A New Years Transformation

With the new year upon us, I would like to challenge you to think about resolutions and what they really mean, what they can show us, and ultimately how we can experience them after they've been made. First of all, most of us really never contemplate the word resolution until a couple of days after christmas, usually after we've indulged in some way with food or drink, or realized that another year has come and gone and we still weren't able to fit into that favorite black dress or suit. Or we may have had time to sit and think about how the past year was experienced, of course most often noticing the things that went wrong, instead of the things that went very well. But whatever the case, it seems time for a bit of contemplation, and then wondering if there might be some changes that need to take place in the year to come, which would ultimately bring us more happiness, peace, and success.

So resolution implies a time to reflect on the past year, and then hopefully some sort of plan of action with hopes of change for the future. Well, sounds like a positive movement, well thought over, well intended, with a little sprinkle of hope, that whatever the plan might be, it could be achieved with discipline and determination. You might even be excited about sharing your resolutions with those around you, in hopes that you would receive adequate encouragement, and a following that would cheer you onto the finish. It all sounds very exciting and well intended.........so how could resolution be bad?

Well......I'm not implying that resolution itself is a bad thing....because of course it motivates us to move forward....to work harder.....to be more focused on our goals.....etc. And even if most of us wait until the week between christmas and new years to ponder these thoughts.....it's still to be commended. However..........I know....don't you hate it when I finally get around to the "however" comment? However.......what would it feel like if I threw a different word into the new years resolution mix.........like for instance......transformation? After all.....you can think and ponder......reflect the past year....and even come up with some good ideas, but ultimately, you are honestly asking yourself to change.......to go from what "was" in the last year, into what you feel needs to be different for the year to come.

All good stuff again.......but if you grasp the concept of transformation, you do of course realize that some action is going to be needed. You can think, ponder, wonder, wish, even come up with good plans....but unless you actually put those plans to work, you won't accomplish anything by the time 2011 rolls around. Again.......all well intended and exciting to think about any change that might be coming, but you will in fact have to take into consideration that many ingredients are needed in this new mix of resolution/transformation........some you may have stored away......some may be easily implemented.......and some you will have to search for, and could take a while to find.

My suggestion is to sit down quietly and make a list. A list of things about your life and about yourself that you would like to see differently in the year to come. Ask yourself some questions like..........do I like myself? Do I provide a soft place to fall for my family, or do I drain them dry as often as possible? Am I determined to talk instead of listen? Do I do anything that makes my life easier or healthier? Do I constantly judge, criticize and belittle those around me, instead of building them up and encouraging them? Do I stay overly busy because it makes me feel worthy? Do I punish people when I don't get what I want by pouting or avoiding them? Do I know when and how to say no? Do I check my motives when I want or need something from someone? Do I promote peace within my family, or chaos? Do I really know what true humility is? Do I allow friends and family to make their decisions, trusting their judgement instead of imposing mine?

These are all good questions for self-reflection...and I'm sure you could add a few of your own to the list......feel free. Just remember that when you do come up with your list, it will bring a sense of freedom and peace within yourself because you've actually begun to think about how you yourself can not only make plans to be better for the new year, but how you can actually put into action those ideas that will ultimately transform you into a vessel that can actually change the world. A vessel that holds peace, harmony, compassion, a sense of otherness, and a genuine need to express selfless love.

It is possible to navigate this world gently....truly it is.... but it does have to start with you. Your attitude, your behavior, your truth, your humility, your sense of otherness, your willingness to change negative energy into positive. So.......have a life changing new year..........transform yourself into something better.



Happy New Year

Trying VS. Allowing

According to Webster; Try; to subject to a severe test or strain. Now compare it with allow; to let do, happen; permit; to acknowledge as true or valid. Now I don't know about you, but it seems as if there is much hard work with trying, as opposed to gently going through life allowing. Granted there is nothing wrong with trying to be your best, trying to do the right thing, trying to get it right.......but for me it brings with it a hint of self, ego, or pushing something that shouldn't or can't be pushed. That the actual act of trying goes against those things that come naturally, if allowed. It's as if you are pressing to reach perfection, which I believe happens only through nature, like watching the petals of a rose fold out into the open air. That is true perfection. Or watching a newborn baby grasp your finger without even knowing what they're doing. That is perfection.

When you see those two things happen, there is no trying involved....but only allowing something to reveal itself. Beauty from the rose, and love from the newborn. And of course these are only two examples of perfection on this earth that come from allowing, I'm sure you could add thousands to the list. But my point here is not necessarily about roses and babies, but how hard our life can be when we are focused on trying, instead of allowing. Maybe the trick here, is to be able to discern the difference between the two.

I suppose it might be easier for me, because I can physically tell the difference between the two, most likely due to my physical limitations. When you've been forced to weed out those things in your life that drain or challenge your energy or strength, in order to just stay afloat physically, you become extremely sensitive to internal drives as well as external forces. I can sense in my body the moment something goes from allowing to trying, because the energy is immediately affected. So, it's as if I have an internal alarm that goes off when I move into energy overload. And actually I think we are all equipped with that alarm, it's just that people who are well, will allow themselves to get close to the danger zone because they can physically handle it. I myself easily crash and burn, with days or months ahead of recooping from the stress. And that's not to say it's bad or good.....it just is.

So, I'm sure by now you're asking yourself if you spend your life trying or allowing........and you know how I feel about that........good place to start. Now....after you start to ask yourself which umbrella you fall under, can you get a sense of why you choose to try as opposed to allowing? And can you really see how they both resonate within your gut? I can say to myself that I will try to do something, but when I say that, my face even gets scrunched up, believing that if I push and strain, I will in fact accomplish my goal. If I say that I'm going to allow something in my life, it's a completely different sensation. It's a more gentle and accepting word, that is yielding and forgiving if the goal is not accomplished in the end. That I don't have to expect perfection, or heaven forbid, beat myself up if things don't turn out the way I think they NEED to turn out.

Allowing yourself to work on something implies a recognition that you are not perfect, nor seeking perfection, but only seeing something you want to pursue, and putting your best foot forward "gently". WOW.......that just blew over me like a gentle breeze, with only positive words.......nothing demanding, nor pessimistic, nor judgemental. As if a child asked her mother if she could make the cake herself, and her mother responding in a positive way like....."Absolutely you can make the cake, may I help you?" Which implies even though she realizes this will be the first time for the child, and it may be a little diffcult, but she instills in the child that there's nothing wrong with her wanting to make the cake, and that if she needs any help, her mom is right there to guide her.

What a completely different world we would live in today if everyone had that attitude........and you can see clearly, it makes all the difference in how we look at goals and challenges we face everyday. Now this doesn't mean you have to completely throw out the word try, and replace it with the word allow. Even though there would be nothing wrong with "allowing" yourself to "try" that. But maybe if you knew in your own head from now on, when you use the word try, that your attitude about the word is a bit different. Your brow is not scrunched, you don't feel a sensation of pushing, or demanding that you reach a particular goal, or else.

