Keep in mind this is not about perfection, for no matter how hard you try, you will never reach that position in life. We were perfectly made, but not made to be perfect, if that makes any sense at all. And the moment you realize that your struggle in life has been about reaching that point where all the stars line up perfectly, you have all the money you need, the complete recognition and respect of those around you, the perfect marriage, children, and nothing bad can ever happen to you again, and still no peace comes.......then you will realize how off balance your focus has been.
I think this is why people die with regret, or fear dying with regret. It's not so much about why you are dying, or that you are dying, as much as it is about what you spent your life worrying about and missed out on the most while you had the chance. And of course at these moments, you can't do anything but feel sorry....sorry for yourself, sorry for those you leave behind, sorry for taking advantage of all the good things that you had while you were living.....just sorry. What a very sad place to be. A place I would rather not be honestly.
So....with all this being said, and letting go of the truth about reaching perfection, or not reaching it rather, how do we learn how to die to self in a healthy way, where we can honestly find a position of humility, a sense of otherness, and a spirit of giving as opposed to getting what we want? Actually, as the saying goes, the most important aspect of change, is recognizing that the desire to change is there. Like waking up to realize where you left something months ago, and now can head straight to it. You had forgotten that you had even lost it, so it has more importance or meaning to you now.
The first thing for me was to actually realize that we were all perfectly made...period. My own personal position is that God doesn't make mistakes.....but once we hit the earth, and were given free will, it's up to us as to how much we want to depend on him to guide the way. We can even start off that way as a child, but I think the power of free will is so very strong, that we can't resist doing things our way.......no matter the end result. Now if I realize we all came into the world this way, right up front it allows me to fall back into a position of humility. I am no better or worse than the next person......we are simply the same. There is no need for me to feel less than or more than anyone. It's actually quite comforting to realize this, because there is no need to compete for position, we all have within us qualities that are genuinely important and necessary in this life. If you look at all the jobs that are covered on the earth, it makes you realize there is actually a person that takes care of each position, whether you're a banker, or a trash collector. There are millions of jobs that have to be done just to keep the world going, and magically someone shows up for each one. Pretty cool, right?
So, even if I am not able to do anything but write this blog, be there for those around me in some way, offer a sense of peace, joy and acceptance when I'm out and about.......I am in fact filling a position in life. May not seem like much to the next person, but what I do I take very seriously, and wake up each day asking myself, how can I be of service, even with my own personal limitations. I don't ask, now what I can get today......but what can I give. And maybe that's the place to start. Seemingly so very simple, but yet so very powerful at the same time. After all, dying to self doesn't have to be rocket science, it's really just about that........changing our thoughts from taking to giving, from receiving to offering, from grasping to gentleness, from resentment to loving, from unforgiveness to mercy.........well the list goes one. We could all make up our own list of what we wake up to each morning and what we push to understand or realize. What difference would it make if you decided to go from pushing to a more gentler way of being?
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Monday, November 9, 2015
Dying to Self
One of THE hardest things to learn in life, is how to die to self. What do I mean by that? Why on earth would someone want the self to die? After all, am I not here on this earth to get what I want, when I want it, and how I want it? Everyone around me gets what they want, so I should be entitled as well, right? All seemingly good questions that deserve good answers, but still is it a good enough reason to follow this path of dying to self? I suppose the biggest question is, what am I'm going to have to give up in order to actually die to self, without being sure what will be gained in the interim?
Actually, I thought the same thing when I first read this term. It didn't sound like an easy thing to do, and if there was no gain, I wasn't sure I was so interested in trying. However, the more I read, and actually tried it out, the more I understood what it really meant, and how it could change my life for the better. After all, sticking with the status quo had not worked too well so far, so I was ready for something different. And it wasn't so much about what I didn't have, but more about how I wanted to experience my life while I'm here as far as peace of mind, contentment and happiness.
Dying to self has to do with letting go of our tight hold on our position in life, who we are, what we do, recognition, how much money we have, where we live, the people we know, and keeping that at the forefront more often than not. It's about striving for more instead of being content with less. And yes I know, no one likes to hear the word less when it comes to anything. After all, we work very hard to arrive at that perfect place we think will bring us all that we want in life, so it would seem counter productive to change my way of thinking at this point right? But what happens when you stay in that striving mode, pushing to get what you think you deserve, but in the midst of the struggle, you lose any real peace or contentment, or even satisfaction with who you are, how you feel, what you need to feel loved or valued, or even if you truly value yourself?
Dying to self can also be seen or felt by learning the meaning of humility. Here' Websters definition......humility: a modest view of one's own importance....meekness. So I guess a more clearer view or understanding of dying to self is more about allowing your "self" to fade to the background a bit, to get a better idea of how unimportant you are. After all, it's only right to realize that there are people around us who have more authority, status, reputation, rank....whatever the case may be, and that has to be OK. Just as we have more than others in a lower position. I suppose this is primarily about seeing yourself and others as equal......no one person is better than anyone else. They may higher position.....but that does not equal more valid in the bigger scheme of things.
So again, you ask, what is the point or what would be accomplished by this exercise? What I found is that that when I seek humility, or die to the self, if allows me to be more accepting, compassionate and gentle towards others, no matter their position, especially when their position attitude wise is different than mine, which is often more challenging than a class or work position. And, I find that the more accepting i am of others, then the easier and more gentle my life becomes, which is ultimately my own personal goal at this point in my life. Of course I think that anyone can adopt this attitude, young or old....doesn't matter. I honestly wish I had heard of and understood this position more clearly when I was younger, for it would have made my life a lot easier in the long run. But we all learn things in our own timing......and I can for sure still put it to good use.
More on dying to self tomorrow.
Actually, I thought the same thing when I first read this term. It didn't sound like an easy thing to do, and if there was no gain, I wasn't sure I was so interested in trying. However, the more I read, and actually tried it out, the more I understood what it really meant, and how it could change my life for the better. After all, sticking with the status quo had not worked too well so far, so I was ready for something different. And it wasn't so much about what I didn't have, but more about how I wanted to experience my life while I'm here as far as peace of mind, contentment and happiness.
Dying to self has to do with letting go of our tight hold on our position in life, who we are, what we do, recognition, how much money we have, where we live, the people we know, and keeping that at the forefront more often than not. It's about striving for more instead of being content with less. And yes I know, no one likes to hear the word less when it comes to anything. After all, we work very hard to arrive at that perfect place we think will bring us all that we want in life, so it would seem counter productive to change my way of thinking at this point right? But what happens when you stay in that striving mode, pushing to get what you think you deserve, but in the midst of the struggle, you lose any real peace or contentment, or even satisfaction with who you are, how you feel, what you need to feel loved or valued, or even if you truly value yourself?
Dying to self can also be seen or felt by learning the meaning of humility. Here' Websters definition......humility: a modest view of one's own importance....meekness. So I guess a more clearer view or understanding of dying to self is more about allowing your "self" to fade to the background a bit, to get a better idea of how unimportant you are. After all, it's only right to realize that there are people around us who have more authority, status, reputation, rank....whatever the case may be, and that has to be OK. Just as we have more than others in a lower position. I suppose this is primarily about seeing yourself and others as equal......no one person is better than anyone else. They may higher position.....but that does not equal more valid in the bigger scheme of things.
So again, you ask, what is the point or what would be accomplished by this exercise? What I found is that that when I seek humility, or die to the self, if allows me to be more accepting, compassionate and gentle towards others, no matter their position, especially when their position attitude wise is different than mine, which is often more challenging than a class or work position. And, I find that the more accepting i am of others, then the easier and more gentle my life becomes, which is ultimately my own personal goal at this point in my life. Of course I think that anyone can adopt this attitude, young or old....doesn't matter. I honestly wish I had heard of and understood this position more clearly when I was younger, for it would have made my life a lot easier in the long run. But we all learn things in our own timing......and I can for sure still put it to good use.
More on dying to self tomorrow.
Saturday, November 7, 2015
Today I Choose Happiness
We all wake up each morning and within minutes, our minds are off and running for the day, so why not choose to start off the day with a big dose of happiness. Of course I realize you've immediately come up with reasons why there is no way possible to do this.......because. I'm sure we could all come up with a list of whys, with varying degrees of physical pain and suffering, loss of a loved one, fear of losing a job or relationship, loss of income, losing your home..........the list goes on. But I think if you want to start the day off differently, with all the positive and good things that you have in your life, it is more than possible to wake up and choose happiness.
Maybe we don't feel like we can in good conscience experience happiness when something awful is going on, for it simply wouldn't make sense or be appropriate behavior, at least not to us, and for sure not for those around us. If we're miserable or in a bad way, then our countenance must show this clearly, right? We must let those around us know how much pain we are in so they can pity us, which is most likely the usual stance we feel we must take in order to make our pain be known. And this is not a deplorable condition, or one we should be embarrassed to confess to, it's just usually what happens. But again......what IF we realized that we could choose to be a different way? And if we could, why would we? Where is the gain is letting go of the usual, and trying something new?
Probably the most profound thing that happens when you step outside yourself and how you normally react to a situation, is that you get a new perspective not only for yourself, but for those around you. Now granted, there is nothing wrong with offering compassion or feeling compassion, but after that, its basically up to each of us to decide at some point how to move forward. In other words, we can either feel defeated, downtrodden and hopeless completely void of any happiness in life because of our "stuff" that weighs us down, or we can find ways to endure hardships in a different way, a more productive way, a more gentle way. After all, God knows, whatever the hardship is, we certainly get nowhere by beating ourselves up with guilt and expectations, but could most likely, at the least, feel better emotionally if we find something good in the midst of the rubble. And yes.....I have learned through the years there are in fact good things left behind when the bottom drops out.
We do this by this one simple word.......choose. And even if at this point you don't believe that such a little word can make a difference, I challenge you to at least try once and see what happens. Like distracting a child that just scratched their knee with an ice cream cone, turning a frown and sadness into a big smile, we can do the same, just by using that one simple word.....choose. Which means you are deciding ahead of time, before your mind has a chance to tell you how awful things are, to find some good things to focus on. And before you've decided there is really nothing you can find to feel positive about, and would rather make your list of the bad things, remember this. What you're about to try can and will not only help you, but will invariably help someone close to you as well......because you see when your bottom falls out, and the pain is too much to bear, someone else is watching this and how you behave or react to those things.
Why should I care about that, you think? Well, if you are completely and totally focused on yourself, then you will have already decided you have no need to wonder about something so abstract, or have any such desire to learn how to flip the switch and choose happiness. You haven't made the connection that if you choose happiness, then those around you will notice, and want to do the same, or at the least moved in some way to pass on. This is how love and happiness works in the world. You will not experience it unless you choose to feel it yourself, without any outside help or influence, and release it out towards those around you.
So for the next few days, as your body wakes up in the early hours, and starts to slip into that mode of how you're going to endure the day with all the bad things that are going on, immediately switch on your search engine and find at least a couple of things that you are thankful for.....happy about....look forward to seeing that day.......anything that brings happiness to the mind, body and soul. After all, we are the ones that are in charge of where our minds will go at any given time and place, so take advantage of that and choose happiness.
Maybe we don't feel like we can in good conscience experience happiness when something awful is going on, for it simply wouldn't make sense or be appropriate behavior, at least not to us, and for sure not for those around us. If we're miserable or in a bad way, then our countenance must show this clearly, right? We must let those around us know how much pain we are in so they can pity us, which is most likely the usual stance we feel we must take in order to make our pain be known. And this is not a deplorable condition, or one we should be embarrassed to confess to, it's just usually what happens. But again......what IF we realized that we could choose to be a different way? And if we could, why would we? Where is the gain is letting go of the usual, and trying something new?
