Do you often wonder what it would take for you to get a good nights sleep? If you're like me, the code has not yet been broken. I feel as if I've had to carry my trusty suitcase of flightplans to bed with me, like the ones you see pilots lug around in the airport. Whatever is needed to get the pilot from one airport to the next......speed, fuel, maps, alternate routes....etc......and ultimately accomplish their goal which is getting the passenger from point A to point B without accident or harm. I myself have one goal in mind, which sometimes starts early in the evening. Which flightplan will I use in order to sleep tonight? Is it how quickly I think I need to fall asleep, which concoction will enable me to stay asleep, and more importantly, how will I feel when I wake up the next morning?
Seems like that process in itself should leave me exhausted enough that there should be no thought or plan at all......but thats me wishing I'm afraid. It's been a lifetime mystery to me in watching someone else be able to close their eyes, and within seconds or minutes, they're out like a light. No discussion of being tired, or hoping they will get some sleep or pondering which drug might work........... just out.......period. I doubt they have ever stopped to think how they do that. So what is all the fuss about it? What is the secret? Why am I forced to frantically pilfer through my plan of attack, while others get a free pass to the twilight zone?
I believe in my trusty bag of plans, I have two things that truly get in my way of being able to lull myself off to lah lah land. I have two tapes, one labeled what I did before this point, and one labeled what I might need to do in the future. The first tape can include things that were said, done or tried......the second tape involves what could or might happen. Of course you see where I'm going with this. Now rest assured, there is no pilot around who would carry with him flightplans that didn't work, or flightplans that might be more efficient in the future.....they only carry the flightplans that will be used for that particular flight. Granted I could be wrong here since I'm not actually a pilot, but if I were, I would only be concerned with where I was going that day.
Now I could very easily have my little basket of potions next to my bed that I can just download without going through the agony of ....I should be able to just shut my eyes and go to sleep. And for the most part, that's what I've done in the past.....reluctantly I might add. There's nothing like adding fuel to the fire, in not only having to take the sleeping pill, but resenting that fact. My usual inner dialogue of........just shut up and take it Cindy......usually wins over.........but something interesting has happened of late. Instead of reviewing my attempted flightplans that didn't work, I began to listen to the tapes. You know....the tapes with the should haves or might happen stories. Ahhhh....yes......those tapes that we choose to play over and over again....the ones that do nothing but steal your ability to rest, sleep and regroup for the next day. The culprit......like a wolf in the middle of the night who comes to steal any good thing that may have gone on the day before.......or any peace or hope that the future may hold.
If you haven't figured it out yet.....I'm talking about one thing here.......at least the one thing that gets in the way of me being able to just brush my teeth, put my pajama's on, turn out the light and fall asleep.........WORRY. One word.......another one of those words that leaves a nasty taste in your mouth. According to Webster.......this is NO joke either.......here are just a few words that describe the word "worry". To pluck at, to annoy, to bother, harass, vex.......to cause to feel troubled or uneasy....to make anxious.........and I love this one.......to bite, pull or tear. So this is what I do to myself each night before I go to bed.....or attempt to fall asleep. So my thoughts on the wolf were true, but the worst part about this is.......I'M THE WOLF!!!!!!!!!
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