It actually gives you permission to be kind and gentle towards yourself if you don't reach your goal. As if you've provided a soft place to land if things don't turn out the way you thought they needed to. This seems a much gentler way to navigate through life, for yourself, as well as those around you. For as much as we demand and expect for ourselves to achieve, it's just as easy to demand and expect others to as well......and in this day and age........we all deserve a nice soft place to land.

If Only

It is SO easy to go through life believing that outside forces get in our way of those things we believe we're supposed to have and enjoy while we're on this earth. Even basing our level of peace and happiness on things like money, location, our job, and especially on those around us and their behavior. Do any of these sound familiar?

1.if only I had more money
2.if only my spouse would give me what I need
3.if only I had a different job
3.if only I weren't sick
4.if only I were thinner
5.if only I had more discipline in my life
6.if only a loved one had not died
7.if only I had a new car
8.if only I had a child
9.if only I lived on an island

Well.....as you can see I've only mentioned 8, but there is no doubt in my mind that you could add another 20 or so. But no need for fretting, for we all do this to some degree. Of course the important thing is how much we do it, and how long we stay in that mindset. It's important to also realize that when we do focus on "if only's"......it can and will steal our ability to experience true peace and joy in our lives, because we're focus of what we think we want or need, instead of what we presently have in this moment.

Yes....this probably is another lecture on the term "living in the moment". But, I believe we can read it, think it, and even say it outloud, but it doesn't necessarily mean that we truly "get it", so that we can ultimately apply it to our everyday lives. I believe we get stuck when we see our lives as lacking in some way....that there's one magical element that will help us complete the picture to our satisfaction. The perfect mate, the job that makes us feel brilliant and successful with respect and recognition from our peers, the perfect body for others to see and envy, the new fancy car that makes us look like we have an abundance of money and the perfect life.........you want me to go on?

Now, first up.......there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting or having these things, but I think the trick here, is to be satisfied with what you have instead of believing that those things will solve life's struggles or frustrations. We spend time praying, asking, or wishing for a particular thing or person, and most often receive it, but instead of relishing or appreciating the fact that you've received it, you're on to the next thing, never really feeling satisfied or content with what you have in front of you. I'm asking myself at this moment, is that all there is to life.....striving, wishing, expecting the next thing that will hopefully fulfill my life to my satisfaction? If that's our reality, then do we actually reach a point where we have all our baskets full and overflowing, wanting for nothing?

Well, of course that would be the ultimate.....being able to say to yourself, "I'm completely satisfied, and can finally be content with what I have in front of me". But in fact, if you stay in the land of the If Only's.......you will never experience that level of contentment. It's as if you completely forget the days, months, or years before this moment, you were asking, wishing, or praying for this particular thing you felt would bring you happiness, joy, or fulfillment. You received it, but forgot to recognize or express gratefulness that you received it......so you're on to the next thing. I'm sure you've heard the expression, be careful what you ask for, you may surely get it............well, it's true. It reminds you to search for the meaning and truth behind your desires in life. Is it what you truly believe is missing in your life, or something that you see other's experience, and think you need to follow suit?

My point? To pay careful attention to those moments of seeking the next thing, wondering "if only" my life were different, better.....whatever you see that's missing in your life, and begin to notice those things that are right in front of you......the prayers, wishes, desires that you dreamed of having, and have in fact already received. For being in a constant state of appreciating "what is" in your life, will ultimately open the door to what comes next for you, not the "if only's". Wondering, speculating, and expecting because you are unhappy with the present moment, is completely different than wondering, speculating and expecting good things to come just because they're good things...period.

I wonder what would happen if you practiced gratefulness for this very moment, soaking up every inch of already receiving what you asked for, and knowing that it's ok to desire certain things for your future, but not believing that "one" thing is what will make sense of your world and provide the love, happiness, peace and joy you need so badly.

What Is It?

Is there something bugging you lately? Something you wish you could stand on a podium in the middle of main street somewhere and shout it out, whatever it is? Did you wake up this morning wondering, what in the heck am I doing? Is this my life, or did I just get caught up in something that seemed right, and decided to settle? Did I venture down a road because of loneliness, impatience, confusion...etc? Did I say yes to something for the wrong reasons? Do I continue to say yes because all hell would break loose if I stood up and said what I really feel? Or because I would be left lone, naked and vulnerable, if I really spoke the truth?

Yikes......heavy stuff for a Monday morning, but I think we all at some point have this very conversation in our heads. I think this, if anything, falls under the umbrella of normalcy. We backtrack wondering if the right decision was made, or if we're wasting our time, or our lives, with doing something we really don't want to do. We start wondering if our motives or intentions were in line, whether we were living in truth, instead of giving in to something or someone. We wondered at the time if we were up to the challenge, whatever it was, but instead of waiting, learning patience, or getting more information, we decided to take a nose-dive, hoping and praying we would be ok.

So.....we went down a road......even though there were no clear signs to guide us, usually because there wasn't anything else better that came along, so we settled. We felt lost, confused, with no focus or purpose.....looking and searching for that situation that would make us "feel" right, good, or complete. If there were any red flags that flew up, we ignored them completely. Didn't matter what they were, how they made us feel, what they involved......we decided to continue. We didn't take into consideration where the road might lead, what we might have to face, or if maybe we should re-think the whole situation........still made the choice to move ahead no matter what.

Just in case you're wondering, this IS in fact the most appropriate time to ask yourself, what is it? What is it that I jumped into without thinking? What was it I said yes to, when I knew in my gut I was saying it for the wrong reasons? What do I expect to happen if I continue down this road without really looking at my true and real reasons for being here? How does my uncertainty about my decision actually affect those around me?

Now you may not have clarity right now about what it is that's gnawing at your gut, or maybe you're one of the lucky or more fortunate people who have a gut that is in fact at peace, with no regret, no fear, no worry, not wondering if you are in fact going down the right path. That's very admirable, but I still believe if you are human, you're going to be at some time in your life, faced with the fact that you made an unwise decision. You know what.....it's ok....it really is. It's even ok if you've made more than one, if not many. That, in fact, is part of the human condition.........just part of life. It's not my place, or anyone elses to place judgement on those decisions, I'll leave that up to God. I've made enough of my own to keep me from pointing the finger outward.

My point here is not to make you feel bad, or to encourage you to spend the day searching for something to question yourself about, or to beat yourself up for maybe jumping into something you weren't quite ready for, or for settling for something instead of waiting. There is really no way to completely safeguard yourself from making mistakes, so you might as well embrace the ones you made, no matter how serious they were, because it's done and over with. Trust me, if there were a way in which to go back and repair some of the damage I've done over the past several years, I would at least try, but since that's not possible, I'll move ahead with at least making an attempt to see clearly, my motives and intentions in making my future decisions. I will make it a point to watch and beware of red flags that speak of warning up ahead, take the time to see what I'm trying to satisfy in making a particular decision, or ultimately, how my decision will not only affect my life, but those around me that I love the most.

