Words.......according to Webster: a speech sound, or series of them, serving to communicate meaning. Seems pretty simple, cut and dry right......so why would I even take time to focus on the meaning behind "words?" Well, as you'll see, I'm not necessarily referring to the written word, as much as the spoken word.....so at least we can start there. You'll find that words are not just a simple way in which we communicate.....they in fact have power to hurt, or the power to heal.......the choice is yours.
I believe our words are based on what we were taught as a child, not only in what we heard and learned to mimic, but how we eventually chose to use those words when speaking to those around us. Now if you came from a home where people were angry, abusive or showed no respect for those around them, you ingested that, and without knowing it, incorporated those same words into your own use of language each day. Once you grew up, and moved away from your own particular situation, that language stuck with you, and most often weren't aware of what you carried with you as you left home.
Now of course, there's obviously a flip side to this, where you were raised in a very loving and kind environment, where everyone was respected and appreciated, and the language spoken was quite different. There was a very positive tone that encouraged, built you up, and nutured you, as opposed to a negative tone that only focused on tearing down, rediculing, and placing unrealistic expectations on you. Two totally different environments, and no matter your own particular situation...........what we experience in the beginning will set the stage for how we see ourselves, our future, and most importantly those around us.
Now with all this being said, again......what is the point in discussing the meaning behind words?The point is, that words are not just words, but a tool in which to communicate how we feel. Not only how we feel about the world we live in, but most importantly how we feel about those around use, in particular, our immediate circle. And I want to go past what I've already mentioned about our language being established as a child.....that whatever we experienced or was engrained in us, would rightfully stay with us the rest of our lives. I want to not only talk about the power of our words, but the choice we have in how we communicate with others. We can either decide early on that because we were abused or not brought up in a positive and nurturing environment, that we have the right to pass that negative behavior on, or we can take a good look at ourselves, and see how our words actually have the power to destroy those around us, especially the ones we love.
Granted there are many people who were born into a loving environment, so that behavior or positive mindset and positive words are easily passed on.......in fact these are the people who will love and nurture the rest, and hopefully heal the bad that was experienced. But, at some point, we ALL have to wake up and start to pay attention to what is coming out of our mouths. I'm reminded often of what Christ said......."what we speak....so we are." In other words, when we are determined to say something negative, to ourselves or to others, it only perpetuates negative mindsets of fear, anger, resentment, envy, victim mentality, hatred......you want me to go on? I'm sure if you're reading this, you've already started to ask yourself......."what is coming out of my mouth........and most importantly.....why?" Do I take what I'm feeling at any given moment, and spit out with no understanding of who I might be addressing, just to vent my own personal pain and frustrations? Do I use someone I love as a punching bag, just to prove I am right? Or not even a punching bag......but speak in a way that is condescending, judgemental or with righteous indignation, proving one point.....that I am right?
Now I'm going to go one step further with this, after I've given you a chance to think about what is coming out of your mouth. I want you to stop for a moment and remember what it felt like as a child to hear negative words that sting, hurt, and damage. To want desperately to be loved, nutured, encouraged, protected and made to feel safe......but got nothing but something that made you want to go and hide in a hole somewhere. Remember that feeling? And whether you got bashed as a child.....or later in life were subjected to abuse or someone negative that you married or worked with, just stop and ask yourself, do I have the right to do that to someone else? Remembering there are varying degrees of bashing, rediculing...etc.........it doesn't matter, it still has the power to instill feelings of deep hurt and pain.
So.....with all this being said, please remember that you have the power to hurt or to heal.......in the end it's a choice of what resonates inside of you.....and you can very easily come up with a thousand different excuses for continuing to use your negative words or behavior, but in my opinion.....none of them will hold water, even a "but they did or said that to me." If you choose to continue, it only makes a statement about yourself.......that your self importance is more valuable than those around you. Trust me.....there is much to be gained from allowing someone to just be right....whether they are or not. I think we can either choose to be humble, or we can choose to humiliate. It's all in the "words."
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
The Gift of Change
I believe there are many gifts in life, some that are obvious and seen clearly, and then those that are hidden for you to find. So if you're wondering what this is about, this is about me giving you the gift of being able to see those that are hidden....or rather the desire to seek those that are hidden. We all have a tendency to wile away the hours in a day seeking so many things....most often struggling to find answers, resolutions.....or quite often "stuff." There are many things that can fall into the "stuff" category.......and hey there is nothing wrong with having things in your life that you think would bring you happiness, joy, contentment...etc. My question is.....what does it actually cost for you or someone around you to have those things that you believe you deserve, and that will bring you happiness....either short term or long term?
Unfortunately, in our society, there is a lack of patience, and not recognizing that there is so much to be gained from delayed gratification, to even clearly understanding why we want what we want. Do you ever ask yourself why you want a particular thing, and if in fact you finally receive it, if it will satisfy that hunger inside of you? It's so easy to get caught up in "if "I only had this or that, or if only that person would change I would be happy, or if I could experience this one thing, then everything would be in place in my life.........and on and on. In fact it never ends, does it?
There is a seemingly inherent need to want more....for something to be different...without ever once recognizing what already "is" in your life.....or to even stop to be grateful for what you have in front of you. We want quick fixes which will hopefully not require any work on our part.....just continue to stay in a mode of wanting, but not actually doing anything that will actually manifest a change that needs to occur. Or we fight hard to hang onto what is, hoping and praying that it will not change, and do everything in our power to keep things the same. Or if we know in our gut that something does need to change, we dread it, hide from it, or make excuses that foster our inability to see ourselves, others, or the world differently.
