such great importance that's usually based on what we have accumulated or how we are recognized. Talk about having a bad taste in your mouth....that one just about does it for me. In fact, for me, there is nothing appealing about that sentence at all. It makes me feel self centered and ungodly......for I don't believe that is why God placed us here. How on earth, no matter how you believe you arrived here, could you think that your sole purpose, while here, could or would be designed just for you?

No wonder most of us feel that we are absolutely alone, in a world where no one could possibly understand anything you think or feel. It's because we are so self focused and think we are the be all, end all, of the universe, we would never even stop to think there might be a higher purpose for us being here. And whether you consider yourself a spiritual individual or not, is there not a moment when you might consider that there might be a higher purpose that includes all of us instead of you getting what you want or think you need in this life?


It's just hard for me to imagine there is really no rhyme or reason to why we're here, with nothing for us to learn or to share with others. That each one of us are plopped down here on earth to take whatever we want, use up whatever we want, or think that what we do, think, or feel doesn't impact anyone else? Again....how narcisistic is that? And while I believe that there are some people who do take the time to be other focused, there is still a large majority who are more concerned about how they appear to others, how much money they make, and what that money will buy them.


I have to say that I haven't run across too many that are more concerned about how they can help change the world, and what they can leave behind for others. This is where being prepared comes into play. What do I do with my life right now that says I am preparing for after I'm gone? Maybe it has something to do with being sick, and realizing the good stuff that is left to enjoy, and how no matter how long any of us have here on this earth, there are ways in which to make an impact while you're still here. So, looking at the big picture, which I always try to do, what can I do to prepare for when I'm gone?


Well....I can say what needs to be said, take time to experience those things that bring me happiness and a sense of contentment, organize and clean up my life so it makes some sense to those I've left behind, as well as some other ways that I have yet to discover. The point is, I'm moving in a direction of preparing, and this has nothing to do with gloom and doom or any morbid thoughts about me or my illness......this is just how I would like to acknowledge those things that I am so grateful for right now, because we never know what will come next.


If we need to spend time with someone, then make arrangements to spend time with that person. If there is something that needs to be said....say it. If there is much work that needs to be done that might make it easier for someone else when you are gone, then do it. People spend so much time being busy with things that absolutely have no meaning, and forget that much pleasure can be found in organizing and preparing yourself now for whatever may come. Soak up what is right in front of you......your family, relationships, nature, etc. If you have money problems, then sit down with someone and work through it.....tear up credit cards....stop spending money......stop doing things you know you can't afford....be more focused on someone who might need your help in some way......give stuff away that someone else might need that you know you don't use or need anymore.

Today I want to take my focus off my pain and suffering, off things that really have no purpose or meaning in this life, and place it on those things that will last after I'm gone. If something is not right, then I will do whatever I need to do in order to make it right. I will prepare my mind, thoughts and behavior for what I leave behind, as opposed to what I can accumulate and gain for self.

Those Things Left Behind

I have through the years been able to collect a few things that when I have to stop for a while and rest, bring me much comfort. The things I'm referring to are by no means fancy or expensive, but have a different sort of value to me, that convey or evoke a sense of history, comfort and gentleness.... and it's not so important that I know the exact history of an item, but just knowing somehow that it meant a lot to someone else a long time ago. It's interesting because there is not one thing in my home that I bought new. Every single piece of furniture I have has it's own story to write, with me at the end.

It's as if I live in a place with many others, and with them comes their happiness, joy, pain, sorrow....etc., waiting for my energy or identity to be etched along with them for the next person to enjoy. The pieces are completely different in shape, texture or space they take up....but all have been around me long enough where new grooves have been worn, with a story that goes with it. So why would they bring me so much comfort when after all, they are just inanimate objects to be sat in, eaten off of, slept in, or a place in which to contain?

Maybe it has something to do with leaving something of yourself behind when you're gone. Granted I have no idea who made or used some of the pieces I now own, they invariably left a hint of themselves behind....whether it be a smell, an energy or a nick that was never repaired. I suppose I am fascinated with what came before me, but I'm even more fascinated with those things that I add to, for someone else to enjoy or ponder at some point, and the way in which I want to do that. In other words it's becoming more important for me to focus on what I leave behind as opposed to getting what I can while I'm still here.

When I look around my home at the different things I've collected over the years, it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I bought them. Only a couple of them I consider true antiques of great value if sold, but mostly pieces that were almost calling my name as I walked by them for the first time. Was it the texture, the wood, or how that particular item was used? I'm not sure. I think usually it would have something to do with function, for I would always be looking at how a certain piece could be used instead of just looked at. If it didn't hold something, organize something or provide ease and comfort in some way, I wasn't interested.