So if you're brave enough to ask yourself this morning.....what is it? Then you've been able to do something that a lot of people will never do or want to do.....stop in the middle of the road, take a deep breathe, and just simply ask yourself, am I sure this is the direction I want to go? Does this road speak the truth about who I really am, my desires, my goals, my beliefs, my faith in God? Or does it simply say I'll choose this road because it seems right, it's got some good perks, or it will make people think I know what I'm doing?

I'll leave these questions for you to ponder, even on a Monday morning.

What Do You Want?

Wow.....what a question huh? I bet when you read those words, you are so surprised that someone even asked you, you're not quite sure what to think, or how to respond, right? I'm sure many things come to mind like, more money, a new job, a soulmate, a house, a new car, to lose weight......and the list goes on. It's interesting that most of these things fall under the "stuff" category, as opposed to some non-tangible item, like peace, joy, contentment, better attitude, more patience, more understanding, and a spirit of forgiveness or giving to others. In a world that tries to make you feel like you need to want or buy the next thing in order to be happy and fulfilled, it's hard to think about those non-tangibles. We live in a society where stuff means you're successful, stuff means you're cool to those around you, stuff means you're safe from anything bad happening to you. Well...I hate to tell you this, but according to my friend Webster, he believes the word stuff to mean; worthless objects; refuse; junk. If you don't believe me....look for yourself.

Now you can see why he is my most trusted associate, because if there's any question in my mind about the true meaning behind a word, I know he is the one to ask. There is usually no beating around the bush, no speculating on my part, or twisting it to fit the occasion.......he gets right to the point. So.....without further ado......I'll get right to the point about stuff. Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting certain things while you're here......especially a nice home, a nice car, a good and faithful spouse, children to raise and enjoy, so I'm not determined to rain on your parade here, but only to help you stop and think about those things that are most important to you while you're here on this earth. After all, I do believe that God has wonderful things for us all to experience while we're here, but he also wants to make sure we focus our attention and desires on those things that are the most meaningful.....those things that last, and those things that bring us the most contentment and joy.

Seems like this would be a very easy thing to do during this time of recession, and honestly I have seen some areas where people have made some changes. And you can tell from all the reports on our economy, that people are starting to re-think what they want, and what they buy. Of course it would be nice for people to assess their real true needs without being forced to because of a recession, but that's another subject we'll save for later. So whether you feel forced to see things differently, or want to because you yourself have caught a glimpse of desiring too much stuff, it doesn't really matter. What really matters at this moment is for you to just sit with the question.......what do you want, and see what comes up for you.

I believe that we allow society to dictate what we should want and have.....all you have to do is turn on the television and see that. And it's very easy to get caught up in what people around you are doing, buying, experiencing.....etc.....believing that you are supposed to follow suit, whether you have the money or not. If you don't have the money in front of you, then get a credit card.....free money when you want it right? Well....we both know the real answer to that one. All the "stuff" looks really good, and you feel you work hard, and deserve whatever it is that suits your fancy. A bigger television, a nicer car, a bigger house, fancy clothes, dining out whenever you want to.......the list goes on and on. So in fact your life becomes more about what you can accumulate, than being satisfied with what you already have. You've been tricked into thinking, more is more......so you seek more stuff. All in the hopes of "fitting in", and looking successful to those around you. It becomes all about how you "appear" to the outside world, not about who you really are. The stuff that you accumulate does not and never will equal who you are as a person.

I know.....another "ouch" subject. And the only reason why I can write this at all, is because I am quite often privy to so many people that are so wrapped up in their stuff, or accumulating more stuff, and what it takes for them to have it, and are completely stressed out because of what it takes in order for them to keep up with it all. I'm sorry but that makes absolutely no sense to me at all. If you have to completely wear yourself out in order to have the money to have or to keep your stuff, when or how are you able to enjoy anything at all?

So ask yourself some questions here. What difference would it make if I decided to let something go that is not really a neccessity? What would happen to my stress level if I just stopped spending money on those things that are not really needed in order for me to get through this next week, month, or year?What would happen to my level of peace and joy if I let go of trying to keep up with my friends or peers and just said no? Wonder what it would be like to wake up and not be worried about what I want and can't have, and thought about what I do have and experienced a comfortable state of mind?

I can tell you one thing that would happen, that you probably have not considered. You making conscious decisions to look at your life differently, so that you're not constantly worried and stressed out, will make a huge statement to those around you....... because whether you believe this or not, most of your friends and peers are going through the same exact thing, and don't have the courage to say......no more.

So, I will ask you again........What Do You Want?

Nurturing Self

We all understand what it means to nurture a child or a plant. Protecting both as they grow and mature, both needing certain things in order to survive, as well as things that will allow them to flourish. Sometimes they need very specific things in order to grow, like certain foods, sunshine, and protection from the elements in life. I believe we are all aware that if both are left alone and not attended to, would suffer in many ways, or sometimes die. They are pretty much dependent on outside help in order to survive.

Of course there are in fact basic needs that we require in order to survive........we pretty much know what those are. Water, food, sleep, shelter for starters, but what about those things that help us sustain a quality of life that is very individual in nature? Some of us need a certain amount of sleep, time to be quiet and still, time to be around other people, or simply time to be in our own space, apart from the busyness of life. We have to consider the fact that all of us came from a different environment, experienced different parents, siblings, lifestyles, attitudes....etc. We might all appear to be in human form, with the ability to talk, walk, work, love.....whatever, but if you get beyond those obvious appearances, we couldn't be more different. And as we grow, age, and develop very particular behaviors, mindsets, attitudes, likes, dislikes, beliefs.......we also develop ways in which to function in the world with others.

There is unfortunately a drawback here, in that with recognizing where we came from and what we've experienced, there is always this inherent need to be like everyone else......to fit in. No one really likes to stand out, whether they are disabled, sick, deaf, blind, mentally challenged, poor.....whatever the case may be, we all just want to fit into what most of us believe to be "normal". Even though I'm not so sure any of us really have a clear understand of what normal is.......just suffice it to say, we've been taught along the way that normal does exit.

So what happens when you want to fit into this place of being normal, but find there is something about yourself that needs special attention in order for that to happen? Say you were raised in a house with an angry and loud father, that made you shudder whenever he walked into your house. It might bother you to be around anyone who has a loud voice, so you avoid those situations. Or you might not be able to hear in a group whats being said, because your hearing is not so good, you just sit quietly, or you pretend you hear whats being said. Sometimes there can be physical pain and suffering of some kind that won't allow you to sit and visit with someone. Whatever the case may be, you need to allow yourself to do whatever is needed in order to take care of yourself, sometimes and most often regardless of what others think or feel about you.

Some of us enjoy and thrive on being around other people, but then there are those who are drained completely by being around others. The point is, no matter where you came from, what you've been through, or what your present situation is, there are certain things you need to do for yourself, that nurtures and cares for you individually. It doesn't matter the reason, you just arrange your life, and make decisions accordingly as your body needs.