So as you can see, I'm going to have to pull out the Webster and get more clarity. Here is my personal favorite definition. To become different; alter; transform; to pass from one phase to the next; the act or process of substitution, alteration or variation. Or this is even more profound I think.......to leave one train or bus and board another one. If we could take that one sentence where a simple act of changing our position physically, could only be seen as a way in which to change our emotional or spiritual state......or our mindset and atittudes, with concerns to change.
We expect that when we board the bus or train, that in reality, we will in fact move to another place. There is no fear, no reluctance, no concern as to whether we will reach our destination, we just board. So...I'm sure you're asking yourself, how can I do that with my life without feeling out of control, or fearful of missing something in the process, or heaven forbid, lose someone or something along the way? Answer? You have to change the way you see your life, those things that you think will make you happy, or those people who you think will fulfill all your needs and solve all your problems. Ouch.......sounds like a lot of work to me.......but you do realize of course if you do decide to seriously board the train or bus, with not only destination in mind, but expecting something different, expecting something to change because your belief system has changed, along with your fear and anxiety about living a different kind of life, that you will in fact find something that is filled with a richness you won't be able to describe. An authentic life, that offers truth, meaning, growth, discipline, and acceptance that you were not put on this earth to make more money to buy "stuff"..........or to find someone that will give you what you think you want or need, or to gain fame or recognition.....but to see the bigger picture that is much more genuine and precious because the focus has changed from self.......to others.
When you wake up in the morning, and your desire is to make something happen for someone else on this earth, instead of constantly what you want and need, your life will change with no struggle or feelings of loss. In fact when you start to become daily grateful for what you have in front of you, which I guarantee if you made a list today, would astound you as to how blessed you already are.........you will first thank God for what you do have.....and heal your heart of seeing the lack of......and seeing the abundance. With only seeing the lack of......you will always continue to want for more, make decisions based on fear instead of wisdom, and struggle with the change that needs to occur in your life.
So enjoy the gift of change......seek it...embrace it.....and then pass it on to someone...anyone.
Unfortunately, in our society, there is a lack of patience, and not recognizing that there is so much to be gained from delayed gratification, to even clearly understanding why we want what we want. Do you ever ask yourself why you want a particular thing, and if in fact you finally receive it, if it will satisfy that hunger inside of you? It's so easy to get caught up in "if "I only had this or that, or if only that person would change I would be happy, or if I could experience this one thing, then everything would be in place in my life.........and on and on. In fact it never ends, does it?
There is a seemingly inherent need to want more....for something to be different...without ever once recognizing what already "is" in your life.....or to even stop to be grateful for what you have in front of you. We want quick fixes which will hopefully not require any work on our part.....just continue to stay in a mode of wanting, but not actually doing anything that will actually manifest a change that needs to occur. Or we fight hard to hang onto what is, hoping and praying that it will not change, and do everything in our power to keep things the same. Or if we know in our gut that something does need to change, we dread it, hide from it, or make excuses that foster our inability to see ourselves, others, or the world differently.
So as you can see, I'm going to have to pull out the Webster and get more clarity. Here is my personal favorite definition. To become different; alter; transform; to pass from one phase to the next; the act or process of substitution, alteration or variation. Or this is even more profound I think.......to leave one train or bus and board another one. If we could take that one sentence where a simple act of changing our position physically, could only be seen as a way in which to change our emotional or spiritual state......or our mindset and atittudes, with concerns to change.
We expect that when we board the bus or train, that in reality, we will in fact move to another place. There is no fear, no reluctance, no concern as to whether we will reach our destination, we just board. So...I'm sure you're asking yourself, how can I do that with my life without feeling out of control, or fearful of missing something in the process, or heaven forbid, lose someone or something along the way? Answer? You have to change the way you see your life, those things that you think will make you happy, or those people who you think will fulfill all your needs and solve all your problems. Ouch.......sounds like a lot of work to me.......but you do realize of course if you do decide to seriously board the train or bus, with not only destination in mind, but expecting something different, expecting something to change because your belief system has changed, along with your fear and anxiety about living a different kind of life, that you will in fact find something that is filled with a richness you won't be able to describe. An authentic life, that offers truth, meaning, growth, discipline, and acceptance that you were not put on this earth to make more money to buy "stuff"..........or to find someone that will give you what you think you want or need, or to gain fame or recognition.....but to see the bigger picture that is much more genuine and precious because the focus has changed from self.......to others.
When you wake up in the morning, and your desire is to make something happen for someone else on this earth, instead of constantly what you want and need, your life will change with no struggle or feelings of loss. In fact when you start to become daily grateful for what you have in front of you, which I guarantee if you made a list today, would astound you as to how blessed you already are.........you will first thank God for what you do have.....and heal your heart of seeing the lack of......and seeing the abundance. With only seeing the lack of......you will always continue to want for more, make decisions based on fear instead of wisdom, and struggle with the change that needs to occur in your life.
So enjoy the gift of change......seek it...embrace it.....and then pass it on to someone...anyone.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Hope and The New Year
With the busy-ness of the holiday season, with either contemplating gifts for those we love, the perfect meal planned, or havings to face family situations that have never healed, it doesn't leave much time to think about what we would like to see happen in the New Year. This is always a most profound time of the year for most of us, because we see it as a time for change. It seems quite appropriate that our new President elect will be entering office with much hope and belief that the world we live in does need to be transformed in some way, but I think that most of us feel there is really nothing individually that we can do to help that change take place. What a sad state of affairs if that is in fact the case.