Did I spend way too much time analyzing how something would be used instead of just liking something for the sake of liking it? Maybe. I suppose it has something to do with being frugal and having order in my life. A place for everything and everything in it's place has become a daily thing for me. Not because I consider myself a "type A" personality or anal.....but mainly because it helps keep order in my mind if I keep order in my home. The minute it gets cluttered or there are things in front of me that do not have a good use or take up precious space, then my energy goes out the window. Again.....it has more to do with freeing up space in my mind because my illness takes up so much room.

So because I spend so much time alone in my home, it's important for me to surround myself with those things that bring me comfort and peace. Those items that were mentioned earlier, or things that keep me connected to family and friends, don't take up space......they only add to in a good way because they have a positive energy, that when I walk by them almost say outloud....."Hello, I'm still here, I have only good things to offer your home..... I don't need anything except to soak up what you want to leave behind for the next person who uses me in their home." That is very comforting to me as silly as it may seem or sound to someone else.

Will my stuff last? Well, some have lasted a very long time already. Some are so old they probably need to be thown out. But there are some that now have a part of me etched into the grain that my children will enjoy one day when I'm gone....and then their children. I hope they last that long. I hope my energy and the appreciation I have for them will be experienced by the next person ,and they too will sit and wonder.........who's life was lived around this thing that brought me so much comfort.

So the next time I walk past my old desk, where I have for the last 10 years or so, left behind my own nicks, scrapes and uh oh's....I will touch it yet again so my energy is experienced by someone else someday. I hope it's positive energy that brings comfort, peace, joy and a sense of gratitude. Someone will invariably place their hand in the exact same place and hopefully realize a part of them has now been left behind.

Simplicity

Do you ever feel as if you were born in the wrong century? I do......quite often in fact. Lately I've been trying to figure out why, and with careful contemplation, I believe I've hit on something. Simplicity. Though I thought today's article was going to touch on "what was"......it seemed more appropriate to elaborate on what it really meant, at least to me. First of all, there is no doubt in my mind that there are many like myself, who believe that "high tech" is for the birds. After all, what is wrong with cooking on the stovetop, writing "real" letters, watching one t.v. with 3 channels, and talking on a phone that has a cord attached to the wall? Hey.....for me....nothing at all. I love it. There is also no doubt that if I didn't have this computer at my disposal.....I would still be writing using a typewriter or better yet.......a pen.

Maybe the reason I am so bothered by this idea of living in a "high tech" world, is not so much the change that was brought about.....but what the change did to our brains. As the world progressed, it forced our brains to progress into believing the new gadgets, thoughts, inventions,....etc......demanded one thing that really leaves me raw.......busyness. Not business........busy-ness. Huge difference, and of course, sticking to the neverending need to find true meaning, I have to ask Webster about this one. Busyness.....Having too much detail, variety of color....as to create a confusing, displeasing effect. Wow......that pretty much nails it in my book, epecially the confusing and displeasing part.

I can't tell you how many times a day I hear someone say.......I am just so busy......too busy. As if someone has them tied to something and they can't get free.......they have no control. Now I'm sorry.....but the one thing here that stands out to me is......lack of control. After all......one does have some control over how busy they allow themselves to be. The puzzling part is, having the need to continue to add to instead of taking away.......well at least puzzling to most of the people I know. Either I have something right....that no one else "gets", or I am totally out of touch with the real world and what it takes to live in it. It could be because of my physical limitations, I am forced to live a very simple and quiet life, that has nothing to do with busyness. So being in such an extreme position.....it's hard for me to understand.

The people around me quite often say they envy my life. Though of course have no clue as to how much that lifestyle cost. And of course I am not suggesting that everyone go out and get themselves an illness......available at any local sundry store. But what I am wondering is......why can't there be some sort of balance here? Why can't there be a declaration of what is not needed in someone's life..........that takes up too much space, energy and time? Thank God we are at this time being forced to "go green." I'm hoping and praying that it will slow down the pace.....which I see from the news is already starting to happen. People are making the decision to stay home instead of using gas and money to travel....which of course in turn gives families a new way of looking at their own home and backyard as a haven in which to relax and enjoy. No rafts, tickets or credit cards needed.

Honestly, I could very well point the finger at societal demands and expectations of how we are to live in this world......but that would mean that we are basically allowing that same "society" to dictate how we spend our time. All the infamous gadgets that are supposed to save us time, in fact force us to figure out how to fill up that time. Of course my question is......why can't we just sit back and relax with that extra time? There it is.......the meat. Were we so lacking, boring, and uncreative back in the 20th century or what? What is it that we are trying to prove here? That we can stand on one foot while driving that big SUV.......that we can juggle in the kitchen while feeding three children and a husband three different meals, at three different times......that we can buy what we want because we have a pocket full of credit cards.....that we can eat what we want and not gain weight......have a healthy body without exercise?

