Choosing Wisely During A Recession

There are so many ways in which to approach the current economic situation we are faced with today. We can either tense up, get angry, fearful and point the finger.....or we can take this opportunity to make changes in our own lives. What changes are those you ask? Well, I believe it gives us all the chance to look at our own personal financial situation to see where we are spending our money, and how we can get through this recession without feeling shortchanged, so to speak. Whether it's disciplining ourselves to pay off credit cards and only pay with cash, letting go of buying things that are not absolutely necessary, or finding ways in which to make a dollar go further.......the point is, believing that you can in fact make adjustments that will make this recession easier to cope with.

Discipline is a very hard thing to incorporate into your life, especially when it comes to buying things that you are entitled to, because you work very hard for your money.....and there is nothing wrong with having specific ways in which we want to spend that hard earned money. Also....if you think that you are exempt from being a part of this recession, you are sadly mistaken.....for we are all a part of it in some way. That would be like saying you have no part in global warming....which of course is absurd. Your car affects the atmosphere just as much as anyone elses does, so it's time to acknowledge how you fit into the grand scheme of things.

It may be time for us all to think about making sacrifices, and instead of seeing the lack of, transform our thinking into an abundance, not of you getting what you want, when you want it, ignoring the cost.......but seeing there are so many other ways in which to be satisfied with a more modest mindset. This all has to do with learning humility and realizing that less is more........and more importantly, your willingness to scale back on your spending will make a statement to those around you. They will see how you handle your thoughts about money, how you choose to spend it, save it, and more profoundly seeing that you have clearly set your priorities in this life, and have chosen wisdom about your spending, instead of blatently ignoring the fact that we all are affected by the recession.

We all have dreams and wishes of how we want our lives to look, things we'd like to have and waited a long time to get, but if we really want to choose wisdom and realize that we can make a difference in how we get through hard times, it will be to recognize how we can very easily scale down, save for those things that we truly want in this life and mean the most, and let the rest go.

So before making plans to spend money you don't really have, or expecting someone to spend their own hard earned money on something that is only temporary, when you know in your heart and mind there are other ways in which to wisely spend or invest your money, stop and realize how your next move could have an impact on those around you. We all want what we want, or say yes to those we love, when we know we really need to say no.........but you can, whether you believe it of not, make a profound and valuable statement by stepping back and choosing wisdom instead.

"In Anticipation"

The holidays are such a glorious and joyful time of the year. The brisk cold air brings with it anticipation of our Thanksgiving feast, time with our families, and the joy that comes with choosing the perfect gift for a loved one at Christmas. We bring out our favorite recipes that have become a family tradition, and those treasured ornaments handed down through the years. The smells of gingerbread, cinnamon, and pine cones fill each corner of the house with love, as comforting and easy as watching the snow fall and blanketing the rooftops. The lights twinkle against the dark sky, while smoke billows from the chimneys from a nice cozy fire.........these are all things we think about when the holidays roll around each year.

However, things can get in the way of our hanging on to that dream of the perfect Christmas that Norman Rockwell depicts on the front of LIFE magazines from years ago, especially with the current state of the economy and people losing their jobs. We are all afraid to spend money, for we don't know how bad it's going to get, and quite frankly I'm sure many have felt as I have, where your trip to the grocery store is quite different than it was six months ago. Instead of making several desserts, or having turkey and ham, we realize that we will have to scale down our menu, in hopes of not taking away from the traditional Christmas dinner.

I think the best way in which to handle this, is asking people to bring a dish to share, instead of one person taking on the responsibility of the whole meal. That way it's not a burden, but a joint effort on everyone's part, and a more appropriate way in which to celebrate the bringing together of loved ones in order to celebrate the holidays.

The same can be said for buying gifts. Many families draw names, so that you're responsible for buying one gift, instead of struggling to come up with the money to buy several. Or, you can even decide to not buy gifts in your family, but instead preparing a meal together and offering it to a family in need. The holidays should not be about going into debt, but about celebrating the birth of Christ, and stopping for a moment and remembering how much our loved ones mean to us, especially when we are all at the mercy of today's economy and being forced to make decisions to stay afloat.

