As much fun as coaching is from my big chair, with coffee in hand and the world outside my window at sunrise......there is some sense to my madness. The day doesn't begin until I've sifted through and cleaned up my own worries, fears and frustrations, and settling with a strong sense of gratitude before sifting through someone elses life. For no matter what ails me, someone out there is 10 time more worried, fearful and frustrated and searching for help.
My trusting journal takes on so many thoughts of mine, with words filling up the page, pages filling up a book awaiting its final destination.........on the shelf with the rest of my life. Just think, someday my journals could be sitting on someone elses shelf waiting to be read. Their favorite passtime will be picking through the life of Cindylee. Will it be entertaining, sad, intriguing, exciting, tragic? Probably all of those but I would hope more than anything it might be inspirational.
After journaling, another cup of coffee and freeing up my mind for the day, I see that my inbox is full of messages. Interesting though, not so much from just friends staying in touch, but with people I've yet to correspond with, searching for someone to share their story with. I put my coaching hat on, squirm in the big chair until I get comfortable and strap myself in for a new adventure. Stopping for a moment to ask God to check my head and heart, making sure none of this is about me......for I'm not seeking approval or recognition......only to be a witness. To be a witness, or the kind of witness I strive to be, I must clear my mind, let go of the ego or self or any expectations of getting anything....just giving.
The messages range from several pages long to a few paragraphs......all written in hopes that someone has the time to just read it and hopefully feel the frustration, pain, heartache, loss...etc. Not to necessarily fix.....just read. And since I'm in my big chair, there are no time limits.....I can read it over and over again, looking for clues or suggestions of how I might approach that person.......with no concern of any interruptions. Though another message could pop up at anytime, and they do.......I can send a quick message letting them know I'm there, and will get to them within the next few minutes.
I never was very good at juggling, because I do have a shade of ADD......but always manage to work out a system that works for me.....and when you're dealing with alot of chronically ill people who are homebound looking for an outlet for their pain, knowing they are probably also in their pajama's.....its makes it alot more fun. Sometimes it feels as if we have this world all to ourselves. Theres the normal people......or who we think are normal because they get dressed up and drive somewhere to work living the american dream, and then there are the extraordinary people like me, who haven't necessarily chosen to be at home in their pajama's......but have no other choice.
Makes life so much more fun if I see those that are chronically ill as extraordinary. I believe "being sick" has been given a bad rap actually. That group of people who need to be pitied because they are physically or emotionally limited........are actually the chosen to make the rest of the world learn the meaning of gratefulness. YIKES.........did I just come up with a quote there? Excuse me while I write that down in my journal!!!!!!!
Monday, July 7, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Pin Stripe or Cherries
The clock reads 6a.m. and the sun has not yet crept under the blinds making it's debut. Too soon. I roll over wondering, first thing as always, "did I sleep at all last night?" I usually have a pretty vivid dream to remember, wishing I had put a notebook on the nightstand so I could take notes of who, what, and where. Nevermind.....if I lie there long enough I can remember at least some details.
It's not cold in the room, but still I scrunch in a ball feeling the soft quilt against my cheek, realizing whether or not I slept enough, it's still time to move around or I'll be stuck in a position that later will be painful to get out of. It's ok. I know that once I get moving towards the kitchen to plug in the percolator, I'll soon smell the coffee brewing. A quick pass to the bathroom to relieve myself, a splash of cold water on my face, and noticing whether or not it hurts to walk across the floor, I return to the kitchen and decide what to put my coffee in. Tea cup, Rembrant mug, or Bybee pottery........depends on what is appealing to the eye that day. It's probably stupid, but the coffee tastes different depending on what you put it in. Today I chose the tea cup. Coffee stays hotter longer, probably because it doesn't hold much.
The bread is sliced, though reluctantly. I promise myself I'm going to slice it before I go to bed at night.......but I get lazy. The bed is calling me by 9p.m.........so much so all I can think about is my head hitting the pillow. I search for the spread and jelly, never having kept it in the same place. I believe there are elves in the frig either trying to drive me crazy, or snacking when I'm asleep, for I can never just reach in and find it. I put the bread in the toaster hoping I don't burn my hand, while wondering if it wouldn't be a good idea to wait until I have coffee to make the toast . Nah. First cup of coffee has to have toast with it...period.