Trust me....I was only able to try on a few of those and it didn't work for me. My body couldn't take it.......so I sit back and watch people turning what could be so much simpler, into chaos, confusion, frustration and most often....exhaustion and unhappiness. Can I fix it? No....not likely. Can I expect everyone to live as I live......no...not likely. But I can ask you one question? Would the world come to an end or would you feel as if you had slipped off the merry-go-round if you just started to simplify your life? Look what it took for people to start paying attention to the energy crisis. All the while, listening to those out there who are appalled at the gas prices, and wondering why and what they were going to do about it. Never taking one moment to see, that in order for change to take place, or for people to actually take action, something had to be taken away.

Hmmmmm.....like someone dying. You don't appreciate someone until they die. How sad is that? And then when they do, you think, how unfair is that...or why did they die? Totally takes away from the issue doesn't it? The fact is....they died.......they're gone. You cannot change that, and it's sad if you have to experience regret of any kind. If there was change to have taken place, what would the change have been?

My point is, what is so wrong about recognizing that if you are in fact confused, frustrated or aggravated by the busyness or chaos in your life, you actually have the power to change it. You can make it as complicated as you want.....or as simple as you want.

"Money, Or Lack There Of"

There is not a day that goes by that I don't hear someone mentioning money.....or rather the lack there of. And what's even more interesting is, it's usually coming from someone who actually does have money, they just don't have the discipline to use it in the right way. Now what do I mean, use it the right way? I believe that God intended us all to work, in order to have money, in order to take care of our basic needs. I don't ever recall reading in the Bible about things being bought on time with credit cards, but I do recall what money was used for, which was usually a place to live and food. If there were a few that spent money on jewels and wine, there was a job that supported that sort of lifestyle.

Now this might sound like a lecture on money, and it might very well be, but in fact is intended for those who complain about the lack of instead of realizing what is truly needed.....a relationship with money. I don't believe that it always has to be that thing in which we dwell on, ponder, or worry about. Trust me on this, because it's not likely you'll "get it", until you've had your ability to make money altered in some way.... that the focus is not what you can or cannot buy that particular day, but rather if you'll be able to physically get out of bed on any given day.

Now with that being said, what sort of relationship do we need to start having with our money? First of all, respect in that it's not to be taken for granted. That in order to have money, you must first work for it, unless of course you are connected to a fortune without lifting a finger. The only thing you can say about them is, they are fortunate.....period....and let that go. If I understand one thing in this world, it's that there are fortunate people and unfortunate people, with no rhyme or reason to either. No different than sick and well people...same thing applies.

There are also going to be a group who only see that it's ok for them not to work because of laziness or arrogance. Again.....you have no control over these.....just trust that whatever tax dollars of yours goes to helping those less fortunate, is actually alotted to someone who is truly too sick to work.

So why is it that those who do have a job, put in their 40 hours a week or more, receive a paycheck, still believe there is a lack of money? That money is the culprit...the bad seed.....the thing that drives us crazy. That it purposefully eludes those of us who work hard, leaving us in lack of constantly. I believe it has to do with our society, and how it makes you feel like you are lacking because you don't have the latest car, gadget, beauty treatment, etc. It's what we are led to believe we are all entitled to, whether we have the money to pay for it or not. And it gets worse each year because we are also led to believe that, in fact, if we have credit cards, then it grants us a "pass go" ticket to do or buy whatever we want....when we want it. That whether or not you have the money to pay for it in the end.....it's worth the freedom you get from being able to spend it....even though you know in reality....the money is not really there to pay for it when the bill comes in.

This is a sad state of affairs to me. Very sad, because it shows how out-of- touch people are in regards to money. They see each day that the other person has all the goodies, and therefore makes them feel even more entitled. Always viewing the difference between the have and the have nots. Always being jealous of those who have an abundance of money, or either the illusion of having an abundance of money. We have to keep in mind that no matter the status that someone has, doesn't always mean they have a healthy relationship with their money. Just means they might have better access to the credit cards. So it always appears to the outside world that they have plenty to spend and more where that came from. If you looked at their bank account or credit card balance, you might be shocked.

So, in essence, there is a strong feeling of having a lack of money. What would help us see money in a different light? What would ease up the bank accounts so we might have more money, without thinking the only way out would be to change jobs, or rob a bank? Something radical I'm afraid, for the weak and weary may not be able to make the shift that's needed in order to discover this new relationship with money.