Just as you eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired....etc........you work your life around what your mind, body and spirit needs. Doesn't necessarily mean you can leave work when you feel like it, or take off a week when you get the notion. There are many ways you can learn to incorporate self care into your daily work schedule, it's just a matter of being creative. It's very easy to find out and be more aware of what is lacking in the self-care department, making adjustments along the way with your diet, how often you eat, what time you go to bed, how you spend your weekends.....etc. All of these are things that allow you to do what is required, yet makes changes in order to be at your best, instead of walking around depleted each day.

Keeping in mind, your body is most often completely different than the next person, so don't start playing the comparison game, because it will get you nowhere. Start with where you are at this moment, and be aware of what needs you have that aren't being met, and what you can do to change that. Of course the trick is, not allowing someone elses opinion about your needs get in your way of what you know is the truth. Nobody knows your body better than you and what it needs at any given time. Our bodily functions are not on the same time frame.......a good thing to keep in mind.

If you expect to have a certain quality of life, sick or well, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, doesn't really matter......it's going to take a realization that each one of us are different, most often quite different, and have different needs at different times of our lives. Do what is right for you, by saying yes or no when you need to, spend as much time as you need in your own space being quiet and still, and allow others to do the same. If someone doesn't understand your need to do what is right for you, then let them deal with it however they need to deal with it, but at least you are being true to yourself and what you need to live your best life.

Living in Fear

Do you believe that you spend a majority of your time living in fear? If you do, have you tried to figure out where that fear comes from.......the basis......the root, it's true meaning? Sometimes I don't believe we're even aware that fear is the problem. The hesitancy, reluctance, or avoidance of making a decision, we own up to protecting ourselves from something or someone we believe could possibly cause us harm. Or we could have lived around that fear or uncertainty as a child. Overbearing parents who had a tendency to look on the negative side of life.........those bad things that could happen, as opposed to all the good that life has to offer. Or not helping you realize that bad things will, and do happen everyday, and instilling confidence that you will find the wisdom to work through those bad times. It's how they lived their life, so it seems only appropriate they pass that fear onto you, in hopes of protecting you.

Well, no matter where it comes from, I am convinced it's not the way that God intended us to live, even with knowing there are bad people and bad situations in the world that will challenge us each day. Does that mean you're to walk around totally oblivious to those things? No, but it does mean there needs to be a level of acceptance of the human condition, the reality of good and bad, and that no matter what you think, feel, do, or try to prepare for, you cannot go through a lifetime without going through something that is not so pleasant. Of course at the same time it doesn't mean you have to go looking for it either.

Ah.....there it is...plain and simple. "Go looking for it." The fear is the knowing it's there, whatever the pain, hurt, loss, devastation is.........you know it's out there just waiting to swoop you up, churn you into bits, and spit you out. And there you are, left for dead, with no hopes of recovering. So the issue here is not that we can ignore the possibility of things going wrong, because as I said, there is always the possibility. The issue is learning to focus on all the wonderful things that could happen if you let go of the fear.

I can already hear you saying to yourself, "Well, I want to, but I just can't...or sounds like a great idea, but not something I can do." So in other words, you would rather continue to brace yourself for the bad, saying no to many things you would love to say yes to, simply because of fear?

Maybe it would help if you were able to rid your thoughts of the what if's. What if I get involved with this person and they leave me? What if I invest my money into something and it goes south? What if I get sick, and lose my ability to work? What if someone I love gets cancer and dies? What if my husband or wife leaves me? What if I lose my job? What if I get old? What if I need help? As you can see, we could sit here all day long, adding to this list of what if's, but where would it get you? Nowhere.

Now granted all of the things I listed above are in fact things that could happen.......but there is a huge difference in could and will. Just like there's a big difference between fear of something, and concern for something. Fear implies dread, involves anxiety and agitation of an impending threat, whereas concern is a matter of interest or importance to one. Fear is pessimistic and lacks trust, where concern is optimistic, hopeful, and very willingly offers trust. Big difference.

So, with all this being said, there is actually some choice involved here in whether you want to live your life from a place of fear, or live it with trusting and believing for the best. And since we've already covered the issues of "bad things will happen", and living in a place of "what if's", all that's really left is trusting yourself to choose the best answer for you. Maybe you could ask yourself how much it costs you each day to live in fear, and what difference it would make if you were able to walk around and actually enjoy all the good things that life has to offer.

Just remember, whether you believe this or not, those around you are taking note of your fear, even though you think you're keeping it well hidden. There is always someone around who needs to see hope, trust, faith and promise of good things to come...........wouldn't it be awesome if you were able to pass that on as a gift?

Forgiveness

Probably one of the hardest things to do in this life, so let's take it apart and see if we can defuse the fear and anxiety that learning to forgive brings. Forgive: to overlook; to cancel; stop being angry. You notice here, the definition says nothing about what the circumstances are, or reason why you need to forgive, it simply defines the word. But of course you already know we can't just leave it at that. We all really understand to a degree what it means, but understanding the meaning and actually doing it are two totally different things.

So let's start from scratch here, realizing that most of us have someone, at some point, that did or said something, that we just cannot get past, or more appropriately, forgive. And of course there will be varying degrees of what was done, but for me it doesn't matter what was done......what matters is, figuring out a way to forgive. One thing to keep in mind, is that when you don't forgive, it really ends up hurting you more than anyone else. We think our decision to not forgive punishes, hurts, or convicts the other peron, when most often it allows something to settle in your own gut thats hard to live with. Unforgiveness steals your ability to have peace and joy in your life, because you've chosen to punish someone.

The root of unforgiveness stems from expectations we put on ourselves, and others. Oh yes.......there is plenty of room here for the inability to forgive ourselves. But no matter, someone said or did something that we believe was not right, uncalled for, beyond understanding, and by rights, should be punished. The problem with this thinking is, we expect ourselves, as well as others, to be perfect......and I'm sorry to tell you this, but we are all far from being perfect, and never will be. Because of that, we will always be in a situation where we will either disappoint or be disappointed ourselves.......there's no way to get around it. I wish I could tell you differently......but I can't. People (including ourselves) will continue to do and say things that are not right, and stuff is going to happen beyond our control, where in the end we are hurt, betrayed, lied to, cheated on, disappointed....etc. I wish I could stop there....but the list does go on.

This is a fallen world, and we are capable of many things.........some things not so appalling, some that are beyond appalling, let's face it, we see it on the news everyday. And remember, every once in a while you will see speckled amongst those people who have been severely wronged, one person who has chosen to forgive the most incredible act. I sit there wondering how on earth could they do that? Are they insane, in shock? No. They realize that stuff happens like that all the time, and there is no rhyme or reason at all, nothing to try and figure out, it just IS. They remember, there is no law that says bad things will not happen to them. There was no stamp or sticker slapped on their back that gives them a pass go ticket, where no pain, sorrow, suffering or devastation will touch them.

I know, rude awakening.....and if I had the power I would give all those I know and love a sticker that kept them from all the hurt and pain in the world. But I cannot. The only thing I can do, is to help someone recognize their own shortcomings, their own not so perfect behaviors, comments, actions...etc....so that they can see there is no room for judging others for theirs. There is however room for love and acceptance. Doesn't mean you have to like a person, or keep them in your life, especially if what they are doing is very damaging to you. It only means that you will remember that "stuff" happens, and there are people who do bad things........no matter the degree. Some doing things they're not even aware of........or in a situation or place in their life where they will never be able to change what they're doing.