My tray is brass, but so old that it's stained. I've tried several times to clean it, but gave up and just keep it covered now with a dishtowel or cloth napkin. I've used it for about 10 years now.......one of those things that makes me feel english I suppose.
The coffee is through perking.....blupe...blupe blupe....blupe....blupe blupe.......the light on the pot turns green which means GO. GO and get your first cup you addict. I could learn to do without, but it wouldn't be a pretty sight....because it's the one thing that actually gets me out of bed in the morning. If the coffee can were empty, I would either stay in bed until I felt like too big of a slug to stay there, or I'd go into the kitchen and find something that had caffiene in it. Fortunately I keep some backup Earl Grey thats fullblown. That will get the job done, but still not the same as the coffee. Or drastic measures might consist of a trip to the nearest MacDonalds. Bottom line, caffiene is needed at 6a.m. without fail.
Too early for the news, too early for music, so I open the blinds, wait for the sun to come up and push the on button on my laptop that I keep on the big chair in my living room. I call it the big chair because it is very big. Can hold two people easy, but very comfortable for just me, my computer and my coffee tray. I ease into it wearing my pajama's with big cherries and frills on the end of the pants leg and sleeves. I think I look quite cute in them actually, and just the thing to wear while doing the one thing I love best, coaching.
It's not cold in the room, but still I scrunch in a ball feeling the soft quilt against my cheek, realizing whether or not I slept enough, it's still time to move around or I'll be stuck in a position that later will be painful to get out of. It's ok. I know that once I get moving towards the kitchen to plug in the percolator, I'll soon smell the coffee brewing. A quick pass to the bathroom to relieve myself, a splash of cold water on my face, and noticing whether or not it hurts to walk across the floor, I return to the kitchen and decide what to put my coffee in. Tea cup, Rembrant mug, or Bybee pottery........depends on what is appealing to the eye that day. It's probably stupid, but the coffee tastes different depending on what you put it in. Today I chose the tea cup. Coffee stays hotter longer, probably because it doesn't hold much.
The bread is sliced, though reluctantly. I promise myself I'm going to slice it before I go to bed at night.......but I get lazy. The bed is calling me by 9p.m.........so much so all I can think about is my head hitting the pillow. I search for the spread and jelly, never having kept it in the same place. I believe there are elves in the frig either trying to drive me crazy, or snacking when I'm asleep, for I can never just reach in and find it. I put the bread in the toaster hoping I don't burn my hand, while wondering if it wouldn't be a good idea to wait until I have coffee to make the toast . Nah. First cup of coffee has to have toast with it...period.
My tray is brass, but so old that it's stained. I've tried several times to clean it, but gave up and just keep it covered now with a dishtowel or cloth napkin. I've used it for about 10 years now.......one of those things that makes me feel english I suppose.
The coffee is through perking.....blupe...blupe blupe....blupe....blupe blupe.......the light on the pot turns green which means GO. GO and get your first cup you addict. I could learn to do without, but it wouldn't be a pretty sight....because it's the one thing that actually gets me out of bed in the morning. If the coffee can were empty, I would either stay in bed until I felt like too big of a slug to stay there, or I'd go into the kitchen and find something that had caffiene in it. Fortunately I keep some backup Earl Grey thats fullblown. That will get the job done, but still not the same as the coffee. Or drastic measures might consist of a trip to the nearest MacDonalds. Bottom line, caffiene is needed at 6a.m. without fail.
Too early for the news, too early for music, so I open the blinds, wait for the sun to come up and push the on button on my laptop that I keep on the big chair in my living room. I call it the big chair because it is very big. Can hold two people easy, but very comfortable for just me, my computer and my coffee tray. I ease into it wearing my pajama's with big cherries and frills on the end of the pants leg and sleeves. I think I look quite cute in them actually, and just the thing to wear while doing the one thing I love best, coaching.
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