We can still enjoy the Norman Rockwell Christmas, using our last years decorations, table cloths, and scaled down menu's, and making a conscious decision to simplify the holidays instead of having the need to elaborate. People love handmade and home cooked items, which can be very inexpensive to make, and appreciate the love and time it took to make them.

I hope we can all focus on the true meaning of Christmas this year, remembering that even when faced with not knowing what to expect after the holidays are over, we can still enjoy those things that bring us peace and joy, whether it's driving around looking at the Christmas lights, or stopping by a friend's house for eggnog and fruitcake.

The world needs love, laughter, understanding, and compassion this year, and a belief that God will bless us all, even in the midst of bad times.....which ultimately gives us true reason to live "in anticipation."

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Blessed New Year!

"Opinions"

According to my friend Webster: An opinion is a belief not based on absolute certainty or positive knowledge, but on what seems true, valid, or probable to one's own mind; judgment. Of course I believe the key word here is "seems", because there really is no real validity when it comes to opinions.......only speculation, however, the word that stands out to me is "judgement". And as you can plainly see, it sits alone, all by itself. Now maybe I should have titled this judgment, because in essence that is the premise for having opinions, but I think it's interesting how they can co-mingle.

Right now, I want to focus on what happens when our opinions come into play. When we are faced with a set of circumstances or with a person that is the least bit different than ourselves, something inside our brain tells us it's time to gather information.... i.e...think ,ponder, evaluate, surmise, or assess, so that we can actually come up with how we will choose to interact or relate to the situation or person. Gathering that information involves delving into everything that we have experienced or exposed to since we were able to remember as a child. Where we lived, how we were raised, our school experiences, what we ate, what sort of environment we lived in.....etc. It's our core makeup. Just as a used car has been through one or several owners, moved around to different places, and either been repaired repeatedly, or maintained regularly........what you see at any particular point would show you how it's evolved over the years. It will perform according to how it's been treated.

Now granted we aren't cars, but my point is, we are all coming from a completely different place in this life, so it stands to reason that our opinions are going to be based on our past experiences.... and you notice, there is no point in focusing on whether they were good or bad, they just are what they are, and while we might think that our opinions are surely right in any given situation, they are still not based on the truth. We usually base our opinions on the outward appearance of something or someone......thinking that if it doesn't challenge us in any way to change our usual way of thinking, then they could end up on our approved list. However, if it has a certain look or feel about it that makes us the least bit uncomfortable, then they will end up on our unapproved list.

Of course I'm sure you've figured out by now that this is more about opinions about other people as opposed to situations in our life. I believe we put much more time and effort in injecting our opinions about other people that don't suit us, instead of taking the time to get to know them better. I wonder what difference it would make if we all got really comfortable with the fact that we are very different, in many ways, and everyone has something to offer because of who they are and where they came from, whether you grew up in the mountains of Appalachia, or Park Ave. in New York City. Much could be gained from either person.......becasue both are madeup of past experiences, either good or bad, and most often as different as two people might be, could most often find a common ground in which to share.

People are different for a reason. God made us that way...... not so we could stand out and profess our superiority while judging others based on our opinions of that person, which are not truth based, but rather express our humility in realizing that we all come from a different place and never have the right to approve or disapprove of anyone. We cannot possibly understand who someone truly is until we realize they could have a life and past that has challenged them in ways that you could never imagine possible.

Opinions about others are most often based on what is unknown, as opposed to what is known. So with realizing that, doesn't it make you want to stop, the next time you rear up and say something negative about another person, and understand in all actuality, you don't really know the whole story. After all, wouldn't you hope that if someone were saying something about you, that it would be based on the truth as opposed to speculation?

Are You Choosing to be Busy?

Over the last several months I have noticed that people are getting busier. Why is that? Maybe it just seems that way because my life is such a contrast to the rest of the world, but no matter the reason, it's something that weighs heavily on the minds of most everyone I encounter. I hear words like overwhelmed, worn out, overworked, exhausted, not enough time.....etc, ending up with an, "I don't know why." It sounds as if someone has tied them up, and demanded they hand over any choice of how they spend their day. Why is there all of a sudden too many things to get done in one day?

