With the new year upon us, I would like to challenge you to think about resolutions and what they really mean, what they can show us, and ultimately how we can experience them after they've been made. First of all, most of us really never contemplate the word resolution until a couple of days after christmas, usually after we've indulged in some way with food or drink, or realized that another year has come and gone and we still weren't able to fit into that favorite black dress or suit. Or we may have had time to sit and think about how the past year was experienced, of course most often noticing the things that went wrong, instead of the things that went very well. But whatever the case, it seems time for a bit of contemplation, and then wondering if there might be some changes that need to take place in the year to come, which would ultimately bring us more happiness, peace, and success.
So resolution implies a time to reflect on the past year, and then hopefully some sort of plan of action with hopes of change for the future. Well, sounds like a positive movement, well thought over, well intended, with a little sprinkle of hope, that whatever the plan might be, it could be achieved with discipline and determination. You might even be excited about sharing your resolutions with those around you, in hopes that you would receive adequate encouragement, and a following that would cheer you onto the finish. It all sounds very exciting and well intended.........so how could resolution be bad?
Well......I'm not implying that resolution itself is a bad thing....because of course it motivates us to move forward....to work harder.....to be more focused on our goals.....etc. And even if most of us wait until the week between christmas and new years to ponder these thoughts.....it's still to be commended. However..........I know....don't you hate it when I finally get around to the "however" comment? However.......what would it feel like if I threw a different word into the new years resolution mix.........like for instance......transformation? After all.....you can think and ponder......reflect the past year....and even come up with some good ideas, but ultimately, you are honestly asking yourself to change.......to go from what "was" in the last year, into what you feel needs to be different for the year to come.
All good stuff again.......but if you grasp the concept of transformation, you do of course realize that some action is going to be needed. You can think, ponder, wonder, wish, even come up with good plans....but unless you actually put those plans to work, you won't accomplish anything by the time 2011 rolls around. Again.......all well intended and exciting to think about any change that might be coming, but you will in fact have to take into consideration that many ingredients are needed in this new mix of resolution/transformation........some you may have stored away......some may be easily implemented.......and some you will have to search for, and could take a while to find.
My suggestion is to sit down quietly and make a list. A list of things about your life and about yourself that you would like to see differently in the year to come. Ask yourself some questions like..........do I like myself? Do I provide a soft place to fall for my family, or do I drain them dry as often as possible? Am I determined to talk instead of listen? Do I do anything that makes my life easier or healthier? Do I constantly judge, criticize and belittle those around me, instead of building them up and encouraging them? Do I stay overly busy because it makes me feel worthy? Do I punish people when I don't get what I want by pouting or avoiding them? Do I know when and how to say no? Do I check my motives when I want or need something from someone? Do I promote peace within my family, or chaos? Do I really know what true humility is? Do I allow friends and family to make their decisions, trusting their judgement instead of imposing mine?
These are all good questions for self-reflection...and I'm sure you could add a few of your own to the list......feel free. Just remember that when you do come up with your list, it will bring a sense of freedom and peace within yourself because you've actually begun to think about how you yourself can not only make plans to be better for the new year, but how you can actually put into action those ideas that will ultimately transform you into a vessel that can actually change the world. A vessel that holds peace, harmony, compassion, a sense of otherness, and a genuine need to express selfless love.
It is possible to navigate this world gently....truly it is.... but it does have to start with you. Your attitude, your behavior, your truth, your humility, your sense of otherness, your willingness to change negative energy into positive. So.......have a life changing new year..........transform yourself into something better.
Happy New Year
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Trying VS. Allowing
According to Webster; Try; to subject to a severe test or strain. Now compare it with allow; to let do, happen; permit; to acknowledge as true or valid. Now I don't know about you, but it seems as if there is much hard work with trying, as opposed to gently going through life allowing. Granted there is nothing wrong with trying to be your best, trying to do the right thing, trying to get it right.......but for me it brings with it a hint of self, ego, or pushing something that shouldn't or can't be pushed. That the actual act of trying goes against those things that come naturally, if allowed. It's as if you are pressing to reach perfection, which I believe happens only through nature, like watching the petals of a rose fold out into the open air. That is true perfection. Or watching a newborn baby grasp your finger without even knowing what they're doing. That is perfection.
When you see those two things happen, there is no trying involved....but only allowing something to reveal itself. Beauty from the rose, and love from the newborn. And of course these are only two examples of perfection on this earth that come from allowing, I'm sure you could add thousands to the list. But my point here is not necessarily about roses and babies, but how hard our life can be when we are focused on trying, instead of allowing. Maybe the trick here, is to be able to discern the difference between the two.
I suppose it might be easier for me, because I can physically tell the difference between the two, most likely due to my physical limitations. When you've been forced to weed out those things in your life that drain or challenge your energy or strength, in order to just stay afloat physically, you become extremely sensitive to internal drives as well as external forces. I can sense in my body the moment something goes from allowing to trying, because the energy is immediately affected. So, it's as if I have an internal alarm that goes off when I move into energy overload. And actually I think we are all equipped with that alarm, it's just that people who are well, will allow themselves to get close to the danger zone because they can physically handle it. I myself easily crash and burn, with days or months ahead of recooping from the stress. And that's not to say it's bad or good.....it just is.