When I look at pictures of the earth that were taken from one of the Apollo flights, it amazes me at how any of us can feel alone, set apart, or feel we have no impact on the earth as a whole. I don't believe we have a deep appreciation for our planet, what it takes for us to exist here, or how important it is to preserve our precious home. Some of us only see the bad in the world, the injustice, the crime, the ones that suffer, whether it's your own personal experience, or that of someone you care about. But what about all the good, the beauty, the nature, the moments of peace and hamony that is felt by all of us from time to time? It's there....it's always there.....but it's more about how you perceive the world you live in, and how you see yourself and your abilities to heal the things and people that are broken, as opposed to taking what you can while you're here. After all, your time can be up at any given moment, with you embracing your death, or either leave kicking and screaming to stay......and what you'll be left with will be thoughts of how you lived here, what you did to help nuture not only yourself, but others and the earth as a whole.
My thoughts lately have been not so much about what I can get, or how I might be recognized while I'm here, but what I might contribute to make the earth a better place in which to live. Most of us feel our hands are tied, that in order to help make change you need money, power, position....etc. Which is quite interesting because I have none of those, yet still am convinced and hopeful that I have something within me that can help mend and heal the earth. There is much work to improve the environment from waste and toxic fumes, but in order to help people be more mindful of the damage that's being done to the earth, they have to appreciate the fact that the earth IS their home. You can have your physical home in which to dwell, and make some changes......the car you drive....the way you handle your trash, etc.......but what about how you choose to BE on this earth. Are there things about your attitudes and mindsets that really keep those around you stirred up and stressed out, only focused on what they have, how they should use their money, and how they need to spend their time...... not really understanding that your negative, judgemental, and pessimistic thoughts steal any good and positive energy, and replaces it with fear, self-centeredness, righteous indignation, and an overall unrest?
These things have nothing to do with hope for the future, they only focus on the lack of, instead of abundance. It steals moments of what could be filled with peace, harmony, and joy, and replaces them with nothing that nurtures or helps sustain us in this life. In other words, whatever miseries you have and dwell on, is passed on to those around you......the ones you love the most. It might help first up if we all realize and understand that all of us are suffering with our own stuff.....whether physical, emotional or otherwise. We all have things to face, crosses to bear, fears to overcome, etc......so it really serves no purpose for us to focus or dwell on our own misfortunes, but maybe be in a position to listen instead.
One thing that most of us don't realize is, our lives are not all that interesting to those around us, albeit it they care.....but don't really need to hear the details each day. There are SO many interesting and uplifting things to focus on and talk about besides our own struggles. It's likely those around us are fully aware of our situation, but don't need to be reminded each day, and might appreciate our ability to ask questions about their life instead.
In other words, if we expect the New Year to bring something different, we have to think about ourselves and how we fit in this world differently. Whatever we are experiencing or how we experience it, will only be magnified if we keep rehashing our own situation, but instead noticing that others are going through something comparable if not worse than you. So the change is more about our attitude, and how our attitude can help heal and change the rest of the earth.
So you can hope for more money, losing weight, a better job, or a healthier relationship for the New Year, which are all well and good. But just remember, those all require a responsibility on your part. They all require a willingness to change our attitudes, our ability to discipline ourselves, our courage to hold ourselves accountable, and the desire to listen instead of talking. Wishing for something to happen in the New Year will not make it happen, but a belief that God has only good things for your life, and that you do deserve to experience peace, joy and contentment in this life, will in fact change the earth. We were not put here to see how much we could juggle or how much money we could make, for none of that lasts. We can either contribute to the busy-ness and craziness of life, and see there is nothing we can do to help change the earth and those around us, or we can step back and embrace hope that this New Year will be different.
Change is coming, but not in the way you're expecting it to come, so you might as well work on the one thing you have control over in this life........your attitude, your willingness to accept trials and tribulations, not only in your life, but the world as a whole, and your awareness that how you behave, and the things you say and focus on, will in fact be the hope for the New Year.
When I look at pictures of the earth that were taken from one of the Apollo flights, it amazes me at how any of us can feel alone, set apart, or feel we have no impact on the earth as a whole. I don't believe we have a deep appreciation for our planet, what it takes for us to exist here, or how important it is to preserve our precious home. Some of us only see the bad in the world, the injustice, the crime, the ones that suffer, whether it's your own personal experience, or that of someone you care about. But what about all the good, the beauty, the nature, the moments of peace and hamony that is felt by all of us from time to time? It's there....it's always there.....but it's more about how you perceive the world you live in, and how you see yourself and your abilities to heal the things and people that are broken, as opposed to taking what you can while you're here. After all, your time can be up at any given moment, with you embracing your death, or either leave kicking and screaming to stay......and what you'll be left with will be thoughts of how you lived here, what you did to help nuture not only yourself, but others and the earth as a whole.
My thoughts lately have been not so much about what I can get, or how I might be recognized while I'm here, but what I might contribute to make the earth a better place in which to live. Most of us feel our hands are tied, that in order to help make change you need money, power, position....etc. Which is quite interesting because I have none of those, yet still am convinced and hopeful that I have something within me that can help mend and heal the earth. There is much work to improve the environment from waste and toxic fumes, but in order to help people be more mindful of the damage that's being done to the earth, they have to appreciate the fact that the earth IS their home. You can have your physical home in which to dwell, and make some changes......the car you drive....the way you handle your trash, etc.......but what about how you choose to BE on this earth. Are there things about your attitudes and mindsets that really keep those around you stirred up and stressed out, only focused on what they have, how they should use their money, and how they need to spend their time...... not really understanding that your negative, judgemental, and pessimistic thoughts steal any good and positive energy, and replaces it with fear, self-centeredness, righteous indignation, and an overall unrest?