If anything, I would think with the current economy, and people cutting back on eating out, going on vacations, and spending money on outside services instead of doing things yourself at home, that it would slow people down. However, it seems that it's the complete opposite. Again.......why is that? Now granted, because of health issues, I myself have been forced through the years to continue to slow down physically, and leading a completely different lifestyle than most who are pulled in different directions, but still it's hard for me to understand why people feel that so much has to be accomplished in one day, with no time left over to nurture themselves.

Maybe it's because I grew up in the south, where people closed their stores at noon on Wednesday afternoons, and went fishing, or sat on the front porch visiting with their neighbors with a glass of iced tea. Was that slow pace of life ingrained into me, so it's easier for me not to allow myself to get caught up in too many activities, or saying yes when I know I need to say no? Well, again, whatever the reason, it is very difficult to see so many people stressed out because they try to fit so much into one day, ending it with exhaustion instead of feeling good about having accomplished three things on their list instead of ten.

I do believe we all have the ability to make daily choices, to a degree, which includes the ability to say no. We can decide from one day to the next how much we can take on physically, emotionally, and most importantly understanding or realizing the reasons why specific things end up on our lists from day to day. Maybe things that we could really do differently, save for another day, or things that could be completely taken off the list altogether.

I also often wonder, if most of the things we put on the lists just simply reflect ways in which we can keep up with the people next door.....or really society as a whole........and I don't think we even realize it until we stop and think about how our days are filled with not only one activity to the next, but also the need to spend money. We see what other people have, and think we must have the same things, or we'll be viewed as different or outcasts. No wonder there are so many people who have exhausted their credit limit, or wondering how they will make it through this recession. Societal demands or expections as to what is normal has taken over "our lists" of what is truly important in this life.

Bottom line..... there is much to be gained from letting go of too much busy-ness in our lives. After all, a child will remember those moments when you had time for them, as opposed to how much money you had to spend, or what kind of car the family had. Being too busy causes frustration and unhappiness, which radiates outward to those around you, that love you the most......so when you think your busy-ness is just affecting you, it's more likely that it also has an impact on someone else in your life.

So try to start each day with a list, making sure you can realistically accomplish those things, paying close attention that you need to be added to the list, for time to rest, time to reflect, time to listen to and show love to those around you. You'll be able to go to sleep at night feeling good about what you were able to accomplish, feeling blessed with the strength and energy to do those things, while leaving no room for regret or "should haves" beating you down...... only a list that was short and minus the busy-ness.

Dealing With Disappointment

This is obviously a subject that hits home for most of us. It seems each day brings with it new areas to navigate, figure out, endure, or brainstorm just to get through, somehow leaving us feeling slighted in some way. Even when we do feel we've reached some resolution, a subtle hint of injustice is left behind, especially if we've been hurt. Doesn't matter the situation, our righteous indignation steps in and assures us that we are right in the way we feel, and no one can tell us otherwise.

So why are we so disappointed when things don't work out the way we expected and completely knocked off our present course? Why is it so important to hang on to understanding why things happen the way they do, thinking that if we do, it will result in peace, or the person that you believe hurt you will be punished in some way? I suppose it depends on what didn't work out, whether a relationship was broken, the raise we were due went to someone else, or you didn't get to do something you were really looking forward to. One just as important as the next, but still not important enough to ponder each day until bitterness and resentment set in.

Whether you believe this or not, you can walk around with your disappointment until the cows come home, waking up each morning believing you were right, while someone else was wrong, and it eventually gets you one place for sure.......nowhere. And it's important to realize it really does nothing to the situation or person that you believe slighted you in some way, but it does affect your ability to wake up each day and feel peace, joy, and a sense of contentment. I believe most often, even if someone gives you an apology or there is some logical explanation for why something didn't turn out the way you thought, you still have the tendency to hang on for dear life the disappointment that you feel.