Probably the most profound thing that happens when you step outside yourself and how you normally react to a situation, is that you get a new perspective not only for yourself, but for those around you. Now granted, there is nothing wrong with offering compassion or feeling compassion, but after that, its basically up to each of us to decide at some point how to move forward. In other words, we can either feel defeated, downtrodden and hopeless completely void of any happiness in life because of our "stuff" that weighs us down, or we can find ways to endure hardships in a different way, a more productive way, a more gentle way. After all, God knows, whatever the hardship is, we certainly get nowhere by beating ourselves up with guilt and expectations, but could most likely, at the least, feel better emotionally if we find something good in the midst of the rubble. And yes.....I have learned through the years there are in fact good things left behind when the bottom drops out.
We do this by this one simple word.......choose. And even if at this point you don't believe that such a little word can make a difference, I challenge you to at least try once and see what happens. Like distracting a child that just scratched their knee with an ice cream cone, turning a frown and sadness into a big smile, we can do the same, just by using that one simple word.....choose. Which means you are deciding ahead of time, before your mind has a chance to tell you how awful things are, to find some good things to focus on. And before you've decided there is really nothing you can find to feel positive about, and would rather make your list of the bad things, remember this. What you're about to try can and will not only help you, but will invariably help someone close to you as well......because you see when your bottom falls out, and the pain is too much to bear, someone else is watching this and how you behave or react to those things.
Why should I care about that, you think? Well, if you are completely and totally focused on yourself, then you will have already decided you have no need to wonder about something so abstract, or have any such desire to learn how to flip the switch and choose happiness. You haven't made the connection that if you choose happiness, then those around you will notice, and want to do the same, or at the least moved in some way to pass on. This is how love and happiness works in the world. You will not experience it unless you choose to feel it yourself, without any outside help or influence, and release it out towards those around you.
So for the next few days, as your body wakes up in the early hours, and starts to slip into that mode of how you're going to endure the day with all the bad things that are going on, immediately switch on your search engine and find at least a couple of things that you are thankful for.....happy about....look forward to seeing that day.......anything that brings happiness to the mind, body and soul. After all, we are the ones that are in charge of where our minds will go at any given time and place, so take advantage of that and choose happiness.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
A Different Thanksgiving
This is something that happens for me right before Halloween arrives........how do I want to handle the holidays, which I keep promising myself that at some point I will make a decision about and stick with it, but as I can see by my choice of subjects to blog about, that another year has rolled by and it's at the forefront ready and waiting for some plan of attack. Sadly there is one word that stands out already........handle. Handle for me means you have to exert a level of effort to deal with an unpleasant situation, which when you put it and Thanksgiving together it completely takes away any feel good that the day is supposed to bring. So what is it about the holidays that turns into something that has to be endured, and what can we do to eliminate it quickly?
First of all, the holidays for me start right as the pumpkins show up, and ends the day after new years, and though there are many things I adore about them, there is still a bit of sadness that goes along with them. Maybe it's because they bring up memories as far back as your childhood, that can run from precious and loving, to sad and disappointing. Of course the good ones are no problem, for it gives you a sense of excitement of rekindling memories, and hopefully making new ones for you and your family. However, if there were bad ones, you start trying to figure out in your mind all the ways you must try to not allow them to interrupt your present holidays with your family. So in comes the endurance of trying to guard yourself, caretake those who you would rather not have to handle during your gatherings, while watching the whole meaning of the holidays fly right out the window. So what is the answer this year? What needs to change in my mind so that I can feel more at ease, grateful and excited to get into the holiday spirit, and be able to pass that on to the rest of my family?
OK......so first thing......let go of past memories that were not so pleasant, and go in search of those things that were right about them. It can be anything as small as a favorite cookie that your mom made, to making paper chains for the tree with the kids, to the family taking a walk in the woods after the big meal. Anything that overpowers the unpleasant things that may have happened. I think one thing that we all do is to get caught up in expectations of what we think the holidays should look and feel like, and how others should act so that it fits our plans. So there is another word we can eliminate.......should. So, the jest here is, throwing out what we think is appropriate, to offer something that's easier, not so rigidly planned, and allows others to contribute in some way what might be meaningful or important to them as far as the holidays.
Thanksgiving you see has two words. Thanks....which we all know how to give thanks for all we have....but the other word sort of gets lost for some reason, and honestly is probably the most important part of the word. Giving........the outward gesture of something well meaning and good....kind and selfless....other focused.......which means we become more concerned about offering something to someone else because we care and love them. So is it more important to me that I get my way on Thanksgiving, because of tradition, and expect or demand that my meal has to be on the day, or can I be a little more flexible and recognize that my grown children have their own families now, and other relatives that are all wanting to keep their own traditions, and I don't care to see them spread themselves thin?
In other words.....what would happen if we decide to step aside and let others have their way? Or notice that we all have tradition we would like to keep, and think we should be able to keep, but offering a gift of allowing then to keep those traditions, while at the same time, finding new ways to experience the holidays that are more open, gentle, other focused and relaxed within your own home? What an amazing gift that would be to just let go of trying to handle the holidays, and simply embrace what they actually mean, and make some simple changes that would be noticed and appreciated.
So Thanksgiving is around the corner........what will you do to make this a "different" day for you and your family? For me.......I would really like to throw out the word endure and enjoy the holidays......simply, honestly, lovingly, generously, and with a giving spirit. I might not know exactly what that means right at this moment, but I'm on the lookout for it..........how about you?
First of all, the holidays for me start right as the pumpkins show up, and ends the day after new years, and though there are many things I adore about them, there is still a bit of sadness that goes along with them. Maybe it's because they bring up memories as far back as your childhood, that can run from precious and loving, to sad and disappointing. Of course the good ones are no problem, for it gives you a sense of excitement of rekindling memories, and hopefully making new ones for you and your family. However, if there were bad ones, you start trying to figure out in your mind all the ways you must try to not allow them to interrupt your present holidays with your family. So in comes the endurance of trying to guard yourself, caretake those who you would rather not have to handle during your gatherings, while watching the whole meaning of the holidays fly right out the window. So what is the answer this year? What needs to change in my mind so that I can feel more at ease, grateful and excited to get into the holiday spirit, and be able to pass that on to the rest of my family?
OK......so first thing......let go of past memories that were not so pleasant, and go in search of those things that were right about them. It can be anything as small as a favorite cookie that your mom made, to making paper chains for the tree with the kids, to the family taking a walk in the woods after the big meal. Anything that overpowers the unpleasant things that may have happened. I think one thing that we all do is to get caught up in expectations of what we think the holidays should look and feel like, and how others should act so that it fits our plans. So there is another word we can eliminate.......should. So, the jest here is, throwing out what we think is appropriate, to offer something that's easier, not so rigidly planned, and allows others to contribute in some way what might be meaningful or important to them as far as the holidays.
Thanksgiving you see has two words. Thanks....which we all know how to give thanks for all we have....but the other word sort of gets lost for some reason, and honestly is probably the most important part of the word. Giving........the outward gesture of something well meaning and good....kind and selfless....other focused.......which means we become more concerned about offering something to someone else because we care and love them. So is it more important to me that I get my way on Thanksgiving, because of tradition, and expect or demand that my meal has to be on the day, or can I be a little more flexible and recognize that my grown children have their own families now, and other relatives that are all wanting to keep their own traditions, and I don't care to see them spread themselves thin?
In other words.....what would happen if we decide to step aside and let others have their way? Or notice that we all have tradition we would like to keep, and think we should be able to keep, but offering a gift of allowing then to keep those traditions, while at the same time, finding new ways to experience the holidays that are more open, gentle, other focused and relaxed within your own home? What an amazing gift that would be to just let go of trying to handle the holidays, and simply embrace what they actually mean, and make some simple changes that would be noticed and appreciated.
So Thanksgiving is around the corner........what will you do to make this a "different" day for you and your family? For me.......I would really like to throw out the word endure and enjoy the holidays......simply, honestly, lovingly, generously, and with a giving spirit. I might not know exactly what that means right at this moment, but I'm on the lookout for it..........how about you?
Monday, November 2, 2015
Finding Balance in a Multi-tasking World
How does one find balance in a world that has created a new word that for me makes my head spin......multi-tasking. I couldn't even find it in the dictionary, so I'm led to believe in a world that is so busy, someone had to invent a word that describes the craziness. Of course you realize that once a word is incorporated into our daily lives, and we see what it actually involves on a daily basis, we feel the need to jump in and take part in the craziness. Is this the way God intended our lives to be? My answer....absolutely not. He never planned for any of us to do so many things at one time that we are run ragged to the point of not being able to simply enjoy the moments that are so precious......or that we used to consider precious. Whatever we find to keep us busy has allowed us to push aside those moments in hopes of keeping up with whoever or whatever the world dictates, not what we really and truly want.
I don't believe we intentionally mean to push those people and things aside, it just happens in a blink of an eye, all with the excuse of needing more money. Well, the problem with that, is obvious to me. The more money you make, the more money you spend, until your life is a vicious circle, gaining ground just to quickly lose it. And it's very easy as well to start spending money you don't have on credit, then finding the need to work even more to pay for those things we really didn't need, we just wanted. We get focused on a particular lifestyle we want to lead, and it becomes more about hanging onto that lifestyle then actually living a life where we enjoy the simple things like peace, joy, contentment and time to spend with those we love and care about.
So how to get out of this mode of spinning is the real question. Honestly it's really about choice. We really choose how busy we want to be, and it's usually based on how much money we need to live a certain lifestyle. Some people want a lot of nice things and the freedom to go or do whatever they want, and some are content to work enough to live a very simple life with more time to relax and experience peace of mind.
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting nice things, or having money to travel or even participating in whatever sparks your interests, but what could possibly be wrong with throwing in a whole day, here and there, of simply having nothing planned. Filling up the day planner is the usual, with names, times, and places to be, but what if you were able to leave it blank on purpose, even choose in advance a day that you claim to be yours. No one is allowed to call you, stop by, or expect anything from you on this day, unless it involves blood or the hospital. And it doesn't matter what the outside world thinks about your plan, because it is in fact the reason why you must try this, to get away from the pace you have fallen into that the world has set up.
Even if you can't take that big of a step and use a whole day for yourself, you can learn to incorporate little snippets of time throughout your day where you simply stop and breathe, step outside a door, take your lunch to a park instead of being around the busy-ness, listen to something soothing on your phone or guided imagery on the computer. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to find something that is soothing to watch or listen to for just 20 minutes or so, to slow the mind down, practice your breathing, and let go of the stress that your day brings.
It's also important in the midst of this to set priorities each day. What is really important here today, that I race around with my child in the car going to yet another activity or outing, or offering a whole day to the child inside your home, to do whatever they would like to do....and then fully participate in the activity, whatever it may be. Hopefully finding new ways to connect with them without the phone sitting next to you, or the television on, just offering something a bit different. This is where the child learns how important it is to have downtime, away from all the chaos, to get your full attention, with no one in a hurry. A wonderful time to have conversations, to develop their ability to communicate their needs and how they feel about things in their little world.
So the next time you look at your calendar, and it's filled with black ink, ask yourself if it might be a good idea to leave one of those days completely blank, and then think about in advance how you would like to spend it away from all the chaos and multi-tasking that you really do have control over. We all know how to say no, and we all know what sort of life we would truly like to lead, where we would like to live, and who we want around us. Don't let the busy-ness of multi-tasking and chaos drowned out what you know is right....choose balance and a gentler life.
I don't believe we intentionally mean to push those people and things aside, it just happens in a blink of an eye, all with the excuse of needing more money. Well, the problem with that, is obvious to me. The more money you make, the more money you spend, until your life is a vicious circle, gaining ground just to quickly lose it. And it's very easy as well to start spending money you don't have on credit, then finding the need to work even more to pay for those things we really didn't need, we just wanted. We get focused on a particular lifestyle we want to lead, and it becomes more about hanging onto that lifestyle then actually living a life where we enjoy the simple things like peace, joy, contentment and time to spend with those we love and care about.
So how to get out of this mode of spinning is the real question. Honestly it's really about choice. We really choose how busy we want to be, and it's usually based on how much money we need to live a certain lifestyle. Some people want a lot of nice things and the freedom to go or do whatever they want, and some are content to work enough to live a very simple life with more time to relax and experience peace of mind.