These things have nothing to do with hope for the future, they only focus on the lack of, instead of abundance. It steals moments of what could be filled with peace, harmony, and joy, and replaces them with nothing that nurtures or helps sustain us in this life. In other words, whatever miseries you have and dwell on, is passed on to those around you......the ones you love the most. It might help first up if we all realize and understand that all of us are suffering with our own stuff.....whether physical, emotional or otherwise. We all have things to face, crosses to bear, fears to overcome, etc......so it really serves no purpose for us to focus or dwell on our own misfortunes, but maybe be in a position to listen instead.
One thing that most of us don't realize is, our lives are not all that interesting to those around us, albeit it they care.....but don't really need to hear the details each day. There are SO many interesting and uplifting things to focus on and talk about besides our own struggles. It's likely those around us are fully aware of our situation, but don't need to be reminded each day, and might appreciate our ability to ask questions about their life instead.
In other words, if we expect the New Year to bring something different, we have to think about ourselves and how we fit in this world differently. Whatever we are experiencing or how we experience it, will only be magnified if we keep rehashing our own situation, but instead noticing that others are going through something comparable if not worse than you. So the change is more about our attitude, and how our attitude can help heal and change the rest of the earth.
So you can hope for more money, losing weight, a better job, or a healthier relationship for the New Year, which are all well and good. But just remember, those all require a responsibility on your part. They all require a willingness to change our attitudes, our ability to discipline ourselves, our courage to hold ourselves accountable, and the desire to listen instead of talking. Wishing for something to happen in the New Year will not make it happen, but a belief that God has only good things for your life, and that you do deserve to experience peace, joy and contentment in this life, will in fact change the earth. We were not put here to see how much we could juggle or how much money we could make, for none of that lasts. We can either contribute to the busy-ness and craziness of life, and see there is nothing we can do to help change the earth and those around us, or we can step back and embrace hope that this New Year will be different.
Change is coming, but not in the way you're expecting it to come, so you might as well work on the one thing you have control over in this life........your attitude, your willingness to accept trials and tribulations, not only in your life, but the world as a whole, and your awareness that how you behave, and the things you say and focus on, will in fact be the hope for the New Year.
Monday, December 22, 2008
New Habits
The new year approaching feels very different for me for some reason, and I'm not quite sure why, except to say I see something that is badly needed in the lives of so many different people I cross each day....including mine.........and that is change. I believe as much as change is a part of our everyday life, most of us tend to focus on things staying the same, because making a change, or in this case starting a new habit, requires that we let something go in order to start something new. Hmmmm...you say.....sounds like work to me. Why would I want to add something to the list of things I can't keep up with already? Well, it might surprise you, and a pleasant one at that, that making a change of some kind, starting new habits, can actually help you navigate more freely in this life.
I think that so many of us are confused as to how you find that precious commodity....time. You allow yourself to easily get caught up in how you spend your money.......making sure you're up to date with the rest of your friends, neighbors.....the world. Gadgets and passtimes that are not only extravigant, but costly as well. Now I realize it sounds as if I'm getting ready to lecture about money, but you can put your calculators and checkbooks away.....for that's not the case. I would rather focus on how we get caught up in spending money as a habit on things that are not necessarily good for us, or even meaningful. So many things we do are an effort to fill up time and space.....not because we really enjoy what we're doing. In other words, it's something that society made you think you needed or wanted, and before you knew what hit you, you were on the same road........doing, wanting, and spending money for the same things without even being aware of what you were doing.
Sort of like reading these blogs. You were on the merry-go-round, going so fast that when you looked out, it was just a blurr, where you couldn't recognize what was happening, how long you had been on there, or more importantly why. All you wanted was to get off for a while, but you didn't know how because you had been on for so long. You were caught up in staying on because everyone else was on it, and if you got off, you felt like you would lose your place, or your friends. It seemed like the thing to do, for you kept seeing others jump on, so you felt it was your responsibility to jump aboard yourself. Then out of nowhere......you started reading this and started asking yourself questions about your life, your focus, your time.......etc. Well.....it's bound to happen. I was endlessly roaming the earth until something or someone caught my attention, and I knew, without a doubt that something had to change, even though I wasn't sure at the time what that was..........just knew I had to get off the merry-go-round and catch my breathe.
Now I would imagine that by now you're asking yourself what habits need to be nipped in the bud, and what new ones needs to be added. I could very easily start a list if you'd like. Maybe some of them will ring a bell.
1. Smoking
2. Overeating
3. No exercise
4. Negative attitude
5. Porn
6. Lying
7. Being abusive
8. Spending money you don't have
9. Living beyond your means
10. Not spending time with family
11. Watching too much television
12. Being late
13. Not being thankful for anything
14. Drinking
Well...I'll stop there....and see how many resonate with you. Habits.......and as you can see, they are basically all self-focused. Having what you want, when you want it and how you want it.....with no understanding that there is nothing positive at the end of those roads if you continue to stay on them. All of them say to the world, I am important, because I have this now, because it makes me feel good and superior......but it has nothing to do with offering anything to the outside world .....it says you are only interested in what makes you feel good. As long as you get to have, keep, or experience something for yourself, then that's all you're interested in. No matter the cost to you, or more profoundly, to someone else in your life......you want the goods, whatever they are.