So as you can see, your inability to forgive someone, is more about you, instead of what they did or said to you. You're the one that will carry the hurt and the bad feelings around, so much so that it will get in your way of being able to truly love, have peace, enjoy your life, or love others fully and completely.

Look deeply into your own heart, and see if there is someone, somewhere, that you need to forgive. For you might think that you have it tucked away so no one can see, but think again. Your behavior, actions, and stance in life will speak volumes, without you even knowing it. Someone in your life, most often someone you would rather not hurt, will either pick up on, or be affected by your inability to forgive........and will not feel safe in handing their heart over to you for safe keeping.

Just remember, if you choose to forgive, those around you will follow suit. What an awesome wave to start.

Are You Withholding?

No....I'm not talking about withholding taxes here, but more in the vein of withholding thoughts and feelings towards something or someone. Webster, by now you realize, has become a most important colleague of mine, states simply the meaning of withholding. To hold back; keep back ;or restrain. Now when you read that, it implies that it's something that you yourself are in control of.......simply keeping something for yourself, and not allowing someone else access to that something. And again for my particular purposes here, I'm going to remain in that vein of feelings.

Now it's not as important here as to what sort of feelings you're withholding from someone, but why you've chosen to withhold them. There could be many reasons, such as fear, anger, resentment, bitterness, or my own personal favorite reason........punishment. Yes indeedy....punishment. Something we can't imagine we could inflict on anyone besides a gentle prodding of a child to do right, and we'll leave capital punishment up to the courts. Let's stick with recognizing how sometimes we withhold feelings from those that we are closest to, because we believe we have been wronged by that person in some way.

In this sense, the withholding stems from unresolved feelings that have not been expressed......and we've simply chosen to hang onto them thinking that the person we're withholding from, will be punished in someway. We're hoping or thinking that they won't notice, or realize we are punishing them......but after a while, they will discover your game. And I'm not talking about bad people here, but most often the ones who we see as well intended, and would never think badly or inflict any sort of pain onto someone else. Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this.......but that is usually the case. However, there is a flipside to this, that may help you understand instead of being appalled.

Keep in mind that most often, the person who is withholding, is not aware of this. I know, you're asking yourself how absurd is that? But just stick with me here, and we'll try to find some clarity. The case most often, is the person who is withholding, is not aware that's what they're doing, because the hurt inside is so deep and imbedded. If you choose not to deal with those feelings that pop up and eat at your gut, they will manifest themselves in some other way. It's almost a safety valve for your heart. You've set it up in hopes that it will protect you from being hurt, sad, devastated...etc. And if something flips that valve, the damn will break, and you will never recover from the hurt and pain of what was experienced. Make sense?

All pretty deep stuff when you think about it, but ultimately it causes or inflicts pain on those you love the most. Your craftiness usually ends up not only hurting those around you.......but most significantly hurting yourself. It keeps you from fully experiencing life, love, and how God intended us to be on this earth. Remember now, it was never promised that we were put here to be perfect, or that we would never suffer pain, no matter the form. We were put here to love and be loved, period. Not to seek or demand perfection in others, but to love them for who they are.....because honestly, they are a part of us. They were put here for the same reasons you were, and are entitled to experience those good things that were promised.

You cannot fully and completely love someone if you are either choosing to withhold, or are just now realizing that's what you're doing. It's so easy to walk around this life pointing the finger, judging others for things that most often you are guilty of yourself. Or judging for something they may have done or said, that they aren't even aware of.........again.......none of us are perfect.

With all this being said, please take time to check your gut and see if there is something deep that you need to let out. If you don't express it, how will anyone know, for we weren't given the gift to read minds. Ask yourself this question. What would it feel like if someone you loved was withholding something from you? It would not feel like love right? It would feel like punishment. That someone you love is punishing you for something, and you don't even know what it is. How cruel is that.....and more importantly, what can be gained? For if you think that withholding or punishing someone will protect your heart.........think again.

So you can withhold, punish, whatever you want to call it, but most often you're the one that will end up suffering, because you have chosen to focus on your hurt, instead of what God intended .......peace, love, joy, contentment, and compassion for those around us. I would rather my heart be broken and allowed to heal, instead of pretending it had never been broken at all.

Authenticity

This is a tough one for so many people, and good reason. Most of us live to please and satisfy others, while not even considering what we need in our own lives. According to Webster, authentic refers to something or someone being genuine, valid, reliable, trustworthy....to be believed or accepted. Well, I don't know about you, but if I were going to strive for any particular behaviors, those would be at the top of my list. Those are strong, hearty and comforting words, that are not only valued and admired in people you may come across each day, but more importantly within yourself.

We go along in life expecting so much from those around us, but we never stop to think that we should expect it more from ourselves than from others. These are qualities that I believe are most often hard earned, and require a sense of accountability to not only retain, but to keep intact throughout our whole life. So I think the first thing you must do, is to assess your own authenticity. Just as if you were taking a jewel to have it appraised. You want to know its value, it's resale value, or to see if it's even real. You'll see that it's a lot easier than assessing your own personal authenticity. This will take some time.

First thing you might want to look at or question about yourself is......am I real? Now being real is very much like being authentic, though it does have more to do with being sincere or not pretending to be something you're not. This takes great discernment when it comes to assessing the authenticity of someone around you, because these are qualities that you can quite often conjure up to suit the person or the occasion, without actually feeling those qualities at all. But when assessing your own, it's something that you can measure viscerally. You can tell when you're genuinely feeling sincere or real, just like you can tell when you're telling the truth or a lie. It's a gut level sensation.

I think you can also tell when you're working from a place of fear, control, anger, lonliness, or frustration. For however you respond to someone will not sit well.......there is a sense of lacking, wanting, or not being heard, because you're not coming from a place of honesty and truth. What comes out of your mouth has a bitter aftertaste, because your not fully extending or expressing what you really feel. You are too busy trying to pacify and satisfy the others expectations of you, or trying to be perfect, one or the other, or sometimes both.

This can be quite maddening, and honestly.....not healthy at all. Part of the fear in learning or choosing to be authentic, is the fear that comes from knowing those around you might react negatively about your need to be authentic. Remember, most people don't like change, because it disrupts their lives, or requires they look at the truth about their own lives, and realizing the adjustment or changes that need to be made. This takes work.......hard, sometimes agonizing work, but it's like realizing you have a tooth that needs to be pulled. The pain will remain until you get it pulled. Once it's pulled, then you can start eating again.

So let me ask you......how do you expect those around you to be real and sincere, until you're able to practice that yourself? For me, living an authentic life implies freedom. Free from worry, fretting and anxiety, because I know that I've checked myself, my motives, and my intentions, before I speak, trusting that what comes out is the truth. Doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks or believes about me....I know that I've checked my gut, and there is peace, not turmoil or chaos. I know that when I walk away, that I'm the same person in my own space that I am in public. No one would be surprised at how I live or behave at home...........it's perfectly consistent to what I show to the outside world. That is true freedom, because you don't need to hide anything from anyone. This is the true meaning of living an authentic life.