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting nice things, or having money to travel or even participating in whatever sparks your interests, but what could possibly be wrong with throwing in a whole day, here and there, of simply having nothing planned. Filling up the day planner is the usual, with names, times, and places to be, but what if you were able to leave it blank on purpose, even choose in advance a day that you claim to be yours. No one is allowed to call you, stop by, or expect anything from you on this day, unless it involves blood or the hospital. And it doesn't matter what the outside world thinks about your plan, because it is in fact the reason why you must try this, to get away from the pace you have fallen into that the world has set up.
Even if you can't take that big of a step and use a whole day for yourself, you can learn to incorporate little snippets of time throughout your day where you simply stop and breathe, step outside a door, take your lunch to a park instead of being around the busy-ness, listen to something soothing on your phone or guided imagery on the computer. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to find something that is soothing to watch or listen to for just 20 minutes or so, to slow the mind down, practice your breathing, and let go of the stress that your day brings.
It's also important in the midst of this to set priorities each day. What is really important here today, that I race around with my child in the car going to yet another activity or outing, or offering a whole day to the child inside your home, to do whatever they would like to do....and then fully participate in the activity, whatever it may be. Hopefully finding new ways to connect with them without the phone sitting next to you, or the television on, just offering something a bit different. This is where the child learns how important it is to have downtime, away from all the chaos, to get your full attention, with no one in a hurry. A wonderful time to have conversations, to develop their ability to communicate their needs and how they feel about things in their little world.
So the next time you look at your calendar, and it's filled with black ink, ask yourself if it might be a good idea to leave one of those days completely blank, and then think about in advance how you would like to spend it away from all the chaos and multi-tasking that you really do have control over. We all know how to say no, and we all know what sort of life we would truly like to lead, where we would like to live, and who we want around us. Don't let the busy-ness of multi-tasking and chaos drowned out what you know is right....choose balance and a gentler life.
Saturday, October 24, 2015
In the Waiting Mode...part 2
Realizing how your waiting mode effects you physically gives you some important information about how to move forward and hopefully make changes on how you view your situation. Let's face it, there are many degrees of waiting for something, and how much time and effort it will take you to change your way of thinking about it.... meaning the time I am willing to spend in waiting to receive what I'm waiting for. There's is a big difference in waiting in line at the grocery store for someone to find their money, and waiting for a promotion or the right person to come into your life, or waiting for a long over due medical diagnosis. That's where keeping a journal is such a big help with charting your life and what you're in search of from time to time. Writing for me clarifies things, and makes them feel more valid and manageable somehow. Putting ink to paper transfers what is in my mind to something that is real, something I can hold in my hand, as well as something I can look back on and see progress that has hopefully been made.
It might help to choose one thing in the beginning that really bothers you, instead of trying to tackle a list of things or people who bother you. And it doesn't make any difference how deep seeded or important, or how frivolous it is, it's something that YOU have been waiting for. This is a very personal journey here, so it serves no purpose in minimizing what you want, need, or value in life. What I think is an important need or want could be completely different in how you see it, so this is not the time to compare that with another person. I think once we learn to respect each person for their lot in life, their styles, hopes, dream, ambitions, whatever the case may be, the gentler the world will become.
So......the trick with all of this, once we find out what we want, what we are waiting for, and how important it is to us, is to decide how we are going to behave while we're waiting. Yes, its as simple as that, though for some it may signify the need to change something within ourselves, which may seem monumental, but it doesn't have to be. And after all, it will work, so if you want to gain something valuable in the midst of your waiting, then listen up. It's not what we want, it's how we behave while we are waiting for what we want. Two completely different things in my book. As well, understanding that the outcome could likely be different if there is a change in attitude. If you knew that was possible, wouldn't you at least want to try it to see if it works......I surely would.
Here are three words that will ensure that you will have absolutely no peace while in the waiting mode, as well as learning nothing in the process. Discouraged, downcast and displeased. Discouraged because the wait has been too long and you're not confident you will receive anything, downcast in making sure those around you know how unhappy you are about it, and displeased, making sure that it's someone else's fault that you are having to wait or give up on what you want. So you can see how it's best to put an upswing to this waiting mode. Let's try encouraged, believing that if God means for you to have something, then you will have it, uplifted to show those around you there is good reason to keep hoping for good things and worth the wait, as well as pleased that you take full responsibility for how you are going to respond in moments of waiting, stress, and difficulty, or whatever comes up.
This is not rocket science, nor do you have to quit work, take a vacation, or disrupt your life and those around you. This is all in the mind and how we choose to wait....period. You either do it gracefully, and change the world around you, or you do it and feel like your life is always lacking, with no peace, joy or contentment. You choose.
It might help to choose one thing in the beginning that really bothers you, instead of trying to tackle a list of things or people who bother you. And it doesn't make any difference how deep seeded or important, or how frivolous it is, it's something that YOU have been waiting for. This is a very personal journey here, so it serves no purpose in minimizing what you want, need, or value in life. What I think is an important need or want could be completely different in how you see it, so this is not the time to compare that with another person. I think once we learn to respect each person for their lot in life, their styles, hopes, dream, ambitions, whatever the case may be, the gentler the world will become.
So......the trick with all of this, once we find out what we want, what we are waiting for, and how important it is to us, is to decide how we are going to behave while we're waiting. Yes, its as simple as that, though for some it may signify the need to change something within ourselves, which may seem monumental, but it doesn't have to be. And after all, it will work, so if you want to gain something valuable in the midst of your waiting, then listen up. It's not what we want, it's how we behave while we are waiting for what we want. Two completely different things in my book. As well, understanding that the outcome could likely be different if there is a change in attitude. If you knew that was possible, wouldn't you at least want to try it to see if it works......I surely would.
Here are three words that will ensure that you will have absolutely no peace while in the waiting mode, as well as learning nothing in the process. Discouraged, downcast and displeased. Discouraged because the wait has been too long and you're not confident you will receive anything, downcast in making sure those around you know how unhappy you are about it, and displeased, making sure that it's someone else's fault that you are having to wait or give up on what you want. So you can see how it's best to put an upswing to this waiting mode. Let's try encouraged, believing that if God means for you to have something, then you will have it, uplifted to show those around you there is good reason to keep hoping for good things and worth the wait, as well as pleased that you take full responsibility for how you are going to respond in moments of waiting, stress, and difficulty, or whatever comes up.
This is not rocket science, nor do you have to quit work, take a vacation, or disrupt your life and those around you. This is all in the mind and how we choose to wait....period. You either do it gracefully, and change the world around you, or you do it and feel like your life is always lacking, with no peace, joy or contentment. You choose.
Friday, October 23, 2015
In the Waiting Mode?
Have you been in the waiting mode lately? The answer for most reading this would be absolutely, even though you might not be quite clear on what you've been waiting for. I think we all have a tendency to wake up each morning thinking about something that we need, want, hope for, or dream about, whether its pancakes for breakfast, a new car, or new job. It's good that we have hope for good things to come our way, it keeps us moving forward with a spark in our lives. And let's face it, with all the bad that goes on in the world, we need some good things sprinkled here and there.
However, what if we've been waiting for something for months, or even years, that we can't seem to let go of yet? These things are probably more serious, deep seeded, or complicated and need more time to unfold, or heaven forbid, it might be something that's not right for you and will never happen or show up. Or may show up in an entirely different way than we thought. Just because we want something or someone doesn't mean that it's right for us, or that we will win out in the end because of our determination and persistence. Sometimes we have to trade that persistence for humility and patience, which of course is easier said than done when you've been focused on and waiting for something for a long time.
So how do we learn to wait patiently and expectantly, when our minds and hearts want so desperately to just get on with it, get the good stuff now? Well, for me, it helps to go back a bit and see the things that I had waited for in the past, and how in the end I either received them, accomplished them, or had to eventually let them go.........or they arrived with a twist, which I found I rather enjoyed. Now I understand, we all what we want, when and how we want it, but let's face it, life just isn't that easy. So you might as well figure out a way to be at peace while you're waiting instead of it turning you inside out with worry, fret, anxiety, anger, frustration which is not particularly good for you, or heaven for bid those around you. Always keep in mind, there is always someone in the line of fire when things are not going the way you think they should, and if there's one thing for sure, we do have the capacity to bruise those closest to us without meaning to.
Now for those who have a real problem with patience, or waiting for anything, you're going to have to try even harder than the average person. That's OK....don't let it stop you from at least trying. It may just take a little longer to get the knack of it, but you have to start somewhere. First of all you have to, of course, stop and think about whether this is an issue for you, and you can stop at any point during the day and see what it does to your body when you start thinking about what you're not getting right now.....or if being in the waiting mode causes you to be anxious, angry or upset in anyway. Do your shoulders draw up, stomach feel icky, or head start to hurt. And as unpleasant as this sounds, it's actually a good place to start because you can actually see what it does to you physically when you have too many unanswered questions. In fact, for right now, this IS in fact the place to start before you do anything else or try to change how you think about your waiting mode. Tomorrow I will address what to do next!
However, what if we've been waiting for something for months, or even years, that we can't seem to let go of yet? These things are probably more serious, deep seeded, or complicated and need more time to unfold, or heaven forbid, it might be something that's not right for you and will never happen or show up. Or may show up in an entirely different way than we thought. Just because we want something or someone doesn't mean that it's right for us, or that we will win out in the end because of our determination and persistence. Sometimes we have to trade that persistence for humility and patience, which of course is easier said than done when you've been focused on and waiting for something for a long time.
So how do we learn to wait patiently and expectantly, when our minds and hearts want so desperately to just get on with it, get the good stuff now? Well, for me, it helps to go back a bit and see the things that I had waited for in the past, and how in the end I either received them, accomplished them, or had to eventually let them go.........or they arrived with a twist, which I found I rather enjoyed. Now I understand, we all what we want, when and how we want it, but let's face it, life just isn't that easy. So you might as well figure out a way to be at peace while you're waiting instead of it turning you inside out with worry, fret, anxiety, anger, frustration which is not particularly good for you, or heaven for bid those around you. Always keep in mind, there is always someone in the line of fire when things are not going the way you think they should, and if there's one thing for sure, we do have the capacity to bruise those closest to us without meaning to.
Now for those who have a real problem with patience, or waiting for anything, you're going to have to try even harder than the average person. That's OK....don't let it stop you from at least trying. It may just take a little longer to get the knack of it, but you have to start somewhere. First of all you have to, of course, stop and think about whether this is an issue for you, and you can stop at any point during the day and see what it does to your body when you start thinking about what you're not getting right now.....or if being in the waiting mode causes you to be anxious, angry or upset in anyway. Do your shoulders draw up, stomach feel icky, or head start to hurt. And as unpleasant as this sounds, it's actually a good place to start because you can actually see what it does to you physically when you have too many unanswered questions. In fact, for right now, this IS in fact the place to start before you do anything else or try to change how you think about your waiting mode. Tomorrow I will address what to do next!
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Acceptance
This is something I have written about before, several times in fact, but convinced it's something that most people do not "get" for some reason. So let's start with Webster, as I so often do, and get this out of the way. Acceptance.....to accept what is offered willingly, to receive favorably, to agree or consent to, to believe in, to understand as having a certain meaning. OK.....so that means whatever is in front of you at any given time, that has validity, can be believed in, or trusted to be right, and so we act accordingly allowing it to be, or happen the way it needs to happen. Now that doesn't mean that it's not going to happen without us kicking up a fuss, or even pushing against it so we can get our own way, but you will pay dearly for that stance if you choose to take it.
So why do we see the need to throw up barriers when we're faced with accepting something, where life would be so much easier if we just allow those things that are inevitable to just happen naturally? I think the word here is control. If we aren't ready for the thing we should just accept, we will scratch and claw to find a reason why it's either not the right thing, the right time, or should only happen to someone else. We after all are exempt because.....well because we are who we are, special, exceptional, set apart. As if we have this protective bubble around us that keeps us from experiencing anything that resembles bad, unfortunate, or even sad. Not exactly a place that lends itself for humility or selflessness.
