No....I'm not talking about withholding taxes here, but more in the vein of withholding thoughts and feelings towards something or someone. Webster, by now you realize, has become a most important colleague of mine, states simply the meaning of withholding. To hold back; keep back ;or restrain. Now when you read that, it implies that it's something that you yourself are in control of.......simply keeping something for yourself, and not allowing someone else access to that something. And again for my particular purposes here, I'm going to remain in that vein of feelings.
Now it's not as important here as to what sort of feelings you're withholding from someone, but why you've chosen to withhold them. There could be many reasons, such as fear, anger, resentment, bitterness, or my own personal favorite reason........punishment. Yes indeedy....punishment. Something we can't imagine we could inflict on anyone besides a gentle prodding of a child to do right, and we'll leave capital punishment up to the courts. Let's stick with recognizing how sometimes we withhold feelings from those that we are closest to, because we believe we have been wronged by that person in some way.
In this sense, the withholding stems from unresolved feelings that have not been expressed......and we've simply chosen to hang onto them thinking that the person we're withholding from, will be punished in someway. We're hoping or thinking that they won't notice, or realize we are punishing them......but after a while, they will discover your game. And I'm not talking about bad people here, but most often the ones who we see as well intended, and would never think badly or inflict any sort of pain onto someone else. Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this.......but that is usually the case. However, there is a flipside to this, that may help you understand instead of being appalled.
Keep in mind that most often, the person who is withholding, is not aware of this. I know, you're asking yourself how absurd is that? But just stick with me here, and we'll try to find some clarity. The case most often, is the person who is withholding, is not aware that's what they're doing, because the hurt inside is so deep and imbedded. If you choose not to deal with those feelings that pop up and eat at your gut, they will manifest themselves in some other way. It's almost a safety valve for your heart. You've set it up in hopes that it will protect you from being hurt, sad, devastated...etc. And if something flips that valve, the damn will break, and you will never recover from the hurt and pain of what was experienced. Make sense?
All pretty deep stuff when you think about it, but ultimately it causes or inflicts pain on those you love the most. Your craftiness usually ends up not only hurting those around you.......but most significantly hurting yourself. It keeps you from fully experiencing life, love, and how God intended us to be on this earth. Remember now, it was never promised that we were put here to be perfect, or that we would never suffer pain, no matter the form. We were put here to love and be loved, period. Not to seek or demand perfection in others, but to love them for who they are.....because honestly, they are a part of us. They were put here for the same reasons you were, and are entitled to experience those good things that were promised.
You cannot fully and completely love someone if you are either choosing to withhold, or are just now realizing that's what you're doing. It's so easy to walk around this life pointing the finger, judging others for things that most often you are guilty of yourself. Or judging for something they may have done or said, that they aren't even aware of.........again.......none of us are perfect.
With all this being said, please take time to check your gut and see if there is something deep that you need to let out. If you don't express it, how will anyone know, for we weren't given the gift to read minds. Ask yourself this question. What would it feel like if someone you loved was withholding something from you? It would not feel like love right? It would feel like punishment. That someone you love is punishing you for something, and you don't even know what it is. How cruel is that.....and more importantly, what can be gained? For if you think that withholding or punishing someone will protect your heart.........think again.
So you can withhold, punish, whatever you want to call it, but most often you're the one that will end up suffering, because you have chosen to focus on your hurt, instead of what God intended .......peace, love, joy, contentment, and compassion for those around us. I would rather my heart be broken and allowed to heal, instead of pretending it had never been broken at all.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Authenticity
This is a tough one for so many people, and good reason. Most of us live to please and satisfy others, while not even considering what we need in our own lives. According to Webster, authentic refers to something or someone being genuine, valid, reliable, trustworthy....to be believed or accepted. Well, I don't know about you, but if I were going to strive for any particular behaviors, those would be at the top of my list. Those are strong, hearty and comforting words, that are not only valued and admired in people you may come across each day, but more importantly within yourself.
We go along in life expecting so much from those around us, but we never stop to think that we should expect it more from ourselves than from others. These are qualities that I believe are most often hard earned, and require a sense of accountability to not only retain, but to keep intact throughout our whole life. So I think the first thing you must do, is to assess your own authenticity. Just as if you were taking a jewel to have it appraised. You want to know its value, it's resale value, or to see if it's even real. You'll see that it's a lot easier than assessing your own personal authenticity. This will take some time.
First thing you might want to look at or question about yourself is......am I real? Now being real is very much like being authentic, though it does have more to do with being sincere or not pretending to be something you're not. This takes great discernment when it comes to assessing the authenticity of someone around you, because these are qualities that you can quite often conjure up to suit the person or the occasion, without actually feeling those qualities at all. But when assessing your own, it's something that you can measure viscerally. You can tell when you're genuinely feeling sincere or real, just like you can tell when you're telling the truth or a lie. It's a gut level sensation.
I think you can also tell when you're working from a place of fear, control, anger, lonliness, or frustration. For however you respond to someone will not sit well.......there is a sense of lacking, wanting, or not being heard, because you're not coming from a place of honesty and truth. What comes out of your mouth has a bitter aftertaste, because your not fully extending or expressing what you really feel. You are too busy trying to pacify and satisfy the others expectations of you, or trying to be perfect, one or the other, or sometimes both.
This can be quite maddening, and honestly.....not healthy at all. Part of the fear in learning or choosing to be authentic, is the fear that comes from knowing those around you might react negatively about your need to be authentic. Remember, most people don't like change, because it disrupts their lives, or requires they look at the truth about their own lives, and realizing the adjustment or changes that need to be made. This takes work.......hard, sometimes agonizing work, but it's like realizing you have a tooth that needs to be pulled. The pain will remain until you get it pulled. Once it's pulled, then you can start eating again.