No wonder everyone has a hard time sleeping.... with that attitude. How can anything good come from it? How can anyone ever experience peace, joy, or contentment in this world, when we pull inward, instead of reaching outward.....hanging on for dear life those things that we profess we could never change, for after all........our life would be perfect if everyone else would change around us.
We all wanted a new president, and hopefully this one will bring change, because I truly believe if we don't at least try to do something to promote change....change on so many different levels, we will all continue to go broke, lose our homes, die from obesity, lose our families to our addictions, and continue to see our lives as one of lacking instead of embracing one of abundance.
I have heard that a new habit takes 30 days to take root in your life, and at that point, it's like brushing your teeth each day. You don't even have to think about it...you just do it. All it takes is the desire and the decision to make the choice to change something in your life you know is not good, healthy or destructive. As the drug ad says.......JUST SAY NO!!!!
You've already been thinking about it.....but for whatever reason can't find the motivation to stop. Well.......it's January 2009.......how many more years do you want to be a slave to your habit, no matter what it is? If you need help....seek help. If you need a reason....find a good reason. But you can be sure of one thing.........change is coming, you can either be a part of it......or turn your head and ignore the signs.
So ask yourself for once......what can I expect to gain from my habit? Does it make me feel good or good and guilty? What am I jeopardizing in my life if I continue? What could I hang onto that is good in this life if I let go of just one bad habit this year? Or what wonderful surprise would I be blessed with if I started a good and healthy habit?
That's up to you I suppose.
I think that so many of us are confused as to how you find that precious commodity....time. You allow yourself to easily get caught up in how you spend your money.......making sure you're up to date with the rest of your friends, neighbors.....the world. Gadgets and passtimes that are not only extravigant, but costly as well. Now I realize it sounds as if I'm getting ready to lecture about money, but you can put your calculators and checkbooks away.....for that's not the case. I would rather focus on how we get caught up in spending money as a habit on things that are not necessarily good for us, or even meaningful. So many things we do are an effort to fill up time and space.....not because we really enjoy what we're doing. In other words, it's something that society made you think you needed or wanted, and before you knew what hit you, you were on the same road........doing, wanting, and spending money for the same things without even being aware of what you were doing.
Sort of like reading these blogs. You were on the merry-go-round, going so fast that when you looked out, it was just a blurr, where you couldn't recognize what was happening, how long you had been on there, or more importantly why. All you wanted was to get off for a while, but you didn't know how because you had been on for so long. You were caught up in staying on because everyone else was on it, and if you got off, you felt like you would lose your place, or your friends. It seemed like the thing to do, for you kept seeing others jump on, so you felt it was your responsibility to jump aboard yourself. Then out of nowhere......you started reading this and started asking yourself questions about your life, your focus, your time.......etc. Well.....it's bound to happen. I was endlessly roaming the earth until something or someone caught my attention, and I knew, without a doubt that something had to change, even though I wasn't sure at the time what that was..........just knew I had to get off the merry-go-round and catch my breathe.
Now I would imagine that by now you're asking yourself what habits need to be nipped in the bud, and what new ones needs to be added. I could very easily start a list if you'd like. Maybe some of them will ring a bell.
1. Smoking
2. Overeating
3. No exercise
4. Negative attitude
5. Porn
6. Lying
7. Being abusive
8. Spending money you don't have
9. Living beyond your means
10. Not spending time with family
11. Watching too much television
12. Being late
13. Not being thankful for anything
14. Drinking
Well...I'll stop there....and see how many resonate with you. Habits.......and as you can see, they are basically all self-focused. Having what you want, when you want it and how you want it.....with no understanding that there is nothing positive at the end of those roads if you continue to stay on them. All of them say to the world, I am important, because I have this now, because it makes me feel good and superior......but it has nothing to do with offering anything to the outside world .....it says you are only interested in what makes you feel good. As long as you get to have, keep, or experience something for yourself, then that's all you're interested in. No matter the cost to you, or more profoundly, to someone else in your life......you want the goods, whatever they are.
No wonder everyone has a hard time sleeping.... with that attitude. How can anything good come from it? How can anyone ever experience peace, joy, or contentment in this world, when we pull inward, instead of reaching outward.....hanging on for dear life those things that we profess we could never change, for after all........our life would be perfect if everyone else would change around us.
We all wanted a new president, and hopefully this one will bring change, because I truly believe if we don't at least try to do something to promote change....change on so many different levels, we will all continue to go broke, lose our homes, die from obesity, lose our families to our addictions, and continue to see our lives as one of lacking instead of embracing one of abundance.
I have heard that a new habit takes 30 days to take root in your life, and at that point, it's like brushing your teeth each day. You don't even have to think about it...you just do it. All it takes is the desire and the decision to make the choice to change something in your life you know is not good, healthy or destructive. As the drug ad says.......JUST SAY NO!!!!
You've already been thinking about it.....but for whatever reason can't find the motivation to stop. Well.......it's January 2009.......how many more years do you want to be a slave to your habit, no matter what it is? If you need help....seek help. If you need a reason....find a good reason. But you can be sure of one thing.........change is coming, you can either be a part of it......or turn your head and ignore the signs.
So ask yourself for once......what can I expect to gain from my habit? Does it make me feel good or good and guilty? What am I jeopardizing in my life if I continue? What could I hang onto that is good in this life if I let go of just one bad habit this year? Or what wonderful surprise would I be blessed with if I started a good and healthy habit?