I'm wondering what ever happened to forgiveness, understanding, or giving people the benefit of the doubt, no matter the circumstances. For what could possibly be gained by continuing to punish ourselves or others, for if you harbor ill will, it will affect your relationships because people will more often than not, pick up on the resentment and choose not to be around you. Bitterness, anger, and resentment are hard emotions to be around, and take a tremendous amount of energy to hang onto.

So when things don't work out the way you thought they would, whether you are satisfied with the explanation or not.........let it go. The only thing that asking why brings is discontent and dissatisfaction which in the end will steal whatever peace and joy you're able to grab hold of in this life. If possible, maybe you could see the whole experience as something you were suppose to learn about yourself. Things like patience, the true meaning of forgiveness, or understanding there are so many other things at work when you don't get what you want or feel you deserved.

Remember it's not why you have the disappointments, because you WILL have them......it's how you handle them. It's important to see that nothing is gained by pointing the finger outward, hanging onto righteous indignation and determination to punish, but learning to let go of believing the world and those in it are perfect. Expectations yield one thing......disappointment.

Are You Seeking Perfection?

I don't know which is more damaging to the human spirit.......expectations we put on others, or the ones we place on ourselves. I do believe however, the reason why we put so many expectations on others, is because we are in fact falling short of living up to our own. Seems a bit twisted, but either way this is about seeking perfection, which unfortunately will never happen. We can strive to do the right thing, so we can at least go to bed at night without a guilty conscience, but even that will not be awarded the prize of perfection. When I see people seeking some level of perfection......to the point that it starts affecting them in a negative way, I often ask them "who" is keeping score? It's as if they feel someone standing behind them daily with a check list, making note of when they fail to live up to par. Of course again, my question is, who are "they?"

Does it have something to do with how much money you have, how many titles you have behind your name, or if you have been recognized in the community as being the best at something? Does it have to do with constantly comparing ourselves with others, who seem to have "made it", or rather appeared to have made it? They appeared to have accomplished something that you believe was on your list of goals, or that looks good and you decided that you must have that for yourself. Of course you see what happens after a while. It becomes all about you, and what you are doing, as opposed to doing something to benefit others, and in the process, brings with it the feelings of accomplishment. There is a big difference if you really take the time to figure it out.

I know this because years ago, when I decided I wanted to be in the helping profession, from that point on it was all about me. All about the title I would get behind my name, the recognition for the career I had chosen, being respected in the community, and of course most importantly, how much money I would make. In other words, self was more important than those that I might be helping along the way...... expectations I had put on myself, because I saw something that someone else had that I wanted very badly. Unfortunately, as I was on my journey to fulfilling those most important goals I had set for myself, I ran myself into a ditch, so in fact had to start thinking differently about myself, those around me, and what I could actually do with my body exactly the way it was. Needless to say, I continued to have those expectations for myself, and the more I tried to force my body to accomplish those original goals........the worse I got. Something had to give.

After a while, I realized that no matter how badly I wanted those things, I was not going to get them, so I had to start to change my way of thinking about myself, and what it was I was trying to do in this life. So the expectations had to change.....not some......but drastically. I had to realize there was actually no one behind me keeping score, nor was it appropriate to question why someone out there was accomplishing my goals in the way I had planned. I realized just by me wanting what they had, was no different than a child being jealous of another child that just rode by on the bike they wanted for themselves, going home and asking why they can't have it, and how much they wanted it. Having those feelings of not being good enough, or loved enough, or what they were doing wrong to keep their parents from giving them the new bike. After all, the new bike would make them look good. Other children would envy them, and that was a good feeling for them. It would mean their parents had a lot of money, that they were more loved, or that they deserved it because they lived up to their parents expectations.

Again.......it becomes all about the child. Of course when you're a child, you don't fully realize what you're doing, and what would hopefully be learned is, you are loved by your parents no matter what, and that you might not have a new bike of your own, but it doesn't mean that you might not get one a bit later, so the child learns patience. Or you learn to appreciate your old bike and feel lucky, because there are children who don't have a bike at all. Or that it's not a good idea to envy what others have because if you can't get it, you will be overwhelmed with any future disappointments in life.