So let me ask you......how do you expect those around you to be real and sincere, until you're able to practice that yourself? For me, living an authentic life implies freedom. Free from worry, fretting and anxiety, because I know that I've checked myself, my motives, and my intentions, before I speak, trusting that what comes out is the truth. Doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks or believes about me....I know that I've checked my gut, and there is peace, not turmoil or chaos. I know that when I walk away, that I'm the same person in my own space that I am in public. No one would be surprised at how I live or behave at home...........it's perfectly consistent to what I show to the outside world. That is true freedom, because you don't need to hide anything from anyone. This is the true meaning of living an authentic life.
We go along in life expecting so much from those around us, but we never stop to think that we should expect it more from ourselves than from others. These are qualities that I believe are most often hard earned, and require a sense of accountability to not only retain, but to keep intact throughout our whole life. So I think the first thing you must do, is to assess your own authenticity. Just as if you were taking a jewel to have it appraised. You want to know its value, it's resale value, or to see if it's even real. You'll see that it's a lot easier than assessing your own personal authenticity. This will take some time.
First thing you might want to look at or question about yourself is......am I real? Now being real is very much like being authentic, though it does have more to do with being sincere or not pretending to be something you're not. This takes great discernment when it comes to assessing the authenticity of someone around you, because these are qualities that you can quite often conjure up to suit the person or the occasion, without actually feeling those qualities at all. But when assessing your own, it's something that you can measure viscerally. You can tell when you're genuinely feeling sincere or real, just like you can tell when you're telling the truth or a lie. It's a gut level sensation.
I think you can also tell when you're working from a place of fear, control, anger, lonliness, or frustration. For however you respond to someone will not sit well.......there is a sense of lacking, wanting, or not being heard, because you're not coming from a place of honesty and truth. What comes out of your mouth has a bitter aftertaste, because your not fully extending or expressing what you really feel. You are too busy trying to pacify and satisfy the others expectations of you, or trying to be perfect, one or the other, or sometimes both.
This can be quite maddening, and honestly.....not healthy at all. Part of the fear in learning or choosing to be authentic, is the fear that comes from knowing those around you might react negatively about your need to be authentic. Remember, most people don't like change, because it disrupts their lives, or requires they look at the truth about their own lives, and realizing the adjustment or changes that need to be made. This takes work.......hard, sometimes agonizing work, but it's like realizing you have a tooth that needs to be pulled. The pain will remain until you get it pulled. Once it's pulled, then you can start eating again.
So let me ask you......how do you expect those around you to be real and sincere, until you're able to practice that yourself? For me, living an authentic life implies freedom. Free from worry, fretting and anxiety, because I know that I've checked myself, my motives, and my intentions, before I speak, trusting that what comes out is the truth. Doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks or believes about me....I know that I've checked my gut, and there is peace, not turmoil or chaos. I know that when I walk away, that I'm the same person in my own space that I am in public. No one would be surprised at how I live or behave at home...........it's perfectly consistent to what I show to the outside world. That is true freedom, because you don't need to hide anything from anyone. This is the true meaning of living an authentic life.
Friday, January 23, 2009
This Is Your Life
Do you have a tendency to focus on how your life could be, might be, hope will be, instead of looking at what it is right now? I think we all do that to a degree, for aspirations, hopes, dreams, and future goals are not a bad thing, but we can't get so caught up in them, that we miss what is going on at this particular moment. We forget that where we are right now, was hoped for several years ago, and even though it might not be the exact picture you had in mind, there are probably still elements about this moment that ring true for you. And of course you have to keep in mind that there is something to the term, "it's the journey that's important", that makes perfect sense, unless of course you would rather slap your arms together and blink. I'm sure for all of us, that would be the easier route, but for me, it would seem something would be missed in the transition.
I think C.S. Lewis had the right idea about life. It's not the having, but the longing for that really keeps us going. The thing that is just out of reach that gives us that incentive, that drive, that motivation to keep going, to keep striving, in order to reach our goal. Honestly, when I get into that mode of thinking my life would be perfect if only this or if only that would happen, I try and remember his theory, and at least make some attempt each day to soak up "this" particular moment in time, and even reflect back to see if I'm able to connect then, with now. Was I dreaming, striving, wishing, or praying for something in my life that I'm sitting on right now? And if I do have evidence of those things, have I stopped to notice that I have them? Or did they mysteriously show up, without me noticing, and now I'm on to the next thing I think I am entitled to have in my life........or wish would happen?
So you see, there is something in the "living in the moment" mode that rings true for all of us. And granted in this time of recession, there would seem to be many people who are left wanting for things that are badly needed, and appalled by the latest turn of events, but again, this can easily go back to my theories about change and adjustments. I would venture to say there are several people who were wanting some sort of change in their life before they lost their job, losing their spouse through divorce, some medical problem to be resolved, a move to a smaller home......etc. They just weren't aware of how that change would manifest itself. I know........sounds twisted and distorted, but if you just take the time to think about it, you'll see what I'm talking about. Similar to, be careful what you wish for, for you might surely get it......or what or how you think, shall you be.
So the next time you are waiting, planning, dreaming, aspiring, or praying for the next thing to happen in your life, or wishing your life were different if you had that perfect person, that new car, that job, that house, or the money, and thinking only then can you sit back and be happy and content......just remember, your life right at this moment already has some of those things, and you are still wanting for more. I wonder how it would feel if you just simply stopped, looked around you, and recognized what is in your life at this moment, and maybe thankfully check off your list those things you did accomplish or did gain over this last year. You might be surprised to see how much you have before you start the new list, and realizing even if there is something that is not quite right, or if the recession has caused you to lose something........it still gives you the opportunity to assess what you have now, and instead of wishing or wanting for more, learning to be OK with what you already have......because honestly.........this is your life.
I think C.S. Lewis had the right idea about life. It's not the having, but the longing for that really keeps us going. The thing that is just out of reach that gives us that incentive, that drive, that motivation to keep going, to keep striving, in order to reach our goal. Honestly, when I get into that mode of thinking my life would be perfect if only this or if only that would happen, I try and remember his theory, and at least make some attempt each day to soak up "this" particular moment in time, and even reflect back to see if I'm able to connect then, with now. Was I dreaming, striving, wishing, or praying for something in my life that I'm sitting on right now? And if I do have evidence of those things, have I stopped to notice that I have them? Or did they mysteriously show up, without me noticing, and now I'm on to the next thing I think I am entitled to have in my life........or wish would happen?