OK....so we're clear on what acceptance is, and why we don't particularly aspire to it, now comes the hard part, and that is facing it head on so we can get on with the rest of our lives. Now some things you don't particularly want to accept can be put off, set aside, put on the shelf if you will, until another time when it might suit. The only problem with that is, while it's being set aside, it sort of multiplies on it's own, so by the time we get back to it.........it's not manageable at all. Like trying to weed a garden that should have been weeded 3 months ago in order for new growth to occur. It's a mess, overgrown, and you have no idea where to start, or even if you want to start.
And don't forget, there is an element of energy and commitment here, where you have to assess how much energy, time, courage and strength you want to put into accepting something. After all, you are allowed to look at a situation, and just do an about face and say no......a flat out no, I will not, cannot accept this, end of story. You are saving absolutely no room for a change of mind. I think it depends on how important the thing is that you need to accept, and what it will take internally to accept it. I myself have had several things over the last 20 years that I have had to accept on some level, with varying degrees of the demands that it took to accept them, and with each one I had to do the same thing. Assess the importance or more simply, prioritize.
Probably the most important element here besides prioritizing is letting go of what others think about you, your situation, your status, your reputation, your lifestyle, for when you're making life decisions, it doesn't matter what other people think, especially when you are dealing with health issues. You're in survival mode and this is no time to try and satisfy or please those around you. In fact it's their turn to learn acceptance of what is going on in your life, not theirs. This is probably THE biggest road block when you're talking about acceptance of something, caring what other people think of you. So if you want to start somewhere, after you realize what needs to be accepted in your life, start with that, knowing that in the end, it doesn't matter beans what other people think of you, or how you're handling your situation, your health, your life, whatever it might be.
Take some time today and see what you are having a hard time accepting, and realize what you can change about it, and what you cannot. Think about the most important things in your life, the most important people, not how young you are, how attractive you need to be, how smart you are, or how much money you have tucked away. All of those things will not last, but true acceptance offers something we are all desperately craving each day we wake up, and that is peace, contentment, happiness, joy, and feeling loved and cared for by those we treasure the most.
So why do we see the need to throw up barriers when we're faced with accepting something, where life would be so much easier if we just allow those things that are inevitable to just happen naturally? I think the word here is control. If we aren't ready for the thing we should just accept, we will scratch and claw to find a reason why it's either not the right thing, the right time, or should only happen to someone else. We after all are exempt because.....well because we are who we are, special, exceptional, set apart. As if we have this protective bubble around us that keeps us from experiencing anything that resembles bad, unfortunate, or even sad. Not exactly a place that lends itself for humility or selflessness.
OK....so we're clear on what acceptance is, and why we don't particularly aspire to it, now comes the hard part, and that is facing it head on so we can get on with the rest of our lives. Now some things you don't particularly want to accept can be put off, set aside, put on the shelf if you will, until another time when it might suit. The only problem with that is, while it's being set aside, it sort of multiplies on it's own, so by the time we get back to it.........it's not manageable at all. Like trying to weed a garden that should have been weeded 3 months ago in order for new growth to occur. It's a mess, overgrown, and you have no idea where to start, or even if you want to start.
And don't forget, there is an element of energy and commitment here, where you have to assess how much energy, time, courage and strength you want to put into accepting something. After all, you are allowed to look at a situation, and just do an about face and say no......a flat out no, I will not, cannot accept this, end of story. You are saving absolutely no room for a change of mind. I think it depends on how important the thing is that you need to accept, and what it will take internally to accept it. I myself have had several things over the last 20 years that I have had to accept on some level, with varying degrees of the demands that it took to accept them, and with each one I had to do the same thing. Assess the importance or more simply, prioritize.
Probably the most important element here besides prioritizing is letting go of what others think about you, your situation, your status, your reputation, your lifestyle, for when you're making life decisions, it doesn't matter what other people think, especially when you are dealing with health issues. You're in survival mode and this is no time to try and satisfy or please those around you. In fact it's their turn to learn acceptance of what is going on in your life, not theirs. This is probably THE biggest road block when you're talking about acceptance of something, caring what other people think of you. So if you want to start somewhere, after you realize what needs to be accepted in your life, start with that, knowing that in the end, it doesn't matter beans what other people think of you, or how you're handling your situation, your health, your life, whatever it might be.
Take some time today and see what you are having a hard time accepting, and realize what you can change about it, and what you cannot. Think about the most important things in your life, the most important people, not how young you are, how attractive you need to be, how smart you are, or how much money you have tucked away. All of those things will not last, but true acceptance offers something we are all desperately craving each day we wake up, and that is peace, contentment, happiness, joy, and feeling loved and cared for by those we treasure the most.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Connections
Do you ever find yourself just going along in life, going through the motions that each day brings, wondering if there is something you're supposed to be doing? Now I'm not talking about forgetting someone's birthday, or forgetting to take a library book back, but something a little bit more meaningful than that. It's like something that sort of nags at you that won't let go, and it's settled in the background somewhere awaiting your attention again. Or, when you're least expecting it, a person enters into your life, that you quickly realize that it was not by chance. In fact they make such an impact, it feels as if someone is at the switch, pressing buttons, setting up schedules, and purposefully planning the whole thing. And this can be a person you've never met, someone you haven't seen or heard from in years, or someone you saw fairly regularly, but somehow the relationship has changed. No matter, it's knocked you for a loop.
I don't know which one would be the most exciting or meaningful, maybe all of them. The point is, for me, I like to spend some time wondering how I want to be present and respond in a healthy way before I go any further. After all, there are going to be those relationships that are unhealthy, or cause you to drift apart for whatever reason, and that part of the equation really need not be rehashed, but maybe just to notice in any of these chance meetings there is something different inside of you. And at first, I think we would tend to be all excited about it, but quickly could get this twinge of something that takes us back to the past, with hurts, disappointments, sadness, loss....you name it, the list is long. Those things required you to react, behave and respond in a very particular way, so there is this inherent need to resort back to those feelings, reactions or coping skills.
However, with that being said, it doesn't have to happen that way, or even if it does, you don't have to stay there. It's just a good exercise in realizing how much we carry with us throughout our lives good and bad, and have to decide at some point which ones we can keep with us, and which ones no longer serve any purpose whatsoever. In fact, will fowl up any chance of future happiness on so many different levels, that we should see clearly our own schemas, so as not to fall into the pit again. Schemas are our ways of dealing with rejection, disappointments, hurt, loss, etc....and how easily we bring them with us in each situation that comes up.....especially very close relationships.
So when these new connections are made when you least expect them, and you sense that it is in fact very special, it makes perfect sense that you want to treat it and experience it in a healthy way. Doesn't mean that comes with a guarantee that all things will work out perfectly, or that you will be with this person in the long term, no one can guarantee that. But it can insure that you can more importantly be in the moment with this person, without resorting back to past situations, or playing the devils advocate constantly finding reasons why it won't work or last. Such an easy thing to do, for most of us, to start thinking about how many things could go wrong, and why it's likely to fail and leave you in a heap yet again.
Best and most important thing to do, is to appreciate the connection, seeing it as an opportunity to try out some new behaviors, new coping skills, new mindsets of healthy self esteem and humility, and just be happy to live in the moment enjoying whatever this person brings with them. God knows we all need and deserve happy, healthy, delightful relationships, where we can just relax and be ourselves, and enjoy life. So just relax and let things fall into place. We don't have to know all the answers about what happens next, because we just don't have that gift. But we can for sure appreciate where we are at any given moment especially with new connections.
I don't know which one would be the most exciting or meaningful, maybe all of them. The point is, for me, I like to spend some time wondering how I want to be present and respond in a healthy way before I go any further. After all, there are going to be those relationships that are unhealthy, or cause you to drift apart for whatever reason, and that part of the equation really need not be rehashed, but maybe just to notice in any of these chance meetings there is something different inside of you. And at first, I think we would tend to be all excited about it, but quickly could get this twinge of something that takes us back to the past, with hurts, disappointments, sadness, loss....you name it, the list is long. Those things required you to react, behave and respond in a very particular way, so there is this inherent need to resort back to those feelings, reactions or coping skills.
However, with that being said, it doesn't have to happen that way, or even if it does, you don't have to stay there. It's just a good exercise in realizing how much we carry with us throughout our lives good and bad, and have to decide at some point which ones we can keep with us, and which ones no longer serve any purpose whatsoever. In fact, will fowl up any chance of future happiness on so many different levels, that we should see clearly our own schemas, so as not to fall into the pit again. Schemas are our ways of dealing with rejection, disappointments, hurt, loss, etc....and how easily we bring them with us in each situation that comes up.....especially very close relationships.
So when these new connections are made when you least expect them, and you sense that it is in fact very special, it makes perfect sense that you want to treat it and experience it in a healthy way. Doesn't mean that comes with a guarantee that all things will work out perfectly, or that you will be with this person in the long term, no one can guarantee that. But it can insure that you can more importantly be in the moment with this person, without resorting back to past situations, or playing the devils advocate constantly finding reasons why it won't work or last. Such an easy thing to do, for most of us, to start thinking about how many things could go wrong, and why it's likely to fail and leave you in a heap yet again.
Best and most important thing to do, is to appreciate the connection, seeing it as an opportunity to try out some new behaviors, new coping skills, new mindsets of healthy self esteem and humility, and just be happy to live in the moment enjoying whatever this person brings with them. God knows we all need and deserve happy, healthy, delightful relationships, where we can just relax and be ourselves, and enjoy life. So just relax and let things fall into place. We don't have to know all the answers about what happens next, because we just don't have that gift. But we can for sure appreciate where we are at any given moment especially with new connections.
Monday, October 12, 2015
What Would Happen If We Walked in Love?
First up, this is not an attempt to get people to run up and hug someone they don't know,but maybe acknowledging those around you differently than you usually do. Let's face it, we wake up each day having to face people we don't particularly like, on the road, at the store, at work, even where we live. But if we wait for the other person to disappear, or have a change of heart or attitude, we might be waiting for a long time. So, with recognizing that, maybe we can do something we know will work, and that is to change the way we see them. I have to do this every single day I wake up, though not with a person, but with my own physical limitations, and trust me, most days I'm thinking it would be easier to have another person as an assignment. I truly believe the battles that we have in life are the ones within ourselves, not with others. So remember, you have complete control over the battle within yourself, because you can in fact change, whereas the battle with others can be daunting.
Now I realize at this point you're convinced there is no way you can let go of all the things that bother you and simply walk in love, for that would require way too much, and you're simply "too busy", my least favorite words in the English language. I am convinced and will continue to be convinced that every person on the earth could check off at least 10 things on their to do list each day, and feel so freed up, that walking in love would be a cinch. In fact, when you make the decision or plan to do this each day, the time that is freed up, and offered in love to someone else, will come back to you two fold. Hard to believe it's that simple, but trust me, it works. Like taking time to exercise, hoping and expecting it to help you be stronger and healthier, and it actually working. You take that time you believe you are too busy, and invest it, and look for the signs of progress along the way. A little less on the scales, pants fit better, a bit more energy shows up, and you in turn gain a new outlook on your life. When that happens, you feel good about being nice to others, and offering yourself in ways you had never thought of before.
Of course the jest of all of this is, we weren't put on this earth to continually take, but to give as well. To recognize there is some pretty rough stuff going on these days, and so many people are suffering so badly, on so many different levels. But the only way we can offer ourselves up to someone else, is to free up our own lives in some way so that we have the time and energy to give something to someone else. I realize it is so easy to get caught up in your own tragedies, messes, losses, frustration, bitterness, pain and suffering.....well the list goes on. But if you stay locked up, waiting for something or someone to make yours disappear, you could be waiting a long long time. And what if your stuff doesn't go away for some reason, it doesn't mean you are imprisoned for life. It may just mean that you need to find ways to transform that stuff into something more useful, or that could help someone else.