Now obviously this was not supposed to be about a new bike, but I think it was a good way in which to make a good point. I believe we wear ourselves out with expectations, of which some will never be met of ourselves or for others.......and more importantly, there is a chance of continuing to be dissatisfied with your life if you constantly compare yourself with those around you. Whatever they have or no matter how they got it has nothing to do with your life and what you were meant to have......keeping in mind that the person you might be trying to mimic doesn't necessarily have their intent, motive, or heart in the right place.......they just happen to have the "stuff" that looks good to you.

Do You Live in Fear?

Fear is one of the most debilitating conditions there is.....bar none. It seems that everyone lives with some level of fear, whether it's fear of being abandoned, fear that someone close to you will die, that you will die, that the world will disintegrate before our very eyes, that you will become very ill and lose control physically or emotionally, that your spouse will leave you for another, that your child will be struck by a car, that you will lose all your money,...........you want me to go on? Of course I'm not absolutely sure, but I would venture to say that you've probably come across some, if not all of the circumstances above that would cause you to fear. These are all scary situations that none of us want to go through or experience. Some of them not so bad.......some that would totally devastate anyone that had any real feelings at all.



I believe what goes on when we experience fear is, for one moment we recognize how vulnerable we all are on this earth......and what little control we have over what goes on. Sure, we can control what we eat, what we wear, where we live, what we listen to, etc...... and daily make it a point to prove we have control over those things. But, when the lights are out and we are alone with our thoughts, or when we are actually faced with something we thought we would never have to deal with, it becomes very clear that we really do have little control over what happens to us or around us.



Trust me, just writing that paragraph is enough to remind me again, I have no real control over what happens to me, my neighbors, my children, my family, or ultimately the future. It's as if I have thrown myself onto a roulette wheel, spinning around to settle where ever I happen to land.......and I can either give into the fear of not really knowing where that might be, or I can be at peace that no matter where I land, that I will be able to survive and be happy.



I try to practice something each day that I learned several years ago, and it actually seems to help me trust and have faith that everything is as it will be. I play the worst case scenario game. I act as if the worst has happened, whether I'm short on money, never get healed, or the absolute worst thing, which I would have to say is losing one of my children. What will happen to me if those happen, and more importantly, how will I handle it? Well, of course I can speculate, saying that I would be alright with no money, for some solution would arrive, or that there is no doubt that losing a child would push me over the edge and that would surely be the end of me. These are all simply speculations, when in reality, I have no clue as to what would happen to me if these things happened. My point is, playing the "what if" game will only guarantee you will live in fear...period.



So if I am to live in this world, with all the things that could possibly happen, how can I not be completely consumed with the fear? Or more importantly, how can I help the world stay away from speculating what will happen to them beyond this exact moment? I can encourage you to replace the fear with a recognition of what is happening on this particular day, and how you in fact can change the direction of the world just by your attitude. If I am on a plane that is going down, I would want to be around someone who is sitting quietly praying, not jumping around screaming, thinking that will surely keep the plane from crashing.......and that is in no way saying that this world is doomed, and we need to just sit and accept that fact. I'm only stating that you can either choose to hang onto the chaos and fear, or the people who choose to live in chaos and fear, or you can make it a point to choose wisely those people in your life that will build you up, comfort you, try to understand and accept you without judgement or ridicule, and of course more importantly, you can choose to become one of those people who recognize the good in others, and realize the power of positive comments and kindness.



Life is way to short, and time is precious. Much too precious to dwell on what you don't have or what could happen as opposed to all the good things to experience in this life. So I believe a sure fire way in which to stay away from fear each day, and I'm speaking fear of the unknown, is to learn to live in the moment. And you can think this is another new age flower child speaking, or a miss mary sunshine who really doesn't understand what true pain and suffering is all about.....but of course you would be very wrong.

So what if you could change the world by transforming your fear into gratefulness for what is.....and what could be? And just remember, fear and desperation cause the world to become stagnant. When you live in fear and focus on the negative in life, that permeates the minds of those around you. When you live in love, hope, kindness and appreciation for those people and things around you.....it ultimately changes the energy of the earth. Talk about going green!!!!!