So, I'm sure by now you're asking yourself if you spend your life trying or allowing........and you know how I feel about that........good place to start. Now....after you start to ask yourself which umbrella you fall under, can you get a sense of why you choose to try as opposed to allowing? And can you really see how they both resonate within your gut? I can say to myself that I will try to do something, but when I say that, my face even gets scrunched up, believing that if I push and strain, I will in fact accomplish my goal. If I say that I'm going to allow something in my life, it's a completely different sensation. It's a more gentle and accepting word, that is yielding and forgiving if the goal is not accomplished in the end. That I don't have to expect perfection, or heaven forbid, beat myself up if things don't turn out the way I think they NEED to turn out.
Allowing yourself to work on something implies a recognition that you are not perfect, nor seeking perfection, but only seeing something you want to pursue, and putting your best foot forward "gently". WOW.......that just blew over me like a gentle breeze, with only positive words.......nothing demanding, nor pessimistic, nor judgemental. As if a child asked her mother if she could make the cake herself, and her mother responding in a positive way like....."Absolutely you can make the cake, may I help you?" Which implies even though she realizes this will be the first time for the child, and it may be a little diffcult, but she instills in the child that there's nothing wrong with her wanting to make the cake, and that if she needs any help, her mom is right there to guide her.
What a completely different world we would live in today if everyone had that attitude........and you can see clearly, it makes all the difference in how we look at goals and challenges we face everyday. Now this doesn't mean you have to completely throw out the word try, and replace it with the word allow. Even though there would be nothing wrong with "allowing" yourself to "try" that. But maybe if you knew in your own head from now on, when you use the word try, that your attitude about the word is a bit different. Your brow is not scrunched, you don't feel a sensation of pushing, or demanding that you reach a particular goal, or else.
It actually gives you permission to be kind and gentle towards yourself if you don't reach your goal. As if you've provided a soft place to land if things don't turn out the way you thought they needed to. This seems a much gentler way to navigate through life, for yourself, as well as those around you. For as much as we demand and expect for ourselves to achieve, it's just as easy to demand and expect others to as well......and in this day and age........we all deserve a nice soft place to land.
When you see those two things happen, there is no trying involved....but only allowing something to reveal itself. Beauty from the rose, and love from the newborn. And of course these are only two examples of perfection on this earth that come from allowing, I'm sure you could add thousands to the list. But my point here is not necessarily about roses and babies, but how hard our life can be when we are focused on trying, instead of allowing. Maybe the trick here, is to be able to discern the difference between the two.
I suppose it might be easier for me, because I can physically tell the difference between the two, most likely due to my physical limitations. When you've been forced to weed out those things in your life that drain or challenge your energy or strength, in order to just stay afloat physically, you become extremely sensitive to internal drives as well as external forces. I can sense in my body the moment something goes from allowing to trying, because the energy is immediately affected. So, it's as if I have an internal alarm that goes off when I move into energy overload. And actually I think we are all equipped with that alarm, it's just that people who are well, will allow themselves to get close to the danger zone because they can physically handle it. I myself easily crash and burn, with days or months ahead of recooping from the stress. And that's not to say it's bad or good.....it just is.
So, I'm sure by now you're asking yourself if you spend your life trying or allowing........and you know how I feel about that........good place to start. Now....after you start to ask yourself which umbrella you fall under, can you get a sense of why you choose to try as opposed to allowing? And can you really see how they both resonate within your gut? I can say to myself that I will try to do something, but when I say that, my face even gets scrunched up, believing that if I push and strain, I will in fact accomplish my goal. If I say that I'm going to allow something in my life, it's a completely different sensation. It's a more gentle and accepting word, that is yielding and forgiving if the goal is not accomplished in the end. That I don't have to expect perfection, or heaven forbid, beat myself up if things don't turn out the way I think they NEED to turn out.
Allowing yourself to work on something implies a recognition that you are not perfect, nor seeking perfection, but only seeing something you want to pursue, and putting your best foot forward "gently". WOW.......that just blew over me like a gentle breeze, with only positive words.......nothing demanding, nor pessimistic, nor judgemental. As if a child asked her mother if she could make the cake herself, and her mother responding in a positive way like....."Absolutely you can make the cake, may I help you?" Which implies even though she realizes this will be the first time for the child, and it may be a little diffcult, but she instills in the child that there's nothing wrong with her wanting to make the cake, and that if she needs any help, her mom is right there to guide her.
What a completely different world we would live in today if everyone had that attitude........and you can see clearly, it makes all the difference in how we look at goals and challenges we face everyday. Now this doesn't mean you have to completely throw out the word try, and replace it with the word allow. Even though there would be nothing wrong with "allowing" yourself to "try" that. But maybe if you knew in your own head from now on, when you use the word try, that your attitude about the word is a bit different. Your brow is not scrunched, you don't feel a sensation of pushing, or demanding that you reach a particular goal, or else.
It actually gives you permission to be kind and gentle towards yourself if you don't reach your goal. As if you've provided a soft place to land if things don't turn out the way you thought they needed to. This seems a much gentler way to navigate through life, for yourself, as well as those around you. For as much as we demand and expect for ourselves to achieve, it's just as easy to demand and expect others to as well......and in this day and age........we all deserve a nice soft place to land.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
If Only
It is SO easy to go through life believing that outside forces get in our way of those things we believe we're supposed to have and enjoy while we're on this earth. Even basing our level of peace and happiness on things like money, location, our job, and especially on those around us and their behavior. Do any of these sound familiar?