That's up to you I suppose.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Finding Balance
Balance. A tricky and precarious thing in our lives, but something we are basically forced to not only find from one day to the next, learn to incorporate it in most situations, but most importantly, find ways in which to hang onto it once we've found it. According to my dear friend Webster, which I am convinced I could not live without, balance has several definitions.....but there are of course a couple that really stand out for me. Mental and emotional stability, and the pleasing harmony of various elements. Sounds like a nice place in which "to be" doesn't it..... and shouldn't be so hard to find, but you would be surprised how many people I come across, who for whatever reason can't find it, no matter how hard they try.
Is balance something that's taught as a child, where those first precious steps of swaying back and forth help them to eventually figure out the formula for standing on their own? Or is it found when they get older and see what they can get away with as far as their parents are concerned?Of course there is really no awareness of what is being learned.....at least not until later in life. And more often than not, struggled with for a lifetime because of the "trying" that gets in the way of just wanting true simplicity, but not being able to find it no matter which road you take.
However, as adults, we can either choose to find balance in our lives, or choose not to have it.....it doesn't automatically come, and unfortunately that decision doesn't necessarily come unless you've been faced with a stressful situation that demands that you make some changes. Something has you confused, frustrated, tired, and physically drained, and you realize that if you did in fact have balance at some point, you've lost it and need to regroup. Some people would see this as a bad place in which to dwell, but I actually found it to be the most comforting. Why you ask? Because I totally believe that change can't occur until you hit bottom, and either wallow in the pit, or dig deep inside your soul for the strength and courage you need to crawl your way back up. This is in fact the moment in which we learn life's lessons.....so how can it be a bad thing?
Most likely at this point you feel quite vulnerable, and anything BUT balanced. I describe myself as that of an onion that has been peeled away, until there is nothing left.......completely raw. That if there were any answers at all to this life, I would have to find them now in order to survive the elements. Like being stranded in the wilderness, without the proper equipment or clothing to keep you protected, wondering if you will be rescued, or if in fact these are your last moments in life. You utter words like......why me God.....what is the purpose of my suffering....will I be saved from impending death.....will anyone know who I was, or what I wanted to do with my life? As you can see, being off balance can force one to do one thing........and that is to in fact "right" themselves.
What is my point? Well maybe I'm in the midst myself of seeking an understanding a "gap" of sorts, that needs to be appreciated and understood. In fact if it were more clearly understood, life would be a softer place in which to fall for so many of us if we could grasp that most profound space, that doesn't have to imply the worst....but in fact puts us all in a position of restoration. After all......doesn't it stand to reason that in order to gain motion in order to rise back up.....we have to have allowed ourselves the permission to reach a bottom of sorts?
So in essence in order to be restored, you have to be in the midst of something that implies the need to be restored. It's no longer important as to the why's or how of a situation.....only the acceptance of what is, and the desire and determination to move forward, not only expecting something different for yourself, but realizing that "something" will ultimately restore the balance that was lost.
I know...I'm sitting here wondering what I just said.....but I'm hoping desperately that it made sense, because I do find myself searching frantically for the words that might explain my own personal plight with balance......but in fact realizing that things that are off balance will, because of the laws of gravity, and just God's true purpose for our lives, lead us to find a way in which to "right itself."
Is balance something that's taught as a child, where those first precious steps of swaying back and forth help them to eventually figure out the formula for standing on their own? Or is it found when they get older and see what they can get away with as far as their parents are concerned?Of course there is really no awareness of what is being learned.....at least not until later in life. And more often than not, struggled with for a lifetime because of the "trying" that gets in the way of just wanting true simplicity, but not being able to find it no matter which road you take.
However, as adults, we can either choose to find balance in our lives, or choose not to have it.....it doesn't automatically come, and unfortunately that decision doesn't necessarily come unless you've been faced with a stressful situation that demands that you make some changes. Something has you confused, frustrated, tired, and physically drained, and you realize that if you did in fact have balance at some point, you've lost it and need to regroup. Some people would see this as a bad place in which to dwell, but I actually found it to be the most comforting. Why you ask? Because I totally believe that change can't occur until you hit bottom, and either wallow in the pit, or dig deep inside your soul for the strength and courage you need to crawl your way back up. This is in fact the moment in which we learn life's lessons.....so how can it be a bad thing?
Most likely at this point you feel quite vulnerable, and anything BUT balanced. I describe myself as that of an onion that has been peeled away, until there is nothing left.......completely raw. That if there were any answers at all to this life, I would have to find them now in order to survive the elements. Like being stranded in the wilderness, without the proper equipment or clothing to keep you protected, wondering if you will be rescued, or if in fact these are your last moments in life. You utter words like......why me God.....what is the purpose of my suffering....will I be saved from impending death.....will anyone know who I was, or what I wanted to do with my life? As you can see, being off balance can force one to do one thing........and that is to in fact "right" themselves.
What is my point? Well maybe I'm in the midst myself of seeking an understanding a "gap" of sorts, that needs to be appreciated and understood. In fact if it were more clearly understood, life would be a softer place in which to fall for so many of us if we could grasp that most profound space, that doesn't have to imply the worst....but in fact puts us all in a position of restoration. After all......doesn't it stand to reason that in order to gain motion in order to rise back up.....we have to have allowed ourselves the permission to reach a bottom of sorts?
So in essence in order to be restored, you have to be in the midst of something that implies the need to be restored. It's no longer important as to the why's or how of a situation.....only the acceptance of what is, and the desire and determination to move forward, not only expecting something different for yourself, but realizing that "something" will ultimately restore the balance that was lost.