This Is Your Life

Do you have a tendency to focus on how your life could be, might be, hope will be, instead of looking at what it is right now? I think we all do that to a degree, for aspirations, hopes, dreams, and future goals are not a bad thing, but we can't get so caught up in them, that we miss what is going on at this particular moment. We forget that where we are right now, was hoped for several years ago, and even though it might not be the exact picture you had in mind, there are probably still elements about this moment that ring true for you. And of course you have to keep in mind that there is something to the term, "it's the journey that's important", that makes perfect sense, unless of course you would rather slap your arms together and blink. I'm sure for all of us, that would be the easier route, but for me, it would seem something would be missed in the transition.

I think C.S. Lewis had the right idea about life. It's not the having, but the longing for that really keeps us going. The thing that is just out of reach that gives us that incentive, that drive, that motivation to keep going, to keep striving, in order to reach our goal. Honestly, when I get into that mode of thinking my life would be perfect if only this or if only that would happen, I try and remember his theory, and at least make some attempt each day to soak up "this" particular moment in time, and even reflect back to see if I'm able to connect then, with now. Was I dreaming, striving, wishing, or praying for something in my life that I'm sitting on right now? And if I do have evidence of those things, have I stopped to notice that I have them? Or did they mysteriously show up, without me noticing, and now I'm on to the next thing I think I am entitled to have in my life........or wish would happen?

So you see, there is something in the "living in the moment" mode that rings true for all of us. And granted in this time of recession, there would seem to be many people who are left wanting for things that are badly needed, and appalled by the latest turn of events, but again, this can easily go back to my theories about change and adjustments. I would venture to say there are several people who were wanting some sort of change in their life before they lost their job, losing their spouse through divorce, some medical problem to be resolved, a move to a smaller home......etc. They just weren't aware of how that change would manifest itself. I know........sounds twisted and distorted, but if you just take the time to think about it, you'll see what I'm talking about. Similar to, be careful what you wish for, for you might surely get it......or what or how you think, shall you be.

So the next time you are waiting, planning, dreaming, aspiring, or praying for the next thing to happen in your life, or wishing your life were different if you had that perfect person, that new car, that job, that house, or the money, and thinking only then can you sit back and be happy and content......just remember, your life right at this moment already has some of those things, and you are still wanting for more. I wonder how it would feel if you just simply stopped, looked around you, and recognized what is in your life at this moment, and maybe thankfully check off your list those things you did accomplish or did gain over this last year. You might be surprised to see how much you have before you start the new list, and realizing even if there is something that is not quite right, or if the recession has caused you to lose something........it still gives you the opportunity to assess what you have now, and instead of wishing or wanting for more, learning to be OK with what you already have......because honestly.........this is your life.

Making Adjustments

The first thing that comes to mind when I look at the word adjustment, is being on a table at the chiropractic office, waiting for him to snap, crack, twist, and "adjust" your spine back into place so you can feel better. Ah......feels better already right? Well, I would like to use that scenario, but apply it to your daily life. Instead of opening up the spaces and easing the pain in your back, look at opening up spaces in your life to allow healing. In fact, in doing so, could possibly kill two birds with one stone. Remember, physical and emotional pain are most often connected in some way. Most of us have a tendancy to put off going to see any kind of doctor to have anything looked at, or heaven forbid actually done. Walking through that door, looking at all the things in the "little" room, wondering if he will have to use that particular tool on you, in order to find out what is wrong with you. You'd be surprised at how many people would rather have a truck run over their little toe, than to sit there waiting and wondering what comes next. True agony.......I understand completely



Now, just to ease your mind, as I said before, we aren't going to be talking about body adjustments, but rather life adjustments. And I am fully aware that for some of you, choosing between the body and life........one would be just as bad as the other. Most of us just want to cruise along in life, with no need to change anything. Just keep things status quo, easing going, whatever. If someone says something needs to change, then invariably that requires something on your part. The question becomes.......what is it that is required on your part?



Well......that's a good question, and one hopefully answered here without too much pain and suffering on your part. Now if we go back to the spine, even visualize what the spine looks like, what it does, and how sometimes one small thing can be out of wack, then causes the rest of the spine to be compromised........it might make it easier to see how our lives quite often mimic that visualization. The thing that is out of wack can cause pain, irritability, anger, frustration, inability to sleep......etc. The etc. usually has to do with how your "thing" that is out of wack is starting to affect those around you, either at home or at work. In other words that one thing, whether it's a vertebrae, or it's something that's happened in your life such as, losing your job, losing your house, going through a divorce, caring for a sick one, dealing with an illness, old age.........etc., some adjustments needs to be made.



Now granted most often, it will be a lot easier to let someone crack your back into place, as opposed to realizing that something in your life needs to change, new choices need to be made, or you need to let something go that no longer serves a purpose in your life. Hey....you make an appointment, lay down on the table, the doctor moves you around a little, you get relief, and can get back to your life, without having to change a thing. Granted you might have waited week after week before you realized something had to be done, and then you took care of it, without too much pain and suffering. However, when something happens in your life, that you weren't expecting, and there is no way to get around making some changes to compensate for what was lost, some adjustments will have to be made. Can you put it off, well, it depends on what happened, but most often it will require you to change directions whether you want to or not.



I know......another ouch. Don't you hate that? You are wanting permission to sit in the corner and just stare out the window for a few weeks, months, or years. Maybe if you don't think about it, it will go away. Or maybe if you buy something just for you, surely, it will keep you from having to address the issue or problem, or the thing that needs attention. Well, trust me, I've tried them all, and granted you can do that for a while, sooner than later, you will have to deal with it. Now looking back to the vertebrae.........you could go, reluctantly, but you could go and possibly get some relief, and never have to go back, which would be great. But if you don't go, as I said before, you can suck it up, let it control your life and those around you, because of the pain it causes you, or you could get some relief and move on.



I suppose the question here is, how is your pain, whether physical or emotional, or events that weren't expected in life, affecting your quality of life, and those around you? Maybe you should ask them, whoever they are. Or just take a moment and ask yourself, could my life be different, better, or more easily handled, if I allowed myself to make a few adjustments? Or, what sort of statement could I be making to myself, and those around me, if I stepped up to the plate, looked at the situation head on, and did whatever was needed in order cope with whatever I'm experiencing? Either that, or making the conscious decision to shove "stuff" under the rug, where after a while is not only visable to you, but others will begin to notice it as well. Not an attractive sight, trust me on this.



We are all going to be faced with "stuff" happening in our lives, good and bad. The good stuff is a no brainer, we just soak it up and hope we can keep things the same. That's the easy part.......but the hard part, where adjustments are needed to get through, are ultimately where we learn the most important lessons in life, like patience, understanding, acceptance, endurance, compassion.....etc. These are the things we can practice, that in the long run will make the biggest impact on those around us. If someone sees how you are enduring your hurt, pain, loss, and frustration, and sees that you can very easily yield to change in your life, they will see that yes, life is hard, and they very well could go through the same thing, but will remember how you made adjustments in order to cope, and could still enjoy peace and joy in their life.