So you see, there is something in the "living in the moment" mode that rings true for all of us. And granted in this time of recession, there would seem to be many people who are left wanting for things that are badly needed, and appalled by the latest turn of events, but again, this can easily go back to my theories about change and adjustments. I would venture to say there are several people who were wanting some sort of change in their life before they lost their job, losing their spouse through divorce, some medical problem to be resolved, a move to a smaller home......etc. They just weren't aware of how that change would manifest itself. I know........sounds twisted and distorted, but if you just take the time to think about it, you'll see what I'm talking about. Similar to, be careful what you wish for, for you might surely get it......or what or how you think, shall you be.
So the next time you are waiting, planning, dreaming, aspiring, or praying for the next thing to happen in your life, or wishing your life were different if you had that perfect person, that new car, that job, that house, or the money, and thinking only then can you sit back and be happy and content......just remember, your life right at this moment already has some of those things, and you are still wanting for more. I wonder how it would feel if you just simply stopped, looked around you, and recognized what is in your life at this moment, and maybe thankfully check off your list those things you did accomplish or did gain over this last year. You might be surprised to see how much you have before you start the new list, and realizing even if there is something that is not quite right, or if the recession has caused you to lose something........it still gives you the opportunity to assess what you have now, and instead of wishing or wanting for more, learning to be OK with what you already have......because honestly.........this is your life.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Making Adjustments
The first thing that comes to mind when I look at the word adjustment, is being on a table at the chiropractic office, waiting for him to snap, crack, twist, and "adjust" your spine back into place so you can feel better. Ah......feels better already right? Well, I would like to use that scenario, but apply it to your daily life. Instead of opening up the spaces and easing the pain in your back, look at opening up spaces in your life to allow healing. In fact, in doing so, could possibly kill two birds with one stone. Remember, physical and emotional pain are most often connected in some way. Most of us have a tendancy to put off going to see any kind of doctor to have anything looked at, or heaven forbid actually done. Walking through that door, looking at all the things in the "little" room, wondering if he will have to use that particular tool on you, in order to find out what is wrong with you. You'd be surprised at how many people would rather have a truck run over their little toe, than to sit there waiting and wondering what comes next. True agony.......I understand completely
Now, just to ease your mind, as I said before, we aren't going to be talking about body adjustments, but rather life adjustments. And I am fully aware that for some of you, choosing between the body and life........one would be just as bad as the other. Most of us just want to cruise along in life, with no need to change anything. Just keep things status quo, easing going, whatever. If someone says something needs to change, then invariably that requires something on your part. The question becomes.......what is it that is required on your part?
Well......that's a good question, and one hopefully answered here without too much pain and suffering on your part. Now if we go back to the spine, even visualize what the spine looks like, what it does, and how sometimes one small thing can be out of wack, then causes the rest of the spine to be compromised........it might make it easier to see how our lives quite often mimic that visualization. The thing that is out of wack can cause pain, irritability, anger, frustration, inability to sleep......etc. The etc. usually has to do with how your "thing" that is out of wack is starting to affect those around you, either at home or at work. In other words that one thing, whether it's a vertebrae, or it's something that's happened in your life such as, losing your job, losing your house, going through a divorce, caring for a sick one, dealing with an illness, old age.........etc., some adjustments needs to be made.
Now granted most often, it will be a lot easier to let someone crack your back into place, as opposed to realizing that something in your life needs to change, new choices need to be made, or you need to let something go that no longer serves a purpose in your life. Hey....you make an appointment, lay down on the table, the doctor moves you around a little, you get relief, and can get back to your life, without having to change a thing. Granted you might have waited week after week before you realized something had to be done, and then you took care of it, without too much pain and suffering. However, when something happens in your life, that you weren't expecting, and there is no way to get around making some changes to compensate for what was lost, some adjustments will have to be made. Can you put it off, well, it depends on what happened, but most often it will require you to change directions whether you want to or not.
I know......another ouch. Don't you hate that? You are wanting permission to sit in the corner and just stare out the window for a few weeks, months, or years. Maybe if you don't think about it, it will go away. Or maybe if you buy something just for you, surely, it will keep you from having to address the issue or problem, or the thing that needs attention. Well, trust me, I've tried them all, and granted you can do that for a while, sooner than later, you will have to deal with it. Now looking back to the vertebrae.........you could go, reluctantly, but you could go and possibly get some relief, and never have to go back, which would be great. But if you don't go, as I said before, you can suck it up, let it control your life and those around you, because of the pain it causes you, or you could get some relief and move on.
I suppose the question here is, how is your pain, whether physical or emotional, or events that weren't expected in life, affecting your quality of life, and those around you? Maybe you should ask them, whoever they are. Or just take a moment and ask yourself, could my life be different, better, or more easily handled, if I allowed myself to make a few adjustments? Or, what sort of statement could I be making to myself, and those around me, if I stepped up to the plate, looked at the situation head on, and did whatever was needed in order cope with whatever I'm experiencing? Either that, or making the conscious decision to shove "stuff" under the rug, where after a while is not only visable to you, but others will begin to notice it as well. Not an attractive sight, trust me on this.
We are all going to be faced with "stuff" happening in our lives, good and bad. The good stuff is a no brainer, we just soak it up and hope we can keep things the same. That's the easy part.......but the hard part, where adjustments are needed to get through, are ultimately where we learn the most important lessons in life, like patience, understanding, acceptance, endurance, compassion.....etc. These are the things we can practice, that in the long run will make the biggest impact on those around us. If someone sees how you are enduring your hurt, pain, loss, and frustration, and sees that you can very easily yield to change in your life, they will see that yes, life is hard, and they very well could go through the same thing, but will remember how you made adjustments in order to cope, and could still enjoy peace and joy in their life.