What if you truly believed that what keeps you from walking in love, and again this is not romantic love per say.......just a kinder, compassionate, giving person..........is just taking your focus off of your mess or busy-ness, and offering it outward? What if you stopped thinking or believing that the world owes you, that the other person is responsible for making you so miserable and THEY need to change? Wow........what a new world we would live in and what a difference it would make if we all tried this for one week, just to see what would happen. I myself am convinced it would completely transform the world into a different place. One with more love, compassion, patience, peace, joy, and contentment. For me, surely doesn't make all my pain and suffering disappear, but it sure does make life a lot easier, pleasant and peaceful.
Just think......you actually have the power to change someone elses life today, including your own. Just as you can lose 10 pounds, and fit in that new suit or dress, by simply deciding.....I'm going to do something different today, it's just as easy to decide you are going to walk in love, and change the world.
So try it on.......it may actually fit today!
Now I realize at this point you're convinced there is no way you can let go of all the things that bother you and simply walk in love, for that would require way too much, and you're simply "too busy", my least favorite words in the English language. I am convinced and will continue to be convinced that every person on the earth could check off at least 10 things on their to do list each day, and feel so freed up, that walking in love would be a cinch. In fact, when you make the decision or plan to do this each day, the time that is freed up, and offered in love to someone else, will come back to you two fold. Hard to believe it's that simple, but trust me, it works. Like taking time to exercise, hoping and expecting it to help you be stronger and healthier, and it actually working. You take that time you believe you are too busy, and invest it, and look for the signs of progress along the way. A little less on the scales, pants fit better, a bit more energy shows up, and you in turn gain a new outlook on your life. When that happens, you feel good about being nice to others, and offering yourself in ways you had never thought of before.
Of course the jest of all of this is, we weren't put on this earth to continually take, but to give as well. To recognize there is some pretty rough stuff going on these days, and so many people are suffering so badly, on so many different levels. But the only way we can offer ourselves up to someone else, is to free up our own lives in some way so that we have the time and energy to give something to someone else. I realize it is so easy to get caught up in your own tragedies, messes, losses, frustration, bitterness, pain and suffering.....well the list goes on. But if you stay locked up, waiting for something or someone to make yours disappear, you could be waiting a long long time. And what if your stuff doesn't go away for some reason, it doesn't mean you are imprisoned for life. It may just mean that you need to find ways to transform that stuff into something more useful, or that could help someone else.
What if you truly believed that what keeps you from walking in love, and again this is not romantic love per say.......just a kinder, compassionate, giving person..........is just taking your focus off of your mess or busy-ness, and offering it outward? What if you stopped thinking or believing that the world owes you, that the other person is responsible for making you so miserable and THEY need to change? Wow........what a new world we would live in and what a difference it would make if we all tried this for one week, just to see what would happen. I myself am convinced it would completely transform the world into a different place. One with more love, compassion, patience, peace, joy, and contentment. For me, surely doesn't make all my pain and suffering disappear, but it sure does make life a lot easier, pleasant and peaceful.
Just think......you actually have the power to change someone elses life today, including your own. Just as you can lose 10 pounds, and fit in that new suit or dress, by simply deciding.....I'm going to do something different today, it's just as easy to decide you are going to walk in love, and change the world.
So try it on.......it may actually fit today!
Friday, October 9, 2015
"Getting Back"
No, I'm not referring to retribution here, but something much gentler than that. This doesn't require anger, plotting, or ill will towards someone, but simply returning to a place in your mind where the pieces of the puzzle were easier. And yes, I do believe most of us, if asked if there were a more peaceful manageable place, we would all have one. Maybe it was a place where you felt like the stars were all lined up, love was felt, your needs were met financially, and there was time to enjoy the simple things in life. An afternoon nap in the hammock, two families gathered at a picnic table eating hot dogs, or your workplace running like a well oiled machine, with colleagues who respect and admire your work. In other words, you didn't wake up feeling that something huge was missing and had no idea what needed to happen next.
Now living on the top floor of my castle, moat below, and far above any chaos that life has to offer, I can see clearly why most people would want to "get back" to a more manageable lifestyle, where busy is not the theme of their life each day. It's like a badge people wear that gives license to use busy as an excuse to get out of doing something they really don't want to do. If there is one word that I would delete from the dictionary, busy would be at the top of the list. Probably half of the stuff that people say they are busy with, are things they just won't give themselves permission to say no to.
So, maybe a good place to start as far as getting back to a simpler place in your life, is to think about those things that keep you so busy, and when you actually use busy as permission to avoid people or situations. Keeping in mind this is not a tool to use as a sledge hammer that says you have your priorities all wrong, and are basically a dishonest person. But if you're actually going to make any progress in getting some peace back in your life, or at least having it a bit more manageable, something has to go, which surprisingly means you may have to let go of some activities, as well as some people who do nothing but drain you of your energy.
Let's face it, in each generation there is a pace that is set, and if you live around a large city, with access to more activities, people, things, you get caught up in that pace. On the other hand, if you live in a rural area, or smaller town off the beaten path, you actually have more control over how busy you want to be, or are able to realistically get back to a simpler way of life. Now that is a fact. Part of all of this is actually making choices on how you want to live your life, and how you want to spend your time. None of us are tied up, held hostage, demanded or expected to live a certain lifestyle. Most people I know are more than capable to choose the lifestyle they want to live, more specifically fast pace, slow pace.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are people who adore a fast pace life, and there is nothing wrong with that. But when you act like you can't keep up, don't have time to rest, end up spending time doing things you really don't want to do or with people you simply don't want to be around, then there is something wrong with that. When you've reached that point, you are the only person who can change it, no one else. It's time to honestly sit down and figure out what you can check off your list, and how you're going to do it without being overwhelmed with guilt.
Just remember, and I know we all hear this, but life truly is short, and there is so much that you miss when you're busy saying yes to so much you could say no to, and precious loved ones around you that would love to spend time with you doing simple things, that it's very sad indeed if you can't check things off that to do list, and cut some people or activities loose that are really not that necessary or enjoyable any longer. The time of spending your energy doing things that are not meaningful or doing them to appear cool or important are over, if in fact you are hungry enough to get back to a simpler way of being.
It's there, for the taking. So take a moment and think about what is simply no longer necessary in your life as far as time and how you spend it. Or if you had a choice, what you would eliminate in a heartbeat if you could, and then see where you stand. I don't believe there is anything more tragic than doing something or spending time with someone you really don't want to be with. That you feel obligated to do for some reason that is no longer valid.
Think about it.
Now living on the top floor of my castle, moat below, and far above any chaos that life has to offer, I can see clearly why most people would want to "get back" to a more manageable lifestyle, where busy is not the theme of their life each day. It's like a badge people wear that gives license to use busy as an excuse to get out of doing something they really don't want to do. If there is one word that I would delete from the dictionary, busy would be at the top of the list. Probably half of the stuff that people say they are busy with, are things they just won't give themselves permission to say no to.
So, maybe a good place to start as far as getting back to a simpler place in your life, is to think about those things that keep you so busy, and when you actually use busy as permission to avoid people or situations. Keeping in mind this is not a tool to use as a sledge hammer that says you have your priorities all wrong, and are basically a dishonest person. But if you're actually going to make any progress in getting some peace back in your life, or at least having it a bit more manageable, something has to go, which surprisingly means you may have to let go of some activities, as well as some people who do nothing but drain you of your energy.
Let's face it, in each generation there is a pace that is set, and if you live around a large city, with access to more activities, people, things, you get caught up in that pace. On the other hand, if you live in a rural area, or smaller town off the beaten path, you actually have more control over how busy you want to be, or are able to realistically get back to a simpler way of life. Now that is a fact. Part of all of this is actually making choices on how you want to live your life, and how you want to spend your time. None of us are tied up, held hostage, demanded or expected to live a certain lifestyle. Most people I know are more than capable to choose the lifestyle they want to live, more specifically fast pace, slow pace.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are people who adore a fast pace life, and there is nothing wrong with that. But when you act like you can't keep up, don't have time to rest, end up spending time doing things you really don't want to do or with people you simply don't want to be around, then there is something wrong with that. When you've reached that point, you are the only person who can change it, no one else. It's time to honestly sit down and figure out what you can check off your list, and how you're going to do it without being overwhelmed with guilt.
Just remember, and I know we all hear this, but life truly is short, and there is so much that you miss when you're busy saying yes to so much you could say no to, and precious loved ones around you that would love to spend time with you doing simple things, that it's very sad indeed if you can't check things off that to do list, and cut some people or activities loose that are really not that necessary or enjoyable any longer. The time of spending your energy doing things that are not meaningful or doing them to appear cool or important are over, if in fact you are hungry enough to get back to a simpler way of being.
It's there, for the taking. So take a moment and think about what is simply no longer necessary in your life as far as time and how you spend it. Or if you had a choice, what you would eliminate in a heartbeat if you could, and then see where you stand. I don't believe there is anything more tragic than doing something or spending time with someone you really don't want to be with. That you feel obligated to do for some reason that is no longer valid.
Think about it.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
What are you Pressing Towards?
Now this is something I try to ask myself each morning, simply because some things are going to take a certain amount of energy, which I'm usually sorely lacking, so it's important I realize from the get go what I can actually achieve for any given day. I suppose I could ask this a little differently, such as what your goals are for today,or for the days ahead?
We all like to feel productive in some way, even if you don't have a regular job that takes you out of your home each day. It makes us feel important, needed, valued, respected........we all have our own list. For some of us, we feel productive if we can simply get out of bed each morning and being able to take care of ourselves. So I think it's with right thinking that once we wake up, we are naturally driven in a certain direction, either for our own needs or in helping someone else meet their needs.
For me, it helps if I simply ask myself, OK Cindy, what is it that you want today? What would make you feel like you are important in some way, valued, respected, or would bring a level of fulfillment to your life? Lately it's very simply answered. To take care of my basic needs without any help, something most people take for granted each day for sure. That's not necessarily a bad thing, I never gave a thought to my abilities 20 years ago, but of course when it's taken away, that's all you think about. I ran into a neighbor just 5 minutes ago, who is in her late 70's, and had just taken a long walk uphill and was a little out of breath. I looked and her and said one word....."wow". Then I was left with internally thinking, how amazing that would be to go for a walk, period. Uphill, downhill, flat surface.....no matter. I didn't say anything, though the old me would have made mention of whether or not she realized how fortunate she was, and felt myself a pity. I'm happy to say I no longer do that. The woman I was talking to wouldn't have "gotten it", so I let it go.
So back to setting goals, when you're somewhat limited to where you might head with those goals........you still work to find something that you can press towards. The important thing is not that you accomplish those goals in a days time, but decide in your mind what it is you are trying so hard to accomplish, because that is what I see in other people, as well as myself......that mode of trying to get something, or to get somewhere in life, even though you're not even sure why you want it so badly.
I believe a part of the trying, after you get through your 50's and into your 60's, is trying to see how long you can stay alive. You realize you are on the downside of your lifespan, and the fear sets in. You start this desperate search of how to delay death, by adding or taking away things that you calculate might bring it on too quickly, or that might extend it for a while. I have always thought that life would be so much much easier on us if we had an expiration date, like a milk carton, instead of a surprise attack of some kind. Seems like the fear would be gone.
Someone would ask you to set a date to do something or go somewhere, and you would look at your calendar and realize, oh....can't do that, that's my last day of life. Sorry, not don't mean to dwell on death, I guess I just believe in realistically looking at life AND death, which doesn't mean good and bad....it just is.
So once you're sitting on the side of the bed in the early morning, it might help to start taking note of what you're thinking about. For me, I immediately get into grateful mode, because I never know if I will make it to the bathroom without falling down or not.....so that's an easy one for me. After that, even with no schedule, no agenda, no day planner, no one waiting for me to do something, I say OK Lord.....what would you like me to focus on today? And you can say that to the universe, yourself, or whatever is right for you....but just offer it up as if you have someone else who is driving the truck that day. Your the passenger, you dressed and ready to go, coffee in hand, rested...etc........so where can I best be used today?