1.if only I had more money
2.if only my spouse would give me what I need
3.if only I had a different job
3.if only I weren't sick
4.if only I were thinner
5.if only I had more discipline in my life
6.if only a loved one had not died
7.if only I had a new car
8.if only I had a child
9.if only I lived on an island
Well.....as you can see I've only mentioned 8, but there is no doubt in my mind that you could add another 20 or so. But no need for fretting, for we all do this to some degree. Of course the important thing is how much we do it, and how long we stay in that mindset. It's important to also realize that when we do focus on "if only's"......it can and will steal our ability to experience true peace and joy in our lives, because we're focus of what we think we want or need, instead of what we presently have in this moment.
Yes....this probably is another lecture on the term "living in the moment". But, I believe we can read it, think it, and even say it outloud, but it doesn't necessarily mean that we truly "get it", so that we can ultimately apply it to our everyday lives. I believe we get stuck when we see our lives as lacking in some way....that there's one magical element that will help us complete the picture to our satisfaction. The perfect mate, the job that makes us feel brilliant and successful with respect and recognition from our peers, the perfect body for others to see and envy, the new fancy car that makes us look like we have an abundance of money and the perfect life.........you want me to go on?
Now, first up.......there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting or having these things, but I think the trick here, is to be satisfied with what you have instead of believing that those things will solve life's struggles or frustrations. We spend time praying, asking, or wishing for a particular thing or person, and most often receive it, but instead of relishing or appreciating the fact that you've received it, you're on to the next thing, never really feeling satisfied or content with what you have in front of you. I'm asking myself at this moment, is that all there is to life.....striving, wishing, expecting the next thing that will hopefully fulfill my life to my satisfaction? If that's our reality, then do we actually reach a point where we have all our baskets full and overflowing, wanting for nothing?
Well, of course that would be the ultimate.....being able to say to yourself, "I'm completely satisfied, and can finally be content with what I have in front of me". But in fact, if you stay in the land of the If Only's.......you will never experience that level of contentment. It's as if you completely forget the days, months, or years before this moment, you were asking, wishing, or praying for this particular thing you felt would bring you happiness, joy, or fulfillment. You received it, but forgot to recognize or express gratefulness that you received it......so you're on to the next thing. I'm sure you've heard the expression, be careful what you ask for, you may surely get it............well, it's true. It reminds you to search for the meaning and truth behind your desires in life. Is it what you truly believe is missing in your life, or something that you see other's experience, and think you need to follow suit?
My point? To pay careful attention to those moments of seeking the next thing, wondering "if only" my life were different, better.....whatever you see that's missing in your life, and begin to notice those things that are right in front of you......the prayers, wishes, desires that you dreamed of having, and have in fact already received. For being in a constant state of appreciating "what is" in your life, will ultimately open the door to what comes next for you, not the "if only's". Wondering, speculating, and expecting because you are unhappy with the present moment, is completely different than wondering, speculating and expecting good things to come just because they're good things...period.
I wonder what would happen if you practiced gratefulness for this very moment, soaking up every inch of already receiving what you asked for, and knowing that it's ok to desire certain things for your future, but not believing that "one" thing is what will make sense of your world and provide the love, happiness, peace and joy you need so badly.
1.if only I had more money
2.if only my spouse would give me what I need
3.if only I had a different job
3.if only I weren't sick
4.if only I were thinner
5.if only I had more discipline in my life
6.if only a loved one had not died
7.if only I had a new car
8.if only I had a child
9.if only I lived on an island
Well.....as you can see I've only mentioned 8, but there is no doubt in my mind that you could add another 20 or so. But no need for fretting, for we all do this to some degree. Of course the important thing is how much we do it, and how long we stay in that mindset. It's important to also realize that when we do focus on "if only's"......it can and will steal our ability to experience true peace and joy in our lives, because we're focus of what we think we want or need, instead of what we presently have in this moment.
Yes....this probably is another lecture on the term "living in the moment". But, I believe we can read it, think it, and even say it outloud, but it doesn't necessarily mean that we truly "get it", so that we can ultimately apply it to our everyday lives. I believe we get stuck when we see our lives as lacking in some way....that there's one magical element that will help us complete the picture to our satisfaction. The perfect mate, the job that makes us feel brilliant and successful with respect and recognition from our peers, the perfect body for others to see and envy, the new fancy car that makes us look like we have an abundance of money and the perfect life.........you want me to go on?
Now, first up.......there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting or having these things, but I think the trick here, is to be satisfied with what you have instead of believing that those things will solve life's struggles or frustrations. We spend time praying, asking, or wishing for a particular thing or person, and most often receive it, but instead of relishing or appreciating the fact that you've received it, you're on to the next thing, never really feeling satisfied or content with what you have in front of you. I'm asking myself at this moment, is that all there is to life.....striving, wishing, expecting the next thing that will hopefully fulfill my life to my satisfaction? If that's our reality, then do we actually reach a point where we have all our baskets full and overflowing, wanting for nothing?
Well, of course that would be the ultimate.....being able to say to yourself, "I'm completely satisfied, and can finally be content with what I have in front of me". But in fact, if you stay in the land of the If Only's.......you will never experience that level of contentment. It's as if you completely forget the days, months, or years before this moment, you were asking, wishing, or praying for this particular thing you felt would bring you happiness, joy, or fulfillment. You received it, but forgot to recognize or express gratefulness that you received it......so you're on to the next thing. I'm sure you've heard the expression, be careful what you ask for, you may surely get it............well, it's true. It reminds you to search for the meaning and truth behind your desires in life. Is it what you truly believe is missing in your life, or something that you see other's experience, and think you need to follow suit?