So, if you want something to change in your life, try to see that in order for that change to take place, some adjustments will have to be made. You can either get comfortable with that, and ease into the change, or fight, resist, ignore or keep shoving it under that rug. The choice is ultimately yours.
Now, just to ease your mind, as I said before, we aren't going to be talking about body adjustments, but rather life adjustments. And I am fully aware that for some of you, choosing between the body and life........one would be just as bad as the other. Most of us just want to cruise along in life, with no need to change anything. Just keep things status quo, easing going, whatever. If someone says something needs to change, then invariably that requires something on your part. The question becomes.......what is it that is required on your part?
Well......that's a good question, and one hopefully answered here without too much pain and suffering on your part. Now if we go back to the spine, even visualize what the spine looks like, what it does, and how sometimes one small thing can be out of wack, then causes the rest of the spine to be compromised........it might make it easier to see how our lives quite often mimic that visualization. The thing that is out of wack can cause pain, irritability, anger, frustration, inability to sleep......etc. The etc. usually has to do with how your "thing" that is out of wack is starting to affect those around you, either at home or at work. In other words that one thing, whether it's a vertebrae, or it's something that's happened in your life such as, losing your job, losing your house, going through a divorce, caring for a sick one, dealing with an illness, old age.........etc., some adjustments needs to be made.
Now granted most often, it will be a lot easier to let someone crack your back into place, as opposed to realizing that something in your life needs to change, new choices need to be made, or you need to let something go that no longer serves a purpose in your life. Hey....you make an appointment, lay down on the table, the doctor moves you around a little, you get relief, and can get back to your life, without having to change a thing. Granted you might have waited week after week before you realized something had to be done, and then you took care of it, without too much pain and suffering. However, when something happens in your life, that you weren't expecting, and there is no way to get around making some changes to compensate for what was lost, some adjustments will have to be made. Can you put it off, well, it depends on what happened, but most often it will require you to change directions whether you want to or not.
I know......another ouch. Don't you hate that? You are wanting permission to sit in the corner and just stare out the window for a few weeks, months, or years. Maybe if you don't think about it, it will go away. Or maybe if you buy something just for you, surely, it will keep you from having to address the issue or problem, or the thing that needs attention. Well, trust me, I've tried them all, and granted you can do that for a while, sooner than later, you will have to deal with it. Now looking back to the vertebrae.........you could go, reluctantly, but you could go and possibly get some relief, and never have to go back, which would be great. But if you don't go, as I said before, you can suck it up, let it control your life and those around you, because of the pain it causes you, or you could get some relief and move on.
I suppose the question here is, how is your pain, whether physical or emotional, or events that weren't expected in life, affecting your quality of life, and those around you? Maybe you should ask them, whoever they are. Or just take a moment and ask yourself, could my life be different, better, or more easily handled, if I allowed myself to make a few adjustments? Or, what sort of statement could I be making to myself, and those around me, if I stepped up to the plate, looked at the situation head on, and did whatever was needed in order cope with whatever I'm experiencing? Either that, or making the conscious decision to shove "stuff" under the rug, where after a while is not only visable to you, but others will begin to notice it as well. Not an attractive sight, trust me on this.
We are all going to be faced with "stuff" happening in our lives, good and bad. The good stuff is a no brainer, we just soak it up and hope we can keep things the same. That's the easy part.......but the hard part, where adjustments are needed to get through, are ultimately where we learn the most important lessons in life, like patience, understanding, acceptance, endurance, compassion.....etc. These are the things we can practice, that in the long run will make the biggest impact on those around us. If someone sees how you are enduring your hurt, pain, loss, and frustration, and sees that you can very easily yield to change in your life, they will see that yes, life is hard, and they very well could go through the same thing, but will remember how you made adjustments in order to cope, and could still enjoy peace and joy in their life.
So, if you want something to change in your life, try to see that in order for that change to take place, some adjustments will have to be made. You can either get comfortable with that, and ease into the change, or fight, resist, ignore or keep shoving it under that rug. The choice is ultimately yours.
Friday, January 16, 2009
The Hidden Message
I'm sure you are all aware of the airline accident that took place in Hudson Bay yesterday, and are either thinking....whew..........that was a close one, or those people were lucky, or we all just witnessed a miracle. For me, there is no doubt in my mind a miracle took place, and that God was with these people throughout the whole ordeal, and there is also no doubt that many, either on the plane, or just experiencing the news, are most often asking themselves why or how something like this could have happened.
I would like to share my thoughts on the things that are unseen in this particular situation....because I truly believe that things that happen on this earth always have a purpose and meaning behind them. Think of all the people on that plane, from the pilot to the passengers, as well as all the people who were on the ground that were in place to rescue them.......to the people who were nowhere near the scene that were affected by the situation.
Of course to me, this all goes back to the issue of change. Change is inevitable and it WILL happen no matter how hard you want to keep things the same. In order for that change to take place, whatever change is needed, something has to happen. Granted it doesn't always have to be a plane setting down in the Hudson Bay......but most often it is the case. I also believe it can be as simple as showing people that even with all the hooplah about the recession right now.......miracles can and do happen, if you're willing to pay attention.
Now, with the plane situation, it's very obvious that we are lucky to be here on the ground......bystanders.....or even lucky as a passenger, that things didn't go really bad for them all.......but there are, if you're willing to really open your eyes and your mind, things happening like that all the time. Things that make you stop and think.......well I don't have it so bad, to being down right grateful that you were not a passenger on that plane. And I think that in order to get through the bad times, you have to be more aware of the good things that are left......which quite often are pretty good.
I think for a long time now, we have been given the opportunity to see how blessed we are, by the horrendous things that happen in other countries. Children starving, people dying of aids, earthquakes and floods in locations where resources and rescue missions are left wanting. So there we sit, in front of our televisions, in the comfort of our own homes with plenty to eat, a warm bed to sleep in, and most often at least enough money to keep those things in place. All while these other people are suffering, and most are innocent.....did nothing to deserve that kind of suffering.