Ask yourself what you would really like to accomplish that day. Who you can be good to, or help. How you can be better at your job, or if you hate your job, start thinking about how you can change that, whether that means changing the way you think about it, or actually starting searching for a new job. In other words, if you feel stuck, or it's not clear to you whether you are actually in the right place work wise, relationships, whatever the case, in order to find the answers for you, there has to be a position of pressing towards a new answer, with no fear, regret, questioning, or judgement about what you feel is not quite right.
So starting tomorrow.....wake up....find something to be grateful for, and then make it a point to stop and think about where you are presently, and what changes could be made, if any, to move forward. Maybe your life is just fine, and you simply want a little more joy, peace or contentment in your life. Then spend some time finding out what you could change to make that happen.
The status quo is ok to a degree......but what if things could be a little better. See what it is you are pressing towards.
We all like to feel productive in some way, even if you don't have a regular job that takes you out of your home each day. It makes us feel important, needed, valued, respected........we all have our own list. For some of us, we feel productive if we can simply get out of bed each morning and being able to take care of ourselves. So I think it's with right thinking that once we wake up, we are naturally driven in a certain direction, either for our own needs or in helping someone else meet their needs.
For me, it helps if I simply ask myself, OK Cindy, what is it that you want today? What would make you feel like you are important in some way, valued, respected, or would bring a level of fulfillment to your life? Lately it's very simply answered. To take care of my basic needs without any help, something most people take for granted each day for sure. That's not necessarily a bad thing, I never gave a thought to my abilities 20 years ago, but of course when it's taken away, that's all you think about. I ran into a neighbor just 5 minutes ago, who is in her late 70's, and had just taken a long walk uphill and was a little out of breath. I looked and her and said one word....."wow". Then I was left with internally thinking, how amazing that would be to go for a walk, period. Uphill, downhill, flat surface.....no matter. I didn't say anything, though the old me would have made mention of whether or not she realized how fortunate she was, and felt myself a pity. I'm happy to say I no longer do that. The woman I was talking to wouldn't have "gotten it", so I let it go.
So back to setting goals, when you're somewhat limited to where you might head with those goals........you still work to find something that you can press towards. The important thing is not that you accomplish those goals in a days time, but decide in your mind what it is you are trying so hard to accomplish, because that is what I see in other people, as well as myself......that mode of trying to get something, or to get somewhere in life, even though you're not even sure why you want it so badly.
I believe a part of the trying, after you get through your 50's and into your 60's, is trying to see how long you can stay alive. You realize you are on the downside of your lifespan, and the fear sets in. You start this desperate search of how to delay death, by adding or taking away things that you calculate might bring it on too quickly, or that might extend it for a while. I have always thought that life would be so much much easier on us if we had an expiration date, like a milk carton, instead of a surprise attack of some kind. Seems like the fear would be gone.
Someone would ask you to set a date to do something or go somewhere, and you would look at your calendar and realize, oh....can't do that, that's my last day of life. Sorry, not don't mean to dwell on death, I guess I just believe in realistically looking at life AND death, which doesn't mean good and bad....it just is.
So once you're sitting on the side of the bed in the early morning, it might help to start taking note of what you're thinking about. For me, I immediately get into grateful mode, because I never know if I will make it to the bathroom without falling down or not.....so that's an easy one for me. After that, even with no schedule, no agenda, no day planner, no one waiting for me to do something, I say OK Lord.....what would you like me to focus on today? And you can say that to the universe, yourself, or whatever is right for you....but just offer it up as if you have someone else who is driving the truck that day. Your the passenger, you dressed and ready to go, coffee in hand, rested...etc........so where can I best be used today?
Ask yourself what you would really like to accomplish that day. Who you can be good to, or help. How you can be better at your job, or if you hate your job, start thinking about how you can change that, whether that means changing the way you think about it, or actually starting searching for a new job. In other words, if you feel stuck, or it's not clear to you whether you are actually in the right place work wise, relationships, whatever the case, in order to find the answers for you, there has to be a position of pressing towards a new answer, with no fear, regret, questioning, or judgement about what you feel is not quite right.
So starting tomorrow.....wake up....find something to be grateful for, and then make it a point to stop and think about where you are presently, and what changes could be made, if any, to move forward. Maybe your life is just fine, and you simply want a little more joy, peace or contentment in your life. Then spend some time finding out what you could change to make that happen.
The status quo is ok to a degree......but what if things could be a little better. See what it is you are pressing towards.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Your Way of Being and How It Impacts Others
One of those areas in our lives where little thought is given to how we effect those around us. It's interesting that we clearly believe that the sun, the weather, the moon, pollution, as well as global warming have a huge effect on all of us on a daily basis, but have no clue that we have the capacity to cause reactions, emotions, good or bad, in another person. If you don't believe me, when you go out today, zero in on someone that crosses your path who has a blank look on their face and smile or even say something like good morning, and see what happens. An easy place to start your experiment, it's harmless, takes little thought or energy, but could ultimately change a persons outlook for that day.
When I go out, I picture a sea of life stories, waiting to be spilled out, good or bad, sad or happy, content or frustrated, lost or peaceful, broken with no hope, or hopeful with a hint of joy. In other words, we ALL have a story to tell, and how our life has been effected by something or someone, good or bad. However, I do realize clearly that there are so many wounded people out there, whose lives would change drastically if they were around people who would encourage them in some way. As well.....with those who are fairly content and happy, encourage them to pass that on in some way. One thing I have learned through the years, is no matter how bad your situation, there is always someone who has it much worse. That somehow eases my own pain and suffering, and takes the focus off of what I need onto what someone else might need.
I know, all this is heavy stuff, and I'm sure your thinking good grief, are you kidding me? I have such an incredibly busy life, with so much to keep up with, who has time to think about what someone else is going through, or how you can change your way of being so that it makes life easier for someone else. Trust me.....I get it. For a very long time my life has been consumed with facing each day feeling like I have the flu, and left for dead in a ditch somewhere, but realized the only way to stay out of that ditch, even if I never got better, was to look outside myself and realize so many people are in far worse shape, so why wouldn't it make sense for me to start with some gratitude each day that my stuff is trying, to be sure, but not as bad as another. You quickly see how you can use YOUR pain and suffering to lift others up.
How do I help others, I'm sure you're asking yourself. And the answer is very simple. Start with changing how you see the world around you, and how little it would take to make someone feel better. If you can't get out, then take advantage of how you communicate by emails, FB, twitter, blogging, or a simple card in the mail to someone you know who is suffering in some way. And you don't have to know the person, if you're out and about. Just start with a simple good morning, a smile, a gesture of help if needed......anything. I promise, once you do it once, and see the reaction you get, you will want to do it again and again. If the person is shocked you noticed, or looks suspicious, don't let that deter you. Some people who are beaten down with no hope have no idea how to react to something positive, but that's ok. Don't let that stop you.
My point.....just realize that your way of being in this world DOES in fact have an impact on others. You CAN make a difference, and the more you do this, the less stressful your life becomes, and the more joy and contentment you feel because you are living from the inside. God didn't put us here to just take.....but to give.
So take a breath and enjoy your new way of being. You'll see.....it works.
When I go out, I picture a sea of life stories, waiting to be spilled out, good or bad, sad or happy, content or frustrated, lost or peaceful, broken with no hope, or hopeful with a hint of joy. In other words, we ALL have a story to tell, and how our life has been effected by something or someone, good or bad. However, I do realize clearly that there are so many wounded people out there, whose lives would change drastically if they were around people who would encourage them in some way. As well.....with those who are fairly content and happy, encourage them to pass that on in some way. One thing I have learned through the years, is no matter how bad your situation, there is always someone who has it much worse. That somehow eases my own pain and suffering, and takes the focus off of what I need onto what someone else might need.
I know, all this is heavy stuff, and I'm sure your thinking good grief, are you kidding me? I have such an incredibly busy life, with so much to keep up with, who has time to think about what someone else is going through, or how you can change your way of being so that it makes life easier for someone else. Trust me.....I get it. For a very long time my life has been consumed with facing each day feeling like I have the flu, and left for dead in a ditch somewhere, but realized the only way to stay out of that ditch, even if I never got better, was to look outside myself and realize so many people are in far worse shape, so why wouldn't it make sense for me to start with some gratitude each day that my stuff is trying, to be sure, but not as bad as another. You quickly see how you can use YOUR pain and suffering to lift others up.
How do I help others, I'm sure you're asking yourself. And the answer is very simple. Start with changing how you see the world around you, and how little it would take to make someone feel better. If you can't get out, then take advantage of how you communicate by emails, FB, twitter, blogging, or a simple card in the mail to someone you know who is suffering in some way. And you don't have to know the person, if you're out and about. Just start with a simple good morning, a smile, a gesture of help if needed......anything. I promise, once you do it once, and see the reaction you get, you will want to do it again and again. If the person is shocked you noticed, or looks suspicious, don't let that deter you. Some people who are beaten down with no hope have no idea how to react to something positive, but that's ok. Don't let that stop you.
My point.....just realize that your way of being in this world DOES in fact have an impact on others. You CAN make a difference, and the more you do this, the less stressful your life becomes, and the more joy and contentment you feel because you are living from the inside. God didn't put us here to just take.....but to give.
So take a breath and enjoy your new way of being. You'll see.....it works.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Change.....what is it good for?
OK.....so let's just get it over with........people hate change. They like to wake up every single morning, have their coffee the same way, the paper at the door, the weather, not too severe one way or the other, and watch their roots grow deeper into the earth. In other words, they have found their place in the world, and that's it, end of story. If someone comes in and suggests they do any of those things differently, they want no part of it. Not only that, they believe that the people around them should want the same thing, just keep the status quo.
Then, there are people who adore change and can easily get in a flow of being open to change, because it's easier to go with it than against. I guess you could say they are more adaptable, allowing for growth in their daily life, work, family, and more importantly within themselves. And from where I'm sitting, I think a huge part if not all of it has to do with where you came from and how you were raised. Meaning, we are taught behaviors, ideas, theories, coping mechanisms, likes, dislikes, the list goes on, which whether you realize it or not, stick with you all your life. Now you can get to any point and realize that a certain person, place, idea, or thing does not suit who you are and change directions, and make different choices, so you should never get to a place where you profess loudly that it's just who you are, you can't help it, and that's the end of it. If you do then you're cheating yourself as well as those around you from being completely authentic in this life.
We are all changing not only on the outside, but just as much on the inside. Now the outside we only have a degree of control over the natural aging process, but the inside......truly.....the sky is the limit. Like a well maintained car, you can pop the lid to see what's working, and what's not working, and make repairs or adjustments along the way. Some are minor, some require a good overhaul, but the condition of your car can change and get better.
Now we can ignore the signs that something is not quite right, but after a while, it will resurface and get our attention. Of course the longer you put it off, the worse the problem gets, and then it turns into a real mess, more costly, and ultimately has the potential of shutting down completely. So just as your car has an engine, tires, gear shift, whatever the case, that needs adjusting, your inner self has attitudes, mindsets, self talk, judgements, fears, etc, that need adjusting as well.
So if you want your mind to run as smoothly as you would like your car to run, then change is a good thing. You wouldn't want your family to ride around in your broken car, and as well, you wouldn't want them to live around someone who has behavior and attitudes that bring a lot of hurt, sadness and dysfunction to their life.
Think about it......change.......it's a good thing.
Then, there are people who adore change and can easily get in a flow of being open to change, because it's easier to go with it than against. I guess you could say they are more adaptable, allowing for growth in their daily life, work, family, and more importantly within themselves. And from where I'm sitting, I think a huge part if not all of it has to do with where you came from and how you were raised. Meaning, we are taught behaviors, ideas, theories, coping mechanisms, likes, dislikes, the list goes on, which whether you realize it or not, stick with you all your life. Now you can get to any point and realize that a certain person, place, idea, or thing does not suit who you are and change directions, and make different choices, so you should never get to a place where you profess loudly that it's just who you are, you can't help it, and that's the end of it. If you do then you're cheating yourself as well as those around you from being completely authentic in this life.