My point? To pay careful attention to those moments of seeking the next thing, wondering "if only" my life were different, better.....whatever you see that's missing in your life, and begin to notice those things that are right in front of you......the prayers, wishes, desires that you dreamed of having, and have in fact already received. For being in a constant state of appreciating "what is" in your life, will ultimately open the door to what comes next for you, not the "if only's". Wondering, speculating, and expecting because you are unhappy with the present moment, is completely different than wondering, speculating and expecting good things to come just because they're good things...period.
I wonder what would happen if you practiced gratefulness for this very moment, soaking up every inch of already receiving what you asked for, and knowing that it's ok to desire certain things for your future, but not believing that "one" thing is what will make sense of your world and provide the love, happiness, peace and joy you need so badly.
Monday, February 2, 2009
What Is It?
Is there something bugging you lately? Something you wish you could stand on a podium in the middle of main street somewhere and shout it out, whatever it is? Did you wake up this morning wondering, what in the heck am I doing? Is this my life, or did I just get caught up in something that seemed right, and decided to settle? Did I venture down a road because of loneliness, impatience, confusion...etc? Did I say yes to something for the wrong reasons? Do I continue to say yes because all hell would break loose if I stood up and said what I really feel? Or because I would be left lone, naked and vulnerable, if I really spoke the truth?
Yikes......heavy stuff for a Monday morning, but I think we all at some point have this very conversation in our heads. I think this, if anything, falls under the umbrella of normalcy. We backtrack wondering if the right decision was made, or if we're wasting our time, or our lives, with doing something we really don't want to do. We start wondering if our motives or intentions were in line, whether we were living in truth, instead of giving in to something or someone. We wondered at the time if we were up to the challenge, whatever it was, but instead of waiting, learning patience, or getting more information, we decided to take a nose-dive, hoping and praying we would be ok.
So.....we went down a road......even though there were no clear signs to guide us, usually because there wasn't anything else better that came along, so we settled. We felt lost, confused, with no focus or purpose.....looking and searching for that situation that would make us "feel" right, good, or complete. If there were any red flags that flew up, we ignored them completely. Didn't matter what they were, how they made us feel, what they involved......we decided to continue. We didn't take into consideration where the road might lead, what we might have to face, or if maybe we should re-think the whole situation........still made the choice to move ahead no matter what.
Just in case you're wondering, this IS in fact the most appropriate time to ask yourself, what is it? What is it that I jumped into without thinking? What was it I said yes to, when I knew in my gut I was saying it for the wrong reasons? What do I expect to happen if I continue down this road without really looking at my true and real reasons for being here? How does my uncertainty about my decision actually affect those around me?
Now you may not have clarity right now about what it is that's gnawing at your gut, or maybe you're one of the lucky or more fortunate people who have a gut that is in fact at peace, with no regret, no fear, no worry, not wondering if you are in fact going down the right path. That's very admirable, but I still believe if you are human, you're going to be at some time in your life, faced with the fact that you made an unwise decision. You know what.....it's ok....it really is. It's even ok if you've made more than one, if not many. That, in fact, is part of the human condition.........just part of life. It's not my place, or anyone elses to place judgement on those decisions, I'll leave that up to God. I've made enough of my own to keep me from pointing the finger outward.
My point here is not to make you feel bad, or to encourage you to spend the day searching for something to question yourself about, or to beat yourself up for maybe jumping into something you weren't quite ready for, or for settling for something instead of waiting. There is really no way to completely safeguard yourself from making mistakes, so you might as well embrace the ones you made, no matter how serious they were, because it's done and over with. Trust me, if there were a way in which to go back and repair some of the damage I've done over the past several years, I would at least try, but since that's not possible, I'll move ahead with at least making an attempt to see clearly, my motives and intentions in making my future decisions. I will make it a point to watch and beware of red flags that speak of warning up ahead, take the time to see what I'm trying to satisfy in making a particular decision, or ultimately, how my decision will not only affect my life, but those around me that I love the most.
So if you're brave enough to ask yourself this morning.....what is it? Then you've been able to do something that a lot of people will never do or want to do.....stop in the middle of the road, take a deep breathe, and just simply ask yourself, am I sure this is the direction I want to go? Does this road speak the truth about who I really am, my desires, my goals, my beliefs, my faith in God? Or does it simply say I'll choose this road because it seems right, it's got some good perks, or it will make people think I know what I'm doing?
I'll leave these questions for you to ponder, even on a Monday morning.
Yikes......heavy stuff for a Monday morning, but I think we all at some point have this very conversation in our heads. I think this, if anything, falls under the umbrella of normalcy. We backtrack wondering if the right decision was made, or if we're wasting our time, or our lives, with doing something we really don't want to do. We start wondering if our motives or intentions were in line, whether we were living in truth, instead of giving in to something or someone. We wondered at the time if we were up to the challenge, whatever it was, but instead of waiting, learning patience, or getting more information, we decided to take a nose-dive, hoping and praying we would be ok.
So.....we went down a road......even though there were no clear signs to guide us, usually because there wasn't anything else better that came along, so we settled. We felt lost, confused, with no focus or purpose.....looking and searching for that situation that would make us "feel" right, good, or complete. If there were any red flags that flew up, we ignored them completely. Didn't matter what they were, how they made us feel, what they involved......we decided to continue. We didn't take into consideration where the road might lead, what we might have to face, or if maybe we should re-think the whole situation........still made the choice to move ahead no matter what.
Just in case you're wondering, this IS in fact the most appropriate time to ask yourself, what is it? What is it that I jumped into without thinking? What was it I said yes to, when I knew in my gut I was saying it for the wrong reasons? What do I expect to happen if I continue down this road without really looking at my true and real reasons for being here? How does my uncertainty about my decision actually affect those around me?