Should be enough you think, to make us all stop and be thankful for all we have........but I don't think we do. Or we don't until something hits home like the events of 911, a child found murdered, or a plane having to land in the bay. Many are likely to take a few moments for prayer, say how lucky the people are, or think how lucky we are that we didn't have to experience that..........then let it go. Just another situation...period.
If we see it that way, I believe we're missing an incredible opportunity to see the world differently, especially when people are hurting right now with losing jobs, being sick, and losing their homes. You figure if you have your job, your home and your "stuff" to come home to, then life is good. That you deserve all that simply........well simply because you're you? That when you were born you were stamped with a label that shows you were one of the lucky, more fortunate people, and would never suffer, be lonely, or want for anything? Or maybe it's just something you never think about. You are who you are, have what you have, and the most important thing in life is for you to keep what you have until you die.
I know.......seems a dark, shallow picture I'm painting here, and for what purpose in mind? Only to hopefully help you see that there is so much to be gained from seeing the hidden message in everything that happens in your life. Here are a few that may have been hidden yesterday afternoon.
1. Pilot needed to be recognized for his humility, because this is the sort of character that we should all strive to have within us.
2. It was time for new routes to be considered because of the migration problem around the bay......which now will more than likely be put into place, which in turn will hopefully prevent future situations with air strikes.
3. Someone on the plane needed to learn something, and this was a perfect opportunity for them to learn something about themselve, or someone they love.
4. Someone on the plane needed to drastically change directions in their life, or make a decision about something and needed a clear message to help them with that.
5. Someone not on the plane, but related to a passenger needed to change something in their life....their attitude, mindsets, seek help medically or emotionally.
6. There was some reason why a passenger needed to stay in NY a while longer before returning home.
7. The world needed to see a miracle on such a grand scale, to see their life differently. To be more thankful each day for what they DO have instead of what they don't have.
I think it would be very interesting to be able to follow each person that was on that plane for another 6 months, and see how it changed their life, if at all. But the point here is, if you just take yesterday and not even consider what the repercussions of that situation may have been......you're wasting an incredible opportunity to experience something extraordinary in your life.
If I had been on that plane, what would go through my mind just as the plane was going down? There is no way to know, but I suppose I can speculate. For some reason it wouldn't have been anything about money, or my stuff I've accumulated through the years. It would be more about my family, my children, and if I had prepared myself for what comes after death. I'm sure there are many who believe that nothing comes after death.....when you die, you die. And you have a perfect right to believe that, but I would venture to say that most of the people on that plane thought they were facing death, and probably most of them were praying, even the ones who don't believe in God.
So for those watching, how in the world could you not take a moment to not only think about what they went through, and wonder how you would have handled the situation, or what you would have been thinking when the plane went down? These are in fact the hidden messages in life, and if you allow yourself to think about them, they will in fact change your life, and of course the lives of those around you. As bad as what happened yesterday was, I can find much peace in knowing that myself, as well as others, see a much bigger picture here that radiates out to the world.
I also believe that this is the year for change, as well as the year for miracles.....and because of the recession and stress that is experienced today, we will see many more, remembering that some are unseen instead of seen. It is a proven fact that your body experiences a change in brain patterns when you witness an extraordinary act of kindness, which in turn releases a chemical that relaxes the body. So even if you decide you don't have it within you to do something thoughtful for someone, and get a warm feeling inside, you can still benefit from watching someone else be nice. I think that's awesome, and venture to say you probably were not aware of that fact. So the relief that we all believe we need in these stressful times, could have come in the form of watching others survive a disasterous situation, and the kindness of those that helped them.
See....just by me sharing that information with you, on the pretext of hopefully teaching you to be more aware and thankful......I passed on something that could potentially change your life, by changing your mindsets about being kind, and noticing the kindness of others. Now you'll hopefully go out today in search of kindness just to experience that chemical reaction in the brain. Who knew? And whether you choose to believe any of this, or don't want to take the time to believe there are things that are unseen all around you, that if you could see, would in fact change your life, maybe it's enough just today, that you were moved in some way to feel a message of any kind. Once you've experienced one, you will start looking for more.....and before you know it..........a miracle will happen in your own life. I hope so.
I would like to share my thoughts on the things that are unseen in this particular situation....because I truly believe that things that happen on this earth always have a purpose and meaning behind them. Think of all the people on that plane, from the pilot to the passengers, as well as all the people who were on the ground that were in place to rescue them.......to the people who were nowhere near the scene that were affected by the situation.
Of course to me, this all goes back to the issue of change. Change is inevitable and it WILL happen no matter how hard you want to keep things the same. In order for that change to take place, whatever change is needed, something has to happen. Granted it doesn't always have to be a plane setting down in the Hudson Bay......but most often it is the case. I also believe it can be as simple as showing people that even with all the hooplah about the recession right now.......miracles can and do happen, if you're willing to pay attention.
Now, with the plane situation, it's very obvious that we are lucky to be here on the ground......bystanders.....or even lucky as a passenger, that things didn't go really bad for them all.......but there are, if you're willing to really open your eyes and your mind, things happening like that all the time. Things that make you stop and think.......well I don't have it so bad, to being down right grateful that you were not a passenger on that plane. And I think that in order to get through the bad times, you have to be more aware of the good things that are left......which quite often are pretty good.
I think for a long time now, we have been given the opportunity to see how blessed we are, by the horrendous things that happen in other countries. Children starving, people dying of aids, earthquakes and floods in locations where resources and rescue missions are left wanting. So there we sit, in front of our televisions, in the comfort of our own homes with plenty to eat, a warm bed to sleep in, and most often at least enough money to keep those things in place. All while these other people are suffering, and most are innocent.....did nothing to deserve that kind of suffering.
Should be enough you think, to make us all stop and be thankful for all we have........but I don't think we do. Or we don't until something hits home like the events of 911, a child found murdered, or a plane having to land in the bay. Many are likely to take a few moments for prayer, say how lucky the people are, or think how lucky we are that we didn't have to experience that..........then let it go. Just another situation...period.