I know...I'm sitting here wondering what I just said.....but I'm hoping desperately that it made sense, because I do find myself searching frantically for the words that might explain my own personal plight with balance......but in fact realizing that things that are off balance will, because of the laws of gravity, and just God's true purpose for our lives, lead us to find a way in which to "right itself."
Monday, December 15, 2008
True Humility
Does anyone know what this means? I myself have been on a long journey through this life, and as much as I hate to say it, haven't come across too many people who display this particular behavior.....including myself. According to Webster, humility is to have or to show a consciousness of one's defects or shortcomings; not proud, unpretentious.......to lower in pride, to be modest. Well....for me, I could have stopped at showing a consciousness of one's defects. I love that. Maybe that's what I mean when I try to explain the term "dying to self." You'd be surprised how many don't understand that term, and I suppose the only reason why I do, is because of books I've read on the subject. One in particular by Aldous Huxley called The Perinnial Philosophy. This is one of those books that you pick up for one reason or other, either the cover looked interesting, it happened to be on the best seller list, or someone suggested you read it. Whatever my reason happened to be that day, I'm grateful for the opportunity to discover the term, "dying the self."
Now with Huxley....he didn't really consider himself to be a full blown Christian, but I question his abilty to discern that fact.....for no matter his belief....he was able to pass onto me a most valuable term, which basically changed my life from that point on. Now, even though I do consider myself a full blown Christian, and some might question my wisdom in reading someone as contraversial a writer of his time.......I was able to read his book, though challenged in ways I had not been in the past, and walk away having discovered the term..... Dying to self.
It was confusing at first, but I was so intrigued by it, I wanted to study it even more, to not only deepen my understanding, but in fact, find a way in which to incorporate it into my daily life. For I was on the verge of discovering, unfortunately later in life as opposed to earlier, that my life was anything but other focused. Appearances can fool you, almost trick you into believing that a person is something other that what they appear to be. Does that stem from the person's own craftiness, or from your inability to see clearly a persons inner workings?
Well, it doesn't really matter, for I have found that we only want others to think and see the best of us instead of the worst, because we are not all that excited about others seeing our flaws.....only our good and positive side. Our intentions are honorable, and we want to live in truth, but in reality, there is always a part of self that wants to be satisfied, recognized, and affirmed in some way. We want to, in some way, find our 20 minutes to fame each day......hoping that someone will see how smart, wise, important, and courageous we are. Do you see how the "self" can take over our lives, even for the well intended? Most find it's more important that they experience those things that stroke the ego, instead of waking up and finding ways in which to die to self, in order to be of service to others.
Unfortunatly the hard part about dying to self, if in fact you choose to embark on that particular journey, is to be more conscious and aware of your shortcomings and defects. OUCH!! I can hear that coming from not only those who are appalled to even think they have any shortcomings or defects, or from those who have had moments of seeing something that needs to change about themselves, but have chosen to stash it away to look through later. And trust me, I can only write this because I've been down that road, and the only reason why I chose to pursue it so passionately, is because I had to start throwing out those things that weighed me down, for my physical afflictions take up too much space as it is.......so something had to go.
I'm sure you're either asking yourself, what is the point in this dying to self theory, or if you do understand it, surely your exempt from realizing you fall into any category I've explained so far. Well, if you have found a way in which to wake up each morning with an awesome sense of peace, joy, and gratitude, even in the midst of your own trials and tribulations and feel nothing unsettling in your gut about you, your behavior, or how others might see you or be affected by your behavior, please feel free to write your own blog defending your theory. I'm sure you could likely have a following of those who would rather cut off their little toes than to look in the mirror and see their imperfections and actually do something to change.
With all this being said......dying to self means that you are willing to recognize there is something so much bigger than your "self" in this world, and if you are ready for the biggest challenge of your life, I welcome you to climb aboard for the ride of your life. For the only way in which to live the life that God meant for us to live, is to see ourselves in this world not as one person, who gets what they want, however much they want, when they want it.....or for their name to be up in lights for all to see how truely wise and special they are.......but to see that we are all special, and are affected in so many different ways by our own willingless to show selflessness and humility.
Now with Huxley....he didn't really consider himself to be a full blown Christian, but I question his abilty to discern that fact.....for no matter his belief....he was able to pass onto me a most valuable term, which basically changed my life from that point on. Now, even though I do consider myself a full blown Christian, and some might question my wisdom in reading someone as contraversial a writer of his time.......I was able to read his book, though challenged in ways I had not been in the past, and walk away having discovered the term..... Dying to self.
It was confusing at first, but I was so intrigued by it, I wanted to study it even more, to not only deepen my understanding, but in fact, find a way in which to incorporate it into my daily life. For I was on the verge of discovering, unfortunately later in life as opposed to earlier, that my life was anything but other focused. Appearances can fool you, almost trick you into believing that a person is something other that what they appear to be. Does that stem from the person's own craftiness, or from your inability to see clearly a persons inner workings?
Well, it doesn't really matter, for I have found that we only want others to think and see the best of us instead of the worst, because we are not all that excited about others seeing our flaws.....only our good and positive side. Our intentions are honorable, and we want to live in truth, but in reality, there is always a part of self that wants to be satisfied, recognized, and affirmed in some way. We want to, in some way, find our 20 minutes to fame each day......hoping that someone will see how smart, wise, important, and courageous we are. Do you see how the "self" can take over our lives, even for the well intended? Most find it's more important that they experience those things that stroke the ego, instead of waking up and finding ways in which to die to self, in order to be of service to others.