Now you may not have clarity right now about what it is that's gnawing at your gut, or maybe you're one of the lucky or more fortunate people who have a gut that is in fact at peace, with no regret, no fear, no worry, not wondering if you are in fact going down the right path. That's very admirable, but I still believe if you are human, you're going to be at some time in your life, faced with the fact that you made an unwise decision. You know what.....it's ok....it really is. It's even ok if you've made more than one, if not many. That, in fact, is part of the human condition.........just part of life. It's not my place, or anyone elses to place judgement on those decisions, I'll leave that up to God. I've made enough of my own to keep me from pointing the finger outward.
My point here is not to make you feel bad, or to encourage you to spend the day searching for something to question yourself about, or to beat yourself up for maybe jumping into something you weren't quite ready for, or for settling for something instead of waiting. There is really no way to completely safeguard yourself from making mistakes, so you might as well embrace the ones you made, no matter how serious they were, because it's done and over with. Trust me, if there were a way in which to go back and repair some of the damage I've done over the past several years, I would at least try, but since that's not possible, I'll move ahead with at least making an attempt to see clearly, my motives and intentions in making my future decisions. I will make it a point to watch and beware of red flags that speak of warning up ahead, take the time to see what I'm trying to satisfy in making a particular decision, or ultimately, how my decision will not only affect my life, but those around me that I love the most.
So if you're brave enough to ask yourself this morning.....what is it? Then you've been able to do something that a lot of people will never do or want to do.....stop in the middle of the road, take a deep breathe, and just simply ask yourself, am I sure this is the direction I want to go? Does this road speak the truth about who I really am, my desires, my goals, my beliefs, my faith in God? Or does it simply say I'll choose this road because it seems right, it's got some good perks, or it will make people think I know what I'm doing?
I'll leave these questions for you to ponder, even on a Monday morning.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
What Do You Want?
Wow.....what a question huh? I bet when you read those words, you are so surprised that someone even asked you, you're not quite sure what to think, or how to respond, right? I'm sure many things come to mind like, more money, a new job, a soulmate, a house, a new car, to lose weight......and the list goes on. It's interesting that most of these things fall under the "stuff" category, as opposed to some non-tangible item, like peace, joy, contentment, better attitude, more patience, more understanding, and a spirit of forgiveness or giving to others. In a world that tries to make you feel like you need to want or buy the next thing in order to be happy and fulfilled, it's hard to think about those non-tangibles. We live in a society where stuff means you're successful, stuff means you're cool to those around you, stuff means you're safe from anything bad happening to you. Well...I hate to tell you this, but according to my friend Webster, he believes the word stuff to mean; worthless objects; refuse; junk. If you don't believe me....look for yourself.
Now you can see why he is my most trusted associate, because if there's any question in my mind about the true meaning behind a word, I know he is the one to ask. There is usually no beating around the bush, no speculating on my part, or twisting it to fit the occasion.......he gets right to the point. So.....without further ado......I'll get right to the point about stuff. Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting certain things while you're here......especially a nice home, a nice car, a good and faithful spouse, children to raise and enjoy, so I'm not determined to rain on your parade here, but only to help you stop and think about those things that are most important to you while you're here on this earth. After all, I do believe that God has wonderful things for us all to experience while we're here, but he also wants to make sure we focus our attention and desires on those things that are the most meaningful.....those things that last, and those things that bring us the most contentment and joy.
Seems like this would be a very easy thing to do during this time of recession, and honestly I have seen some areas where people have made some changes. And you can tell from all the reports on our economy, that people are starting to re-think what they want, and what they buy. Of course it would be nice for people to assess their real true needs without being forced to because of a recession, but that's another subject we'll save for later. So whether you feel forced to see things differently, or want to because you yourself have caught a glimpse of desiring too much stuff, it doesn't really matter. What really matters at this moment is for you to just sit with the question.......what do you want, and see what comes up for you.
I believe that we allow society to dictate what we should want and have.....all you have to do is turn on the television and see that. And it's very easy to get caught up in what people around you are doing, buying, experiencing.....etc.....believing that you are supposed to follow suit, whether you have the money or not. If you don't have the money in front of you, then get a credit card.....free money when you want it right? Well....we both know the real answer to that one. All the "stuff" looks really good, and you feel you work hard, and deserve whatever it is that suits your fancy. A bigger television, a nicer car, a bigger house, fancy clothes, dining out whenever you want to.......the list goes on and on. So in fact your life becomes more about what you can accumulate, than being satisfied with what you already have. You've been tricked into thinking, more is more......so you seek more stuff. All in the hopes of "fitting in", and looking successful to those around you. It becomes all about how you "appear" to the outside world, not about who you really are. The stuff that you accumulate does not and never will equal who you are as a person.
I know.....another "ouch" subject. And the only reason why I can write this at all, is because I am quite often privy to so many people that are so wrapped up in their stuff, or accumulating more stuff, and what it takes for them to have it, and are completely stressed out because of what it takes in order for them to keep up with it all. I'm sorry but that makes absolutely no sense to me at all. If you have to completely wear yourself out in order to have the money to have or to keep your stuff, when or how are you able to enjoy anything at all?
So ask yourself some questions here. What difference would it make if I decided to let something go that is not really a neccessity? What would happen to my stress level if I just stopped spending money on those things that are not really needed in order for me to get through this next week, month, or year?What would happen to my level of peace and joy if I let go of trying to keep up with my friends or peers and just said no? Wonder what it would be like to wake up and not be worried about what I want and can't have, and thought about what I do have and experienced a comfortable state of mind?