If we see it that way, I believe we're missing an incredible opportunity to see the world differently, especially when people are hurting right now with losing jobs, being sick, and losing their homes. You figure if you have your job, your home and your "stuff" to come home to, then life is good. That you deserve all that simply........well simply because you're you? That when you were born you were stamped with a label that shows you were one of the lucky, more fortunate people, and would never suffer, be lonely, or want for anything? Or maybe it's just something you never think about. You are who you are, have what you have, and the most important thing in life is for you to keep what you have until you die.
I know.......seems a dark, shallow picture I'm painting here, and for what purpose in mind? Only to hopefully help you see that there is so much to be gained from seeing the hidden message in everything that happens in your life. Here are a few that may have been hidden yesterday afternoon.
1. Pilot needed to be recognized for his humility, because this is the sort of character that we should all strive to have within us.
2. It was time for new routes to be considered because of the migration problem around the bay......which now will more than likely be put into place, which in turn will hopefully prevent future situations with air strikes.
3. Someone on the plane needed to learn something, and this was a perfect opportunity for them to learn something about themselve, or someone they love.
4. Someone on the plane needed to drastically change directions in their life, or make a decision about something and needed a clear message to help them with that.
5. Someone not on the plane, but related to a passenger needed to change something in their life....their attitude, mindsets, seek help medically or emotionally.
6. There was some reason why a passenger needed to stay in NY a while longer before returning home.
7. The world needed to see a miracle on such a grand scale, to see their life differently. To be more thankful each day for what they DO have instead of what they don't have.
I think it would be very interesting to be able to follow each person that was on that plane for another 6 months, and see how it changed their life, if at all. But the point here is, if you just take yesterday and not even consider what the repercussions of that situation may have been......you're wasting an incredible opportunity to experience something extraordinary in your life.
If I had been on that plane, what would go through my mind just as the plane was going down? There is no way to know, but I suppose I can speculate. For some reason it wouldn't have been anything about money, or my stuff I've accumulated through the years. It would be more about my family, my children, and if I had prepared myself for what comes after death. I'm sure there are many who believe that nothing comes after death.....when you die, you die. And you have a perfect right to believe that, but I would venture to say that most of the people on that plane thought they were facing death, and probably most of them were praying, even the ones who don't believe in God.
So for those watching, how in the world could you not take a moment to not only think about what they went through, and wonder how you would have handled the situation, or what you would have been thinking when the plane went down? These are in fact the hidden messages in life, and if you allow yourself to think about them, they will in fact change your life, and of course the lives of those around you. As bad as what happened yesterday was, I can find much peace in knowing that myself, as well as others, see a much bigger picture here that radiates out to the world.
I also believe that this is the year for change, as well as the year for miracles.....and because of the recession and stress that is experienced today, we will see many more, remembering that some are unseen instead of seen. It is a proven fact that your body experiences a change in brain patterns when you witness an extraordinary act of kindness, which in turn releases a chemical that relaxes the body. So even if you decide you don't have it within you to do something thoughtful for someone, and get a warm feeling inside, you can still benefit from watching someone else be nice. I think that's awesome, and venture to say you probably were not aware of that fact. So the relief that we all believe we need in these stressful times, could have come in the form of watching others survive a disasterous situation, and the kindness of those that helped them.
See....just by me sharing that information with you, on the pretext of hopefully teaching you to be more aware and thankful......I passed on something that could potentially change your life, by changing your mindsets about being kind, and noticing the kindness of others. Now you'll hopefully go out today in search of kindness just to experience that chemical reaction in the brain. Who knew? And whether you choose to believe any of this, or don't want to take the time to believe there are things that are unseen all around you, that if you could see, would in fact change your life, maybe it's enough just today, that you were moved in some way to feel a message of any kind. Once you've experienced one, you will start looking for more.....and before you know it..........a miracle will happen in your own life. I hope so.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The Power of Words
Words.......according to Webster: a speech sound, or series of them, serving to communicate meaning. Seems pretty simple, cut and dry right......so why would I even take time to focus on the meaning behind "words?" Well, as you'll see, I'm not necessarily referring to the written word, as much as the spoken word.....so at least we can start there. You'll find that words are not just a simple way in which we communicate.....they in fact have power to hurt, or the power to heal.......the choice is yours.
I believe our words are based on what we were taught as a child, not only in what we heard and learned to mimic, but how we eventually chose to use those words when speaking to those around us. Now if you came from a home where people were angry, abusive or showed no respect for those around them, you ingested that, and without knowing it, incorporated those same words into your own use of language each day. Once you grew up, and moved away from your own particular situation, that language stuck with you, and most often weren't aware of what you carried with you as you left home.
Now of course, there's obviously a flip side to this, where you were raised in a very loving and kind environment, where everyone was respected and appreciated, and the language spoken was quite different. There was a very positive tone that encouraged, built you up, and nutured you, as opposed to a negative tone that only focused on tearing down, rediculing, and placing unrealistic expectations on you. Two totally different environments, and no matter your own particular situation...........what we experience in the beginning will set the stage for how we see ourselves, our future, and most importantly those around us.
Now with all this being said, again......what is the point in discussing the meaning behind words?The point is, that words are not just words, but a tool in which to communicate how we feel. Not only how we feel about the world we live in, but most importantly how we feel about those around use, in particular, our immediate circle. And I want to go past what I've already mentioned about our language being established as a child.....that whatever we experienced or was engrained in us, would rightfully stay with us the rest of our lives. I want to not only talk about the power of our words, but the choice we have in how we communicate with others. We can either decide early on that because we were abused or not brought up in a positive and nurturing environment, that we have the right to pass that negative behavior on, or we can take a good look at ourselves, and see how our words actually have the power to destroy those around us, especially the ones we love.