First thing is to start thinking about the term "bare necessities." What does that mean exactly? For me it means food and shelter. Nothing more....food and shelter. In order to survive in this world, you need those two things. Anything beyond that is negotiable, questionable and requires careful contemplation. You could probably see those words and right off the bat be aghast.....then respond with.........what about my car, my cell phone, my pedicure, my travel, my childrens needs....etc. I must have those. Well, honestly, the only one that stands out there are the childrens needs......and that would also pertain to their food and shelter. No video games, no cell phones, no name brand clothes....etc.

So what happens to all the fun stuff? The stuff that everyone else has? Ah.......there it is....right in front of you. "What everyone else has." For after all, we have to keep up with the "Jones's" right? We have to make the outside world think that we are the lucky ones....that we get all the goodies, because it makes a statement about who we are as human beings. The elite, the fortunate, the blessed ones of this kingdom that God has provided for us. Well, just remember, God has nothing to do with credit cards or keeping up with the Jones's. That's something that we brought on ourselves. There is something to be said for a humble dwelling, home cooked meals, clothes from consignment, and one good used car instead of two, and people who love and appreciate your presence in their life. We only think the "stuff" will bring peace and happiness....but it doesn't.

Just remember, none of this makes us bad people. I think we are all inherently good in nature. We are just easily caught up in what the rest of the world is thinking and doing, especially with the media making us believe that we can have what we want, when we want it. We are entitled....period. But of course behind the scenes there are people struggling with what they believe to be the culprit in their life........money.....or lack there of. Always striving, kicking, screaming, focused on how they can get what they are entitled, instead of the true reality of what they have in their pockets or bank on any given day.

Just remember....you do have a choice at how you want to relate to money. You also have a choice in what you say yes to....and what you say no to as far as money. And something you know that no one else probably knows except your bank...... is how much money you actually make and how much you can afford to spend on anything other than your bare necessities. If you are one of the wealthy, you probably wouldn't feel the need to read this article. You probably feel lack in some other area....for we always trade one need for another one. But if you are one who constantly struggles with money, and not understanding why it's always an issue for you, you might want to try and think out of the box. Just because you think you are entitled to have more in this life, or walk around with the appearance of abundance, does not mean that "thinking it" will greet you at the back door with a check to pay for it.

"To Thine Ownself Be True"

So.... I wonder what our old friend Shakespeare was thinking when he came up with that phrase? Something must have triggered those words. Just think...even back then there was someone on this earth who was aware enough of themselves and those around them to actually contemplate self truth, and even though I don't know exactly what led him to write it, it still speaks to me. So we might as well get right down to it, because you already know I have something to say about the subject.

Truth. Now most people would think I'm talking about being honest with others, and while that is of the utmost importance.....I want to focus more on being honest with yourself, because actually, you can't really be truthful and honest with anyone else, unless you take a good look at yourself and see the truth. Well....what is the truth? Let's look it up shall we? Webster states that truth is the quality of being in accordance with facts or reality. Now I'll admit all of us, to a degree, stretch the truth in dealing with others, as well as self. Which basically means we are pretending something instead of portraying what is real. So why would we be so afraid to be real? What is wrong with being who you really are, unless your expectations are too high...especially of yourself?

Ah....so maybe this has to do with how we believe others view us? So we can't be honest with ourselves, because if we were, then we're afraid others won't accept us for who we are? Hence the "being in accordance with facts or reality comes into play." Yes indeedy, another one of my twisted puzzles thrown out on the floor to play with, pick at, analyze, and ponder. Hey it's either play with the puzzles or wake up each day playing a different game that really gets you nowhere fast. You ever wonder what people mean when they say "don't play mind games with me?" Well....I believe it has something to do with being dishonest with others, or somehow twisting the truth about yourself to get what you want.

So.....there we go. The crux of the issue or bottom line stems from......getting what you want...and doing or saying whatever you need to do or say to get it, and sadly enough, most of the time, getting away with it. I don't know about you, but that whole last sentence tasted really bitter in my mouth. I would almost rather have someone blatently lie to me, than to lie about who they really are, and it would be more important for them to get what they wanted or felt they deserved, than to "be in accordance with facts or reality,"..........in essence, live in truth.

Maybe it stems with how we look at ourselves. Are we so low on the totem pole, that no one would ever want to be around us? It's sad to think that we have to paint a completely different picture of ourselves than what others see, in order to be happy in this world or to feel accepted.....very sad indeed. So today I encourage you to for once take a look at yourself in the mirror and see the truth. If you see something good....then focus on the good. If you see something not so good or really bad, then make a pact with yourself to change it so you can live a more authentic life not only with yourself, but more importantly with those around you.

We all deserve to live in truth, and more likely to gain those things that mean the most to us in this life if we strive for honesty. So the next time something flies out of your mouth about yourself that you know in your gut is the farthest thing from the truth........try your best to remember old Shakespeare and his famous words of wisdom........"To Thine Ownself Be True."