Preoccupied

Do you ever start to move in a direction with something, feeling as if you set your course for the day, but you realize something is not quite right........almost as if you left the stove on, or the car running in the garage, or you forgot to put on deodorant or something? Well, that's what I'm experiencing this morning. I am trying very hard to get quiet and focused to write, and actually did get a couple of paragraphs out a bit ago, just to have it bleeped because I lost my internet connection. That is SO maddening.......but....I'm going to look at it another way. Maybe I wasn't suppose to write about that particular subject this morning, or maybe I was putting off eating breakfast and needed to do that in order to think properly........OR....maybe my mind is preoccupied with something else, and it seems usless to write until I take care of it.....whatever "it" is.

There is something, and I have some speculations on what.........that's getting in the way of me writing, so I thought maybe the best way to handle it is to actually work it out in here. There's a novel idea for you. Do I need another cup of coffee to get this out? Hmmmm...maybe.

Well...the stove is off.....my car is not running and I have actually put on deodorant for the day......so we have that covered. So....what am I pondering, what am I holding in, what needs to be layed out on the table and sorted out? Well, actually it's several options that are staring right at me, and I'm trying to decide the best one.......and honestly I don't know which is worse, to have no options or having too many. I seem to view my life as blessed with too many options, so I don't want to appear to whine and complain here, but I do have a hard time making choices mainly because of my physical limitations. But we can talk about that later.

So.....several options....all good ones......and all a blessing if chosen.....so what gets in my way of choosing? Well, time and energy, which I think is so interesting because it's somewhat of a global issue nowadays.........is a number one priority in my life.....and honestly even if you are not sick, you might want to consider it being a priority in your own life. I do think it's important that we take time to decipher our own personal meaning of time and energy, because no matter what is said here, I'm positive that most of you will put time and energy in the "not enough of" column.

Now there are certain ways you can look at time. Usually we use the term, time contraints, which to me could either mean mandatory time constraints, or those that are self imposed for different reasons. We all need time to sleep, eat, work, take care of personal needs, or in taking care of those around us. All this is understandably placed at the top of your time list.....no way to get around it. You could very easily choose not to do these things, but I'm not sure what sort of life you would end up having in the long run. Some of us would like to believe there is leftover time to do whatever we feel like doing....read, nap, vacation, clean out a closet....etc. The point is, are you able to set aside the time, and are you able to make wise choices in how that time is spent?

The second issue is energy. Now I think most of us believe that energy is a precious commodity, at least I see it that way. I guess when you are in a constant mode of conserving it so you can use it in other ways, it quickly becomes a commodity. But there is one important element here about energy. Energy is not as available as time. You might have the time to do something, but not always the energy. I realize this sounds like a riddle and honestly I feel myself trying desperately to make a point here, so just give me "time". Which is actually a most appropriate way in which to make my point. I have the time to write this, but I can tell that my energy level is low, so the decision here is, do I want to rest and lose my train of thought, or would it be worth my time and energy to finish it while I'm on a roll?

I believe, and maybe this is the point to this whole time/energy thought....this has more to do with motives and intention. Ok...I can see I'm going to have to get the trusty webster out so we can be clear about what those mean. Motive: the inner drive or impulse to do something. Intention: the purpose or intended aim. Ok so......lately when I get ready to make a decision about something, I have to address those issues.......motive and intent. In fact it becomes more about those two things more so than the time and energy. Maybe it should have been two different blogs....maybe not, because it's clear that are all interconnected. My title was preoccupied, and make no mistake, I will continue to be preoccupied until it's very clear to me what my motive and intent is about the decisions that are before me right now. Mainly because with my own physical limitations, I can no longer afford to play around with my time and energy. Just as the world is seeing clearly that changes need to be made with fuel, means of travel, becoming more "green conscious"....etc.....I also need to make some decisions about how I want to or rather need to spend my time and energy, because I don't have alot to play around with anymore. That is my own personal reality and whether you are sick or well, we all need to see it as a precious commodity.

So while I haven't necessarily made specific decisions this morning about my current dilemma of options, choices and what is best for me personally, I will for sure spend time wisely and think about my motive and intent so that I can be at peace about how I spend what little time and energy I have left.