I can tell you one thing that would happen, that you probably have not considered. You making conscious decisions to look at your life differently, so that you're not constantly worried and stressed out, will make a huge statement to those around you....... because whether you believe this or not, most of your friends and peers are going through the same exact thing, and don't have the courage to say......no more.
So, I will ask you again........What Do You Want?
Now you can see why he is my most trusted associate, because if there's any question in my mind about the true meaning behind a word, I know he is the one to ask. There is usually no beating around the bush, no speculating on my part, or twisting it to fit the occasion.......he gets right to the point. So.....without further ado......I'll get right to the point about stuff. Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting certain things while you're here......especially a nice home, a nice car, a good and faithful spouse, children to raise and enjoy, so I'm not determined to rain on your parade here, but only to help you stop and think about those things that are most important to you while you're here on this earth. After all, I do believe that God has wonderful things for us all to experience while we're here, but he also wants to make sure we focus our attention and desires on those things that are the most meaningful.....those things that last, and those things that bring us the most contentment and joy.
Seems like this would be a very easy thing to do during this time of recession, and honestly I have seen some areas where people have made some changes. And you can tell from all the reports on our economy, that people are starting to re-think what they want, and what they buy. Of course it would be nice for people to assess their real true needs without being forced to because of a recession, but that's another subject we'll save for later. So whether you feel forced to see things differently, or want to because you yourself have caught a glimpse of desiring too much stuff, it doesn't really matter. What really matters at this moment is for you to just sit with the question.......what do you want, and see what comes up for you.
I believe that we allow society to dictate what we should want and have.....all you have to do is turn on the television and see that. And it's very easy to get caught up in what people around you are doing, buying, experiencing.....etc.....believing that you are supposed to follow suit, whether you have the money or not. If you don't have the money in front of you, then get a credit card.....free money when you want it right? Well....we both know the real answer to that one. All the "stuff" looks really good, and you feel you work hard, and deserve whatever it is that suits your fancy. A bigger television, a nicer car, a bigger house, fancy clothes, dining out whenever you want to.......the list goes on and on. So in fact your life becomes more about what you can accumulate, than being satisfied with what you already have. You've been tricked into thinking, more is more......so you seek more stuff. All in the hopes of "fitting in", and looking successful to those around you. It becomes all about how you "appear" to the outside world, not about who you really are. The stuff that you accumulate does not and never will equal who you are as a person.
I know.....another "ouch" subject. And the only reason why I can write this at all, is because I am quite often privy to so many people that are so wrapped up in their stuff, or accumulating more stuff, and what it takes for them to have it, and are completely stressed out because of what it takes in order for them to keep up with it all. I'm sorry but that makes absolutely no sense to me at all. If you have to completely wear yourself out in order to have the money to have or to keep your stuff, when or how are you able to enjoy anything at all?
So ask yourself some questions here. What difference would it make if I decided to let something go that is not really a neccessity? What would happen to my stress level if I just stopped spending money on those things that are not really needed in order for me to get through this next week, month, or year?What would happen to my level of peace and joy if I let go of trying to keep up with my friends or peers and just said no? Wonder what it would be like to wake up and not be worried about what I want and can't have, and thought about what I do have and experienced a comfortable state of mind?
I can tell you one thing that would happen, that you probably have not considered. You making conscious decisions to look at your life differently, so that you're not constantly worried and stressed out, will make a huge statement to those around you....... because whether you believe this or not, most of your friends and peers are going through the same exact thing, and don't have the courage to say......no more.
So, I will ask you again........What Do You Want?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Nurturing Self
We all understand what it means to nurture a child or a plant. Protecting both as they grow and mature, both needing certain things in order to survive, as well as things that will allow them to flourish. Sometimes they need very specific things in order to grow, like certain foods, sunshine, and protection from the elements in life. I believe we are all aware that if both are left alone and not attended to, would suffer in many ways, or sometimes die. They are pretty much dependent on outside help in order to survive.
Of course there are in fact basic needs that we require in order to survive........we pretty much know what those are. Water, food, sleep, shelter for starters, but what about those things that help us sustain a quality of life that is very individual in nature? Some of us need a certain amount of sleep, time to be quiet and still, time to be around other people, or simply time to be in our own space, apart from the busyness of life. We have to consider the fact that all of us came from a different environment, experienced different parents, siblings, lifestyles, attitudes....etc. We might all appear to be in human form, with the ability to talk, walk, work, love.....whatever, but if you get beyond those obvious appearances, we couldn't be more different. And as we grow, age, and develop very particular behaviors, mindsets, attitudes, likes, dislikes, beliefs.......we also develop ways in which to function in the world with others.
There is unfortunately a drawback here, in that with recognizing where we came from and what we've experienced, there is always this inherent need to be like everyone else......to fit in. No one really likes to stand out, whether they are disabled, sick, deaf, blind, mentally challenged, poor.....whatever the case may be, we all just want to fit into what most of us believe to be "normal". Even though I'm not so sure any of us really have a clear understand of what normal is.......just suffice it to say, we've been taught along the way that normal does exit.
So what happens when you want to fit into this place of being normal, but find there is something about yourself that needs special attention in order for that to happen? Say you were raised in a house with an angry and loud father, that made you shudder whenever he walked into your house. It might bother you to be around anyone who has a loud voice, so you avoid those situations. Or you might not be able to hear in a group whats being said, because your hearing is not so good, you just sit quietly, or you pretend you hear whats being said. Sometimes there can be physical pain and suffering of some kind that won't allow you to sit and visit with someone. Whatever the case may be, you need to allow yourself to do whatever is needed in order to take care of yourself, sometimes and most often regardless of what others think or feel about you.