We are all changing not only on the outside, but just as much on the inside. Now the outside we only have a degree of control over the natural aging process, but the inside......truly.....the sky is the limit. Like a well maintained car, you can pop the lid to see what's working, and what's not working, and make repairs or adjustments along the way. Some are minor, some require a good overhaul, but the condition of your car can change and get better.
Now we can ignore the signs that something is not quite right, but after a while, it will resurface and get our attention. Of course the longer you put it off, the worse the problem gets, and then it turns into a real mess, more costly, and ultimately has the potential of shutting down completely. So just as your car has an engine, tires, gear shift, whatever the case, that needs adjusting, your inner self has attitudes, mindsets, self talk, judgements, fears, etc, that need adjusting as well.
So if you want your mind to run as smoothly as you would like your car to run, then change is a good thing. You wouldn't want your family to ride around in your broken car, and as well, you wouldn't want them to live around someone who has behavior and attitudes that bring a lot of hurt, sadness and dysfunction to their life.
Think about it......change.......it's a good thing.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
The Life of a Hermit
You ever wonder what it would be like to live like a hermit, or at least have the mind of one? Well, because of some physical limitations that have followed me most of my life, I had to learn how to be content and happy with that sort of lifestyle. Seemingly from the point of view of most people, that must be a sad situation, but let me put your mind to rest, it's not at all. Now part of that, I believe, is that I had to learn that very early as a child because there was a lot of chaos and dysfunction in my family, so I remember quite vividly many hours spent alone away from all of that. And it's interesting, as I recall, it wasn't a bad thing. I had things that I loved doing on my own as a child, and most if not all of them included being still and quiet.
One way was finding a quiet nurturing place and simply being still and taking in nature. One that stands out is lying under a huge pine tree stretched out across a bed of pine needles, simply looking at the clouds, or climbing a huge pecan tree across the street, away from everyone to watch the neighbors going about their activities outside. Or decorating a shed in the backyard, pretending it was my house. But no matter how I found ways to set myself apart, it worked, and I wouldn't change those days for anything. So what did I learn during those few precious years? That I was in fact content to spend time alone in the quiet, which should have been very difficult with a family of 4 girls, and a very angry father, but by some miracle I was able to pull it off, and most grateful that however I managed to do that, it has carried over into my adult life.
Now, until I started getting worse physically, I was in fact still lying under trees on a blanket, reading, napping, drawing, writing....etc.....and could still capture that childlike nature that was still inherent in me. Of course being a bit more fragile, climbing the big tress went by the wayside, but as long as I could be close to them, I was fine. I did have an apartment once that was surrounded by very tall pine trees, which was heaven on earth, but unfortunately I moved away to a place I thought was going to make me much better. I dream of those pine trees quite often and wish I could recreate that environment, but so far have had to find others ways to get that feeling. Hence, living like a hermit.
So my point, and trust me, I do try to have one eventually, is that I believe that even though I am lacking the trees, I am still able to create and live the life that is good and nurturing. Quiet is probably the most important element to living the life of a hermit. To get away from all the noise that covers up those incredibly precious crickets that you hear at 4 in the morning. The only thing I hear at this moment is the distant hum of a jet, that comes and goes, but I allow the crickets to overpower that sound. A hermit wants to have their mind clear and open to contemplate life and the real and true things that it has to offer all of us. Being alone and quiet allows and is open for creativity to appear when you least expect it. It allows us to pay attention to the breath, and how precious it is when you haven't been able to breathe properly for a long time because of pain. It allows you to remember and think about what is really good for you individually in this life with your own pursuits, dreams, hopes and doing what you feel like God meant for you to do while you're here. And whether you believe it or not, we were all put here for a very specific purpose, whether you live like a hermit, or live in the middle of time square.
So for today, and in this moment of quiet, with the crickets and tapping of my keys, I will be thankful that I, even with all the limitations and pain, or even with the unfortunate or trying things that happen right outside my door each day, I can also be thankful for those moments of peace that most often bring clarity that even as a hermit, I am in fact doing what God needs me to do each day. Embrace my inner child and what she needs each day, love myself and others, and simply be available to connect in whatever way I was meant to connect. So if you are in desperate need of peace and quiet, and wonder what life would be like living like a hermit, just remember, you have the extraordinary gift each day to not be constantly in search of peace and quiet, but can actually find it and experience it each day.
I encourage you to find a tree this weekend, throw out a blanket, and look at the clouds roll by.........you alone, or to share with your children or grandchildren. What an amazing way to teach them how easy it is to find peace and quiet, and the simple precious things in life.
One way was finding a quiet nurturing place and simply being still and taking in nature. One that stands out is lying under a huge pine tree stretched out across a bed of pine needles, simply looking at the clouds, or climbing a huge pecan tree across the street, away from everyone to watch the neighbors going about their activities outside. Or decorating a shed in the backyard, pretending it was my house. But no matter how I found ways to set myself apart, it worked, and I wouldn't change those days for anything. So what did I learn during those few precious years? That I was in fact content to spend time alone in the quiet, which should have been very difficult with a family of 4 girls, and a very angry father, but by some miracle I was able to pull it off, and most grateful that however I managed to do that, it has carried over into my adult life.
Now, until I started getting worse physically, I was in fact still lying under trees on a blanket, reading, napping, drawing, writing....etc.....and could still capture that childlike nature that was still inherent in me. Of course being a bit more fragile, climbing the big tress went by the wayside, but as long as I could be close to them, I was fine. I did have an apartment once that was surrounded by very tall pine trees, which was heaven on earth, but unfortunately I moved away to a place I thought was going to make me much better. I dream of those pine trees quite often and wish I could recreate that environment, but so far have had to find others ways to get that feeling. Hence, living like a hermit.
So my point, and trust me, I do try to have one eventually, is that I believe that even though I am lacking the trees, I am still able to create and live the life that is good and nurturing. Quiet is probably the most important element to living the life of a hermit. To get away from all the noise that covers up those incredibly precious crickets that you hear at 4 in the morning. The only thing I hear at this moment is the distant hum of a jet, that comes and goes, but I allow the crickets to overpower that sound. A hermit wants to have their mind clear and open to contemplate life and the real and true things that it has to offer all of us. Being alone and quiet allows and is open for creativity to appear when you least expect it. It allows us to pay attention to the breath, and how precious it is when you haven't been able to breathe properly for a long time because of pain. It allows you to remember and think about what is really good for you individually in this life with your own pursuits, dreams, hopes and doing what you feel like God meant for you to do while you're here. And whether you believe it or not, we were all put here for a very specific purpose, whether you live like a hermit, or live in the middle of time square.
So for today, and in this moment of quiet, with the crickets and tapping of my keys, I will be thankful that I, even with all the limitations and pain, or even with the unfortunate or trying things that happen right outside my door each day, I can also be thankful for those moments of peace that most often bring clarity that even as a hermit, I am in fact doing what God needs me to do each day. Embrace my inner child and what she needs each day, love myself and others, and simply be available to connect in whatever way I was meant to connect. So if you are in desperate need of peace and quiet, and wonder what life would be like living like a hermit, just remember, you have the extraordinary gift each day to not be constantly in search of peace and quiet, but can actually find it and experience it each day.
I encourage you to find a tree this weekend, throw out a blanket, and look at the clouds roll by.........you alone, or to share with your children or grandchildren. What an amazing way to teach them how easy it is to find peace and quiet, and the simple precious things in life.
Friday, September 11, 2015
The Rhythm of Life
I suppose I could have titled this BUSY......but I've become very sensitive to that word because it's all I ever hear. No matter the time, day, or who I'm speaking with, it's always a part of the conversation. Maybe the world I live in is so far at the end of the spectrum, that I can't appreciate the other end? Well maybe. But I don't think so. Maybe if another word could be used to express how one spends their time, I could tolerate it a little better, but I don't think so.
Maybe if I heard words like quiet, peace or simplicity just once in a while, the word busy wouldn't bother me so much. But the fact is, I don't hear them at all.....ever. Now I realize that growing up in the 60's, it was much easier to express those words, and where I'm from the city made a point to incorporate them into the lifestyle at that time. Each Wednesday at noon, all the stores closed, and people went home to relax, go fishing, or just sat out on their front porch and drank iced tea. On sundays the stores were closed and you did no work at home. And as well, there weren't so many ways to entertain or distract back then, that there was plenty of time to just sit back and watch the cars go by, or take a nap in the backyard on the weekends. But is there any reason why we can't do that now?
I suppose one reason is because there is, in every era, a rhythm that everyone keeps up with, feeling as if they didn't, they would somehow miss a beat. That whatever the neighbors are doing, next door or down the street, we are supposed to keep up with them or they might talk about us in a not so pleasant way. But no matter the reason, I'm wondering how or why we can't slow down the rhythm a bit, because honestly I believe that if we truly wanted to, we could in fact find time to be quiet, as well as experience more peace and simplicity. It's a choice...period.
If you wanted to, you could in fact decide right this moment, that you are going to spend the whole weekend at home, in your pajamas. Tell your friends and family you're going to make it a priority to spend more down time, whether that means alone, or with your family. You've stocked the frig, marked the calendar, and are in search of quiet, peace and simplicity. If you're single, married....no matter, the plans are made and you're sticking to them. Now to me, this is no different than marking the calendar for a weekend trip away. You're just choosing not to be in the car, on the road, at movie or restaurant, and will not be answering the phone either.
Wow.....what an amazing thing to do for your children, to show them how important it is to just stop and slow down. To be able to say no to the busyness of life, without the burden of expectations from others or from yourself. Taking the time to do this will not cause you to lose your job, your friends, family or make you seem off balance. If anything, it will make a statement that we all have the choice to slow down if we want to, and invest all that busy time everyone seems to be burdened with on ourselves and those around us that mean the most. If you don't share the ability to do this with your children, then they will assume that busyness is the only choice there is in life. They won't know the meaning of simplicity or peace at all or how to find it for themselves when they are overwhelmed with life and it's demands.
What a wonderful thing to do for yourself.....and a powerful message for those around you. So go and pick out your weekend pajamas, books to read, movies to watch, favorite foods, and a heads up for those around you that you are not going to answer the phone or text. Try it just for grins.......and start setting your own rhythm in life!
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
The Power of :Laughter
OK.....so let's talk about laughter today......for I truly believe that if any doctor's appointments were met over the last month, there was no mention of how powerful and healing a tool laughter can be. Now I've known this for a very long time, in dealing with my own health issues, and always being sure that I have ways to release the physical pain that I have a tendency to carry with me each day, but since I'm human, and getting older, I will plead ignorance for now, and promise that I will never set this extremely helpful tool aside ever again.
Now I don't want the focus here to be totally about pain, and how terrible pain is, and how we must get rid of the pain....and honestly this can be physical or emotional here. We can all wear our big girl/boy panties and profess that none of us have any emotional issues, but I'm here to tell you, if you are in fact human, then you've had something at some point happen to you that you carry with you most of your life. However...........I will focus on how to lessen or redirect the pain so that we're not all lying in a ditch on a deserted dirt road waiting for someone to drive by and pull us out. Now I'm sorry, but for me....it's the most accurate way to describe how I feel some days physically.
Now, back to the doctors office. I am weary of watching most of them try to pull a rabbit out of their hat, and instead offer ways of finding a healthy level of acceptance of the situation by using some valuable tools such as laughter. Mine used to be crying. Yes.....and it's not a pitiful crying......its a wailing actually that would have to happen in order to release the pain in my body. Some days I have to put a sad movie in the player just to give me a prompt, which may sound insane, but it works really well. However.....after talking to a dear friend on the phone last night, and having moments of uncontrollable gut level laughter, and how good it felt, I decided I would get out the Seinfield DVD's today and let her rip.