So, if you want something to change in your life, try to see that in order for that change to take place, some adjustments will have to be made. You can either get comfortable with that, and ease into the change, or fight, resist, ignore or keep shoving it under that rug. The choice is ultimately yours.

The Hidden Message

I'm sure you are all aware of the airline accident that took place in Hudson Bay yesterday, and are either thinking....whew..........that was a close one, or those people were lucky, or we all just witnessed a miracle. For me, there is no doubt in my mind a miracle took place, and that God was with these people throughout the whole ordeal, and there is also no doubt that many, either on the plane, or just experiencing the news, are most often asking themselves why or how something like this could have happened.

I would like to share my thoughts on the things that are unseen in this particular situation....because I truly believe that things that happen on this earth always have a purpose and meaning behind them. Think of all the people on that plane, from the pilot to the passengers, as well as all the people who were on the ground that were in place to rescue them.......to the people who were nowhere near the scene that were affected by the situation.

Of course to me, this all goes back to the issue of change. Change is inevitable and it WILL happen no matter how hard you want to keep things the same. In order for that change to take place, whatever change is needed, something has to happen. Granted it doesn't always have to be a plane setting down in the Hudson Bay......but most often it is the case. I also believe it can be as simple as showing people that even with all the hooplah about the recession right now.......miracles can and do happen, if you're willing to pay attention.

Now, with the plane situation, it's very obvious that we are lucky to be here on the ground......bystanders.....or even lucky as a passenger, that things didn't go really bad for them all.......but there are, if you're willing to really open your eyes and your mind, things happening like that all the time. Things that make you stop and think.......well I don't have it so bad, to being down right grateful that you were not a passenger on that plane. And I think that in order to get through the bad times, you have to be more aware of the good things that are left......which quite often are pretty good.

I think for a long time now, we have been given the opportunity to see how blessed we are, by the horrendous things that happen in other countries. Children starving, people dying of aids, earthquakes and floods in locations where resources and rescue missions are left wanting. So there we sit, in front of our televisions, in the comfort of our own homes with plenty to eat, a warm bed to sleep in, and most often at least enough money to keep those things in place. All while these other people are suffering, and most are innocent.....did nothing to deserve that kind of suffering.

Should be enough you think, to make us all stop and be thankful for all we have........but I don't think we do. Or we don't until something hits home like the events of 911, a child found murdered, or a plane having to land in the bay. Many are likely to take a few moments for prayer, say how lucky the people are, or think how lucky we are that we didn't have to experience that..........then let it go. Just another situation...period.

If we see it that way, I believe we're missing an incredible opportunity to see the world differently, especially when people are hurting right now with losing jobs, being sick, and losing their homes. You figure if you have your job, your home and your "stuff" to come home to, then life is good. That you deserve all that simply........well simply because you're you? That when you were born you were stamped with a label that shows you were one of the lucky, more fortunate people, and would never suffer, be lonely, or want for anything? Or maybe it's just something you never think about. You are who you are, have what you have, and the most important thing in life is for you to keep what you have until you die.

I know.......seems a dark, shallow picture I'm painting here, and for what purpose in mind? Only to hopefully help you see that there is so much to be gained from seeing the hidden message in everything that happens in your life. Here are a few that may have been hidden yesterday afternoon.

1. Pilot needed to be recognized for his humility, because this is the sort of character that we should all strive to have within us.
2. It was time for new routes to be considered because of the migration problem around the bay......which now will more than likely be put into place, which in turn will hopefully prevent future situations with air strikes.
3. Someone on the plane needed to learn something, and this was a perfect opportunity for them to learn something about themselve, or someone they love.
4. Someone on the plane needed to drastically change directions in their life, or make a decision about something and needed a clear message to help them with that.
5. Someone not on the plane, but related to a passenger needed to change something in their life....their attitude, mindsets, seek help medically or emotionally.
6. There was some reason why a passenger needed to stay in NY a while longer before returning home.
7. The world needed to see a miracle on such a grand scale, to see their life differently. To be more thankful each day for what they DO have instead of what they don't have.

I think it would be very interesting to be able to follow each person that was on that plane for another 6 months, and see how it changed their life, if at all. But the point here is, if you just take yesterday and not even consider what the repercussions of that situation may have been......you're wasting an incredible opportunity to experience something extraordinary in your life.

If I had been on that plane, what would go through my mind just as the plane was going down? There is no way to know, but I suppose I can speculate. For some reason it wouldn't have been anything about money, or my stuff I've accumulated through the years. It would be more about my family, my children, and if I had prepared myself for what comes after death. I'm sure there are many who believe that nothing comes after death.....when you die, you die. And you have a perfect right to believe that, but I would venture to say that most of the people on that plane thought they were facing death, and probably most of them were praying, even the ones who don't believe in God.

So for those watching, how in the world could you not take a moment to not only think about what they went through, and wonder how you would have handled the situation, or what you would have been thinking when the plane went down? These are in fact the hidden messages in life, and if you allow yourself to think about them, they will in fact change your life, and of course the lives of those around you. As bad as what happened yesterday was, I can find much peace in knowing that myself, as well as others, see a much bigger picture here that radiates out to the world.

I also believe that this is the year for change, as well as the year for miracles.....and because of the recession and stress that is experienced today, we will see many more, remembering that some are unseen instead of seen. It is a proven fact that your body experiences a change in brain patterns when you witness an extraordinary act of kindness, which in turn releases a chemical that relaxes the body. So even if you decide you don't have it within you to do something thoughtful for someone, and get a warm feeling inside, you can still benefit from watching someone else be nice. I think that's awesome, and venture to say you probably were not aware of that fact. So the relief that we all believe we need in these stressful times, could have come in the form of watching others survive a disasterous situation, and the kindness of those that helped them.

See....just by me sharing that information with you, on the pretext of hopefully teaching you to be more aware and thankful......I passed on something that could potentially change your life, by changing your mindsets about being kind, and noticing the kindness of others. Now you'll hopefully go out today in search of kindness just to experience that chemical reaction in the brain. Who knew? And whether you choose to believe any of this, or don't want to take the time to believe there are things that are unseen all around you, that if you could see, would in fact change your life, maybe it's enough just today, that you were moved in some way to feel a message of any kind. Once you've experienced one, you will start looking for more.....and before you know it..........a miracle will happen in your own life. I hope so.

The Power of Words

Words.......according to Webster: a speech sound, or series of them, serving to communicate meaning. Seems pretty simple, cut and dry right......so why would I even take time to focus on the meaning behind "words?" Well, as you'll see, I'm not necessarily referring to the written word, as much as the spoken word.....so at least we can start there. You'll find that words are not just a simple way in which we communicate.....they in fact have power to hurt, or the power to heal.......the choice is yours.

