Trying VS. Allowing

According to Webster; Try; to subject to a severe test or strain. Now compare it with allow; to let do, happen; permit; to acknowledge as true or valid. Now I don't know about you, but it seems as if there is much hard work with trying, as opposed to gently going through life allowing. Granted there is nothing wrong with trying to be your best, trying to do the right thing, trying to get it right.......but for me it brings with it a hint of self, ego, or pushing something that shouldn't or can't be pushed. That the actual act of trying goes against those things that come naturally, if allowed. It's as if you are pressing to reach perfection, which I believe happens only through nature, like watching the petals of a rose fold out into the open air. That is true perfection. Or watching a newborn baby grasp your finger without even knowing what they're doing. That is perfection.

When you see those two things happen, there is no trying involved....but only allowing something to reveal itself. Beauty from the rose, and love from the newborn. And of course these are only two examples of perfection on this earth that come from allowing, I'm sure you could add thousands to the list. But my point here is not necessarily about roses and babies, but how hard our life can be when we are focused on trying, instead of allowing. Maybe the trick here, is to be able to discern the difference between the two.

I suppose it might be easier for me, because I can physically tell the difference between the two, most likely due to my physical limitations. When you've been forced to weed out those things in your life that drain or challenge your energy or strength, in order to just stay afloat physically, you become extremely sensitive to internal drives as well as external forces. I can sense in my body the moment something goes from allowing to trying, because the energy is immediately affected. So, it's as if I have an internal alarm that goes off when I move into energy overload. And actually I think we are all equipped with that alarm, it's just that people who are well, will allow themselves to get close to the danger zone because they can physically handle it. I myself easily crash and burn, with days or months ahead of recooping from the stress. And that's not to say it's bad or good.....it just is.

So, I'm sure by now you're asking yourself if you spend your life trying or allowing........and you know how I feel about that........good place to start. Now....after you start to ask yourself which umbrella you fall under, can you get a sense of why you choose to try as opposed to allowing? And can you really see how they both resonate within your gut? I can say to myself that I will try to do something, but when I say that, my face even gets scrunched up, believing that if I push and strain, I will in fact accomplish my goal. If I say that I'm going to allow something in my life, it's a completely different sensation. It's a more gentle and accepting word, that is yielding and forgiving if the goal is not accomplished in the end. That I don't have to expect perfection, or heaven forbid, beat myself up if things don't turn out the way I think they NEED to turn out.

Allowing yourself to work on something implies a recognition that you are not perfect, nor seeking perfection, but only seeing something you want to pursue, and putting your best foot forward "gently". WOW.......that just blew over me like a gentle breeze, with only positive words.......nothing demanding, nor pessimistic, nor judgemental. As if a child asked her mother if she could make the cake herself, and her mother responding in a positive way like....."Absolutely you can make the cake, may I help you?" Which implies even though she realizes this will be the first time for the child, and it may be a little diffcult, but she instills in the child that there's nothing wrong with her wanting to make the cake, and that if she needs any help, her mom is right there to guide her.

What a completely different world we would live in today if everyone had that attitude........and you can see clearly, it makes all the difference in how we look at goals and challenges we face everyday. Now this doesn't mean you have to completely throw out the word try, and replace it with the word allow. Even though there would be nothing wrong with "allowing" yourself to "try" that. But maybe if you knew in your own head from now on, when you use the word try, that your attitude about the word is a bit different. Your brow is not scrunched, you don't feel a sensation of pushing, or demanding that you reach a particular goal, or else.

It actually gives you permission to be kind and gentle towards yourself if you don't reach your goal. As if you've provided a soft place to land if things don't turn out the way you thought they needed to. This seems a much gentler way to navigate through life, for yourself, as well as those around you. For as much as we demand and expect for ourselves to achieve, it's just as easy to demand and expect others to as well......and in this day and age........we all deserve a nice soft place to land.

If Only

It is SO easy to go through life believing that outside forces get in our way of those things we believe we're supposed to have and enjoy while we're on this earth. Even basing our level of peace and happiness on things like money, location, our job, and especially on those around us and their behavior. Do any of these sound familiar?

1.if only I had more money
2.if only my spouse would give me what I need
3.if only I had a different job
3.if only I weren't sick
4.if only I were thinner
5.if only I had more discipline in my life
6.if only a loved one had not died
7.if only I had a new car
8.if only I had a child
9.if only I lived on an island

Well.....as you can see I've only mentioned 8, but there is no doubt in my mind that you could add another 20 or so. But no need for fretting, for we all do this to some degree. Of course the important thing is how much we do it, and how long we stay in that mindset. It's important to also realize that when we do focus on "if only's"......it can and will steal our ability to experience true peace and joy in our lives, because we're focus of what we think we want or need, instead of what we presently have in this moment.