Unfortunatly the hard part about dying to self, if in fact you choose to embark on that particular journey, is to be more conscious and aware of your shortcomings and defects. OUCH!! I can hear that coming from not only those who are appalled to even think they have any shortcomings or defects, or from those who have had moments of seeing something that needs to change about themselves, but have chosen to stash it away to look through later. And trust me, I can only write this because I've been down that road, and the only reason why I chose to pursue it so passionately, is because I had to start throwing out those things that weighed me down, for my physical afflictions take up too much space as it is.......so something had to go.
I'm sure you're either asking yourself, what is the point in this dying to self theory, or if you do understand it, surely your exempt from realizing you fall into any category I've explained so far. Well, if you have found a way in which to wake up each morning with an awesome sense of peace, joy, and gratitude, even in the midst of your own trials and tribulations and feel nothing unsettling in your gut about you, your behavior, or how others might see you or be affected by your behavior, please feel free to write your own blog defending your theory. I'm sure you could likely have a following of those who would rather cut off their little toes than to look in the mirror and see their imperfections and actually do something to change.
With all this being said......dying to self means that you are willing to recognize there is something so much bigger than your "self" in this world, and if you are ready for the biggest challenge of your life, I welcome you to climb aboard for the ride of your life. For the only way in which to live the life that God meant for us to live, is to see ourselves in this world not as one person, who gets what they want, however much they want, when they want it.....or for their name to be up in lights for all to see how truely wise and special they are.......but to see that we are all special, and are affected in so many different ways by our own willingless to show selflessness and humility.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Choosing Wisely During A Recession
There are so many ways in which to approach the current economic situation we are faced with today. We can either tense up, get angry, fearful and point the finger.....or we can take this opportunity to make changes in our own lives. What changes are those you ask? Well, I believe it gives us all the chance to look at our own personal financial situation to see where we are spending our money, and how we can get through this recession without feeling shortchanged, so to speak. Whether it's disciplining ourselves to pay off credit cards and only pay with cash, letting go of buying things that are not absolutely necessary, or finding ways in which to make a dollar go further.......the point is, believing that you can in fact make adjustments that will make this recession easier to cope with.
Discipline is a very hard thing to incorporate into your life, especially when it comes to buying things that you are entitled to, because you work very hard for your money.....and there is nothing wrong with having specific ways in which we want to spend that hard earned money. Also....if you think that you are exempt from being a part of this recession, you are sadly mistaken.....for we are all a part of it in some way. That would be like saying you have no part in global warming....which of course is absurd. Your car affects the atmosphere just as much as anyone elses does, so it's time to acknowledge how you fit into the grand scheme of things.
It may be time for us all to think about making sacrifices, and instead of seeing the lack of, transform our thinking into an abundance, not of you getting what you want, when you want it, ignoring the cost.......but seeing there are so many other ways in which to be satisfied with a more modest mindset. This all has to do with learning humility and realizing that less is more........and more importantly, your willingness to scale back on your spending will make a statement to those around you. They will see how you handle your thoughts about money, how you choose to spend it, save it, and more profoundly seeing that you have clearly set your priorities in this life, and have chosen wisdom about your spending, instead of blatently ignoring the fact that we all are affected by the recession.
We all have dreams and wishes of how we want our lives to look, things we'd like to have and waited a long time to get, but if we really want to choose wisdom and realize that we can make a difference in how we get through hard times, it will be to recognize how we can very easily scale down, save for those things that we truly want in this life and mean the most, and let the rest go.
So before making plans to spend money you don't really have, or expecting someone to spend their own hard earned money on something that is only temporary, when you know in your heart and mind there are other ways in which to wisely spend or invest your money, stop and realize how your next move could have an impact on those around you. We all want what we want, or say yes to those we love, when we know we really need to say no.........but you can, whether you believe it of not, make a profound and valuable statement by stepping back and choosing wisdom instead.
Discipline is a very hard thing to incorporate into your life, especially when it comes to buying things that you are entitled to, because you work very hard for your money.....and there is nothing wrong with having specific ways in which we want to spend that hard earned money. Also....if you think that you are exempt from being a part of this recession, you are sadly mistaken.....for we are all a part of it in some way. That would be like saying you have no part in global warming....which of course is absurd. Your car affects the atmosphere just as much as anyone elses does, so it's time to acknowledge how you fit into the grand scheme of things.
It may be time for us all to think about making sacrifices, and instead of seeing the lack of, transform our thinking into an abundance, not of you getting what you want, when you want it, ignoring the cost.......but seeing there are so many other ways in which to be satisfied with a more modest mindset. This all has to do with learning humility and realizing that less is more........and more importantly, your willingness to scale back on your spending will make a statement to those around you. They will see how you handle your thoughts about money, how you choose to spend it, save it, and more profoundly seeing that you have clearly set your priorities in this life, and have chosen wisdom about your spending, instead of blatently ignoring the fact that we all are affected by the recession.
We all have dreams and wishes of how we want our lives to look, things we'd like to have and waited a long time to get, but if we really want to choose wisdom and realize that we can make a difference in how we get through hard times, it will be to recognize how we can very easily scale down, save for those things that we truly want in this life and mean the most, and let the rest go.
So before making plans to spend money you don't really have, or expecting someone to spend their own hard earned money on something that is only temporary, when you know in your heart and mind there are other ways in which to wisely spend or invest your money, stop and realize how your next move could have an impact on those around you. We all want what we want, or say yes to those we love, when we know we really need to say no.........but you can, whether you believe it of not, make a profound and valuable statement by stepping back and choosing wisdom instead.
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