So now......if I can recognize how helpful this is....why wouldn't a doctor know? I realize they have to be objective, and of course offer the newest medication that is on the market to make money for all those involved, but when does it become more about healthy changes that are just plain and simple and honestly help the most? And I'm not getting into a doctor bashing here....but after a while, I think we just have to get back to the nuts and bolts of what is available and FREE as far as healing our bodies. I believe God gave us those tools, but on the whole, it's not really encouraged, at least not in my neck of the woods. Which again is no excuse, I can search and find whatever works for me, but for today, I'm going to be grateful that I remembered that laughter is like a healing balm for the soul, mind and body, and it will be part of my daily routine from now on. We all have access to the internet and can watch whatever we find funny at any given time. So I encourage you to do the same.
So for today, have a laugh, and see if it makes a difference in how you feel. Will it makes all your health issues go away....probably not, but it changes something even more important than that. It changes how you SEE your pain and suffering, and how you can lessen the severity. I promise at the least it will bring a smile, and for heavens sake will keep you out of the ditch!
Now I don't want the focus here to be totally about pain, and how terrible pain is, and how we must get rid of the pain....and honestly this can be physical or emotional here. We can all wear our big girl/boy panties and profess that none of us have any emotional issues, but I'm here to tell you, if you are in fact human, then you've had something at some point happen to you that you carry with you most of your life. However...........I will focus on how to lessen or redirect the pain so that we're not all lying in a ditch on a deserted dirt road waiting for someone to drive by and pull us out. Now I'm sorry, but for me....it's the most accurate way to describe how I feel some days physically.
Now, back to the doctors office. I am weary of watching most of them try to pull a rabbit out of their hat, and instead offer ways of finding a healthy level of acceptance of the situation by using some valuable tools such as laughter. Mine used to be crying. Yes.....and it's not a pitiful crying......its a wailing actually that would have to happen in order to release the pain in my body. Some days I have to put a sad movie in the player just to give me a prompt, which may sound insane, but it works really well. However.....after talking to a dear friend on the phone last night, and having moments of uncontrollable gut level laughter, and how good it felt, I decided I would get out the Seinfield DVD's today and let her rip.
So now......if I can recognize how helpful this is....why wouldn't a doctor know? I realize they have to be objective, and of course offer the newest medication that is on the market to make money for all those involved, but when does it become more about healthy changes that are just plain and simple and honestly help the most? And I'm not getting into a doctor bashing here....but after a while, I think we just have to get back to the nuts and bolts of what is available and FREE as far as healing our bodies. I believe God gave us those tools, but on the whole, it's not really encouraged, at least not in my neck of the woods. Which again is no excuse, I can search and find whatever works for me, but for today, I'm going to be grateful that I remembered that laughter is like a healing balm for the soul, mind and body, and it will be part of my daily routine from now on. We all have access to the internet and can watch whatever we find funny at any given time. So I encourage you to do the same.
So for today, have a laugh, and see if it makes a difference in how you feel. Will it makes all your health issues go away....probably not, but it changes something even more important than that. It changes how you SEE your pain and suffering, and how you can lessen the severity. I promise at the least it will bring a smile, and for heavens sake will keep you out of the ditch!
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
The World at 4am
So why would any normal person get up at 4 in the morning? I don't ask myself that question too much anymore, probably because what I find when I do get up is the quiet I so desperately crave. Course I have always been an early riser for some reason, even as a child. And again, I can say at that particular time of life, I was craving peace and quiet, and this was in a very small town in south carolina, for sure off the beaten path.
So what' so important about peace and quiet? Well for me, it's the only time I can hear the crickets, a long lost friend of mine, that was used at the end of a cane fishing pole. Good bait for sure, but for now, it's just that lovely sound they make very early in the morning. I hear no traffic, no slamming doors, no leaf blowers, mowers or garbage trucks. It amazes me at how engines and electrical gadgets, supposedly that get the job done quicker, can completely steal the sounds of nature. So disruptive. But this is the world now, and for several reasons, I am not able to find a quiet and peaceful place in which to live. I make do with what I have before me, and remind myself the reasons are valid and good.
But for the meantime, my crickets will do, and I am grateful to have my noisy desktop computer that goes clickety clack under my fingers. However do wonder why people are so anxious to fill up the quiet. That quiet that soothes the soul and refreshes the mind. Like an etch a sketch board, where you can draw and write, and when you're done, turn it upside down, give it a shake, and it's all erased. We have the gift of a clean slate in which to fill for the day.
Course the sad part is not realizing that we can fill it with whatever we choose. We make choices every single day with how we wish to do that, but sadly, I think too many people are so haunted by their choices, priorities and direction, that they feel it necessary to each day find some other way to fill up the hours with some activity that' not absolutely necessary, but seems like the right thing to do at the time.
So while that goes on each day, you find less and less time to stop and appreciate or make future plans of slowing down, checking things off your busy list to appreciate the quiet. And just because you now think that it's ok to slow down a bit, does not mean you have become a slug, or lacking in productivity.
I'm not exactly sure what I'm shooting for here, for I was just trying to convey my feelings and reactions to a day that starts at 4am. I myself love it, will continue to do it, though it can vary between 4 and 5.....and listen for those heavenly creatures that can only be heard while the rest of the world sleeps. My own little quiet haven in which to draw strength, courage and hope.
For me....I would rather go to bed at 9 and get up at 4 or 5, than to go to bed at 10 or so and sleep till 9. If you have never tried this, I think it might be time. Maybe you've never even heard a cricket before, or heard them in a very long time.....so enjoy.
So what' so important about peace and quiet? Well for me, it's the only time I can hear the crickets, a long lost friend of mine, that was used at the end of a cane fishing pole. Good bait for sure, but for now, it's just that lovely sound they make very early in the morning. I hear no traffic, no slamming doors, no leaf blowers, mowers or garbage trucks. It amazes me at how engines and electrical gadgets, supposedly that get the job done quicker, can completely steal the sounds of nature. So disruptive. But this is the world now, and for several reasons, I am not able to find a quiet and peaceful place in which to live. I make do with what I have before me, and remind myself the reasons are valid and good.
But for the meantime, my crickets will do, and I am grateful to have my noisy desktop computer that goes clickety clack under my fingers. However do wonder why people are so anxious to fill up the quiet. That quiet that soothes the soul and refreshes the mind. Like an etch a sketch board, where you can draw and write, and when you're done, turn it upside down, give it a shake, and it's all erased. We have the gift of a clean slate in which to fill for the day.
Course the sad part is not realizing that we can fill it with whatever we choose. We make choices every single day with how we wish to do that, but sadly, I think too many people are so haunted by their choices, priorities and direction, that they feel it necessary to each day find some other way to fill up the hours with some activity that' not absolutely necessary, but seems like the right thing to do at the time.
So while that goes on each day, you find less and less time to stop and appreciate or make future plans of slowing down, checking things off your busy list to appreciate the quiet. And just because you now think that it's ok to slow down a bit, does not mean you have become a slug, or lacking in productivity.
I'm not exactly sure what I'm shooting for here, for I was just trying to convey my feelings and reactions to a day that starts at 4am. I myself love it, will continue to do it, though it can vary between 4 and 5.....and listen for those heavenly creatures that can only be heard while the rest of the world sleeps. My own little quiet haven in which to draw strength, courage and hope.
For me....I would rather go to bed at 9 and get up at 4 or 5, than to go to bed at 10 or so and sleep till 9. If you have never tried this, I think it might be time. Maybe you've never even heard a cricket before, or heard them in a very long time.....so enjoy.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
What are you a slave to?
A most ominous subject I should think, but of course from my side, one that's worthy of digging a little deeper for meaning. The first thing that comes to mind when I hear that word, having been born and raised in the south, is a person who is the legal property of another, and forced to obey them. But there is another way of looking at this word, and that is a person who is dependent....excessively dependent.....upon or controlled by something. Of course you see the difference here, where you can be controlled by someone or something, and honestly sometimes I don't know which is worse. You would think that being controlled by a person would be far more oppressive than a thing, but I suppose it would depend on the thing.
Someone can say or do something to make you feel bad about yourself, just by what they say and how they say it, but how does some "thing" make you feel bad about yourself? I guess it depends on how overpowering the thing is. It could be as simple as food, work, perfectionism about ones self, money, sex.....the list goes on. All those little pesky things that get in the way of peace and contentment, that can so easily slip into the unhealthy bracket, that if we found a healthy perspective could in fact allow us to awake each day looking forward to what lies ahead instead of dread.
So how do we get a healthy perspective? Well, it definitely takes some time in recognizing exactly what trips you up each day. And I think we all know on some level what those things are, but have just managed to keep it under the radar so we don't have to own up to it. Hey, been there done that. It's so easy to get busy with life and our own particular challenges each day, that we just hope it goes away on it's own, or at least ease up on the intensity.
Here is my latest, and its not a major issue, but it's one that sort of nags at me each day. I've been down this road before, knowing that tea is probably a better option for me heath wise, but so easily getting sucked into the coffee madness that goes on each day. Of course I love coffee, but love tea as well, and I guess I could reach a healthy balance of one of each per day, or of course my preference would be to nix the coffee completely, and get back to just tea. So today I decided to tackle it head on, and found that if I make a ritual out of my morning and afternoon drink, meaning getting out my really nice tea service, then it turns into something very special.
I truly believe you can do this with anything, but the most important part of this, is actually recognizing that you are in fact a slave to something, and it's not going to change until YOU make some sort of movement in a different direction. I suppose it would make it easier if you have something that will replace the thing you're trying to get rid of. Sort of like buying some yummy yogurt instead of reaching for the cookies and ice cream.
So for me.....switching things up today freed me up, and it's a good feeling. Now will I cave and head for the Starbucks while I'm out? Well, maybe....but maybe not. And I'm actually looking forward to having some really good tea in the morning with my china, Earl Grey, and low fat milk instead of sweetener, which has been SO easy to get hooked on...........or a slave to! Think about it......see what comes to mind that would be fun to change up.
Someone can say or do something to make you feel bad about yourself, just by what they say and how they say it, but how does some "thing" make you feel bad about yourself? I guess it depends on how overpowering the thing is. It could be as simple as food, work, perfectionism about ones self, money, sex.....the list goes on. All those little pesky things that get in the way of peace and contentment, that can so easily slip into the unhealthy bracket, that if we found a healthy perspective could in fact allow us to awake each day looking forward to what lies ahead instead of dread.
So how do we get a healthy perspective? Well, it definitely takes some time in recognizing exactly what trips you up each day. And I think we all know on some level what those things are, but have just managed to keep it under the radar so we don't have to own up to it. Hey, been there done that. It's so easy to get busy with life and our own particular challenges each day, that we just hope it goes away on it's own, or at least ease up on the intensity.
Here is my latest, and its not a major issue, but it's one that sort of nags at me each day. I've been down this road before, knowing that tea is probably a better option for me heath wise, but so easily getting sucked into the coffee madness that goes on each day. Of course I love coffee, but love tea as well, and I guess I could reach a healthy balance of one of each per day, or of course my preference would be to nix the coffee completely, and get back to just tea. So today I decided to tackle it head on, and found that if I make a ritual out of my morning and afternoon drink, meaning getting out my really nice tea service, then it turns into something very special.
I truly believe you can do this with anything, but the most important part of this, is actually recognizing that you are in fact a slave to something, and it's not going to change until YOU make some sort of movement in a different direction. I suppose it would make it easier if you have something that will replace the thing you're trying to get rid of. Sort of like buying some yummy yogurt instead of reaching for the cookies and ice cream.
So for me.....switching things up today freed me up, and it's a good feeling. Now will I cave and head for the Starbucks while I'm out? Well, maybe....but maybe not. And I'm actually looking forward to having some really good tea in the morning with my china, Earl Grey, and low fat milk instead of sweetener, which has been SO easy to get hooked on...........or a slave to! Think about it......see what comes to mind that would be fun to change up.
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