Yes....this probably is another lecture on the term "living in the moment". But, I believe we can read it, think it, and even say it outloud, but it doesn't necessarily mean that we truly "get it", so that we can ultimately apply it to our everyday lives. I believe we get stuck when we see our lives as lacking in some way....that there's one magical element that will help us complete the picture to our satisfaction. The perfect mate, the job that makes us feel brilliant and successful with respect and recognition from our peers, the perfect body for others to see and envy, the new fancy car that makes us look like we have an abundance of money and the perfect life.........you want me to go on?

Now, first up.......there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting or having these things, but I think the trick here, is to be satisfied with what you have instead of believing that those things will solve life's struggles or frustrations. We spend time praying, asking, or wishing for a particular thing or person, and most often receive it, but instead of relishing or appreciating the fact that you've received it, you're on to the next thing, never really feeling satisfied or content with what you have in front of you. I'm asking myself at this moment, is that all there is to life.....striving, wishing, expecting the next thing that will hopefully fulfill my life to my satisfaction? If that's our reality, then do we actually reach a point where we have all our baskets full and overflowing, wanting for nothing?

Well, of course that would be the ultimate.....being able to say to yourself, "I'm completely satisfied, and can finally be content with what I have in front of me". But in fact, if you stay in the land of the If Only's.......you will never experience that level of contentment. It's as if you completely forget the days, months, or years before this moment, you were asking, wishing, or praying for this particular thing you felt would bring you happiness, joy, or fulfillment. You received it, but forgot to recognize or express gratefulness that you received it......so you're on to the next thing. I'm sure you've heard the expression, be careful what you ask for, you may surely get it............well, it's true. It reminds you to search for the meaning and truth behind your desires in life. Is it what you truly believe is missing in your life, or something that you see other's experience, and think you need to follow suit?

My point? To pay careful attention to those moments of seeking the next thing, wondering "if only" my life were different, better.....whatever you see that's missing in your life, and begin to notice those things that are right in front of you......the prayers, wishes, desires that you dreamed of having, and have in fact already received. For being in a constant state of appreciating "what is" in your life, will ultimately open the door to what comes next for you, not the "if only's". Wondering, speculating, and expecting because you are unhappy with the present moment, is completely different than wondering, speculating and expecting good things to come just because they're good things...period.

I wonder what would happen if you practiced gratefulness for this very moment, soaking up every inch of already receiving what you asked for, and knowing that it's ok to desire certain things for your future, but not believing that "one" thing is what will make sense of your world and provide the love, happiness, peace and joy you need so badly.

What Is It?

Is there something bugging you lately? Something you wish you could stand on a podium in the middle of main street somewhere and shout it out, whatever it is? Did you wake up this morning wondering, what in the heck am I doing? Is this my life, or did I just get caught up in something that seemed right, and decided to settle? Did I venture down a road because of loneliness, impatience, confusion...etc? Did I say yes to something for the wrong reasons? Do I continue to say yes because all hell would break loose if I stood up and said what I really feel? Or because I would be left lone, naked and vulnerable, if I really spoke the truth?

Yikes......heavy stuff for a Monday morning, but I think we all at some point have this very conversation in our heads. I think this, if anything, falls under the umbrella of normalcy. We backtrack wondering if the right decision was made, or if we're wasting our time, or our lives, with doing something we really don't want to do. We start wondering if our motives or intentions were in line, whether we were living in truth, instead of giving in to something or someone. We wondered at the time if we were up to the challenge, whatever it was, but instead of waiting, learning patience, or getting more information, we decided to take a nose-dive, hoping and praying we would be ok.

So.....we went down a road......even though there were no clear signs to guide us, usually because there wasn't anything else better that came along, so we settled. We felt lost, confused, with no focus or purpose.....looking and searching for that situation that would make us "feel" right, good, or complete. If there were any red flags that flew up, we ignored them completely. Didn't matter what they were, how they made us feel, what they involved......we decided to continue. We didn't take into consideration where the road might lead, what we might have to face, or if maybe we should re-think the whole situation........still made the choice to move ahead no matter what.

Just in case you're wondering, this IS in fact the most appropriate time to ask yourself, what is it? What is it that I jumped into without thinking? What was it I said yes to, when I knew in my gut I was saying it for the wrong reasons? What do I expect to happen if I continue down this road without really looking at my true and real reasons for being here? How does my uncertainty about my decision actually affect those around me?

Now you may not have clarity right now about what it is that's gnawing at your gut, or maybe you're one of the lucky or more fortunate people who have a gut that is in fact at peace, with no regret, no fear, no worry, not wondering if you are in fact going down the right path. That's very admirable, but I still believe if you are human, you're going to be at some time in your life, faced with the fact that you made an unwise decision. You know what.....it's ok....it really is. It's even ok if you've made more than one, if not many. That, in fact, is part of the human condition.........just part of life. It's not my place, or anyone elses to place judgement on those decisions, I'll leave that up to God. I've made enough of my own to keep me from pointing the finger outward.