Some of us enjoy and thrive on being around other people, but then there are those who are drained completely by being around others. The point is, no matter where you came from, what you've been through, or what your present situation is, there are certain things you need to do for yourself, that nurtures and cares for you individually. It doesn't matter the reason, you just arrange your life, and make decisions accordingly as your body needs.
Just as you eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired....etc........you work your life around what your mind, body and spirit needs. Doesn't necessarily mean you can leave work when you feel like it, or take off a week when you get the notion. There are many ways you can learn to incorporate self care into your daily work schedule, it's just a matter of being creative. It's very easy to find out and be more aware of what is lacking in the self-care department, making adjustments along the way with your diet, how often you eat, what time you go to bed, how you spend your weekends.....etc. All of these are things that allow you to do what is required, yet makes changes in order to be at your best, instead of walking around depleted each day.
Keeping in mind, your body is most often completely different than the next person, so don't start playing the comparison game, because it will get you nowhere. Start with where you are at this moment, and be aware of what needs you have that aren't being met, and what you can do to change that. Of course the trick is, not allowing someone elses opinion about your needs get in your way of what you know is the truth. Nobody knows your body better than you and what it needs at any given time. Our bodily functions are not on the same time frame.......a good thing to keep in mind.
If you expect to have a certain quality of life, sick or well, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, doesn't really matter......it's going to take a realization that each one of us are different, most often quite different, and have different needs at different times of our lives. Do what is right for you, by saying yes or no when you need to, spend as much time as you need in your own space being quiet and still, and allow others to do the same. If someone doesn't understand your need to do what is right for you, then let them deal with it however they need to deal with it, but at least you are being true to yourself and what you need to live your best life.
Of course there are in fact basic needs that we require in order to survive........we pretty much know what those are. Water, food, sleep, shelter for starters, but what about those things that help us sustain a quality of life that is very individual in nature? Some of us need a certain amount of sleep, time to be quiet and still, time to be around other people, or simply time to be in our own space, apart from the busyness of life. We have to consider the fact that all of us came from a different environment, experienced different parents, siblings, lifestyles, attitudes....etc. We might all appear to be in human form, with the ability to talk, walk, work, love.....whatever, but if you get beyond those obvious appearances, we couldn't be more different. And as we grow, age, and develop very particular behaviors, mindsets, attitudes, likes, dislikes, beliefs.......we also develop ways in which to function in the world with others.
There is unfortunately a drawback here, in that with recognizing where we came from and what we've experienced, there is always this inherent need to be like everyone else......to fit in. No one really likes to stand out, whether they are disabled, sick, deaf, blind, mentally challenged, poor.....whatever the case may be, we all just want to fit into what most of us believe to be "normal". Even though I'm not so sure any of us really have a clear understand of what normal is.......just suffice it to say, we've been taught along the way that normal does exit.
So what happens when you want to fit into this place of being normal, but find there is something about yourself that needs special attention in order for that to happen? Say you were raised in a house with an angry and loud father, that made you shudder whenever he walked into your house. It might bother you to be around anyone who has a loud voice, so you avoid those situations. Or you might not be able to hear in a group whats being said, because your hearing is not so good, you just sit quietly, or you pretend you hear whats being said. Sometimes there can be physical pain and suffering of some kind that won't allow you to sit and visit with someone. Whatever the case may be, you need to allow yourself to do whatever is needed in order to take care of yourself, sometimes and most often regardless of what others think or feel about you.
Some of us enjoy and thrive on being around other people, but then there are those who are drained completely by being around others. The point is, no matter where you came from, what you've been through, or what your present situation is, there are certain things you need to do for yourself, that nurtures and cares for you individually. It doesn't matter the reason, you just arrange your life, and make decisions accordingly as your body needs.
Just as you eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired....etc........you work your life around what your mind, body and spirit needs. Doesn't necessarily mean you can leave work when you feel like it, or take off a week when you get the notion. There are many ways you can learn to incorporate self care into your daily work schedule, it's just a matter of being creative. It's very easy to find out and be more aware of what is lacking in the self-care department, making adjustments along the way with your diet, how often you eat, what time you go to bed, how you spend your weekends.....etc. All of these are things that allow you to do what is required, yet makes changes in order to be at your best, instead of walking around depleted each day.
Keeping in mind, your body is most often completely different than the next person, so don't start playing the comparison game, because it will get you nowhere. Start with where you are at this moment, and be aware of what needs you have that aren't being met, and what you can do to change that. Of course the trick is, not allowing someone elses opinion about your needs get in your way of what you know is the truth. Nobody knows your body better than you and what it needs at any given time. Our bodily functions are not on the same time frame.......a good thing to keep in mind.
If you expect to have a certain quality of life, sick or well, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, doesn't really matter......it's going to take a realization that each one of us are different, most often quite different, and have different needs at different times of our lives. Do what is right for you, by saying yes or no when you need to, spend as much time as you need in your own space being quiet and still, and allow others to do the same. If someone doesn't understand your need to do what is right for you, then let them deal with it however they need to deal with it, but at least you are being true to yourself and what you need to live your best life.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Living in Fear
Do you believe that you spend a majority of your time living in fear? If you do, have you tried to figure out where that fear comes from.......the basis......the root, it's true meaning? Sometimes I don't believe we're even aware that fear is the problem. The hesitancy, reluctance, or avoidance of making a decision, we own up to protecting ourselves from something or someone we believe could possibly cause us harm. Or we could have lived around that fear or uncertainty as a child. Overbearing parents who had a tendency to look on the negative side of life.........those bad things that could happen, as opposed to all the good that life has to offer. Or not helping you realize that bad things will, and do happen everyday, and instilling confidence that you will find the wisdom to work through those bad times. It's how they lived their life, so it seems only appropriate they pass that fear onto you, in hopes of protecting you.