I believe our words are based on what we were taught as a child, not only in what we heard and learned to mimic, but how we eventually chose to use those words when speaking to those around us. Now if you came from a home where people were angry, abusive or showed no respect for those around them, you ingested that, and without knowing it, incorporated those same words into your own use of language each day. Once you grew up, and moved away from your own particular situation, that language stuck with you, and most often weren't aware of what you carried with you as you left home.

Now of course, there's obviously a flip side to this, where you were raised in a very loving and kind environment, where everyone was respected and appreciated, and the language spoken was quite different. There was a very positive tone that encouraged, built you up, and nutured you, as opposed to a negative tone that only focused on tearing down, rediculing, and placing unrealistic expectations on you. Two totally different environments, and no matter your own particular situation...........what we experience in the beginning will set the stage for how we see ourselves, our future, and most importantly those around us.

Now with all this being said, again......what is the point in discussing the meaning behind words?The point is, that words are not just words, but a tool in which to communicate how we feel. Not only how we feel about the world we live in, but most importantly how we feel about those around use, in particular, our immediate circle. And I want to go past what I've already mentioned about our language being established as a child.....that whatever we experienced or was engrained in us, would rightfully stay with us the rest of our lives. I want to not only talk about the power of our words, but the choice we have in how we communicate with others. We can either decide early on that because we were abused or not brought up in a positive and nurturing environment, that we have the right to pass that negative behavior on, or we can take a good look at ourselves, and see how our words actually have the power to destroy those around us, especially the ones we love.

Granted there are many people who were born into a loving environment, so that behavior or positive mindset and positive words are easily passed on.......in fact these are the people who will love and nurture the rest, and hopefully heal the bad that was experienced. But, at some point, we ALL have to wake up and start to pay attention to what is coming out of our mouths. I'm reminded often of what Christ said......."what we speak....so we are." In other words, when we are determined to say something negative, to ourselves or to others, it only perpetuates negative mindsets of fear, anger, resentment, envy, victim mentality, hatred......you want me to go on? I'm sure if you're reading this, you've already started to ask yourself......."what is coming out of my mouth........and most importantly.....why?" Do I take what I'm feeling at any given moment, and spit out with no understanding of who I might be addressing, just to vent my own personal pain and frustrations? Do I use someone I love as a punching bag, just to prove I am right? Or not even a punching bag......but speak in a way that is condescending, judgemental or with righteous indignation, proving one point.....that I am right?

Now I'm going to go one step further with this, after I've given you a chance to think about what is coming out of your mouth. I want you to stop for a moment and remember what it felt like as a child to hear negative words that sting, hurt, and damage. To want desperately to be loved, nutured, encouraged, protected and made to feel safe......but got nothing but something that made you want to go and hide in a hole somewhere. Remember that feeling? And whether you got bashed as a child.....or later in life were subjected to abuse or someone negative that you married or worked with, just stop and ask yourself, do I have the right to do that to someone else? Remembering there are varying degrees of bashing, rediculing...etc.........it doesn't matter, it still has the power to instill feelings of deep hurt and pain.

So.....with all this being said, please remember that you have the power to hurt or to heal.......in the end it's a choice of what resonates inside of you.....and you can very easily come up with a thousand different excuses for continuing to use your negative words or behavior, but in my opinion.....none of them will hold water, even a "but they did or said that to me." If you choose to continue, it only makes a statement about yourself.......that your self importance is more valuable than those around you. Trust me.....there is much to be gained from allowing someone to just be right....whether they are or not. I think we can either choose to be humble, or we can choose to humiliate. It's all in the "words."

The Gift of Change

I believe there are many gifts in life, some that are obvious and seen clearly, and then those that are hidden for you to find. So if you're wondering what this is about, this is about me giving you the gift of being able to see those that are hidden....or rather the desire to seek those that are hidden. We all have a tendency to wile away the hours in a day seeking so many things....most often struggling to find answers, resolutions.....or quite often "stuff." There are many things that can fall into the "stuff" category.......and hey there is nothing wrong with having things in your life that you think would bring you happiness, joy, contentment...etc. My question is.....what does it actually cost for you or someone around you to have those things that you believe you deserve, and that will bring you happiness....either short term or long term?

Unfortunately, in our society, there is a lack of patience, and not recognizing that there is so much to be gained from delayed gratification, to even clearly understanding why we want what we want. Do you ever ask yourself why you want a particular thing, and if in fact you finally receive it, if it will satisfy that hunger inside of you? It's so easy to get caught up in "if "I only had this or that, or if only that person would change I would be happy, or if I could experience this one thing, then everything would be in place in my life.........and on and on. In fact it never ends, does it?

There is a seemingly inherent need to want more....for something to be different...without ever once recognizing what already "is" in your life.....or to even stop to be grateful for what you have in front of you. We want quick fixes which will hopefully not require any work on our part.....just continue to stay in a mode of wanting, but not actually doing anything that will actually manifest a change that needs to occur. Or we fight hard to hang onto what is, hoping and praying that it will not change, and do everything in our power to keep things the same. Or if we know in our gut that something does need to change, we dread it, hide from it, or make excuses that foster our inability to see ourselves, others, or the world differently.

So as you can see, I'm going to have to pull out the Webster and get more clarity. Here is my personal favorite definition. To become different; alter; transform; to pass from one phase to the next; the act or process of substitution, alteration or variation. Or this is even more profound I think.......to leave one train or bus and board another one. If we could take that one sentence where a simple act of changing our position physically, could only be seen as a way in which to change our emotional or spiritual state......or our mindset and atittudes, with concerns to change.

We expect that when we board the bus or train, that in reality, we will in fact move to another place. There is no fear, no reluctance, no concern as to whether we will reach our destination, we just board. So...I'm sure you're asking yourself, how can I do that with my life without feeling out of control, or fearful of missing something in the process, or heaven forbid, lose someone or something along the way? Answer? You have to change the way you see your life, those things that you think will make you happy, or those people who you think will fulfill all your needs and solve all your problems. Ouch.......sounds like a lot of work to me.......but you do realize of course if you do decide to seriously board the train or bus, with not only destination in mind, but expecting something different, expecting something to change because your belief system has changed, along with your fear and anxiety about living a different kind of life, that you will in fact find something that is filled with a richness you won't be able to describe. An authentic life, that offers truth, meaning, growth, discipline, and acceptance that you were not put on this earth to make more money to buy "stuff"..........or to find someone that will give you what you think you want or need, or to gain fame or recognition.....but to see the bigger picture that is much more genuine and precious because the focus has changed from self.......to others.

When you wake up in the morning, and your desire is to make something happen for someone else on this earth, instead of constantly what you want and need, your life will change with no struggle or feelings of loss. In fact when you start to become daily grateful for what you have in front of you, which I guarantee if you made a list today, would astound you as to how blessed you already are.........you will first thank God for what you do have.....and heal your heart of seeing the lack of......and seeing the abundance. With only seeing the lack of......you will always continue to want for more, make decisions based on fear instead of wisdom, and struggle with the change that needs to occur in your life.

So enjoy the gift of change......seek it...embrace it.....and then pass it on to someone...anyone.