My point here is not to make you feel bad, or to encourage you to spend the day searching for something to question yourself about, or to beat yourself up for maybe jumping into something you weren't quite ready for, or for settling for something instead of waiting. There is really no way to completely safeguard yourself from making mistakes, so you might as well embrace the ones you made, no matter how serious they were, because it's done and over with. Trust me, if there were a way in which to go back and repair some of the damage I've done over the past several years, I would at least try, but since that's not possible, I'll move ahead with at least making an attempt to see clearly, my motives and intentions in making my future decisions. I will make it a point to watch and beware of red flags that speak of warning up ahead, take the time to see what I'm trying to satisfy in making a particular decision, or ultimately, how my decision will not only affect my life, but those around me that I love the most.

So if you're brave enough to ask yourself this morning.....what is it? Then you've been able to do something that a lot of people will never do or want to do.....stop in the middle of the road, take a deep breathe, and just simply ask yourself, am I sure this is the direction I want to go? Does this road speak the truth about who I really am, my desires, my goals, my beliefs, my faith in God? Or does it simply say I'll choose this road because it seems right, it's got some good perks, or it will make people think I know what I'm doing?

I'll leave these questions for you to ponder, even on a Monday morning.

What Do You Want?

Wow.....what a question huh? I bet when you read those words, you are so surprised that someone even asked you, you're not quite sure what to think, or how to respond, right? I'm sure many things come to mind like, more money, a new job, a soulmate, a house, a new car, to lose weight......and the list goes on. It's interesting that most of these things fall under the "stuff" category, as opposed to some non-tangible item, like peace, joy, contentment, better attitude, more patience, more understanding, and a spirit of forgiveness or giving to others. In a world that tries to make you feel like you need to want or buy the next thing in order to be happy and fulfilled, it's hard to think about those non-tangibles. We live in a society where stuff means you're successful, stuff means you're cool to those around you, stuff means you're safe from anything bad happening to you. Well...I hate to tell you this, but according to my friend Webster, he believes the word stuff to mean; worthless objects; refuse; junk. If you don't believe me....look for yourself.

Now you can see why he is my most trusted associate, because if there's any question in my mind about the true meaning behind a word, I know he is the one to ask. There is usually no beating around the bush, no speculating on my part, or twisting it to fit the occasion.......he gets right to the point. So.....without further ado......I'll get right to the point about stuff. Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting certain things while you're here......especially a nice home, a nice car, a good and faithful spouse, children to raise and enjoy, so I'm not determined to rain on your parade here, but only to help you stop and think about those things that are most important to you while you're here on this earth. After all, I do believe that God has wonderful things for us all to experience while we're here, but he also wants to make sure we focus our attention and desires on those things that are the most meaningful.....those things that last, and those things that bring us the most contentment and joy.

Seems like this would be a very easy thing to do during this time of recession, and honestly I have seen some areas where people have made some changes. And you can tell from all the reports on our economy, that people are starting to re-think what they want, and what they buy. Of course it would be nice for people to assess their real true needs without being forced to because of a recession, but that's another subject we'll save for later. So whether you feel forced to see things differently, or want to because you yourself have caught a glimpse of desiring too much stuff, it doesn't really matter. What really matters at this moment is for you to just sit with the question.......what do you want, and see what comes up for you.

I believe that we allow society to dictate what we should want and have.....all you have to do is turn on the television and see that. And it's very easy to get caught up in what people around you are doing, buying, experiencing.....etc.....believing that you are supposed to follow suit, whether you have the money or not. If you don't have the money in front of you, then get a credit card.....free money when you want it right? Well....we both know the real answer to that one. All the "stuff" looks really good, and you feel you work hard, and deserve whatever it is that suits your fancy. A bigger television, a nicer car, a bigger house, fancy clothes, dining out whenever you want to.......the list goes on and on. So in fact your life becomes more about what you can accumulate, than being satisfied with what you already have. You've been tricked into thinking, more is more......so you seek more stuff. All in the hopes of "fitting in", and looking successful to those around you. It becomes all about how you "appear" to the outside world, not about who you really are. The stuff that you accumulate does not and never will equal who you are as a person.

I know.....another "ouch" subject. And the only reason why I can write this at all, is because I am quite often privy to so many people that are so wrapped up in their stuff, or accumulating more stuff, and what it takes for them to have it, and are completely stressed out because of what it takes in order for them to keep up with it all. I'm sorry but that makes absolutely no sense to me at all. If you have to completely wear yourself out in order to have the money to have or to keep your stuff, when or how are you able to enjoy anything at all?

So ask yourself some questions here. What difference would it make if I decided to let something go that is not really a neccessity? What would happen to my stress level if I just stopped spending money on those things that are not really needed in order for me to get through this next week, month, or year?What would happen to my level of peace and joy if I let go of trying to keep up with my friends or peers and just said no? Wonder what it would be like to wake up and not be worried about what I want and can't have, and thought about what I do have and experienced a comfortable state of mind?

I can tell you one thing that would happen, that you probably have not considered. You making conscious decisions to look at your life differently, so that you're not constantly worried and stressed out, will make a huge statement to those around you....... because whether you believe this or not, most of your friends and peers are going through the same exact thing, and don't have the courage to say......no more.

So, I will ask you again........What Do You Want?