Granted there are many people who were born into a loving environment, so that behavior or positive mindset and positive words are easily passed on.......in fact these are the people who will love and nurture the rest, and hopefully heal the bad that was experienced. But, at some point, we ALL have to wake up and start to pay attention to what is coming out of our mouths. I'm reminded often of what Christ said......."what we speak....so we are." In other words, when we are determined to say something negative, to ourselves or to others, it only perpetuates negative mindsets of fear, anger, resentment, envy, victim mentality, hatred......you want me to go on? I'm sure if you're reading this, you've already started to ask yourself......."what is coming out of my mouth........and most importantly.....why?" Do I take what I'm feeling at any given moment, and spit out with no understanding of who I might be addressing, just to vent my own personal pain and frustrations? Do I use someone I love as a punching bag, just to prove I am right? Or not even a punching bag......but speak in a way that is condescending, judgemental or with righteous indignation, proving one point.....that I am right?
Now I'm going to go one step further with this, after I've given you a chance to think about what is coming out of your mouth. I want you to stop for a moment and remember what it felt like as a child to hear negative words that sting, hurt, and damage. To want desperately to be loved, nutured, encouraged, protected and made to feel safe......but got nothing but something that made you want to go and hide in a hole somewhere. Remember that feeling? And whether you got bashed as a child.....or later in life were subjected to abuse or someone negative that you married or worked with, just stop and ask yourself, do I have the right to do that to someone else? Remembering there are varying degrees of bashing, rediculing...etc.........it doesn't matter, it still has the power to instill feelings of deep hurt and pain.
So.....with all this being said, please remember that you have the power to hurt or to heal.......in the end it's a choice of what resonates inside of you.....and you can very easily come up with a thousand different excuses for continuing to use your negative words or behavior, but in my opinion.....none of them will hold water, even a "but they did or said that to me." If you choose to continue, it only makes a statement about yourself.......that your self importance is more valuable than those around you. Trust me.....there is much to be gained from allowing someone to just be right....whether they are or not. I think we can either choose to be humble, or we can choose to humiliate. It's all in the "words."
I believe our words are based on what we were taught as a child, not only in what we heard and learned to mimic, but how we eventually chose to use those words when speaking to those around us. Now if you came from a home where people were angry, abusive or showed no respect for those around them, you ingested that, and without knowing it, incorporated those same words into your own use of language each day. Once you grew up, and moved away from your own particular situation, that language stuck with you, and most often weren't aware of what you carried with you as you left home.
Now of course, there's obviously a flip side to this, where you were raised in a very loving and kind environment, where everyone was respected and appreciated, and the language spoken was quite different. There was a very positive tone that encouraged, built you up, and nutured you, as opposed to a negative tone that only focused on tearing down, rediculing, and placing unrealistic expectations on you. Two totally different environments, and no matter your own particular situation...........what we experience in the beginning will set the stage for how we see ourselves, our future, and most importantly those around us.
Now with all this being said, again......what is the point in discussing the meaning behind words?The point is, that words are not just words, but a tool in which to communicate how we feel. Not only how we feel about the world we live in, but most importantly how we feel about those around use, in particular, our immediate circle. And I want to go past what I've already mentioned about our language being established as a child.....that whatever we experienced or was engrained in us, would rightfully stay with us the rest of our lives. I want to not only talk about the power of our words, but the choice we have in how we communicate with others. We can either decide early on that because we were abused or not brought up in a positive and nurturing environment, that we have the right to pass that negative behavior on, or we can take a good look at ourselves, and see how our words actually have the power to destroy those around us, especially the ones we love.
Granted there are many people who were born into a loving environment, so that behavior or positive mindset and positive words are easily passed on.......in fact these are the people who will love and nurture the rest, and hopefully heal the bad that was experienced. But, at some point, we ALL have to wake up and start to pay attention to what is coming out of our mouths. I'm reminded often of what Christ said......."what we speak....so we are." In other words, when we are determined to say something negative, to ourselves or to others, it only perpetuates negative mindsets of fear, anger, resentment, envy, victim mentality, hatred......you want me to go on? I'm sure if you're reading this, you've already started to ask yourself......."what is coming out of my mouth........and most importantly.....why?" Do I take what I'm feeling at any given moment, and spit out with no understanding of who I might be addressing, just to vent my own personal pain and frustrations? Do I use someone I love as a punching bag, just to prove I am right? Or not even a punching bag......but speak in a way that is condescending, judgemental or with righteous indignation, proving one point.....that I am right?
Now I'm going to go one step further with this, after I've given you a chance to think about what is coming out of your mouth. I want you to stop for a moment and remember what it felt like as a child to hear negative words that sting, hurt, and damage. To want desperately to be loved, nutured, encouraged, protected and made to feel safe......but got nothing but something that made you want to go and hide in a hole somewhere. Remember that feeling? And whether you got bashed as a child.....or later in life were subjected to abuse or someone negative that you married or worked with, just stop and ask yourself, do I have the right to do that to someone else? Remembering there are varying degrees of bashing, rediculing...etc.........it doesn't matter, it still has the power to instill feelings of deep hurt and pain.
So.....with all this being said, please remember that you have the power to hurt or to heal.......in the end it's a choice of what resonates inside of you.....and you can very easily come up with a thousand different excuses for continuing to use your negative words or behavior, but in my opinion.....none of them will hold water, even a "but they did or said that to me." If you choose to continue, it only makes a statement about yourself.......that your self importance is more valuable than those around you. Trust me.....there is much to be gained from allowing someone to just be right....whether they are or not. I think we can either choose to be humble, or we can choose to humiliate. It's all in the "words."
Friday, January 9, 2009
The Gift of Change
I believe there are many gifts in life, some that are obvious and seen clearly, and then those that are hidden for you to find. So if you're wondering what this is about, this is about me giving you the gift of being able to see those that are hidden....or rather the desire to seek those that are hidden. We all have a tendency to wile away the hours in a day seeking so many things....most often struggling to find answers, resolutions.....or quite often "stuff." There are many things that can fall into the "stuff" category.......and hey there is nothing wrong with having things in your life that you think would bring you happiness, joy, contentment...etc. My question is.....what does it actually cost for you or someone around you to have those things that you believe you deserve, and that will bring you happiness....either short term or long term?