Well, no matter where it comes from, I am convinced it's not the way that God intended us to live, even with knowing there are bad people and bad situations in the world that will challenge us each day. Does that mean you're to walk around totally oblivious to those things? No, but it does mean there needs to be a level of acceptance of the human condition, the reality of good and bad, and that no matter what you think, feel, do, or try to prepare for, you cannot go through a lifetime without going through something that is not so pleasant. Of course at the same time it doesn't mean you have to go looking for it either.
Ah.....there it is...plain and simple. "Go looking for it." The fear is the knowing it's there, whatever the pain, hurt, loss, devastation is.........you know it's out there just waiting to swoop you up, churn you into bits, and spit you out. And there you are, left for dead, with no hopes of recovering. So the issue here is not that we can ignore the possibility of things going wrong, because as I said, there is always the possibility. The issue is learning to focus on all the wonderful things that could happen if you let go of the fear.
I can already hear you saying to yourself, "Well, I want to, but I just can't...or sounds like a great idea, but not something I can do." So in other words, you would rather continue to brace yourself for the bad, saying no to many things you would love to say yes to, simply because of fear?
Maybe it would help if you were able to rid your thoughts of the what if's. What if I get involved with this person and they leave me? What if I invest my money into something and it goes south? What if I get sick, and lose my ability to work? What if someone I love gets cancer and dies? What if my husband or wife leaves me? What if I lose my job? What if I get old? What if I need help? As you can see, we could sit here all day long, adding to this list of what if's, but where would it get you? Nowhere.
Now granted all of the things I listed above are in fact things that could happen.......but there is a huge difference in could and will. Just like there's a big difference between fear of something, and concern for something. Fear implies dread, involves anxiety and agitation of an impending threat, whereas concern is a matter of interest or importance to one. Fear is pessimistic and lacks trust, where concern is optimistic, hopeful, and very willingly offers trust. Big difference.
So, with all this being said, there is actually some choice involved here in whether you want to live your life from a place of fear, or live it with trusting and believing for the best. And since we've already covered the issues of "bad things will happen", and living in a place of "what if's", all that's really left is trusting yourself to choose the best answer for you. Maybe you could ask yourself how much it costs you each day to live in fear, and what difference it would make if you were able to walk around and actually enjoy all the good things that life has to offer.
Just remember, whether you believe this or not, those around you are taking note of your fear, even though you think you're keeping it well hidden. There is always someone around who needs to see hope, trust, faith and promise of good things to come...........wouldn't it be awesome if you were able to pass that on as a gift?
Well, no matter where it comes from, I am convinced it's not the way that God intended us to live, even with knowing there are bad people and bad situations in the world that will challenge us each day. Does that mean you're to walk around totally oblivious to those things? No, but it does mean there needs to be a level of acceptance of the human condition, the reality of good and bad, and that no matter what you think, feel, do, or try to prepare for, you cannot go through a lifetime without going through something that is not so pleasant. Of course at the same time it doesn't mean you have to go looking for it either.
Ah.....there it is...plain and simple. "Go looking for it." The fear is the knowing it's there, whatever the pain, hurt, loss, devastation is.........you know it's out there just waiting to swoop you up, churn you into bits, and spit you out. And there you are, left for dead, with no hopes of recovering. So the issue here is not that we can ignore the possibility of things going wrong, because as I said, there is always the possibility. The issue is learning to focus on all the wonderful things that could happen if you let go of the fear.
I can already hear you saying to yourself, "Well, I want to, but I just can't...or sounds like a great idea, but not something I can do." So in other words, you would rather continue to brace yourself for the bad, saying no to many things you would love to say yes to, simply because of fear?
Maybe it would help if you were able to rid your thoughts of the what if's. What if I get involved with this person and they leave me? What if I invest my money into something and it goes south? What if I get sick, and lose my ability to work? What if someone I love gets cancer and dies? What if my husband or wife leaves me? What if I lose my job? What if I get old? What if I need help? As you can see, we could sit here all day long, adding to this list of what if's, but where would it get you? Nowhere.
Now granted all of the things I listed above are in fact things that could happen.......but there is a huge difference in could and will. Just like there's a big difference between fear of something, and concern for something. Fear implies dread, involves anxiety and agitation of an impending threat, whereas concern is a matter of interest or importance to one. Fear is pessimistic and lacks trust, where concern is optimistic, hopeful, and very willingly offers trust. Big difference.
So, with all this being said, there is actually some choice involved here in whether you want to live your life from a place of fear, or live it with trusting and believing for the best. And since we've already covered the issues of "bad things will happen", and living in a place of "what if's", all that's really left is trusting yourself to choose the best answer for you. Maybe you could ask yourself how much it costs you each day to live in fear, and what difference it would make if you were able to walk around and actually enjoy all the good things that life has to offer.
Just remember, whether you believe this or not, those around you are taking note of your fear, even though you think you're keeping it well hidden. There is always someone around who needs to see hope, trust, faith and promise of good things to come...........wouldn't it be awesome if you were able to pass that on as a gift?
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