Unfortunately, in our society, there is a lack of patience, and not recognizing that there is so much to be gained from delayed gratification, to even clearly understanding why we want what we want. Do you ever ask yourself why you want a particular thing, and if in fact you finally receive it, if it will satisfy that hunger inside of you? It's so easy to get caught up in "if "I only had this or that, or if only that person would change I would be happy, or if I could experience this one thing, then everything would be in place in my life.........and on and on. In fact it never ends, does it?
There is a seemingly inherent need to want more....for something to be different...without ever once recognizing what already "is" in your life.....or to even stop to be grateful for what you have in front of you. We want quick fixes which will hopefully not require any work on our part.....just continue to stay in a mode of wanting, but not actually doing anything that will actually manifest a change that needs to occur. Or we fight hard to hang onto what is, hoping and praying that it will not change, and do everything in our power to keep things the same. Or if we know in our gut that something does need to change, we dread it, hide from it, or make excuses that foster our inability to see ourselves, others, or the world differently.
So as you can see, I'm going to have to pull out the Webster and get more clarity. Here is my personal favorite definition. To become different; alter; transform; to pass from one phase to the next; the act or process of substitution, alteration or variation. Or this is even more profound I think.......to leave one train or bus and board another one. If we could take that one sentence where a simple act of changing our position physically, could only be seen as a way in which to change our emotional or spiritual state......or our mindset and atittudes, with concerns to change.
We expect that when we board the bus or train, that in reality, we will in fact move to another place. There is no fear, no reluctance, no concern as to whether we will reach our destination, we just board. So...I'm sure you're asking yourself, how can I do that with my life without feeling out of control, or fearful of missing something in the process, or heaven forbid, lose someone or something along the way? Answer? You have to change the way you see your life, those things that you think will make you happy, or those people who you think will fulfill all your needs and solve all your problems. Ouch.......sounds like a lot of work to me.......but you do realize of course if you do decide to seriously board the train or bus, with not only destination in mind, but expecting something different, expecting something to change because your belief system has changed, along with your fear and anxiety about living a different kind of life, that you will in fact find something that is filled with a richness you won't be able to describe. An authentic life, that offers truth, meaning, growth, discipline, and acceptance that you were not put on this earth to make more money to buy "stuff"..........or to find someone that will give you what you think you want or need, or to gain fame or recognition.....but to see the bigger picture that is much more genuine and precious because the focus has changed from self.......to others.
When you wake up in the morning, and your desire is to make something happen for someone else on this earth, instead of constantly what you want and need, your life will change with no struggle or feelings of loss. In fact when you start to become daily grateful for what you have in front of you, which I guarantee if you made a list today, would astound you as to how blessed you already are.........you will first thank God for what you do have.....and heal your heart of seeing the lack of......and seeing the abundance. With only seeing the lack of......you will always continue to want for more, make decisions based on fear instead of wisdom, and struggle with the change that needs to occur in your life.
So enjoy the gift of change......seek it...embrace it.....and then pass it on to someone...anyone.
Unfortunately, in our society, there is a lack of patience, and not recognizing that there is so much to be gained from delayed gratification, to even clearly understanding why we want what we want. Do you ever ask yourself why you want a particular thing, and if in fact you finally receive it, if it will satisfy that hunger inside of you? It's so easy to get caught up in "if "I only had this or that, or if only that person would change I would be happy, or if I could experience this one thing, then everything would be in place in my life.........and on and on. In fact it never ends, does it?
There is a seemingly inherent need to want more....for something to be different...without ever once recognizing what already "is" in your life.....or to even stop to be grateful for what you have in front of you. We want quick fixes which will hopefully not require any work on our part.....just continue to stay in a mode of wanting, but not actually doing anything that will actually manifest a change that needs to occur. Or we fight hard to hang onto what is, hoping and praying that it will not change, and do everything in our power to keep things the same. Or if we know in our gut that something does need to change, we dread it, hide from it, or make excuses that foster our inability to see ourselves, others, or the world differently.
So as you can see, I'm going to have to pull out the Webster and get more clarity. Here is my personal favorite definition. To become different; alter; transform; to pass from one phase to the next; the act or process of substitution, alteration or variation. Or this is even more profound I think.......to leave one train or bus and board another one. If we could take that one sentence where a simple act of changing our position physically, could only be seen as a way in which to change our emotional or spiritual state......or our mindset and atittudes, with concerns to change.
We expect that when we board the bus or train, that in reality, we will in fact move to another place. There is no fear, no reluctance, no concern as to whether we will reach our destination, we just board. So...I'm sure you're asking yourself, how can I do that with my life without feeling out of control, or fearful of missing something in the process, or heaven forbid, lose someone or something along the way? Answer? You have to change the way you see your life, those things that you think will make you happy, or those people who you think will fulfill all your needs and solve all your problems. Ouch.......sounds like a lot of work to me.......but you do realize of course if you do decide to seriously board the train or bus, with not only destination in mind, but expecting something different, expecting something to change because your belief system has changed, along with your fear and anxiety about living a different kind of life, that you will in fact find something that is filled with a richness you won't be able to describe. An authentic life, that offers truth, meaning, growth, discipline, and acceptance that you were not put on this earth to make more money to buy "stuff"..........or to find someone that will give you what you think you want or need, or to gain fame or recognition.....but to see the bigger picture that is much more genuine and precious because the focus has changed from self.......to others.
When you wake up in the morning, and your desire is to make something happen for someone else on this earth, instead of constantly what you want and need, your life will change with no struggle or feelings of loss. In fact when you start to become daily grateful for what you have in front of you, which I guarantee if you made a list today, would astound you as to how blessed you already are.........you will first thank God for what you do have.....and heal your heart of seeing the lack of......and seeing the abundance. With only seeing the lack of......you will always continue to want for more, make decisions based on fear instead of wisdom, and struggle with the change that needs to occur in your life.
So enjoy the gift of change......seek it...embrace it.....and then pass it on to someone...anyone.
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